Love or Lust 3

by Rachael Brownell

He was giving me the choice. To be with him after this was over. He wanted me to know who he really was. He wanted me to know all of him. He invited me to be a part of his life, and I was ready to accept the invitation.

  Mind, body, and soul. I was willing to give him my heart.

  I still am.

  If I could get him on the phone.

  I’ve texted him at least a dozen times since the elimination ceremony last night. Called just as many times only for his phone to go directly to voicemail.

  I’ve been stonewalled. I can only imagine it has something to do with where he is right now. With the rest of the eliminated contestants in a hotel somewhere. Waiting for the show to be over.

  Poor Kyra has been stuck with Gage since the end of the second week. That’s a nightmare just to think about.

  You can’t talk to anyone. You can’t tell them where you are.

  The light at the end of the tunnel is that the competition is almost over.

  I just don’t get it. No one does. Lennon and Milo have no insight as to what led to him being eliminated.

  We had a secret meeting last night. In Gage’s villa, assuming the cameras were more than likely shut off since he’s been gone for weeks now. Why record an empty space, right?

  Lennon cased the entire place before we snuck in. None of the cameras appeared to be turned on, but to be safe, we covered the lenses with a shirt of Gage’s that we found sticking out from beneath the bed. Lennon ripped it into smaller pieces and tossed them over the cameras.

  “It makes no sense,” I said for what felt like the hundredth time in less than five minutes. “What could he possibly have done wrong?”

  “It had to be Teegan’s doing. She had to have set him up,” Milo offered when no one else spoke up.

  “Set him up to take the fall for what? It’s not like she was alone with him all that often. He avoided her at all costs,” Lennon explained as he continued to pace the room while Bella, Milo, and I sat on the edge of the bed. “If she set him up, they would have known. There are cameras everywhere. He must have done something he didn’t know was against the rules. Walk us through your day again, Presley. Don’t leave anything out.”

  Closing my eyes, I thought back to the day of the toga party. I told them everything we did from the time we woke up to the moment Ed and Claudia approached. Nothing stood out. We spent most of the day in bed. Changed and went to the party. Nothing special or out of the ordinary. Nothing that would get him in trouble. Hell, the only time we were apart was the few minutes it took each of us to change into our designated outfits for the evening.

  Thirty minutes tops.

  And that’s only because I fixed my hair and makeup before coming back out in my costume.

  “It had to be earlier in the week, then. Something that maybe they didn’t catch right away on camera,” Bella stated, tucking her legs beneath her and scooting farther onto the bed.

  “We could debate all night what he may or may not have done. It’s not going to change the fact he’s not here anymore. I’m sorry, Presley, I really am, but there’s nothing we can do.”

  Milo was right. Without knowing what he did, we couldn’t defend him or his actions.

  Our secret meeting ended on that note, and we all went back to our villas, me with a frown on my face.

  One I feel so deeply in my soul that I’m hoping it doesn’t leave permanent wrinkles.

  At least today is intended to be relaxing. No dates or parties. We’re not trapped on the ranch with nothing to do. Bella and I have been granted a bit of freedom to spend the day at the spa.

  We’re being pampered in anticipation of the final few events.

  Which would normally excite me. I enjoy being massaged. My toes are in desperate need of a pedicure, and my hair could use a touch-up. And I like Bella, I really do, but I also know I’m being pampered for either Lennon or Milo, not for Jace. Not for myself. It’s to impress the masses for the final week of taping. For the final showdown.

  Me versus Bella.

  Milo versus Lennon.

  The competition has always felt real, but this morning the intensity is weighing on me more than it has thus far. I don’t like it. I don’t want to lose friends over a stupid game.

  “Are you ready?” Bella asks as she steps through my open door. The cool morning air coming through my window was so refreshing I opened the door and left it that way after I showered and dressed.

  “Yup,” I reply with fake enthusiasm.

  “The car’s out front. We have a full day ahead of us according to the schedule. First up . . . a mud bath.” I can hear the excitement in her voice. Bella is able to find the joy in anything and everything. It’s one of the things I love about her the most.

  She doesn’t dwell on the negative, only focuses on the positive. For instance, the fact we are being pampered today instead of the fact we’re looking haggard and the show wants us to look our best.

  She reads over our schedule on the short drive to the spa. Breaking down our day by the minute. Her enthusiasm almost too much to bear. As soon as we’re neck-deep in mud, she finally quiets down for a few minutes and lets herself enjoy the moment.

  “I really am sorry Jace is gone. I hope you know that. I was hoping it would be Lennon and Jace left here with you and me.”

  Even though we both have our eyes covered with cucumbers, I still smile at her. “Thank you. I was hoping the same.”

  “Not that Milo is a bad guy,” she starts to backtrack. “It’s just, I know you and Jace have a thing, and Lennon and I, well, we maybe sort of have something, I don’t know.”

  “Maybe? Sort of? What’s going on with you two? You looked awfully into it when you were making out instead of watching the movie.”

  “Yeah, I was.”

  “Wasn’t he?”

  “I don’t know. I mean, yeah. He was, but at the same time, I kind of feel like I’m competing with you still. I love you, don’t get me wrong. I get why he likes you. I just don’t know if this can go anywhere if he’s hung up on you. Now that Jace is gone, I guess I’ll find out where he stands.”

  I can hear the fear in her voice. Of Lennon choosing me over her. Of losing him the last week of the competition. She’s invested in what they have, in how she feels, even if she won’t fully admit it to herself. For multiple reasons. Me being the main one but also because it’s still new. It’s not like they’ve had a thing since the beginning.

  For her sake, I hope Lennon is vying for her and not me at the end of this.

  If he chooses me, everyone loses.

  “Stay positive. We still have an entire week to get through, and you and I both know how quickly things can change around here.”

  My words strike deep. They couldn’t be further from the truth. One minute, I’m wrapped in Jace’s warm embrace, talking about our potential future. The next . . . he’s gone without a word. No explanation.

  I have no idea where we stand right now.

  I want to believe nothing has changed except our locations. It’s hard to think otherwise, but I’d be stupid to not proceed with caution. Time apart may change the way he feels.

  Or maybe it’s the fact I know he’s with the rest of the eliminated contestants that has me worried.

  Teegan has another chance to get her claws in him. Without the cameras rolling. Without the watchful eye of producers.

  Without me standing in her way.

  After showering off the mud, spending some quality time in the sauna, and an hour-long massage, I’m ready for the day to be over. All I want is a nap and a glass of wine. Or two. But we’re only about halfway through our excursion. Next up . . . mani-pedis and a facial. After that, we’re getting our hair done.

  They’ve separated me and Bella, and I was excited for the reprieve and quiet time until the nail tech starts asking me questions. That’s when it becomes apparent that our separation was intentional.

  Well, her questions and the camera pointed at my face. Or rather the thick, sticky sub
stance they smeared all over my face a few minutes ago.

  “I was sorry to see Jace was sent home. I know you two had a thing going on. Who are you going to go after now?” she asks but doesn’t give me a chance to answer before she continues, “I’d pick Lennon. He’s the perfect picture of tall, dark, and handsome. A little mysterious too. He seems like the strong silent type.”

  She’s looking at me expectantly now, one hand holding the heel of my right foot, the other with the pumice stone poised to scrape the crap out of said heel.

  “Oh, I don’t know. Both Milo and Lennon are very nice.”

  “You have to choose, right?” she asks enthusiastically, her voice rising an octave.

  “I do,” I state very matter-of-factly before closing my eyes and leaning my head back against the seat.

  Thankfully, she takes the hint and goes back to work on my feet. I’m not giving the cameras anything worth airing. I’m done playing this game. It ended the minute I found out Jace was gone. I’m no longer fighting for anything. I have no reason for being here. I’m ready for it to be over.

  After my feet and hands have been successfully returned to a state I’m no longer ashamed of, I take the seat next to Bella and explain to the stylist what I’d like to have done with my hair.

  “I wish I were that adventurous,” Bella notes as our chairs are turned to face one another.

  “Take the leap. Go crazy. You can always change it later if you don’t like it.”

  Bella seems to contemplate the thought for a few long minutes before finally asking her stylist for something different. Ninety minutes later and we’re both extremely happy and on our way back to the ranch.

  Oh, goodie.

  Just where I want to be.

  “Lennon and Milo are at the pool and asked if we wanted to join them for a drink,” Bella says, never taking her eyes off her phone as the car pulls up in front of the house.

  “Maybe,” I lie. I have no intention of going to the pool or hanging out with anyone tonight. “I want to pack a few things and clean up.”

  “You have all week for that. Plus, we only have a few nights left together.” Bella pouts, shoving her bottom lip out.

  “Okay. Just let me get changed and then I’ll meet you there,” I say after a long pause.

  Another lie.

  If she begs, I might actually cave, so I tell her what she wants to hear to keep her from going down that road.

  Thankfully, my phone starts ringing, effectively ending our conversation as we part ways.

  “You couldn’t have called at a better time,” I say in lieu of a greeting.

  “I knew you needed me,” Naomi says cheerfully. “So how are you really?”

  “Shitty,” I answer honestly. It’s not worth it to lie to her. I’m sure she saw the show. She knows Jace is gone.

  “The good news is it’s almost over.”

  “Then what?” I push open the door to my villa, and the scent of fresh-cut roses suddenly assaults my senses. “Holy shit!”

  “What? Are you okay?” Naomi’s voice is frantic and filled with concern.

  There are five large bouquets of roses perfectly placed around the room. Ignoring Naomi’s questions, I walk over to the nearest vase. Blue roses. A dozen of them.

  “Presley!” Naomi screams.

  “Sorry. There are flowers.” It’s the only thing I can think of to say.

  “Flowers? What kind of flowers?”

  “Lots of them. All roses. All different colors.”

  “Is there a note?” she asks.

  Reaching for the folded card with the number one on it that’s resting against the vase, I nod my head even though I know she can’t see me as I say, “Yeah, and they’re numbered.”

  “You know roses have different meanings depending on what color they are.”

  “What do blue roses mean?” I flip the card over to find nothing written on the back.

  “Let me look.” I can hear her fingers flying across her keyboard as she types. “Okay,” she finally says. “Blue roses symbolize mystery. Who sent them to you?”

  “I have no idea. There’s nothing on the card but a number.”

  “You said you had lots of flowers. Are they all blue?”

  “No. They’re all different colors.”

  “Do they all have cards with numbers on them?”

  Walking around the room, I confirm her suspicions. “What color are the roses with the number two on the card?” she asks.

  “Light purple.”

  “Lavender roses mean fascination.”

  This continues until we’ve gone through all five colors in order.

  1. Blue means mystery

  2. Lavender means fascination

  3. Yellow means friendship

  4. Pink means admiration

  5. Orange means passion

  “I think you know who sent you the roses, Presley. They tell a story. Your story. The story of your relationship. One dozen roses for each week you two have known each other.”

  She’s right. I came to the same conclusion after the yellow roses.

  It’s the story of us.

  A clear message from Jace.

  All that’s missing are red roses. The one color that symbolizes love. It makes me wonder why he didn’t send those as well. Does he not love me like he said he did?

  “Stop,” Naomi yells into the phone. “Stop overthinking this. Stop analyzing everything. Get out of your head and focus.”

  “I am focused,” I grumble.

  “No, you’re not. You’re wondering the same thing I am. Why not red?”

  “Well . . .”

  “He’s not Wren. He’s proved that. You know he loves you, Presley. And you love him. Stop doubting everything, get through this last week, and then you two can be together. Because you want to. Without the world watching.”

  Naomi’s words are the kick in the ass I need. I’m only doubting Jace because I’ve been hurt before. Because I’m scared to be hurt again. Because Jace already broke through the walls I built around my heart and he has the power to destroy it.

  Once and for all.

  Chapter Nine

  Day 38

  Naomi talked me into hanging out with the other contestants last night. She didn’t want me to be alone. To sulk. Which is what I had planned to do.

  Me, a bottle of wine, and the DVD of The Notebook Jace left behind. Because why not torture myself?

  Instead, I shared a bottle of tequila with Milo, and I’m paying the price for it today.

  With Jace not around to mix our drinks, we opted for shots. One led to two, and then suddenly the bottle was half gone and I wasn’t feeling much of anything, let alone sad.

  We cranked up the music, danced like fools, stripped out of our clothes, and dove into the pool. All four of us, though from what I remember, Lennon and Bella were more in control of their actions than Milo and I were. We played a game of chicken, Bella on Milo’s shoulder and me on Lennon’s. Of course, no one really won. As soon as Bella and I started attempting to push each other over, we both fell in the water.

  I had a great time.

  And if it didn’t feel like someone was jackhammering my brain right now, I’d say let’s do it again.

  Since that’s not the case, I’m going to lie on the sofa with my eyes closed, sip water, and let the scent of Jace’s “feelings for me” surround me.

  I wasn’t planning on saying anything about the flowers to anyone else, but once the liquor was flowing, my lips got a little loose. Instead of showing my gratitude for the elaborate gesture, my irritation at not receiving red roses was spotlighted.

  Bella tried to talk me down, but I was irate at one point. Which led to more shots. Which lead to more bitching from me.

  Seriously, though. Why not red? He sent me every other color, but not red.

  Letting out a low growl, I slowly open my eyes, allowing them to adjust to the bright light filtering in through the blinds and stare at the orange roses ac
ross the room.

  Week five.

  Passion.

  Yeah, we had passion last week. Lots of it. I finally gave a piece of myself to him. He already had my heart, and then I gave him my body. The spark between us ignited faster than dry kindling. It was the only piece of the puzzle that was missing.

  Do I regret it?

  Not a chance. I’d do it all over again.

  The sex anyway.

  My heart . . . that’s still up for debate.

  Naomi’s words echo in my mind as the thought fades away.

  He’s not Wren. He’s proved that.

  Yeah, yeah. I know. I get it. He didn’t leave me by choice.

  That doesn’t mean I’m not hurt. That whatever he did to get kicked off doesn’t piss me off.

  Reaching for my bottle of water, I take a small sip before sucking in a deep breath and letting it out. I’ve wasted the day away lying on the couch feeling sorry for myself. I need to get up and start getting ready for my date with Lennon tonight. I should be excited, but I can’t even force a smile at the moment.

  Standing too quickly, I reach for the arm of the sofa to steady myself.

  Maybe I’m still drunk?

  Nothing a shower and another dose of aspirin won’t cure. Maybe some coffee and toast.

  I’m wrapping my hair in a towel when there’s a knock at the door. Quickly twisting it on my head and wrapping another towel around my body, I make my way to the front door and when I open it, I’m surprised to find Claudia standing there with a huge smile on her face instead of her usual scowl.

  Too bad I’m not excited to see her or I might fake a smile to rival hers. Instead, I stare her straight in the eyes and wait for her to speak.

  “How are you today, Presley?” she asks.

  “What do you want?” I retort, forgoing the niceties.

  “I came over to bring you the schedule for the rest of the week. We had to change a few things around to accommodate for what the guys have planned for you ladies.” She hands me a schedule, but I don’t bother to look at it.

  “Anything else?”

  “Not right now. Have a good day,” she sings as she turns and walks away.

  What the hell is up with her? I don’t think she’s ever been that nice to anyone. Not that I’ve seen anyway.