Love is a Drum Beat (Rockstars Anonymous)

by Michelle MacQueen

  She leaned back into the couch. “I wish I had a place like that.”

  “I’ve seen you on stage. You’re fearless.”

  “No one is fearless, Dax.” She rested a hand on her belly.

  “Are you scared?” He gestured to the alien baby incubator.

  “Terrified.” She hadn’t admitted that simple fact to anyone. “There are so many bad parents in this world. What if I mess it all up?”

  “Impossible.”

  She blinked away tears and shifted her gaze from his, needing to change the subject. “That piano piece was beautiful. Is it for your collaboration with Fate?”

  “No.” His smile faltered. “I was just playing around.”

  “And recording it?”

  He shrugged. “It wasn’t my best work, but sometimes, I feel this need to break free of the structured songs and just play.” He studied her for a moment. “Do you want to hear what Ben and I have been working on?”

  “Oh yeah.”

  “It’s not finished. Conner sent over the drum track, and Quinn will be sending a second vocal.” Conner and Quinn were Ben’s bandmates, but they didn’t know who Dax was. Very few people did.

  “So, they’re recording their parts separately? How does that work? Does your producer then layer the tracks?”

  He nodded. “Right now, it’s just layered by me, but I’m not a professional, so I’ll send it to Marco at the studio once I’m satisfied.”

  “Something tells me you’re never satisfied.” She laughed.

  He shot her a guilty smile before standing and walking toward the controls. He hit a few buttons, and then Ben’s voice filtered over them.

  Dax leaned against the table and looked to her. “Quinn’s voice will be added to Ben’s lines.”

  “It’s an anthem.” The words were perfect. We own the world.

  Dax shook his head. “I don’t do anthems.”

  Jo smirked. It was totally an anthem, the kind that would be played on repeat, the kind fans would sing along to if Dax did concerts.

  But something wasn’t right. “You say Conner came up with the drum parts?” The song drew to a close. Jo could picture Fate performing this song, but she wondered if it would work without Dax.

  Dax stared at her expectantly. “What’s wrong with it?” It was obvious he’d thought it was good.

  “You’ve never played drums, have you?”

  He rubbed a hand over his face. “They’re the one instrument I’ve never understood.”

  “That’s what I thought. You have an electric drum set here, right?”

  He nodded.

  “Can you bring it here?” She’d at least be able to use that from the couch.

  Dax retrieved the electric set and positioned it in front of Jo before handing her the drumsticks. “You sure you can do this?”

  Jo nodded. “Just position some pillows behind my back so I don’t fall.”

  He did as she asked. It crossed her mind that Dax hadn’t asked for thoughts on his song, that he might not want her opinion. Yet, she couldn’t help herself. If this was going to have Dax and Ben’s names on it, it had to be perfect.

  “So, Piper wrote the lyrics, right?”

  “Sort of.” His cheeks reddened. “I changed them before showing them to Ben. So, they’re mostly her words and some of mine.”

  “I don’t think Piper would expect anything less of you. Okay, play the track, sans drums.”

  Again, he didn’t argue.

  The song flooded the studio, and Jo counted down in her head before starting to move with the flow of the song. She started with the snare, a slow beat followed by a bass kick. As the song rose and fell, she sped up, keeping time with the pace. At the chorus, she tapped one stick lightly against a cymbal while using the snare at intervals before launching into the next verse.

  By the time the song ended, her back ached from sitting up like that for so long.

  With the electric drums, Dax didn’t have them set to hear the beat in real time. Instead, it was recorded.

  Jo set the drumsticks on the kit and leaned back. She watched Dax’s expressionless face as he played back her beat.

  His brow scrunched. “Why isn’t the beat more complicated than this?”

  “A good drum beat is one that’s in the background, not overpowering the rest of the song. It’s understated, but it also follows the beats of the music. Listen here.” She paused to hear it. “The drum part speeds up as the anthem rises to its apex and then slows down as it’s coming to an end.” Really, Conner should have been able to do this. The only drummers who played a song the way he had was someone who cared more about his own talent than the song.

  “The drum beat needs to create a harmony with the other parts of the song.”

  As Dax stared at her, she couldn’t get a read on how he felt about her changes.

  “Okay.” He blew out a breath. “Let’s layer it with the rest of the song.”

  As he cued up the song, Jo understood parts of Dax. They’d found common ground. Both escaped into their music.

  When the song started, a smile spread across Dax’s face.

  That was a good thing, right?

  He dropped onto the couch. “You’re talented.”

  She snorted. The world saw her as Noah Clarke’s understudy, his drummer. They were famous because of his talents, not hers.

  “Why don’t you believe me?” Concern flashed across Dax’s face.

  14

  Dax

  Dax’s question hung between them.

  Why didn’t she believe she was good?

  Dax watched her shove a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth to avoid answering him.

  She swallowed. “I brought an extra spoon in case you felt like dancing on the wild side.” She held it out, taunting him.

  Dax didn’t want her smile to fall, so he took the spoon and scooped a small amount.

  “You think that’s a bite?” Jo took his spoon and dug it in deeper until it had so much ice cream that it was falling off. He opened his mouth to protest, and she stuck the spoon in before he could get a word out.

  “Oops. Did you have something to say?”

  Ice cream dripped down her hand, and she wiped it on her pants.

  Dax swallowed the ice cream. If she was anyone else, he’d tell them they couldn’t eat in his studio, but he got the impression she went wherever the ice cream went, and he wasn’t ready for her to leave, not when he’d caught a glimpse of the real Jo Jackson, the girl she’d hidden away during the pregnancy to protect herself.

  Ice cream dripped onto her stomach, and she laughed, happy with her messy state.

  Dax, on the other hand, had to keep his anxiety over the mess at bay.

  “Question.” She pointed her spoon at him.

  “Go for it.”

  “Should we make a wager about if Conner will get mad or not that you want to change his part of the song?”

  Dax didn’t know the members of Fate who weren’t Ben, but he’d heard stories. There was a reason Ben was now closer to his Rockstars Anonymous friends than his bandmates. “Why would he be mad? It’s music. We go with what sounds the best.”

  “Oh, you are too cute.” She set her ice cream on the table beside the couch.

  Sticky sweetness dripped down the side onto his table, and he jumped up to grab one of the disinfectant wipes he used whenever other people had been in his studio.

  He cleaned up the pint, retrieved a coaster, and set it down.

  Jo watched him the entire time, a half smile curving her lips. He wasn’t sure if cute was a good thing to the rocker, but there were a lot more insulting things she could have said. Jo wasn’t one to spare people’s feelings.

  She tried to shift on the couch but barely moved. “Ugh! This baby better come out darn cute for all the uncomfortable positions he’s made me sit in.”

  “Aren’t all babies cute?”

  Her gorgeous eyes widened. “No. They’re not. Have you seen many babies?”<
br />
  “A few.” In truth, he’d only seen babies out in public. He hadn’t spent time holding them. He hadn’t even played with a kid until Noah needed someone to watch Stella for a night. He chuckled to himself at the memory.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “Ice cream was the way to Stella’s heart too. You’re not all that different from her.”

  Jo rocked forward and tried to hit him before rolling back. “This is so not fair! I can’t even punch you.”

  “Why would you need to punch me?”

  “Because you called me a child. Because you’ve made me beholden to you, and now I have no idea what I’m going to do once this mango is out of me.”

  “Pineapple.”

  “What?”

  “Your baby should be the size of a pineapple at your stage.”

  She stared at him, expressionless. He squirmed under her gaze. “Did your mom tell you that?”

  His face flushed, and he looked away to avoid her gaze.

  “Oh my gosh.” She covered her mouth when she laughed. “You’ve been reading my baby books.”

  “Just one.” He still couldn’t look at her. “You left it in the living room.”

  “Why am I here, Dax?” When he didn’t answer, she crossed her arms. “Look at me, please. Tell me why I’m here.”

  He turned his head slowly, like he was scared of whatever it was he’d see. That was ridiculous. It was just Jo. But she terrified him, always had.

  “You needed me.” It was that simple.

  “I needed you.” Her voice was no more than a whisper. “You didn’t think I could take care of myself? I could have hired help rather than disturb your life.”

  She was right. She had disturbed his life, but he didn’t realize until right then how big the earthquake was.

  “I know you could have taken care of yourself.” He rubbed his eyes. “Maybe I wanted to be needed too.”

  “By me?”

  He nodded, feeling the threads of the truths he’d held onto so tightly start to unravel.

  Clearing his throat, he looked away once more. “We need to get you back into bed.”

  “Meaning you’re ending this conversation before it even starts.” She tried to stand, and Dax jumped up to help her. They made it into his living room before either of them spoke again.

  “Dax.” She swallowed her words as she stumbled. Dax caught her, and they reached the bedroom door. She turned to face him, and Dax would never forget the way her eyes softened. “I’m sorry.”

  “For?”

  “Messing up your perfect world.”

  “But I—”

  She cut him off. “You’ve been photographed with me at the hospital, gotten into a public fight with another famous person. Ice cream has dripped onto your table in the studio. I’ve taken over your life. You’re no longer the perfect man with the spotless house and even more spotless internet trail.”

  Dax leaned against the doorframe. The only light was silver moonlight casting shadows across the room. “I’ve never wanted to be a perfect man, Jo. I just want to be a good one.”

  Everything stopped then. Their movements, the sound of their footsteps. If Dax didn’t notice his chest rising and falling, he’d have sworn he stopped breathing.

  Because Jo looked at him like that. Like she’d just learned the one thing that would change her entire world.

  And yet, something held her back.

  “You are,” she breathed. “You are a good man.”

  He saw it coming the moment certainty flashed across her face. He’d wanted Jo for so long, but he’d resigned himself to being the geeky, anonymous rock star. Not exactly a match for the Jo Jackson.

  But here she stood, inching closer. She grew taller as she rose up on her toes. As she pressed her lips to his, he closed his eyes. He couldn’t stand the thought of waking up and seeing this was all a dream.

  They navigated around Jo’s belly as he savored every moment, not believing they would last.

  15

  Jo

  Jo didn’t come out of her room the next day, claiming she wasn’t feeling well. It wasn’t a complete lie. Dax left for the studio pretty early, but she didn’t want to run into him if he was back.

  Plus, she could finally adhere to the doctor’s orders. Bedrest meant she had a built-in excuse to take her bra off and watch Netflix.

  “Why did I protest this before?” she asked herself as she flipped through her list.

  Oh right, she hadn’t wanted to be cooped up. Well world, coop her, coop her good.

  Only then could she avoid the totally awkward conversation that needed to be had.

  She covered her face with her hands as she replayed the kiss in her mind. It hadn’t lasted long because Jo pushed him away, walked into her room, and shut the door.

  How the heck did she think that was okay? She blamed the hormones. Here she was, preggers with someone else’s baby. It was not the time to kiss anyone who was just trying to help her.

  She’d have to apologize. Apologize big.

  She pulled a pillow from behind her, pressed her face into it, releasing a scream. It didn’t make her feel any better.

  Her phone lit up, and she answered it without checking to see who it was. “Hello?”

  “Jo, I’m so glad I caught you. I don’t think my calls have been going through over the last month.” Her father knew how to manipulate people, but not her, never her.

  “Oh, they’ve gone through. I just didn’t answer.”

  He didn’t speak for a long moment. “Is that the way you treat the man who raised you?”

  “You mean the man I ran from before I even turned eighteen? I’ve told you before, I don’t want you to call me or show up at concerts. Stay out of my life.”

  “Josephine, you will respect me.”

  “Respect has to be earned, Dad. I don’t remember you deserving my respect.”

  His tone softened as if he wanted to try a different approach than guilt and anger. “Dear, I found her. I found your mother.”

  “Like you did last time?” When he’d asked for money to go see her and move her across the country to live with him again.

  The truth was, Jo didn’t want to find the mother who’d left when she was just a kid. She had memories, good memories of laughing with her mom and having fun. And after she left, Jo’s life changed. She no longer saw possibilities wherever she went. Her mom robbed her of that, of the smiles that came easy, the laughter that came free.

  And all these years later, Jo still couldn’t trust that anything good would last. The only constant in her life was Noah. And now, he had his own family.

  “How much do you need, Dad?” It was always about money.

  “That’s insulting. You’re my daughter, and I love you.”

  “Oh, you mean you didn’t just see an article about me being pregnant and contemplate how this could work for you?”

  “I resent that.”

  “Well, I resent a lot of things. Tell me how much you need, and I’ll give it to you with the stipulation you stay away from my son. He will not know you or mom if you truly have found her.”

  “Josephine—”

  “How much, Dad?” Tears welled in her eyes, but she didn’t let them fall. She’d promised herself she’d never cry over this man again.

  “Ten thousand.”

  Jo sighed. “Should I send it to the casino or the liquor store?”

  “You have no faith in your old man.”

  “True. I stopped believing in redemption a long time ago. I’ll send the money the usual way. But this is it, Dad. We’re over.”

  “Now, you listen here—”

  “Goodbye.” She hung up and threw her phone. Passing her thumbs under each eye, she wiped away any remnants of sadness, not realizing she hadn’t gotten the satisfied thunk of her phone hitting the door.

  Lifting her eyes, she found Dax rubbing his chest where the phone must have struck. Without a word, he bent to pick it up. “Can I come
in?”

  Jo nodded.

  Dax set her phone on the table next to the bed.

  “You’re back early.”

  His brow furrowed. “Jo, it’s six o’clock in the evening. Have you been sleeping all day?”

  She crossed her arms. “Maybe.”

  “That’s good. You need the rest.”

  “Did my baby book tell you that?”

  The intensity in his eyes didn’t waver. “No, the circles under your eyes did.”

  Great, he probably thought she was a complete mess. “I’ve never been good at keeping a sleep schedule. I guess it’s a byproduct of going on tours with the late nights.” She clutched her hands in her lap as her words trailed off.

  There was an awkward air to the room as Dax stood looking out the giant glass windows. “I was about to make some dinner. How do you feel about spaghetti squash?”

  She shrugged. “I like spaghetti.” She’d at least try it with squash in it.

  He nodded and turned on his heel. “Okay then. I’ll… uh… go get that in the oven.”

  He reached the door before Jo called to him. “Dax, I don’t think you make spaghetti in the oven.”

  He shot her an uncharacteristic smirk over one shoulder. As soon as he was gone, Jo relaxed back against the pillows. This wasn’t going to be easy.

  She scrolled through her Netflix queue and settled on The 100, needing a little weird to escape into. What was weirder than a space show that dealt with evil artificial intelligence, constant waves of radiation, and people living inside a mountain?

  Dax returned almost an hour later, carrying two plates and two drinks. She was sure he’d drop something, but he managed to set Jo’s food on the table beside the bed along with her drink.

  She waited for him to leave like every other time he brought her food. Instead, he lowered himself to the floor.

  “Dude, there’s room up here to eat.” Even though she didn’t know if she could handle such proximity.

  Dax didn’t seem sure about that either because he shrugged and dug into his food.

  Jo looked at her plate. “I thought you were making spaghetti.”