Home for a Hero
Page 17
“Hey,” he said as he met her on the sidewalk. “What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to say hello.” She shoved her hands in her back pockets and tipped her face up to smile at him. A ray of sunlight caught her eyes and she blinked once, gazing at him with one eye shut.
He pulled her to him by the belt loops of her jeans. “Glad you’re here.”
“It’s not to bring Boo back.”
“Didn’t think so.”
“But I am thinking more about it.”
“Great.”
“Wow, you guys are making some progress here.” She looked over his shoulder to the house.
“When it’s safe, I’ll take you for a tour.”
“Is...is Sam here?” Lightly, she let her fingers drift up and down between his chest and his abs.
“Not right now.” He cocked his head. “Why?”
“It’s just... I... I...”
“Spit it out, babe. Just tell me.”
“I don’t want to have four kids!”
“O-kay. We’re having that conversation.”
He chuckled a little because it had come so far out of left field. Shockingly, instead of being struck dumb with terror, his usual reaction, he felt oddly flattered she’d even consider him as the father of her children. Someday.
“How many do you want?”
“One, probably.” She shook her head, wincing slightly as though the thought injured her brain. “I’ll have to see how it goes. But one child is reasonable.”
“Sounds good.” He didn’t know where she was going with this.
She cocked her head and studied him, eyes wide and curious. “Why do you want four?”
“Wait. Who said I want four kids?”
“Jill said. You and your ex talked about it.”
“Ah.” Now he understood, though why Jill would be talking to Zoey about his ex he had no idea. He wanted Lauren firmly in his rearview where she belonged and he hated the thought of her being mentioned to Zoey even in passing. “That was a joke.”
“A joke?”
“Yeah, I used to say I wanted four kids just to freak her out. It was fun watching her cringe. I’m not sure she even wanted one child though she claimed she did. And why are we talking about her?”
“I don’t know,” Zoey said, casting her eyes down. “She was important to you.”
“Was.”
“How important?”
While others might say that she was important enough to consider marrying, Ryan no longer knew if it was that simple. He was coming to some realizations that surprised him. When he’d returned stateside, he’d had some work to do on himself. PTSD, the counselor had called it. Ryan didn’t know if that was true, but by the time he applied to the Oakland PD those episodes were behind him and it was now simply a part of his life he’d learned to handle.
The people he was surrounded by in the homicide division were good for him. They didn’t cut him any slack, coddle him or think he was special in any way. Same with Lauren, who’d helped him through a difficult time. She’d been a work friend and then she’d become more.
“Not as important as she should have been, it turns out. She was a good friend. We had a lot in common.”
“That’s so romantic,” she said dryly.
“No, I guess it wasn’t.” He tweaked the shell of her ear. “You don’t have anything to worry about with her. We’re done and have been for some time.”
“I wasn’t worried.”
Liar. She was worried and he liked that.
“Well, except the part about the four kids. I thought I should come right out and tell you, in case that was a deal breaker.” She lifted a shoulder.
“Of course. You know, there’s another event next month so you can make Friday up to me. Because people are starting to ask about us.”
“Who? What are they saying?”
“They want to know who the woman is that I’m seeing.”
“It’s none of their business!”
“Zoey, babe. This is a small town. Unfortunately, everybody knows me.”
He hated that part. Hated that maybe just by being who he was, he’d called even more attention to the job.
But he was beginning not to hate the rest.
She stroked his arms, her fingers gliding from his biceps to his forearms. “That’s alright. It won’t be much longer before the election and you won’t have to do the events and all this stuff you hate anymore.”
Right. A jab of fear coursed through him as he wondered what Zoey would think once he told her he was considering running again. But no, this was Zoey and she was loyal to the core. She accepted him for who he was and not his job or what he’d achieved. He hoped. Because this time, the stakes were higher for him.
It would matter. Too much.
Chapter 26
Three days later, Boo was still depressed and Zoey was out of options. She’d taken him to Dr. Rick, who gave the dog a clean bill of health. He hadn’t seen any major physical changes in Boo and he was qualified to judge because he’d been Boo’s original veterinarian. Before today, Zoey would have never asked, but now she had to give it some consideration.
“Were the Dawsons responsible pet owners? Did they bring him in regularly?”
“Mike brought him in. It was his dog and they were quite attached. Honestly? When he came in to tell us the news that Andre/Boo had a new owner, I thought he might burst into tears. It was terrifying. I’ve never seen a grown man cry and I sure didn’t want to start then.”
Zoey explained the situation, and Dr. Rick admitted that he hadn’t known all the details.
“He must have been too humiliated to tell me. Man, I feel awful for the guy.” He patted Boo’s ginormous head. “To lose a beautiful dog like this.”
“What do you think I should do?”
“He’s your dog now, Zoey. But I think soon Boo needs to be in his forever home. If that’s you, great. You know I’m your biggest fan. But if it’s not you, he needs to find someone else and soon. He needs the permanence.”
As usual, Dr. Rick was correct. He hadn’t been voted Fortune’s most popular vet ten years running for no reason. Zoey drove home, knowing she had to make a decision. Could she responsibly own three dogs and a pig when she was already extending herself too far? Maybe Ryan was right and she wanted to be Boo’s forever home. A part of her did because she’d become too attached, as usual. But the bigger, more reasonable part of her heart understood it was dangerous and unfair to take what you wanted without regard for the consequences.
She needed to talk to Ryan again. He might not think his opinion mattered, but in the past few weeks he’d become increasingly important to her. He was essentially her best friend. Whenever one of her customers had a funny pet story to tell her, Ryan was the first person she wanted to share with. He was the first person she thought of in the morning and the last person she thought of at night. She believed with all her heart he was one of the best people she’d ever known. And he was very resourceful with his hands, mouth and tongue. But his very best feature was his heart.
* * *
Ryan was in a fresh hell.
Today both the mayor and the city councilman running against him had asked for his endorsement in the next election. He was seriously considering endorsing neither of them. He’d just hung up with the current mayor, who’d reminded him that they had a long history and a “deep” friendship, when Renata announced he had a visitor. Not expecting anyone, Ryan was about to turn the visit down because he was off the clock and wanted to see Zoey when said guest appeared in the doorway.
“Lauren. What the hell are you doing here?”
“She said she’s your fiancée,” Renata said, lips pursed, opinion formed.
Ryan got the message—it wasn’t a good opinion. Fair enough. “Ex-fiancée.”
/> Renata glared at Lauren and crossed her arms. “You forgot the ex part. That’s an important part to forget.”
Lauren batted her eyelashes. “Force of habit.”
“Thanks, Renata,” Ryan said.
One thing he wouldn’t do was leave this station with Lauren so he was here for the duration. If they were seen together it would start a rumor all over town. Zoey would hear about it and get the wrong idea. The protective streak in him with that one was strong.
Lauren closed the door to his office and took a seat.
He got up, opened his door wide, gave her a significant look then sat back down behind his desk. “What can I do for you?”
“Cut the crap. It’s me. You know why I’m here.”
“Shit, Lauren. Did I say anything to encourage you to come down here?”
“I couldn’t just let you go without seeing this for myself. You’re different. I can see it already.” Rather than a happy tone, it was accusatory. Apparently, he wasn’t supposed to be happy here. He should have come crawling back to her and a cesspool of crime. Because that’s what he deserved.
“Believe it or not, I’m making a difference right here.”
He’d helped Ethan, who’d seen a familiar face when he was terrified and waiting for his parents to arrive. This had been simply because he’d cared to start a relationship with him. He was working on a house that would be occupied by a veteran when they were done with it. He’d only been able to get the property before hard-core investors because the owner knew him and had been willing to listen to his idea. That would have never happened in Oakland. For once, he’d used his advantage as “hometown hero” to help someone else.
Then there was Zoey. He didn’t know if he’d helped her but maybe he wouldn’t know that for some time. Maybe one never knew they’d really helped significantly unless they stuck around long enough to find out. Unless one made connections in a small town where it was possible to watch kids grow into teenagers and then adults. The work he’d done since he moved back to Fortune might not be sexy or exciting, but it was deeply satisfying.
He hadn’t expected that.
“Making a difference as a small-town sheriff? That can’t be enough for you.”
“You’d be surprised.” He cleared his throat and got ready to admit a truth he had not realized until this moment. “The job’s been good for me.”
“Says the man who didn’t want to lead anymore, just a year ago. A man who thought he’d die of boredom in Mayberry. What happened?”
He shrugged. “I changed.”
“But what about me? I don’t believe you and I have nothing left to salvage.”
After a year he would have thought she’d have realized they’d never connected in any place but the job and it had been a mistake to ask for more. But the short time he’d had with Zoey had him realizing what he’d wanted all along. A woman to tell him he was done with all other women forever.
“We’re done.”
He’d made sure of it. Waited a year to make sure he’d notice any pangs of longing or regret. Nothing had happened. He didn’t miss Lauren. When he didn’t see Zoey for a day, he longed for her.
“I disagree. Look, couples have problems all the time. Issues that pull them in different directions. That was you and me.”
“A year ago,” he stated significantly.
“You wanted to go in a new direction and I didn’t. But it doesn’t mean we should have thrown us away.”
He took a deep breath and lowered his gaze. “Look, Lauren. I haven’t been fair to you. It took me a while to realize this myself, but part of the reason I took this job was to get away from you. To end us once and for all. I knew you wouldn’t come with me and I didn’t want you to.”
She gave him a hostile look, the same one she threw to harried and overworked public defenders. “I’m supposed to be the bitch but that’s not very nice.”
“And you and I were never nice to each other.” He leaned back in his seat, ready to give her the harsh truth he’d avoided for so long. “I was still in a dark place when we met and you, and the department, were exactly what I needed then.”
“I still am. I happen to be exactly what you need. Someone who’s honest with you and tells you when you’re screwing up. When you’re feeling sorry for yourself. Someone to kick your ass every day and remind you that it’s time to fight.”
“I’m actually tired of fighting. Done enough of it in my life. What I need is to be with someone who gives me the sweeter side of life. Someone who makes me feel deserving of that. I never thought I’d have that, but now I do.”
“There’s someone else.” Lauren scowled.
He nodded. Someone with whom he had a chemistry and passionate connection he’d never had before. It was new to him, this push and pull to her, this inability to stay away even when he believed he wasn’t good enough for her. There were a thousand reasons he should stay away from Zoey. But none of them seemed to matter when he weighed them against the simple fact that he didn’t want to. She’d broken down walls he hadn’t even realized were still up. All with her sweet smiles and loving ways. When she looked at him, he actually felt deserving of love again.
Even deserving of the damned medal. Which meant he could finally stop trying to earn it.
He was so in love with her. Unbelievably, it was one beautiful girl and her menagerie of pets who had convinced him he deserved to be happy. He deserved to have some of what he wanted out of life—and what he wanted more than anything was her.
* * *
Ryan didn’t usually go straight from work to Zoey’s house, but he headed there now like a thirsty man searching for water. For a long while after the war, he hadn’t wanted anything or anyone beautiful, sweet or kind. Punishing himself because no one else would. He resented the calls from his mother and Jill with their kind words and concerns. His father was better since he always focused more on what Ryan should be doing, rather than on what he felt. His dad didn’t talk about feelings, which worked for Ryan.
The Oakland PD and the friends he’d made there had been good for him because in his mind they were down in the gutter right along with him. No one gave him an ounce of sympathy or kindness. Every day was filled with the chaos of crime and a complete absence of warmth. A bit like war. It had been where he wanted to be. His wheelhouse, where he felt at home. What he deserved.
When he’d come back to Fortune, leery of being a leader again but ready to escape the mistake he’d nearly made to make his punishment permanent, one of the first people he’d run into was Zoey. He still remembered the day she’d shown up at the station. She carried with her a cherry pie that she’d picked up from Sweetums Bakery.
“Welcome home,” she’d said, laying the pie on his desk, giving him a shy smile.
She’d remembered his favorite pie. The utter guilelessness in her shimmering eyes, that warmth he’d so long avoided because it touched him in places he’d shut down long ago, became something he now craved. So without even bothering to drop off his gun at home, he found himself at Zoey’s doorstep. Because, much as he loved her, he’d also made a decision about the work. And she was the first person he had to tell.
For reasons he didn’t fully comprehend people followed him. Depended on him. Maybe that wasn’t always such a terrible thing. It was satisfying to take on burdens when someone else could not. It wasn’t a punishment but an honor to serve. Ryan didn’t always have to get everything right or be perfect. Zoey more than anyone had shown him that. He simply had to do what he could every day to help in the smallest of ways.
Sometimes it wouldn’t be enough, but the point was that it could be. He’d failed to save one of his men, but he’d saved three others. To focus on the one he lost instead of the men he’d helped wasn’t honoring the survivors. Sometimes failure was not just an option but the way life rolled no matter how hard you tried.
/> He didn’t like it but it was true. Everyone alive was nothing less than human and imperfect, which meant errors would be made. In some cases, lives would be lost. He’d always known that but now he was learning to accept his shortcomings one day at a time.
One mistake he hadn’t made was Zoey. Taking a chance with her.
She greeted him at the door with a warm smile, wearing a short yellow dress he’d never seen on her before. It was the type that left her creamy shoulders bare and irresistible. Her wavy dark hair framed her neck and shoulders.
“I was just thinking about you.”
He would ask her what she was thinking, but the last time her answer had stopped his brain from processing simple rudimentary thoughts. Tonight he had to focus. Find the right words. Because this was Zoey and she more than most people would understand. She understood duty and compassion for the least fortunate so she would understand it for everyone.
Indie and Bella came to greet him and he dispensed pats and chin scratches before Zoey came into his arms.
“Boo?” he asked, looking past her to the dog bed where he lay next to a docile Corky.
“Still not good.”
The fact that she hadn’t yet made the decision to give him back to his original owner didn’t concern Ryan. She would get there. Her heart was too large to watch the big guy suffer for long. He allowed her to pull him past the dogs still sniffing him as if they could smell the roast beef sandwich he’d had for lunch. No doubt they could. But when she ordered them to lie down, they all obeyed reluctantly.
“You do that so well,” he remarked, letting his fingers drift down her spine and settle on the small of her back.
“They’re good dogs. And trained.” She waved a hand at Corky. “Sorry. I called you a dog again. But honestly, I think you believe you’re a dog.”
He followed her into the kitchen.