Secret Fire

by Johanna Lindsey

  She was too agitated to remain in the porcelain tub. A silk robe had been laid out, and she yanked it on, not even bothering to towel herself dry first or wonder whose robe it was. The peach material stuck to her instantly, but she didn’t notice that either.

  He wasn’t going to get away with this. She wanted the matter put straight immediately. And she would not remain in the White Room even for one night. A barn would be preferable, a simple pile of hay, a pallet on the floor, even another hammock, anywhere, as long as it wasn’t near Dimitri’s bedroom.

  The servants were gone when she left the bathchamber as forcefully as she had entered it. The bedroom was empty, her dinner tray gone. A small fire had been banked in the fireplace, a cooling breeze from the windows stirring the embers and causing the few lamps about the room to flicker. Smoke spiraled up from one that had gone out.

  Katherine stared at the smoke for a few moments, trying to concentrate, trying to compose herself into a more reasonable frame of mind. Her efforts were useless. She had to have it out with Dimitri before she could even hope to calm down. And with that thought she jerked open the connecting door again, intending to have Maksim find Dimitri for her. But the valet had gone. Seated at a small table, finishing a late dinner, was her nemesis himself,

  Katherine was thrown off track for a moment, enough to say automatically, “I beg your pardon,” and in the next breath, outrage recalled, “No, I don’t. You’ve gone too far this time, Alexandrov.” She pointed a stiff finger behind her. “I will not stay in that room!”

  “Why?”

  “Because it’s right next to yours!”

  Dimitri set down his knife and fork and sat back, giving her his full attention. “You think I will come uninvited into your room, when I have had the opportunity to do so ever since we first met?”

  “That wasn’t my thought, no. I just don’t want that particular room.”

  “You haven’t told me why.”

  “I did. You weren’t listening.” She began pacing in front of the door, arms crossed beneath her breasts, body stiff, her hair whipping about each time she turned. “If I have to be more specific, it’s because that room is part of this one, it’s part of the master suite, and I don’t belong in it. The implication is unacceptable, and you know exactly what I mean!”

  “Do I?”

  Her eyes stabbed him briefly at this impassive reaction. “I’m not your mistress! I’m not going to be your mistress, and I won’t have your people thinking I am!”

  Instead of replying, he simply stared at her. He was too nonchalant. Where was the anger that always arose when she defied his wishes? He had wanted her in the White Room. Why wasn’t he arguing with her about it? For that matter, what had happened to mollify his temper since their last meeting? He usually brooded for days after their more heated encounters. Here she was itching for a fight, her blood racing with the need, and he wouldn’t oblige her.

  “Well?” she demanded.

  “It’s too late to consider moving you tonight.”

  “Nonsense—”

  “Believe me, Katya, it’s too late.”

  There was innuendo in his tone that indicated she should know why it was too late. She stopped, eyes narrowed on him, anger increasing because he was being so ambiguous. Couldn’t he see she was in no condition to play word games? She was so furious she could barely think straight, could barely stand still. She was so furious that she could feel heat radiating from her body, hear her heart pounding in her ears, sense the blood pulsing through her veins. And he just sat there staring at her, waiting, yes, waiting, as if some miraculous understanding would suddenly dawn on her.

  It did. As she tried to remain still, she found it impossible, literally impossible not to move in some way. She had felt this way once before, and anger hadn’t caused those exaggerated symptoms any more than it did these.

  In shock, Katherine took a step toward Dimitri, then fairly jumped back, realizing she didn’t dare get too near him now. Oh, God, she could almost wish for ignorance, for the bliss of not knowing what was going to happen next. But she did know, knew there was nothing she could do to stop the maelstrom that was already building inside her and would soon change her personality and have her groveling at his feet.

  Katherine recoiled from the thought, exploding in a burst of righteous fury. “Damn you, Dimitri, you did this, didn’t you?”

  “I’m sorry, little one.”

  He was. There was regret in his expression, even a flash of self-contempt. It didn’t appease her in the least, made her even more enraged, if that were possible.

  “Blast you to hell and back!” she screamed “You told me I would never be given that foul drug again! You told me to trust you! Is this how I can trust you? How could you do this to me!”

  Each word stabbed into Dimitri’s conscience. He had already agonized over that same question a hundred times today. He had found enough answers for himself while his temper still raged, then had gotten drunk when the answers didn’t hold up once he cooled off.

  “I gave the order in a moment of anger, Katya, and then left. I returned to Alexey’s house, where we stopped last night. I drank myself into oblivion. I wouldn’t be here now if one of his servants hadn’t dropped a tray outside the room where I was sleeping it off.”

  “Do you think I give a bloody damn whether you are here now or not?”

  He flinched under her scorn. “You would rather go through this alone? I won’t let anyone else near you,” he warned.

  “Of course you won’t. That would defeat the purpose, wouldn’t it?”

  “I tried to return in time to cancel the order, but as I came up the stairs, your dinner tray was just being removed.”

  “Spare me your excuses and lies. There is nothing you can say—”

  Katherine stopped as a wave of heat seemed to roll over her, making her nerve endings vibrate. She bent over, arms wrapped around her middle, trying to hold back the turmoil inside her. She groaned, knowing she couldn’t.

  Hearing Dimitri rise in concern, she lifted her head and impaled him with such a look of loathing that he didn’t move further. “I hate you for this!”

  “Then hate me,” he replied quietly, regretfully. “But tonight—tonight you will love me.”

  “You’re crazy if you think so,” she gasped, backing slowly toward the door. “I’ll get through this on my own…without…any assistance…from you.”

  “You can’t, Katya. You know that. That’s why you’re so angry.”

  “Just stay away from me!”

  For long moments Dimitri stared at the closed door, and then the emotions he had held in check were released as he toppled the table in front of him, scattering food and drink across the room. The outburst didn’t help.

  He couldn’t believe he had done this to her. She would never forgive him. Not that it should matter—Sweet Christ, it did matter. He should be horsewhipped. He could have had a woman at the snap of his fingers. He had no excuse for forcing this one, even if he was certain that she desired him and all she needed was an incentive to admit it. He couldn’t even do as she asked now and stay away from her. How could he? To let her suffer needlessly was unthinkable. But he would take no pleasure for himself. It was what he deserved, to see her in a constant state of arousal and do nothing to appease his own desire. To see her willing and deny himself.

  Determined to keep that resolve if it killed him, Dimitri quickly disrobed and entered Katherine’s room. She was already on the bed. Her robe was thrown off, her skin too sensitive now to bear even the slightest touch that didn’t offer relief. And her body was twisting, undulating. Only the green satin sheets were missing for a reenactment of that first night in London.

  His feet moved automatically toward the bed, his eyes transfixed by the curve of a thigh, the taut thrust of a breast, her belly turned to him now, now the smooth slope of her back. She was the most exciting, sensual woman he had ever known, and he ached for her, his body cried for her. He had b
een in a state of arousal ever since he saw her tray coming out of her room. He might despise himself now for what he had done, but his body had reacted to what it knew would happen, and now, now he must be mad to put himself through this torture with no hope of relief. He was on fire, had never wanted a woman so much in his life. And he couldn’t have her. He had set his own punishment.

  “Dimitri, please!”

  She had become aware of him. His eyes flew to hers and he groaned, seeing the wild plea reflected there. She had forsaken her pride already. He could do no less.

  “Shh, little one, please. Don’t say anything. It will be all right, I swear. You don’t have to let me love you tonight. Just let me help you.”

  As he spoke, he eased onto the bed, careful not to touch her until, with his eyes locked to hers, he slipped his hand between her legs to find the core of her agony. Her climax was immediate: her hips shooting off the bed, her head thrown back, a sharp cry—half pain, half ecstasy—on her lips.

  Dimitri closed his eyes and kept them closed until he felt the tension drain out of her. When he opened them, it was to find her staring at him, her eyes inscrutable now, her features so relaxed that she could have been sleeping. He knew she was fully conscious, her mind clear and active while her body was temporarily free from the slavery of the drug. At this moment she was capable of any reaction, any normal reaction that was in character. In fact, he anticipated another lacerating tirade, not the calm question she finally asked.

  “What did you mean, I don’t have to let you love me tonight?”

  “Exactly that.”

  He was leaning beside her; she had only to glance down to see his state of arousal. “You would let that go to waste?”

  Dimitri nearly choked, seeing where her eyes were fixed. “It won’t be the first time.”

  “But it isn’t necessary this time. I don’t have any fight left in me.”

  “That’s the drug. I won’t take advantage of it.”

  “Dimitri—”

  “Katya, please! I only have so much control, and this discussion isn’t helping.”

  She sighed in exasperation. He wasn’t listening. He was so set on getting her through this trial without deriving any pleasure from it himself that he couldn’t hear what she was really saying. The drug had nothing to do with her surrender. It had just hurried it along. But she wanted him to take advantage of it. She wanted to take advantage of it. Why did he have to turn noble now?

  There was no time to convince him that she wanted him, with or without the drug. It was starting again, the fire rushing through her veins, the ache deep down in her loins.

  “Dimitri, make love to me,” she cried.

  “Oh, God.”

  He kissed her to shut her up, bruisingly, exquisitely, but he didn’t make love to her. He frustrated her efforts each time to draw him closer. The only parts he would allow to touch her were his lips and his hands, his magical hands. Her climax was swift and intense, but without the sharing, there was no true satisfaction.

  When her pulse quieted and her breathing returned to normal, Katherine made up her mind that she wasn’t going to have any more half measures. To go through hours of this kind of sensual torture when it wasn’t necessary was crazy. Even worse was Dimitri’s resolve to deny himself when his need was so obvious. True, she had been furious with him. She didn’t like being manipulated. But she understood his motivation. Thinking about it, she was even pleased that he could be so desperate to have her that he would do something like this.

  “Dimitri?”

  He groaned. His body was half twisted, his forehead pressed on his arm, his eyes tightly closed. For all the world he seemed like a man in the grip of mortal pain. Katherine smiled, mentally shaking her head.

  “Dimitri, look at me.”

  “No—at least, give me a moment to—”

  He couldn’t finish. Katherine watched the muscles straining in his neck, his hands close into fists. His body was sheened with moisture, flushed with exertion. All that power working to resist a most natural inclination. And she might have been in the same state if the drug hadn’t made it impossible for her to resist.

  She turned on her side toward him and said with calm deliberation, “If you don’t make love to me, Dimitri Alexandrov, I swear I will rape you.”

  His head shot up. “You will what?”

  “You heard me.”

  “Don’t be absurd, Katya. It isn’t possible.”

  “Is that so?”

  She touched his shoulder, letting her fingers trail down his arm. He caught her wrist instantly, tightly, and held it away from him.

  “Don’t!”

  His sharpness didn’t sway her. “You can capture my hands, Dimitri, but what about my body?”

  Katherine threw a leg over his hip. Dimitri’s reaction was to leap off the bed. Katherine was momentarily distracted by this full, unhampered view of him. God, he was glorious in his nudity, the firm musculature so in evidence, powerful, beautiful in symmetry.

  “Stop it.” He scowled as she looked over every inch of his body.

  She glanced up, amusement entering her eyes now. “Will you blindfold me too? And perhaps tie me down? After all, you did promise to help me, but you can’t if you won’t come near me, and I won’t promise not to touch you.”

  “Damn it, woman, I don’t want you to hate me!”

  “But I don’t,” she said with some surprise. “I couldn’t.”

  “You don’t know what you’re saying right now,” he insisted. “Tomorrow—”

  “Blast tomorrow! Good Lord, I can’t believe I’m arguing with you about this. Scruples don’t become you, Dimitri, not in the least. Or are you punishing me, because I took so long—”

  “Sweet Christ, no!”

  “Then don’t make me beg… Oh, God, it’s starting again. Dimitri, no more foolishness. You have to make love to me. You have to!”

  He joined her on the bed and gathered her tightly into his arms. “Oh, God, Katya, forgive me. I thought—”

  “You think too much,” she whispered as she wrapped her arms about his neck, reveling in the total contact with his flesh.

  His lips ravaged her face, and then he was kissing her, his tongue plunging in deeply, mercilessly, the full force of his passion released in an explosion of longing. When he entered her seconds later, it was bliss, purest bliss as he quenched the fire; it was what she needed—to be completely possessed. And the sweet throbbing that followed was all the sweeter because he came with her.

  Dimitri had only just begun. This was his fantasy come true, what he had dreamed about for so long: to have her needing him, wanting him with the same intensity that controlled him. And he took full advantage of it, now that the madness of his restraint was defeated. While she lay dazed from the power of her release, he worshipped her with his mouth and hands, unable to stop loving her even for a second.

  Katherine smiled, feeling the warm, gentle tugging on her breasts, the strong fingers that skimmed over her skin with such tender caresses. She might be exhausted for the moment, only the moment, but her mind was working just fine.

  And in that moment, Katherine knew she loved him.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  The morning light turned the White Room into a brilliant display of diamond-bright jewel tones. Through the open windows sunlight spilled across the carpet but didn’t quite reach the bed. Like minuscule suns, dust motes danced and swirled with each gust of warm breeze or disappeared beyond the sunbeam.

  In the large bed Katherine stretched luxuriously, consciousness slowly creeping up on her. There was something important—ah, yes, last night. She smiled as the memories flitted across her mind. A happy sigh escaped her just before she opened her eyes.

  She was alone. A quick glance about the room. She was still alone. She shrugged and let her head sink back into the pillow.

  What did you expect, ninny? Just because he was there that other time when you woke up, doesn’t mean he will be every
time. He’s got things to do, people to see. After all, we arrived here only yesterday, and according to him, he left soon after and didn’t return until last night. There’s no doubt a multitude of things he has to attend to.

  But there was no denying it would have been nice to have woken up beside Dimitri. She was eager to let him know that she remembered everything and to assure him that everything she had said last night still held true this morning. And if he had been here now, she could have told him—yes, there was no reason to keep it a secret—she could have told him she loved him.

  Katherine smiled as she felt a rush of warmth spreading through her just from the thought. She still couldn’t quite believe it. She had fallen prey to that most silly of emotions. Her? Incredible. But love wasn’t silly after all. It was real, powerful, glorious. And this was one mistake Katherine was delighted to own up to.

  She lay there thinking about this new emotion for nearly an hour before she suddenly leaped out of bed, unable to contain it any longer. She had to find Dimitri and tell him what she was feeling. What she didn’t realize was that her driving need was actually to hear that her feelings were returned.

  She dressed in haste, with only a quick glance in the vanity mirror to assure herself that all her buttons were done up properly. She had long since given up trying to do anything with her hair. It was something she had never had to attend to herself, and something she had not been able to master from necessity. As long as it was neatly tied back with a ribbon, as she had worn it aboard ship, she was satisfied she looked demure, if unfashionable.

  The most likely place to look for Dimitri first was his room, and so she knocked on the connecting door, and when she got no answer, she opened it anyway. She didn’t stop to think that even yesterday she wouldn’t have been so brazen. In her mind she had accepted Dimitri as her lover, and that gave her certain privileges that she wouldn’t have dreamed of taking otherwise. Unfortunately he wasn’t at the desk she had noticed last night, as she had hoped. He wasn’t there at all, nor was Maksim, who could have helped her locate him.