Cronica Acadia

by C. J. Deering

  Doppelganger said good-bye to the shire-reeve and thanked him. The shire-reeve wished him the best of luck and gave him a used Vinlandian shield for his service. Doppelganger said good-bye to some of the guards he had befriended and was flattered by their words. “Wish I could go with you,” was the most common sentiment. He did not ask them why they couldn’t. Finally he was out the gate and sitting on the grass waiting for the others. Nerdraaage was next.

  “Nice gear,” he said upon seeing Doppelganger.

  They all had some disposable income, but Nerdraaage had spent almost none. He still wore his same hemp shirt and pants from their first day in Hempshire. When it was suggested he spend his coin on something other than smoke and wine, he said he would wait until Hammersmith because he wanted to buy “dwarven-quality” items. He had not even bought a scabbard for his dagger, which he carried around in a pocket where it occasionally stabbed him. Nerdraaage took a swig from his wine bag and offered it to Doppelganger. Nerdraaage sat next to him and had a smoke.

  Ashlyn was next. The long-legged she-elf looked stunning in yet another new outfit.

  Dangalf arrived five minutes later. He looked at Doppelganger in his new gear. “I’ll be right back,” Dangalf said as he retreated back into the front gate. Eighteen minutes later he walked back out the front gate sporting a large smile and a pointy black wizard hat. Doppelganger looked at him sternly. “What?”

  “What did that cost?” asked Doppelganger.

  “Oh,” said Dangalf. “About three silver. I guarantee that’s less than you spent on that new armor.”

  “This is an investment. You’re just pissing away money. Or are you going to tell me that that pointy hat helps you channel electroplasm?”

  “Not exactly,” said Dangalf. “So Nerd wants to smoke his money, and I want to wear mine.”

  “You’ve been smoking Nerd’s money right with him,” said Doppelganger. “It would just be nice if everyone made purchases that would benefit all of us.”

  Nerdraaage looked between his two friends with concern. Ashlyn draped an arm over him sympathetically. “It’s always the children who get hurt when parents argue,” she said. Nerdraaage shrugged her arm off.

  “We’re not all warriors! We don’t get off on sharpening axes and beheading people! The rest of us want to enjoy some comfort!”

  “Okay, Harry Potter.”

  “Oh, okay, Conan.”

  “Okay, Gandalf.”

  “Okay, Hercules.”

  “Okay, Merlin.”

  “Okay, body dysmorphia.”

  “I don’t know what that means.”

  “I know. It’s sad.”

  “Let’s just go,” said Doppelganger, and the others followed him.

  “Why don’t we just drop some coins in the Hempshire well and teleport to Hammersmith?” asked Nerdraaage.

  “Can you do that spell?” asked Dangalf.

  “No.”

  “Well neither can I.”

  Master Tolliver had prepared for them a crude, hand-drawn map with distances measured in time. It was four hours’ walk back to the crossroads. It was fortuitous that they had decided to go to Hempshire when they first arrived because Hammersmith was two days’ journey. If they had headed for Hammersmith first, they probably would have died along the way. Templa Taur was even further.

  Doppelganger walked first, his long, powerful strides taking him well ahead of the others. When he was far enough ahead, he would stop and wait for them. He tried to let his countenance display his impatience with them, but if they understood his countenance, they chose to ignore it.

  Dangalf and Ashlyn walked lazily behind, chatting away as they had so many nights in her room before they fell asleep. They were still talking about the hat. “If one highwaymen sees this hat and says, ‘Oh, a mage; I’ll find an easier target,’ and saves one of our lives in the process, I think that’s a damn good investment.”

  “Totally,” agreed Ashlyn. “And I think it will make you a better wizard. You need to dress the part to play the part.”

  “I think I’m going to lose the beard though.”

  “No!” said Ashlyn. “You look great.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. I would have no faith in a clean-shaven wizard. You look so distinguished.” Nerdraaage sighed loudly.

  There was some sentimentality attached to reaching the crossroads again, and they stopped momentarily to reflect on how far they had come. Then they took the road south to Hammersmith. Ashlyn lingered looking at the road that lead to Templa Taur. As the others stopped, Dangalf returned to her. “We’ll go there next,” he said. “I promise.” Ashlyn smiled, and they caught up to their friends on the road to Hammersmith.

  After an hour they came to a large chasm spanned by a rope bridge. On the other side was Hybernia. None of them had ever taken a rope bridge before, but they could not see another way across. Doppelganger gamely charged out, followed closely by Nerdraaage. It looked sturdy enough, but Dangalf felt it was silly to test it with the two heaviest Keepers at the same time and let them finish crossing before he and Ashlyn attempted it.

  On the other side, a giant boulder with an iron rune cut into it announced their arrival in the dwarven land.

  They continued walking well into the darkness when they found a nice camping spot close to the road but hidden. They ate well before going to sleep. Dangalf was surprised how cold the ground was at night because it was very warm during the day. He shivered his way through the night and vowed he would not sleep outdoors again without a fire.

  The next day they ate breakfast, and Ashlyn released Clay with a message for Mistress Tolliver letting her know they had survived the first night. Doppelganger criticized Ashlyn for dispatching their only pigeon on such a trivial mission. Dangalf interjected that if the pigeon was worth anything, it would return to them.

  Once on the road, they passed a dwarf soldier heading in the opposite direction who challenged Doppelganger to a duel. Despite his lack of experience and inferior equipment, he defeated the dwarf easily. His opponent never overcame Doppelganger’s reach advantage. The dwarf was gracious in defeat. He suggested that Doppelganger make side wagers when he dueled. He felt Doppelganger’s skill was much greater than his reputation or appearance would indicate and that Doppelganger could make some good silver, maybe even gold. He departed by saying that Doppelganger had all the makings of a future dragoon. “And you thought he was difficult before,” Ashlyn whispered to Dangalf.

  Doppelganger waxed poetically about how he was “in the zone” and described the two-minute duel, which they had all seen, for the next two hours of the journey.

  The road became bereft of other travelers, cottages, signs, or other comforting features, and the Keepers decided to camp early and well off the road for their final night before Hammersmith. Dangalf lit a campfire, but it was still cold, and they all slept under the same blankets, and because it was so cold nobody found anything wrong with the extreme cuddling, the two shivering ectomorphs bookended by the mesomorph and endomorph.

  They woke at dawn the next day and had a breakfast of most of the last of their food before splitting up to attend to personal business. Dangalf lingered at the campfire, still not defrosted from the previous night.

  Nerdraaage ran up breathlessly, and Dangalf immediately feared someone had been kidnapped by highwaymen or trampled by a battlepig.

  “Dude,” said Nerdraaage in his loud whisper. “I just saw Elftrap bathing! Completely naked!”

  “Oh, I don’t want to hear that,” said Dangalf. And then, thinking better of it, he asked, “What did you see?”

  “I never wanted to take a screenshot so much in my life!” he said. And then in a more conspiratorial whisper, “She’s completely hairless down there!”

  “I’d read elves were hairless but for their heads,” said Dangalf. But it was too vulgar for him to run after her and try to get a peek himself. Still he asked, “Is she still naked?”

  “Would I be u
p here?” answered Nerdraaage.

  So Ashlyn had been bathing. Dangalf should have seen it, metaphorically speaking. Two days on the road and the males were filthy and rank while she remained clean as a cat. He pulled a small leafy twig out of his beard and wondered how long it had been there.

  Ashlyn joined them and dried her dampness by the fire. Dangalf couldn’t help but look at her and see that she was full of…grace. Yes, she was graceful. When was the last time he used that word? Had he ever used it in the old universe? Words like graceful and chivalrous and wicked were almost expunged from modern conversation in the old world, as if they described qualities that no longer mattered.

  As they approached Hammersmith, they came across their first farm. It was large and seemed to be growing some sort of grain that was attended to by dozens of dwarves. They passed more farms and began to pass some isolated cottages. The road traffic increased inversely proportional to their distance from Hammersmith. They had not seen any horses or other mounts on the road since the farmer who was murdered. In the game mounts were restricted to players who had reached a certain rank and could afford the expense. Here the shortage of mounts was due to centuries of war, but the result was similar: mounts were almost exclusive to military units or the very wealthy, with others being communal property of various towns and entities.

  They felt the chill before they saw the snow. They were at high altitude now, but it was difficult to tell how high as the road was winding and the woods were thick. Doppelganger charged forward like the thin air had no effect on him. Likewise, Nerdraaage trod excitedly forward as if he was in his element, and he was.

  “I wish I had a jacket to give you,” said Dangalf.

  “I’m fine,” smiled Ashlyn.

  Any passing party that contained a military-age male was subject to a duel challenge from Doppelganger. Most declined but a few accepted and even agreed to wagers. Doppelganger won three contests handily and made some silver before they were in sight of Hammersmith.

  They arrived at Hammersmith with enough daylight to marvel at the mountain city. It was built on an enormous ledge about halfway up one of the peaks in the Purple Mountains range.

  Nerdraaage had no problem entering the front gate. The dwarven guards took only cursory glances at Doppelganger’s and Dangalf’s commissions.

  “Halt, she-elf!” ordered a guard as he and another blocked her progress with spears.

  Doppelganger and Dangalf came to her defense quickly, and their actions brought more guards with spear points. Doppelganger reacted instinctively, and he disarmed the first guard to approach him. This action was of great concern to the other guards.

  “Alarm!” shouted different guards.

  “No!” shouted Nerdraaage.

  “Stop!” shouted Ashlyn.

  A guard jabbed Doppelganger with the blunt end of his spear to back him off, but it had the opposite effect. Doppelganger began to undergo the bloodwarp. He removed his massive axe from his back. It looked for certain that there would be combat as more guards arrived and surrounded him. Dangalf knew he was looking at the ruination of their budding reputations with the dwarves and maybe his friend’s death, so he raised his wand.

  “Wand!” shouted another guard. All the dwarves looked on as Dangalf cast his spell. But it was Doppelganger who was the target, and he was suddenly cast in a block of ice. This had the immediate effect of confusing the hell out of the guards. Dangalf made an exaggerated motion of putting his wand away and raising his hands.

  The sergeant of the guard arrived. “What’s going on!” he demanded. Nerdraaage introduced himself and his friends and Dangalf presented his commission. The sergeant knew them by reputation.

  “Angus the Young has spoken of you,” said the sergeant to the Keepers. “But what happened here?” The other three explained as well as they could while Doppelganger remained encased in ice. “He has the rage of a dragoon,” said the sergeant. “But he is no dragoon. He will banned from the town if there are any more disruptions.”

  “Thank you, sire,” said Dangalf. The sergeant and the extra guards returned inside the gate. The Keepers walked to their frozen friend. “Is he all right?” asked Nerdraaage.

  “It’s purely a defensive spell,” said Dangalf. “It won’t harm him.”

  “How do you get him out,” asked Ashlyn.

  “I don’t know if I want to be around when he gets out,” said Dangalf. He paused before casting the counterspell. With a great cracking of ice, Doppelganger was freed and stumbled slightly. To everyone’s relief, he placed his axe back on his back.

  “That’s a good spell,” said Doppelganger.

  “Yeah,” agreed Ashlyn.

  “That was the first time I ever used it,” said Dangalf. First time intentionally, he thought.

  They entered the town. It bustled with activity, mostly the activity of she-dwarves. Ashlyn noticed each she-dwarf they passed checking out Nerdraaage, but he was oblivious.

  There were merchants on the main street—the butcher, the baker, and the chandler—and private cottages beyond those. Dwarves were defensively minded, and all of the buildings, public or private, were stone and none had ground-floor entrances. The entrances were on the second floor with wooden steps or rope ladders leading up. Not even a brick shitehouse was good enough for the dwarves. They were all stone wrought also, with second-story entrances so that a dwarf could make a last stand even if he was sitting.

  The larger merchants and government buildings were built right into the side of the mountain with intricately carved facades.

  Once inside they looked for Angus. His home was conveniently located close to A Farthing Away, the inn, fondly known to the Keepers from the game, with its colorful sign depicting a hand holding a copper coin. Angus met them in front of his home. He was excited to see Nerdraaage and polite to the others. His wife, a blond dwarf with a protruding belly, joined them.

  “And you must be the one who saved my Angus,” she said to Nerdraaage.

  “Well, I had some help,” he answered.

  “I’m so grateful,” she continued. “I’m in no condition to be a widow, as you can see.” She spread her dress fabric tight across her pregnant belly.

  “Wife,” said Angus. “Let’s not get all maudlin. Your Angus would have found a way to get himself out if these strangers had not happened by.” Angus introduced his wife as Rhona. She smiled genuinely to the humans but smiled awkwardly at the she-elf.

  “Nerdraaage,” said Rhona. “I don’t believe I’ve heard that name afore. What does it mean?”

  “Uh,” Nerdraaage stumbled.

  “It means wise and warlike,” said Dangalf quickly.

  “I like it,” said Rhona. She rubbed her belly and looked down at it. “Looks like you finally have a name, little Nerdraaage!” The Keepers were too polite to laugh and too astonished to say anything.

  “We’re all Angused out,” said Angus. “Time to go in a new direction.”

  Rhona went in their cottage, and Angus led the Keepers behind it, where he made his weapons, and asked them what they wanted. Nerdraaage received a dagger, which was the clear choice for a presumptive blackguard. It was far superior to the blade that he had carried since they arrived in this world and was even decorated with a dwarven rune on the pommel. Doppelganger showed Angus the axe he had just bought in Hempshire. Angus took it and said it would “melt down nicely” before handing Doppelganger one of his own creations. Doppelganger knew immediately upon touching the dwarven axe that it was superior to the one he had just purchased two days ago. Ashlyn graciously accepted a dagger even though she could not carry metal when she became a druid. Dangalf asked if Angus had any staffs, to which Angus replied weaponsmiths don’t make staffs, “trees do.” Dangalf accepted a dagger to be polite even though he knew as a pure ectomorph he was more likely to be disarmed of his dagger than to successfully stab an enemy with it.

  Angus caught Doppelganger looking at large decorated blades on display. “Some of my handiwo
rk,” said Angus. “You don’t want those blades, lad. They will hang over the mantle of a rich merchant or farmer who has had no adventures. These plain blades will do for you until you take a better one from your dead enemy or are gifted one for doing some great deed.”

  XXX

  A Farthing Away was a great convivial atmosphere, and they passed by parties drinking and laughing and of such familiarity and good spirits that one of the party would only have to say to another of the party, “I suppose you would know something about that!” and it would elicit great gales of laughter with none laughing harder than the one accused of knowing something about that.

  Angus and the Keepers were seated and served house beers so they would have something to drink while they looked over the drink menu, which was painted on an entire wall of the inn. And it wasn’t long before they were drinking and in good spirits, with Dangalf saying to Nerdraaage, “I suppose you would know something about that!” And they all laughed with none laughing harder than Nerdraaage.

  Angus lit up and so did Nerdraaage. He took a drag and passed the pipe to his friends. Doppelganger declined and passed the pipe on to Dangalf, but Dangalf pushed it back in his direction. “No,” said Dangalf. “You really need it.”

  Doppelganger took a drag and passed it on. Dangalf smiled and took his own drag. They all enjoyed the warm tavern heated by a great fireplace nine feet long and extending six feet into the tavern. It was good just to be sitting on something other than cold ground, especially for Dangalf who had “gone wizard” and did not wear anything under his robe. He imagined that the svelte and barely clothed Ashlyn also enjoyed being in the warmth, but she had not made one complaint about the temperature during the entire trip. Dangalf for one had already made mental notes of what comfort items to bring on their next trip of any great distance.

  The inn was packed with dwarves, and though the town was predominantly female, the inn was mostly male. Some of the imbibers were young enough to still sit on fathers’ laps.