Hate to Love You (Baker's Bunch Book 1)

by Lily Ryan

  Zane doesn’t stop moving until we’re in front of his truck. He sets me on my feet and stabilizes me.

  “What the fuck are you thinking?” Zane snaps. “You want to be responsible for that guy’s death? Because when your brother finds out, he’s going to kill the fucker.”

  “I wasn’t panning on telling him!” I’m somewhere between yelling and crying as I clench my spasming stomach.

  “You might not, but someone will. There were enough people there that know you.”

  “I was counting on that. I want everyone to know . . .” I cover my mouth with my hand.

  The back of my throat burns as the combination of my dinner and beer shoot up.

  I can’t hold it down anymore. I lean over just in time. Tears pour out of my eyes as my stomach erupts with unyielding force.

  Neither of us speak for a few minutes until I’m done puking and can stand straight again. Zane reaches into his pick-up truck and hands me a bunch of tissues.

  “Maybe you should thank me. How would you feel if you threw up like that all over Hunter.”

  I cross my arms over my chest, and look at Zane with small, angry eyes. My head throbs and I have a terrible taste in my mouth. What’s worse is that he’s right. I’d feel a whole lot worse and wouldn’t be able to show my face anywhere if Hunter and I were messing around and that happened. It doesn’t change the fact that right now, I just want to die.

  “Get in, I’ll drive you home.”

  I shake my head and bite my lip. “No.”

  “You’re not going back in there. You’ve had enough to drink, and the only reason you’re not being gang-banged right now is because I saw you, and Hunter is a decent guy with too much to lose. Any of those other scumbags would be sharing you with his friends right about now.”

  “I don’t want to go home.” I sniffle and wipe my eyes. “Please, Zane, I can’t be there.”

  “Why not?”

  “I just can’t. It’s hurts too much. Okay. And I don’t want to hurt anymore. I want to forget. That’s all I want. Please. Help me forget.”

  He brushes his hand down the side of my cheek. “Who hurt you?”

  I shake my head, fighting to hold the tears in. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Of course it does. Did your brother do something?”

  “No. Nothing like that. Just this guy. I thought I loved him. Please don’t make me go back home. Please, Zane.” I run my hands over his warm, hard chest, his body’s so strong and sculpted. Even more so than Cole. I squeeze my eyes tight. “I don’t want to think of him anymore. Help me stop the pain.”

  “How do I do that?” Zane’s chest heaves.

  “You know what I want,” I say, placing his hands on my waist and closing in so that our chests touch. “What I need.”

  He hesitates, and I’m afraid he’s going to turn me down and drive me right back to my house. I use my eyes to beg, plead with him to help me.

  “Okay.”

  Chapter 13

  Cole

  “You’re a mess.”

  “Thanks.” Tyler’s right. I am a fucking mess. I run my hand through my hair for the five hundredth time in the last twenty four hours. I’m so tired I can’t see straight.

  “I feel like shit. You’ve been great since I got home and now that you need a distraction, I haven’t helped one bit.”

  He’s referring to what he believes to be my very public break-up with Callie. She made a fucking scene, screaming in the ice cream parlor how I ruined her life. Funny, I’m pretty sure it’s the other way around.

  “I can’t stop worrying about my sister though. This isn’t like her. She hasn’t answered any of my texts.”

  Mine either. Or my calls. I close my eyes and rub the back of my neck.

  “I know, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be going on about her, but I feel terrible. I didn’t realize she was even at Frozen Delights, or that she ran into her ex and his boyfriend. If Doug didn’t come say something I never would’ve known. Poor kid. That had to be awkward.”

  Awkward. To say the least. But that wasn’t the worst of it, and I don’t know if I should tell him or not. I’ve been conflicted since he came home, but I was ready to man-up and tell him after the confrontation between Callie, Sam and I. Until Sam ran off and shut me out.

  Instead I kept my mouth shut, hoping if I did, I could coax him into letting me spend the night here. This way I’d be able to talk to her and work shit out. Only, she never came home and now we’re both a fucking wreck.

  Sam called her mother and claimed to be so upset with everything going on in her life, that she’s spending the night at her friend Abby’s. It wasn’t until sometime around two in the morning when Abby messaged Tyler to see if Sam made it home okay that we lost our shit. That was eight hours ago. Where the fuck can she be? And who is she with?

  “I mean what if she’s strung out somewhere?” Tyler asks.

  “Sam’s too smart for that.”

  “So was I, yet I almost fucking died.”

  I shake my head. “I don’t think that’s the problem. I think she’s with someone and just doesn’t want to be found.”

  “Yeah, but who?”

  That’s a really good fucking question. My guess is that Hunter guy she and Callie argued over. My blood boils thinking about her with another guy. My hands tense and ball up into fists as I imagine him putting his hands on her. I need to light a fire under Tyler for him to get his parents involved.

  “I think it’s time to let your mother in on the fact that Sam’s missing.”

  “I don’t know. There’s been so much friction between my sister and my parents. I don’t want to make things worse and push her over the edge. Then again, if she’s in trouble, or if someone is hurting her. . . Maybe your right.”

  Tyler’s finally starting to waver. Thank. Fucking. God. I’m ready to slit my wrists open with worry and he doesn’t want to get her in trouble. I don’t care if she’s grounded until the end of time after pulling this shit.

  “I just don’t want to make things worse if all she needed was a little breather away from everyone. Maybe if I took a minute to take care of myself—”

  “This isn’t about you, Tyler. This is about Sam being a spoiled brat and running off when things got rough.”

  “Don’t you think that’s a little harsh, man?” He picked a hell of a time to get soft on her. “I mean her world has been turned upside down. Between me, and our parents and that douche Doug. And then, who knows if she saw you and Callie together, that would’ve been the icing on the cake.”

  “Me and Callie?” My heart leaps. Does he know? Did she tell him? Can I can be honest about how sick with worry I am right now? That my heart’s shrieking in agony over his baby sister.

  “They don’t get along and from what I understand, Callie’s been trashing Sam about how her ex broke up with her and . . .”

  I tune him out. Of course. He just knows Callie’s a bitch. He doesn’t know I could give two fucks about Callie. It’s the other girl I want. The one that’s off limits. He isn’t hinting an approval for Sam and me. This proves I’m too tired and emotional to think rationally.

  “Naturally, I was surprised when I found out she’s the same Callie that Sam went to high school with. It’s not like you to date someone so much younger. Good thing it was her and not my sister, though. I’d have to cut your dick off if you ever went near Sam.”

  I close my eyes and nod.

  “I’m sorry. I’m an insensitive prick. I know you were crazy about Callie, but to be honest, I just can’t see you two together.”

  I want to shout, that’s because I’d never be with a girl like that. A phony, self-serving bitch. I want someone real, that I can share my days with and trust when we can’t be together.

  My phone rings. Thank God. I need a diversion from this conversation.

  “Hey, Austin, what’s up?”

  “Here’s a question, do you have any idea why Sam Stone just walked out of my brother’s
bedroom?”

  “WHAT!?!”

  I’m shattered. Like a pane of glass slammed by a wrecking ball.

  That’s what friends are for. To use your heart to score a field goal from the forty seven yard line. Mother fucker. I want to die.

  She was with Zane. All night long. While I was up, pacing the floors, waiting for her. Zane. My friend’s brother. Someone I fucking know!

  “What the hell happened?”

  I fucked up, that’s what.

  I clear my throat, buying myself a second to calm down and decide whether or not I should mention to Tyler that his sister has been found.

  “I’m at Ty’s,” I say, hoping that’s enough of an explanation to keep Austin from pushing the issue.

  “Ahh. I take it he still doesn’t know?”

  “No. And at this point . . .”

  “You’re not sure if it’s worth telling him.”

  “Exactly.”

  “I don’t know, Cole. I just know shit’s getting out of hand, and it’s going to be a lot worse if he finds out from someone else.”

  I don’t want to deal with this right now. I have enough on my plate, I don’t need an I-told-you-so-lecture, too.

  The house alarm chimes. I know what that means. She’s home.

  Finally.

  My heart sinks. Instead of looking forward to seeing her, I’m dreading it. I’ll do whatever I can to avoid it.

  “Listen, I got to go—“

  “I know. I’m here if you need me.”

  “Thanks.” Pissed, I throw my phone on my friend’s bed.

  Tyler’s down the steps before I can utter a word. My leg bounces with nervous energy. As much as I want to see for myself that she’s okay, I stay put.

  I’m afraid when I see her, I’m going to go off. She spent the night with Zane. In his arms. In his bed.

  Sickening images of them writhing naked and sweaty run through my head. What am I supposed to do? The only thing I can think of at the moment is to rip the fucker’s head off, but he’s not the one at fault. She is.

  I stay put. Glued to the spot that I’m sitting on.

  “I don’t care if Mom’s pissed, I’m not staying!” She shouts.

  Is she kidding? I scrub my hand over my face. She just got home after a night of screwing my friend’s brother, and she’s looking to go out again?

  I knew better than to fall for Sam, but I let her crawl under my skin anyway. And now, I can’t clear my head of her. I rest my elbows on my knees, lean forward and hold my head. I close my eyes and gather my bearings as I listen to the raised voices downstairs.

  “If talking to me meant that much to her, she’d be here, waiting for me, not out buying clothes or getting her hair and nails done. I’m picking up some stuff and getting the hell out of here!”

  “Calm down, Sam.”

  “You don’t understand, Tyler.” Her voice changes. It’s high pitched and rings with pain and desperation. “I can’t be here. He’s everywhere I look. Everywhere. I just want to forget him.”

  I want to feel bad for her, feel an ounce of compassion instead of being a heartless prick, but I don’t. I’m glad she’s hurting. I don’t want to be the only one nursing a shredded heart.

  “Sam, I know this is hard on you. But you’re not alone anymore. You’ve got me.”

  Silence.

  I don’t know what’s going on down there. I know the “he” she wants to forget isn’t Doug. I was with her the night they broke up. She seemed more hurt by Callie and the nasty things coming out of her mouth than by Doug. How much could he have meant? It took her all of five seconds to forget him and offer herself up to me.

  Oh fuck!

  That’s what she did with Zane. Throw herself at his feet to forget me. This is a fucking pattern. How could I be so full of myself that I didn’t see this coming? What kind of huge-ass ego do I have to think the reason she wanted me to be her first is because she has real, deep feelings for me, like the ones I have for her?

  I need to get the fuck out of here. Up until a minute ago, all I wanted was to see her with my own eyes and know that she’s okay. Now, I’m a power keg ready to explode, and coming face to face with Sam is going to light my fuse.

  She storms up the steps and slams the door to her room.

  “Get your ass out here,” Tyler pounds on her door. “We need to talk.”

  “I don’t need to talk, I need out.”

  I have a safe path to my car. I take this as my cue to leave.

  “Hey, Ty, I’ll talk you to later, okay?”

  My friend turns to me. I’m struck by the worry in his eyes. Eyes the same deep green color as Sam’s. I should stay here with him, but I know I’ll only make the situation worse. I’m of no use to anyone right now.

  I close the door to my car and crank the engine. A few more seconds and I’m out of here. I reach for my phone, but it’s not in my pocket. Fuck! I know exactly where it is. On Tyler’s bed. I thought I was home free, without seeing Sam and losing my shit.

  The bitch of it is, I can’t even call Tyler and ask him to bring the phone out to me. Just fucking wonderful, this day just keeps getting better.

  I head back into the house. No one’s in the kitchen. I don’t hear Tyler banging anymore. That’s good. Maybe she opened up and they’re in her room talking. One could hope. I take the steps two at a time. I’m on a mission; get upstairs, grab my phone and get the hell out.

  With my phone in hand, I take a breath. I’m two thirds of the way through. I’ve got this! Leaving Tyler’s bedroom, something slams into me. I freeze. Good thing I wasn’t at the steps yet.

  “Watch where the fuck you’re going!” Sam shrieks shoving me out of her way.

  That’s it. I can’t take anymore. My eyes lock on her, and like a raptor with razor sharp talons, I’m on the attack.

  “Look who decided to get off her back and make an appearance.”

  She slaps me at the same time Tyler calls my name.

  “Cole! That’s my sister.”

  “I know who and what she is.” I look her over from head to toe realizing I don’t know her at all. “The question is do you?”

  “Shut up, Cole.” Sam stands stiff and still, with the hint of a tremble in her voice.

  I’m laser focused on her, but through my peripheral vision, I see Tyler’s eyes moving back and forth between us.

  “Where were you last night?” My voice is louder than it should be, but who gives a fuck? At this point, not me.

  “None of your business.”

  I grab her arm. “Where were you?”

  Tyler pulls my hand off Sam.

  “I was at Abby’s.”

  “You’re a lying bitch.”

  “Whoa! Don’t be such a dick,” Tyler warns, glaring at me.

  Too bad. The only thing I can be at the moment is a dick. I’m hurting unlike anything I’ve ever known, and it’s her fault. I want, no, I need, to hurt her back. And this is the only way I know how to do that.

  “Tell him where you were, Sam.” My eye twitches.

  She’s nervous. Her mouth opens. Her eyes shoot to her brother, but she says nothing. Not even a sound. Good. I caught her by surprise.

  “What’s the matter? Afraid your brother’s going to learn the truth about you? That when your hurt you lie on your back and spread your legs for the first guy that comes along?” I see the sting of my words on her face. In her eyes. But a sting isn’t enough. I want to inflict massive pain. Pulverize her.

  “What the fuck, Cole?” Tyler reaches out and grabs me by my collar. “You don’t talk to her like that. Ever.”

  “Did you tell him he was your first, too?”

  “The fuck?!” Tyler’s grip tightens, and I’m pushed back until I hit the wall behind me. I don’t feel it though. All I feel is the sharp, slashing pain in my chest, pain that rips me apart with every breath.

  “Tell him where you were last night.”

  “Don’t do this, Cole.” Tears roll down her cheeks
.

  “Tell him who you fucked last night!” I push us all to the brink.

  “Did you fuck my sister?” Tyler yells.

  I take my eyes off of Sam and look at my friend. Although I’m not sure I can still call him that any longer. Anger contorts his face, Every visible part of him is a deep shade of red, and he looks like his head is going to explode any second. Right along with my heart.

  “Please, Cole.” Sam pleads, “Stop!” But it’s too late. The damage is already done.

  “Answer me, damn it!” Tyler pulls me toward him then shoves me hard, into the wall again. My head slams against it so hard, I’m not sure it didn’t break through the sheet rock.

  Sam shrieks. “Tyler, No!” She pulls his arm with his cocked fist back. “Stop!”

  Her brother doesn’t hear her. His eyes are locked on mine, working to threaten, to intimidate me. Not today I’ m done with this. Done hiding like a fucking coward. Done lying for everyone else’s benefit. Most of all, done giving a fuck about Samantha Stone.

  “Yeah. I fucked your sister. She practically begged me for it, too.”

  “I hate you!” She screams as Tyler’s fist connects with my face. I don’t move. Don’t fight back. Compared to the pain she’s put me through, having my face pounded is a nice distraction. “I fucking hate you, Cole Andrews!” Sam shrinks down into a ball of sobs.

  I don’t answer. Instead, I shove Tyler away so his fist doesn’t connect with my face for the third time in a row.

  “Feeling’s mutual.”

  “Don’t you talk to her,” Tyler orders. “Don’t say one word to my sister ever again. Get out. Get the fuck out of my house, and don’t ever come back.”

  Chapter 14

  Samantha

  Nervous and ashamed to face my brother, I knock on his open door. I’ve been holed up in my room all day. I can’t take being in there another second. My room, my bed, it all reminds me of the one person I want to forget, Cole.

  Besides, I can’t hide from Tyler forever. He means too much to me. I have to make amends. The sooner, the better.

  “Can I come in?”