Hate to Love You (Baker's Bunch Book 1)

by Lily Ryan

  “You. Are. Exactly. What. I Need.”

  He furrows his brows considering my words. “It would hurt, Sam, in a way that would really fuck me up, if something happens between us and you regret it. If you wake up tomorrow and hate me—”

  “I won’t. I’ve wanted you for a long time.”

  I reach for the bottom of his shirt and pull it up. Cole raises his arms and lets me slide it over his head. I feel empowered with this little bit of control.

  “Not as long as I’ve wanted you.”

  I smile. This can’t be real. I don’t really believe him, but I’m not going to let my insecurity ruin the moment.

  My hands, followed by my eyes, slide over Cole’s taut skin. A yearning so foreign it terrifies me, shoots through my body. It's overpowering. I can't see beyond this need for every single part of my body to be touched by him, inside and out.

  “Nothing has to happen, Sam. We can stop right now.”

  I don’t speak. Instead I unbutton Cole’s jeans. He covers my hands with his own, stopping me. I look up and meet the scrutiny of his pointed stare. The moment is heavy.

  “Cole, I want this.”

  "Are you sure, princess? You seem nervous."

  I smirk. "I am nervous. I've built you up for years in my head. I'm not sure you can live up to the hype."

  Surprised at my statement, both his eyebrows shoot up as he straightens to his full height and looks down at me. "Are you implying that I don't know what I'm doing?"

  "Maybe," I smirk.

  "Because I can assure you, I know what I'm doing."

  I can't help the smile that's covering my face. "I guess you'll have to prove it."

  "Challenge accepted." Before I have a chance to respond, Cole sweeps me in his arms and carries me to my room.

  Chapter 4

  Samantha

  Standing in front of my bed, Cole lifts the damp sweatshirt over my head. His warm hands slip under my tee and glide over my back. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” he whispers.

  My eyes shoot down to the ground.

  “Don’t look away.” He lifts my chin with his finger so I meet his eyes, “Look right here.”

  I do as he says, feeling my cheeks burn with embarrassment. Once I meet his crystal pools, he casts a spell on me and the corners of my lips curl into a shy smile. I don’t know how it happens exactly, but while I’m hypnotized by him, he unhooks my bra.

  Cole slips his hand through my sleeve and pulls the strap down, off my arm, leaving a tingling trail where he touches my skin. He does the same on the other side, and with my breasts loose, he allows the bra to drop to the floor. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me close, crushing my body against his. I wonder if he can hear the frantic pounding of my heart.

  He plays with my tits in ways no one ever has. He gently clasps my nipples between the front of his middle and pointer fingers, brushing his thumbs over their peaks, back and forth. Cole lifts my shirt, tugs it off and tosses it to the side.

  “I knew you were hot the way you parade around in those tight yoga pants but, wow!” he says, pulling back and looking over every inch of me. He cups one breast and dips his head to it, looking up at me through his thick, dark lashes. Cole’s tongue licks, in exaggerated laps over the tip before his lips clasp around it.

  Cole alternates between sucking, and gently pulling with his teeth. He focuses his mouth on one breast while his hand plays with the other, then switches. I’m not prepared for this bombardment of sensation. I savor each touch of his hands. His lips. His tongue.

  His mouth crushes mine, his tongue demands entry. I let him in, and Cole deepens the kiss. My will is his. I run my fingers through his hair grasping it, clasping on tight as I fight to stay upright and not spill to the floor like a glass of milk.

  I’m so focused on the pleasure he gives, I don’t notice my pants are unbuttoned until he slips them down my hips and they hang around my ankles. Cole rubs his fingers over the thin piece of material covering my most sensitive spot.

  “You’re so wet.” His voice is deep. Raspy.

  He’s right. I feel dampness at the top of my thighs and on my panties. I have a strange sensation there. A deep heated tingling. I squeeze my thighs together waiting, longing, for my first taste of penetration.

  Since Cole isn’t moving to undress himself, I push his unbuttoned jeans past his hips and down his legs. In his boxers, he stands at full attention and kicks his pants off.

  He looks long and thick. I know the first time is supposed to hurt no matter what, at least that’s what Abby says, but I think it might hurt more because of Cole’s size. I’m excited and terrified. I don’t have any doubts about what I want, but I’m curious as to what changed Cole’s mind. And what happens after this?

  I fight to push these thoughts back and stay in the moment. Nothing exists outside of my bedroom.

  Outside of this moment.

  Just Cole and me.

  He leans his forehead against mine, "You good?"

  I can't speak, my throat is dry. Instead I reach my hand down, grab his bulge and nod as I rub his length.

  “Mmm,” he moans, with his eyes closed.

  Cole backs me up and lays me on the bed. He lies down beside me. "No pressure, Sam. If you want to stop, we stop. Okay?”

  “Okay.” I nod.

  He takes my hand and covers it with his own, slipping his fingers between mine. He brings our hands up to his face. “Touch me.”

  At a snail’s pace, he slides our joined hands down his neck, over each peak and valley of his chest and stomach, down his center. Our hands keep moving together, following the trail of hair from his bellybutton to the waistband of his boxers, over the bulge between his legs.

  We wrap our joined hands around his shaft and stroke up and down.

  "Your skin is so soft,” Cole whispers. He brings my palm to his mouth and swirls his tongue around it before he settles it on his cheek and places a chaste kiss on my lips. He pushes himself up onto his elbow. "My turn."

  I swallow hard anticipating his touch. Just like he did on himself, his hand starts on the side of my face and slowly travels down. He holds my chin for a moment and meets my lips with his. His hand skims possessively over my neck and down to my breasts. He visits each nipple with his thumb and forefinger tweaking and rolling them before continuing his journey.

  At a steady pace, Cole’s hand moves down my legs, skipping the area crying out the loudest for attention; the spot flooded with desire. The place no one but me has ever touched.

  Just as I think his expedition has reached its end, I’m surprised. His hand is back at my center, between my thighs. He rubs back and forth over my last article of clothing. Cole slips his fingers beneath my panties, between my folds and presses one inside me.

  I gasp as a wave of heat washes over me. It feels good. My face burns with want and need, and a touch of embarrassment.

  “Do you like the way that feels?” he asks.

  “Yes.” I don’t recognize my voice.

  “Good,” he smiles and engages me in another breathtaking kiss, as he adds a second finger. I whimper into his mouth. His thumb finds my clit. The dampness between my legs grows. I don’t think I can take much more. I moan, grasping at his shoulder, needing something to hold. An intense feeling builds down below. My breaths come fast.

  I reach down and slide my hand under the waistband of his boxers. I try to remember all the sex tips I read about to prepare for this moment, but I can’t. I can’t think at all. The way his fingers move inside me, all I want is more. My legs spread wider.

  I want him to keep touching, keep teasing. I want to feel like this forever. This amazing feeling like I’m floating in air, rising. Higher and higher, ready to jump. Ready to fall. Ready to explode.

  I grip him and circle my thumb over his head. His skin feels smooth and velvety. It’s perfect. He moans as I stroke him. Up and down. Faster and faster. I want him to fly and soar with me.

  “
Mmm. Don’t stop.” Now he’s moaning, too. “Do you have any idea how crazy you’re driving me?” His breath tickles my ear.

  “No.” I move my hand faster. His thumb circles faster, his fingers plunge in and out noisily.

  "All I can think of is being inside you.”

  Cole slows down, and my hips try to take up the slack. He removes his hand. I let out a long disappointed breath as he pulls away. My disappointment lasts a few seconds before he hooks his fingers into the sides of my panties. He pulls them down my legs. Blood surges through my veins as his eyes crawl over my fully exposed body.

  I don’t move as Cole reaches into his wallet, rips open a foil square and rolls on a condom. Ready for action he kisses his way up my body, starting at my ankle and moving slowly up. His mouth feels incredible. Especially on the inside of my thigh and the area just below my belly button.

  Once he’s back up to my face and sees me biting my lip, Cole smiles.

  “Like that?”

  “Yes. I liked it a lot.”

  “Good. I want this to be special for you.”

  Cole has no idea the fact that I’m about to hand my V card to him, makes it special. I always imagined he’d be my first, and now I’m living out the fantasy. Only it’s better than I thought. Cole is kinder, sweeter, than I ever imagined. He knows how and where to touch me. Nothing could beat this.

  He climbs on top of me and works his way between my legs. I pull my knees in, like I’ve seen girls do in movies and on the porn sites my brother watches. He hesitates, and I'm not sure why.

  “Let’s start nice and easy.”

  Cole rubs his hardness against my clit. It doesn’t hurt at all. In fact, it feels amazing. I’m starting to understand why everyone loves to fuck so much.

  Relaxing, I release a long sigh and five tons of tension with it. My hips move ever so slightly to rub against him.

  After a few more thrusts, Cole reaches down and adjusts himself. I feel pressure that soon turns to pain at my opening. I gasp and hold him tight. His head slowly enters me.

  “Breathe, Sam,” he says, before kissing me again.

  He takes his time working himself deeper inside. I dig my fingers into the flesh of his shoulders as I get used to the pain and new sensation I’m feeling.

  Cole stares in my eyes as he withdraws almost completely and slides back in. I’m already sore, I’m not sure I’ll be able to walk for a week. As if he knows I’m in my head, his mouth teases mine with another deep, long kiss.

  “Hey, beautiful, you okay?” He asks, his warm cheek pressed against mine.

  “Yes.” I answer, through staggered breaths. “I’m . . . fine.”

  “Relax, okay?”

  I nod, unable to speak. All of a sudden I’m flying again. Rising like a rocket in the sky. I explode and feel myself clench and pulse around him. I cry out and dig my fingers deeper into him as I fall into an ocean of pleasure unlike any I’ve ever known.

  *

  Resting the bulk of his weight on his forearms, Cole smoothes my hair and kisses my cheek. He leaves a trail of kisses on my damp, overheated skin from my mouth, across my jaw, down my neck.

  "Any regrets?" He asks, as he leans back and looks at me.

  "No. That was incredible." I let my hand run down his back, tracing the cord of muscles protecting his spine.

  "Did it hurt a lot?" He leaves soft kisses on my nose, and forehead. His heartbeat pounds fast and furious against my hand.

  "In the beginning."

  "I'm sorry.” There's such tenderness in his eyes, it makes me want to devour him like a piece of sweet chocolate. If only.

  Cole rolls onto his side but is still right up against me. I run my pointer finger down his center, from his neck, down his chest, past his bellybutton.

  "I enjoyed it though. Enough to go for round two," I tease.

  “Round two?” he asks surprised. “I love your enthusiasm, but I think you should give yourself some time to recoup.”

  Insecurity washes over me like a tsunami.

  “Was it not good for you? Did I not do it right?”

  He rolls me onto his chest, hooks his ankle around mine and kisses the top of my head. “It was amazing. Just like you. I just don’t want you to overdo it.”

  I lay my head on his chest. A million questions race through my mind. Especially, what happens now? I don’t ask, because I’m afraid to hear the answer. For now, I’m content to stay right where I am. In my bed. Naked. Lying on Cole Andrews.

  Chapter 5

  Cole

  “Wake up, Cole. Wake up!” Sam’s voice startles me. “My parents are on their way home.”

  “What?” Dazed and confused I sit up and look around.

  Oh shit! I’m stark fucking naked in Sammie’s bed. Tyler’s little sister Sammie. What the fuck did I do? How did I let this happen? Every forbidden kiss and touch we shared through the night races to the foreground of my mind.

  I didn’t just kiss her with the lust and hunger I shoved down deep over the last year. No, I took everything she had to offer. Including her virginity. I had heart stopping sex with a girl I know is off limits.

  I just fucked everything up: my relationship with her. Like there can ever be one now. My friendship with Tyler. Everything.

  I scamper to grab my clothes off the floor and get dressed. I’m so focused on getting my shit together, I don’t look at Sam until I’m fully clothed. She hasn’t moved. She sits on the bed watching me with wide eyes and a look of fear.

  I’m not sure what to do because she isn’t moving and her parents can’t find us like this. It’s one thing for me to claim to be keeping her company because her friend couldn’t make it. Something very different for us to be in her bedroom with every stitch of her clothing off.

  Yeah if that happens I can count on spending the next few hours in jail, if not days. And I could forget about getting a decent job. Ever.

  “Sam, please! You have to put something on!”

  She continues to stare at me, unmoving. I need her to get dressed. I pick her clothes up off the floor and offer them to her. She doesn’t take them. Her eyes water, her bottom lip trembles. Fuck this is bad. I need to do something, but I have no idea what.

  “Hey,” I smile at her. “Are you okay?

  There’s a slight nod of her head.

  I sit on the bed next to her and wrap my arm around her shoulder. My heart races. Fear and adrenaline mix to drive me into an internal frenzy. I’m afraid I hurt her by taking things too far. By letting things happen that I shouldn’t even have fantasized about, let alone lived out.

  That fear eats at me, but it’s not as strong as the fear I have of her father finding us like this. Out of all the things he’ll do, savagely kicking my ass being the most brutal, the one that frightens me the most is the idea that he’ll ban me from ever seeing her again.

  I can’t let that happen. I want to make things right with Sam. Or at the very least better. But I’m not sure how to go about doing it.

  “Sam, baby, talk to me. What’s going on?”

  My words jolt her back to the moment. Thank God. The devastated look on her face clears, and Sam looks like herself again.

  “Baby?” She sounds annoyed. She looks at me in disbelief, shakes her head and gets to her feet. “I’m fine.”

  I don’t know if I should believe her, but I don’t have much of a choice at the moment. Whatever came over Sam seems to have passed. And we’re running out of time. I can handle the situation better when her clothes are on, for a number of reasons.

  Once she’s dressed, I pull her into my arms and kiss the top of her head. She doesn’t break away, but she’s not returning the gesture either. I expect her to hold me or meld into my body like she did earlier, but she’s not. It’s like there’s a steel wall between us. She won’t even meet my eyes.

  This is worse than I thought.

  With the imminent return of her parents, I don’t have time to pull what’s wrong out of her. I need to hear it now
so I have a shot of dealing with it. Most of all she needs to know that she matters to me.

  I look down hoping to reassure her. “Sammie, tonight meant . . . a lot to me.”

  “Yeah. Me too.” The words rush out of her mouth. Her voice is cold. Emotionless. She breaks free of my hold and bolts down the stairs for the living room.

  I don’t understand. I’m relieved that Sam’s not freaking out and clinging to me, but I’m surprised by her sudden standoffish demeanor. Actually it’s pissing me off. Why the hell is she shutting me out when she needs me?

  It’s not like she’s uncomfortable with me or can’t talk to me. Not after everything that happened tonight. I mean just a few short hours ago I was inside her and we were as close as any two people can be.

  “Do you want to talk?”

  “About?”

  “About whatever the hell is wrong.” I snap.

  “Nothing’s wrong. I told you, I’m fine.”

  I don’t know what I’m more upset about, the fact that she’s lying to my face, or that she’s acting like she doesn’t give a fuck about me or what happened between us, not to mention what I sacrificed for her. Because in all the scenarios running through my head, I’m the one in danger of losing everything.

  Everything.

  “What the hell?” I ask, following close behind her.

  The groan of the garage door rising leaks into the kitchen. They’re home. Our time together is over, and yet I can’t imagine leaving Sam now. Not like this. I can’t help but think if I do, she’ll hate me. If that happens I’ll regret everything.

  I can’t let that happen.

  Sam opens the door leading from the kitchen out to the garage cutting my time with her even shorter. It shouldn’t bother me that she seems like she can’t wait to get away from me, but it does.

  I spot Sam’s phone on the kitchen counter. Before her parents get in the house, I add my number to her contacts and press send so I’ll have hers. Instead of using my name, I type in Drew. She should pick up that it’s short for my last name.