Someone Like You

by Izzy Hodder

  Sandy looked at me, “Oh Amy!”

  Luke let go of my hand. “Amy I wanted us to talk about this at least, look that gives us no time.”

  ’Luke, look I know but it’s what’s best for me and for you, what can we do for a baby Luke honestly."

  “I don’t know Amy but this just seems like a rash decision, I don’t know, it’s killing a life.”

  I was speechless for a moment. “No, it’s not Luke, look one in three women will have an abortion in their life,” I said thinking of my first session at the group. “It’s not such a big deal if we don’t make it one okay, I’m going to tell Mum and Dad tonight.”

  “You haven’t told them yet? Amy honestly!” he paused, “But one in three, really?”

  “Crazy right?” I said, all of the ice gone out of our voices.

  “Wow, yeah…”

  “I’ve been going to this young women’s group, we all sit around and talk about our options and thoughts and stuff and it’s really helped me to get a clearer head, and I’ve made a friend, Crystal, god she’s so lovely but her story’s so sad Luke I’ve got to tell you sometime.”

  “What? Since when have you been going here Amy you haven’t told me any of this! I feel like you’re just cutting me off at a time when we really need each other.” He shook his head and looked down, he was right, I had cut him off. He turned to me.

  “Okay Amy, of course I support whatever decision you make, I’m sorry I know abortion isn’t like… what I said it was. I’m sorry,” he took my hand, “but you don’t need to cut me out okay, I’m not going to leave just because things get rough, let me help you make decisions okay. You’re not all alone in this.” I nodded, my eyes watering.

  Sandy sniffed, I had forgotten she was there, I think Luke had too, we both turned to face her.

  “Well in all my years,” she said, smiling. “I don’t know why they give out about the young; you two are much wiser than I ever was at your age.” She stood up.

  “You’re going to be just fine Amy,” she smiled at me, taking my hand before leaving the kitchen.

  “That went well,” laughed Luke. I nodded, my eyes wide.

  “I’m just glad they didn’t ask about the how’s,” I said, “that was all my dad’s mind seemed to be doing, he chose to be insanely naïve I think.” I laughed.

  “Even after that time?” asked Luke, smiling at the memory.

  “Oh no,” I cried, my face going red just thinking about it. “He has definitely permanently erased that from his mind,” I laughed.

  “I hope,” said Luke and I unison before laughing.

  The First Time (Or That Time)

  It was January, we were both sixteen and had been together for just over a year. Luke was over at my house on a Friday night and we were on the couch watching Twilight of all movies and laughing at the cringiness of the whole film.

  “I think if I ever woke up and thought I saw you watching me sleep from my window I’d move country, not fall deeper in love with you,” I laughed.

  “I don’t think I’d blame you.”

  “Promise to never turn into a vampire and do creepy stuff like that,” I smiled, holding out my pinky.

  “I swear,” he said latching his finger into mine before using it to pull me on top of him. I laughed and kissed him. The movie played on in the background.

  “Let’s go upstairs,” I said, after a few minutes. I’m not sure why I thought that moment was a good one or how I knew I was ready; but I just did and upstairs we went. Tripping over ourselves as we hurried up the two flights, Mike was at a sleepover and my parents were still at work. We both knew what was about to happen. I was nervous but I was ready, and at this stage I didn’t trust anyone in the world more than I trusted Luke.

  Afterwards, we both lay there beside each other for a while, the air around us seemed to have shifted and I felt closer to him than I ever had before; we talked about everything. But I won’t lie, a lot of my mind space was being taken up with how frikkin’ sore it was and why had no one told me it was that painful, thanks. Then I heard a faint buzzing sound.

  “Shh,” I said to Luke, propping up on my elbow and putting my finger to his lips.

  He moved up as if to listen, and there it was; a ringing.

  “My phone!” I said, “I left it downstairs, shit what if it’s Mike or something, he always claims feeling sick at sleepovers.”

  Luke laughed, “I’ll run down and get it,” he said hopping out of bed and pulling on his boxers, he was looking to throw on his pants too but the ringing was still going.

  “Just be quick, don’t worry no one will see you,” I said. He nodded and ran out of the room, leaving the door open behind him. A minute later the ringing stopped, I guessed Luke must have got it.

  “Great,” I shouted down to him, “Now come back up here, I’m getting cold without you,” I yelled just as I heard the front door slam. I sat up in a panic.

  “Luke?” I heard my dad’s voice say in confusion; shit, shit, shit, was all I could think. I jumped out of bed, pulled on the red dressing gown lying on my ground and raced down the stairs. My dad was standing just inside the doorway and directly in front of him just having stepped out of the living room was Luke, in his underwear; my pink iPhone in hand. It almost looked worse than it actually was; which is saying a lot because it was already pretty bad. Luke’s mouth was open but nothing was coming out.

  “Dad,” I blurted out, from the bottom of the stairs. He turned around to see me in my dressing gown. It wasn’t one he’d ever seen before, it was red and silky and the girls had got it for me for Christmas, handed to me with a wink from Tara.

  “Amy,” he said, I could see his mind racing to think of any reasons we were both like this, other than the obvious.

  “Luke just got here from training,” I said, “He was all sweaty and I told him he could have a shower, that’s okay right?” I said, smiling sweetly. Dad nodded slowly, looking over at Luke who was nodding in agreement. “Yeah, ehm really terrible weather tonight…”

  Dad looked back to me. I could see he wanted to question my outfit choice. I tried to be as blasé as possible, “Oh me? Oh I was just about to hop into bed, I’m dead after this week but then of course Luke did one of his surprise visits.”

  “Yeah sorry Mr Webb,” said Luke, “and I was just getting Amy’s phone to call my mum to come and get me.” There was a silence.

  “Mine died,” Luke said to break it. I almost laughed out loud but redeemed myself.

  “Oh yes okay, well ehm, I was just popping back to pick up a fresh pair of clothes; I’ve got to work a night shift tonight Amy,” he looked from me to Luke, then back to me, “But your mum will be home soon, no doubt.”

  “Okay great Dad, Luke will just get his stuff together. I’ll see you in the morning.” I smiled cheerily, looking intently at Luke to follow me back upstairs. He did some kind of an awkward wave to my dad before running up after me. In my room we silently freaked out until the front door slammed shut again. We laughed then freaked out then laughed some more.

  My dad has never mentioned the moment to me ever. Even the next morning I tried to explain it better to him. He just looked at me and said, “Amy, Luke needed to shower, you don’t need to reassure me; I know you’d never be that silly.”

  “Yeah I’d never be that silly.”

  I left Luke’s that night with what felt like a weight off my shoulders, he was okay, we were okay; what I was doing was okay.

  I let myself in at home,

  “Family meeting,” I called out more joyously than I’d probably sounded in weeks. Sometimes it felt like I was watching myself play the blasé funny young girl on a TV sitcom that people watched when they wanted to zone out. What had happened to me?

  Mike came down the stairs, followed by Dad, both looking suspiciously at me. Maybe Dad’s face wasn’t suspicious maybe it was more petrified but I was feeling optimistic so let’s say it looked positive. Mum came out of the kitchen.

  �
��You sound happy,” she said, smiling at me. Dad looked at her disapprovingly. I knew they’d been fighting over how they should be handling the situation. It made me feel awful and I wanted it to end. This would end it all right. The word ‘terminate’ popped into my head again; I tried to wipe it away.

  I brought them all into the living room and sat down across from them.

  “Okay; I know I’ve made a mistake, or well you know, whatever were going to call this,” Mike laughed and Dad whacked his knee. “Ow,” he cried out pathetically.

  “This is serious, Mike, quit it,” said Dad.

  “Okay,” I continued, taking a deep breath, “we don’t need to drag this out any further; I’ve decided to have an abortion and I have an appointment to get on the 15th.”

  “Whoa!” said Mike.

  “Oh Amy good girl, you’ve made a wise choice,” said Dad, smiling at me for the first time since February.

  “Jacob stop,” said Mum. “Amy hold on a minute; are you sure this is what you want? Don’t feel like, because of your situation or age or anything that you have to. You very well could regret this.”

  “Liz, what are you talking about, why would she regret it? This is her only option. She’s not being a teen mother for god’s sake.”

  “You don’t need to say it like that, these things happen okay. We’re not going to be the parents who disown their daughter or force her into things okay and you’ve been acting like an awful father look at yourself.”

  “That’s enough Liz,” Dad raised his voice. “Amy’s getting an abortion and that’s that!”

  “Amy,” I said loudly, “is right here.” They both went silent, "and please stop fighting about me. I know what I’m going to do and thank you, Mum, for all your support; and Dad, well, I don’t even know what you think of me anymore but thanks for making it very clear how you would feel if I were to god forbid be a ‘teen mom’ and with that I got up and stormed out of the room. I pounded up the stairs but then I heard footsteps behind me.

  “Amy wait,” said Mike. I turned around.

  “I found a new place yesterday,” he said smiling, “do you want to see the pictures?”

  I was about to burst into tears but I nodded and we both walked into his room.

  I stayed in there with Mike until late, when I went to bed I was too worn out to think and I feel fast asleep. When I woke up the next morning I had over twenty missed calls. All from Crystal’s number and then one single message from an unknown number ‘Amy, try get to the hospital quick; Crystal needs you. Deborah x’

  Chapter 9

  I was sitting in the hospital waiting room for the second time in what felt like far too short of time. When I raced out the door that morning an hour before school, Mum and Dad both looked worried about me; but there was no time to explain who Crystal was and how in the space of a week or two she had become so important to me.

  “Amy, you’re here!” said a strong loud, voice, Deborah of course. She came over and sat next to me.

  “Oh no what’s happened?” I asked, taking in her fatigued face and sad eyes.

  “Crystal’s lost her baby,” said Deborah softly, in almost a whisper.

  “But how?” I asked. “What happened?”

  Deborah shook her head sadly. “It’s hard to know in the circumstances sometimes Amy, but she just miscarried in the early hours of this morning. She’s heartbroken.”

  I was lost for words. That baby was Crystal’s lifeline. It was all that gave her hope in this world. It was her way out.

  “The only other person she wanted to see was you Amy; Crystal doesn’t have many friends. That’s why she stopped coming to our sessions for so long before you joined. She likes you though, no she really loves you.”

  I nodded, a tear falling from my eye. Poor Crystal; I thought, poor lost Crystal. And I almost didn’t give her a chance, on that very first day we meet; I almost said no and left her alone for fear of stepping outside of what I had always known.

  “It’s strange isn’t it Deborah,” I said suddenly, my mind racing.

  “What is sweetie?” she asked, looking confused.

  “The way one word, or one small decision; can change the whole course of your life, can even shape who you become. If I hadn’t gone for coffee with Crystal when she first asked me; I would never have known that people aren’t as black or white as they appear to be. I wouldn’t have thought outside my own box and I wouldn’t be sitting her right now. It’s almost as if we’re all just walking blindly, and the further we go, the more we see.”

  Deborah smiled. “You’re right Amy, the paths of our lives do lie in circumstance; in choice and luck and chance. Maybe we should talk about it in our next session; but what I need you to do right now is, go in there and talk to that new friend of yours. You don’t need to say much, just enough for her to know you’re here okay.”

  “Of course.” I nodded and I followed her down the hall.

  Crystal’s pale face was propped up by two big white pillows. She looked so little in the bed. My eyes automatically flew to where her massive stomach had once been. There was still a bump but it was tiny in comparison. My stomach tightened.

  “Hey there,” I said softly, sitting down in the seat next to her. She turned her head to face me.

  “I can’t cry anymore, I think I’ve lost all my tears,” she said steadily.

  I took her hand. “Crystal I’m so sorry.”

  She looked straight ahead, “I’ve nothing now Amy; nothing.”

  “You’ve me,” I said.

  “Being pregnant was the only reason we were friends in the first place.”

  “That doesn’t matter now,” I said quietly.

  “Of course it does; our lives are different. Mine’s messy, I’m messy, you’re good, you’ll do good things. The best thing I could do with my life was convince myself that being pregnant was good for me. Who was I kidding; I was never going to hear back from my aunt.”

  “You don’t know that,” I said, “but Crystal it’s okay. We’ll figure out what you can do, we will make it work.” I didn’t know how I was going to save Crystal from her life but I couldn’t just say nothing.

  “No, you don’t have to do anything. I’m fine, my dad will probably be happy at least.” She burst into tears. They can keep coming no matter how hard you’ve cried.

  She continued, “Knowing him he’ll tell my uncle everything is okay now and he’ll come back. He always preferred them to me anyways.”

  “No Crystal we can’t let that happen; please let me help you,” I pleaded.

  Her eyes suddenly glazed over, she looked at me. “You’ve helped me enough Amy, thank you so much. I think I need to sleep now.”

  I squeezed her hand, wanting to say more but not knowing anything that would help her in any way.

  “Please call me, and I’ll see you soon okay.”

  Crystal just nodded and closed her eyes. I let myself out.

  Obviously, I couldn’t concentrate in school that day.

  “You okay?” asked Tara after I answered wrong to our math’s teacher for the third time that class.

  “Yeah; just super tired,” I said, forcing a smile.

  “What about you?” I then asked her when the bell rang, “How’s everything?”

  “Oh good,” she said quietly, “the… Wednesday’s we’ll call them… they’re really helping.”

  Lily came up behind us in the hall. “Hello ladies.” She smiled and then pointed her finger at Tara, “you little missy, need to talk to Sam.”

  Tara sighed loudly but Lily put up her hand. “Look he’s been on my case for months; what is going on with you two?”

  “I just really don’t have time for any boy drama right now,” said Tara.

  “Amy’s got a boyfriend,” said Lily, “she’s fine! And me well, you know I just like to float.” She laughed at herself, “but honestly Amy, he’s really into you and you used to be crazy about him; what happened?”

  Lily was right, for
years our brave Tara had held onto a ‘long time’ crush on a cute boy in our group called Sam. Only a few months ago he started talking to Luke about how he thought she was cute, they talked a bit, I thought things might actually go somewhere for them.

  “I just, I,” started Tara but just then Luke walked over to us.

  “Hey Amy, hey girls,” he said smiling at them, “can I talk to you for a minute?” He said to me. I nodded and we stepped back away from the girls who were now being joined by some of Luke’s friends.

  “I want to come with you on Wednesday yeah?” he said softly, ensuring no one would hear. Wednesday, Wednesday; I thought; my mind racing. With everything that happened with Crystal my mind had thought of nothing else.

  “The 15th, the day,” said Luke; looking at me worryingly.

  “Oh god yeah of course; sorry complete mind blank there. Yes please do,” I said.

  “Of course,” he said smiling. “It’s in the morning right? I’ll meet you at the station, just text me a time.”

  I nodded; Tara and Lily had walked back over within hearing distance of us.

  “Ooh the two of you running off for a date day, ye are shocking,” laughed Lily.

  “With exams right around the corner too, see this is why I definitely don’t need a boyfriend,” joked Tara and both her and Lily laughed. Sam had followed them and heard what Lily said; he looked deflated. I widened my eyes at Tara to signal that Sam was behind her, she spun around.

  “Oh hey Sam, oh you know ehm,” her voice trailed off and he walked away. Luke and I looked at each other. Usual teenage life carried on was what we both were thinking and I knew we both wished it was what our heads were most caught up in at the moment.

  Chapter 10

  It was early Wednesday morning and I was waiting outside the Lua Tube for Luke. Mum, Dad and I had all talked lots about my decision last night and we all thought it was for the best; even Mum. She had said something along the lines of ‘it wouldn’t stay with me as much’ I didn’t really understand. They agreed to let me just go with Luke; it was our thing now. Though I knew Mum wished she were with me, I kind of wished she were too but I was trying to be brave, for her, for Luke, for me I guess. I had text her twice already though.