Not Fake For Long
Page 19
After I’d left the wedding last night, I’d gone back to my brownstone and tried to get some sleep. It hadn’t gone well.
With only Dottie as company, I’d asked the dog for her advice. When she hadn’t had any, I’d given up on sleep and had spent the night getting caught up on some admin instead. Eventually, I’d fallen asleep on the couch in the early hours of the morning and had gotten maybe three hours before I’d woken up again.
Too restless to stay at home, I’d decided to come in to the office. I had no idea what I was going to do, but I knew I could always lose myself in work. I just had to get stuck into whatever I had waiting for me to do next week.
Agatha had made neat piles of paperwork on my desk, and I knew there was a schedule in my inbox for the week. If I got a head start today, I might even be able to leave early for the farm next weekend. Spend a couple more days there. That was always good.
I sat down behind my desk after taking off my jacket. Showering and putting on a suit had taken up some more of my time this morning, so even though I knew it was unlikely I’d see anyone around today, at least I looked the part.
The truth was that I felt like shit. Ashton had warned me that the lie would come back to bite me in the ass, but I hadn’t realized it would bite so deep.
While I’d been completely prepared to grovel last night, she hadn’t given me the chance. She’d shut me down hard, and I had no choice but to respect her wishes.
If I pushed, I’d been too afraid that I’d push her away for good. So I’d left. Just like she’d wanted me to.
I recognized that she needed space to think. To process everything she’d learned. I’d just have preferred her to have had my explanation while she processed it all.
God only knew what was going through her head today. The look on her face when all the pieces had clicked into place had been horrifying. All the blood had drained from her cheeks and there had been this dullness in her eyes that would haunt me for the rest of time.
It was like she’d folded in on herself right there in front of me, her shoulders caving and her chin lowering. Seeing it happen would’ve been bad enough even if I hadn’t been the one responsible for it.
I pulled the first of the pile of folders closer and opened the one on top while waiting for my computer to start up, but I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what I was looking at. In some distant back corner of my mind, I knew exactly what it was, but I couldn’t focus on it enough to bring it to the fore.
No matter what I tried, I couldn’t really seem to focus on anything other than Keira. Images from the day before kept playing out behind my eyes and I couldn’t seem to stop them. I relived everything.
The moment she’d opened her door in that robe, what it had felt like when she kissed me, and what she’d looked like on top of me. I saw her in that golden dress when she came out of her bedroom and her smile when she walked up to me after the ceremony.
My brain kept torturing me by conjuring up other images of her when it was done with the wedding. I remembered seeing her for the first time and all the talks we’d had while riding. I thought about how she’d thrown down that challenge only seconds after getting on a horse for the first time and how, when she laughed, it felt like there was something inside me lighting up.
It was ridiculous, considering I’d only met the girl a couple of weeks ago, but it seemed she’d gotten even deeper under my skin than even I’d realized before. This was more than just some infatuation with a pretty girl I enjoyed spending time with and was fucking addicted to making her come.
I didn’t know what it was really, but I did know that losing it sucked. While I had no intention of giving up on her, I also didn’t know if she’d ever forgive me. Regardless of how much I begged, groveled, and pleaded, I’d seen the way she looked at me before she’d walked away.
It had been entirely different from the way she’d looked at me just minutes before. Entirely different from the way she’d ever looked at me. It was like a switch had been flipped, and it’d taken every ounce of trust she’d had in me away.
Fuck. I should’ve just told her when I had the chance.
As soon as I’d seen Bernard Hilton walking up to us, I’d known the shit was about to strike the fan. I just hadn’t known that Keira’s mother would be there to make it even worse.
On the other hand, I’d seen her starting to piece things together even before Moira had joined us. Her mother had simply spelled out everything I was sure she’d already been starting to realize.
Keira was a stockbroker, for God’s sake. She knew exactly who Harrison Hynes and the Hynes Group were. Knew exactly what the implications were of me being said Harrison Hynes.
Blowing out a frustrated breath, I scrubbed my hands over my face and rolled my head back to dart a glare at the ceiling. I’d poured so much of my life into the Hynes Group, but I was losing my drive to keep doing it.
If running a billion-dollar multi-national company couldn’t take my mind off one girl, then obviously my head wasn’t in the game anymore. There had been a time when I walked into this office on a Monday morning only to emerge again on Wednesday.
That definitely wasn’t the case anymore. As I turned to face the wall of windows overlooking the city, I realized that I didn’t even like being in here anymore. I felt caged. Locked up. Locked in.
The only place I really wanted to be right then was on the farm. With Keira.
Since having her there with me wasn’t an option, I tried again to get into my work. Shaking the mouse to wake my computer up, I logged into my profile and focused on my schedule for the week.
It took me a few hours, but eventually, I’d made enough of a head start that it wouldn’t be a problem if I didn’t come in tomorrow. Fuck putting off going out to the farm until the weekend. I needed to clear my head before I’d do anyone much good anyway, and that was the only place I could really do it.
Decisively pushing back my chair, I stood up and made a pile of all the files I’d managed to get through. After dropping them on Agatha’s desk, I left her a note that I wouldn’t be in on Monday and that I’d let her know when I could be reached.
It probably wouldn’t be as soon as it needed to be, but there was a lot I needed to think about. Not the least of which was why it suddenly felt like the walls of this building were closing in on me.
When I walked back into my office, I shut down my computer and gathered my things, but I walked over to the windows instead of leaving immediately. It was a nice day outside. The sky was blue, there were only a few clouds floating high above, and when I’d come into the office, there had been a light breeze which was just enough to keep it from being stiflingly hot.
Why would anyone want to be cooped up in a glass box all day when they could be out there?
Not even I had the answer to that question, and yet, I was the one who’d opted to be cooped up in the glass box on a day when I didn’t technically need to be.
Is this really where I want to spend the rest of my days until I’m at retirement age? I just didn’t know. It used to be, but I also used to enjoy this work.
Building the Hynes Group had been my sole focus, my priority and the only objective I’d wanted to achieve.
Somewhere along the line, that had all changed. Maybe it was because it had grown into a much larger, much more successful company than I’d ever imagined, but I didn’t think that was it. My heart just wasn’t in it anymore.
Being surrounded by so many people on a daily basis was suffocating me. While it didn’t make me anxious or anything like that, I really didn’t like it. I’d put in more hours to get to this point than most people had put into work by the time they turned fifty, so it was possible I’d simply burned myself out.
With all the time I’d been spending on the farm recently, it wasn’t likely that it could just be a simple case of burn out. But even when I was there, I never completely switched off. My head was constantly in two places at once, and I was over it.
As I spun around and left my office, I had a feeling that this was the last time I wanted to leave it. I didn’t know if that was a viable option yet, but it could be. And just knowing that it could be was enough.
The rest, I’d figure out later—with a beer in hand, wide open spaces around me, and possibly with Ashton sitting next to me. Mind made up, I closed the door behind me and headed down to my truck.
All I had to do was pick up Dottie, and then I could hopefully put the nightmare this weekend had been behind me. Even if it was just for a few hours.
32
KEIRA
My feet hurt. My entire body was sore from spending the entire night dancing and running around in my skyscraper heels to fulfill all my duties, but neither my feet nor the rest of me could hold a candle to my heart.
For only having known him for a few weeks, Harrison had somehow wormed his way into the useless organ in my chest and now I didn’t know how to get him out of it. When I’d had the fleeting thought last night that I’d started falling for him, it had been a random thought. One I hadn’t put much stock in until I’d gotten home.
I was exhausted after the wedding. It turned out that being a maid of honor was a lot more than just smiling for the photos. If I’d thought the majority of my work had been done after I’d organized the bridal shower, I’d been very wrong.
With the bride and groom busy enjoying their night and my parents occupied with their guests, ensuring everything ran smoothly had apparently been left up to me. The wedding planner had been there, and she’d run point on most things, but it seemed she felt the need to check almost everything with me.
While I’d thought that I’d collapse face first on my bed and sleep until Monday without even taking off the torturous heels, it hadn’t quite happened that way. Instead, the silence in my room had been deafening and I hadn’t been able to fall asleep at all.
Eventually, I’d taken a shower, made a cup of tea, and had fallen asleep on the couch while watching reruns of a medical drama that had ended years ago. After waking up, I’d gone to take another shower and now I was back on my couch, staring at the muted television and wondering what the heck I was supposed to do about Harrison.
Whoever he even was.
The problem was that he didn’t really feel like a stranger to me. While I still couldn’t believe he was Harrison Hynes, billionaire bank owner, I felt like I knew the man he was underneath all that. But if that was true, then I would also have known why he’d lied to me about it. And I didn’t.
I really fucking didn’t.
The more I thought about it, the more I wondered if my outspoken disdain for Nick and his ilk had anything to do with it. I’d made no secret of the fact that I didn’t like people who had money, but I was also starting to realize that I hadn’t been thinking very clearly about it these last few months.
In fact, it had all started when Hailey had gotten engaged to Nick and I hadn’t been sure why she’d really said yes to him. Then she’d gotten my mother onboard with her plan to “marry rich,” and that had skewed my perception even more.
Last night, while I’d watched Nick with my sister, I’d realized that none of my more recent, more vocal opinions had really even had anything to do with him. I still didn’t like his pretentious friends, but I didn’t have to. They weren’t my friends, and frankly, I didn’t know if they were really his either.
I understood the importance of appearances and networking, and I’d come to realize that there might just be a lot more to Nick than I’d originally thought. Hearing what Hailey had said about him last week when we’d talked and then seeing how he doted on her at the wedding had opened my eyes to the fact that maybe I was the one who’d been full of shit recently.
Now that I was finally working through years of issues I’d had with my sister, there were a lot of things I was starting to realize about myself that I didn’t like so much. Judging someone for being rich was just as unfair as judging someone for being broke.
Ultimately, people were who they were. Sure, money made some people entitled, pretentious pricks, but that wasn’t true for everyone.
Now that I knew who he really was, Harrison was a prime example of that. He was far away from being an entitled, pretentious prick as one could be.
While I was still upset with him, I was also ready to listen to his explanation. I’d needed to get away from him just after finding out, but I’d had the whole night and early morning to think, and I was convinced that a lot of the thoughts I’d had while I’d been in shock over the whole thing had been entirely unfounded.
Maybe he did have mansions or castles all over the city and even the world, but he also had that rustic house on the farm. He’d still stayed over at my apartment without saying a single bad word about it or complaining about it at all.
All things considered, the fact that he had a significant number of zeroes linked to his name didn’t change the fact that the man I’d come to know was decent. He was good. He loved horses and the outdoors, and he didn’t brag about who he was or what he’d achieved.
Having gone back and forth about it since I’d opened my eyes at the crack of dawn, I decided it was time to stop stalling. I wanted to hear him out and I wanted to do it in person.
Jumping up from the couch, I grabbed my phone, keys, and purse and then headed out before I could second-guess myself. At least I was clean and dressed in jeans and a shirt that didn’t have holes in it, so it could’ve been worse.
On my way out to the farm, I found myself eyeing every exit and wondering if I should take it. It wasn’t too late to turn around yet, but I couldn’t do it.
If I chickened out now, things might fester and get worse. I couldn’t allow that to happen, especially not knowing now that my heart had somehow gotten involved in all of this.
I’d already gone and given a piece of it to Harrison, and now I couldn’t imagine not having him in my life without even giving him a chance to explain. My gut said that not everything had been a lie. The more I thought about our conversations, the more it felt like he might only have been holding back his last name.
When I thought about it that way, I even kind of understood why he might do it. Not only because I’d been venting about rich people for weeks, but also because there were a lot of people out there who would only want to be with him because of his money.
It made sense that he’d try to protect himself from that. I’d seen the schmoozing and brown-nosing Nick had to put up with all the time. It was entirely possible that Harrison just didn’t want to put up with any of that.
When I finally pulled up in front of his house at the farm, I noticed that his truck wasn’t anywhere in sight. Ashton was there, though. He had a shotgun in his hand and was walking up from another, smaller house down the path from Harrison’s.
“Hi,” I said, giving him a small wave as I climbed out of the car. “Is Harrison around?”
The older man frowned when he saw me, but then a tiny smile lifted just the corners of his lips. “No, he’s not. I thought he was with you. How was the wedding?”
“It was good,” I said, then chewed the back of my lower lip as I debated how much to tell him. Eventually, I decided to just be honest. “The wedding itself was good, but Harrison and I aren’t. I learned some things about him and I might not have handled it as well as I could’ve.”
He sighed, coming over to stand on the other side of my car, where I’d parked in the shade between the two houses. “He told you then, did he?”
“Sort of.” I let my gaze wander over him, wondering why he seemed a little paler than he had before. “It kind of came out, but he said he was about to tell me just before it happened. Are you okay?”
His wizened fac
e scrunched up, but he shrugged and waved one of his hands. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just feeling a little bit off today. Tell me what happened. He was so excited for the wedding. Even dragged me shopping with him.”
“He did?” My brows rose and I almost laughed. “Really? I can’t imagine you two shopping together.”
“Neither could I,” he guffawed but then winced and walked over to Harrison’s porch to lean the shotgun against it. “I wouldn’t have gone with him if he hadn’t been so excited, though. You’re the only woman I’ve even seen around him that wasn’t a client here. It seemed like it was important to him.”
“I didn’t know that,” I said softly. “You obviously know who he really is then. Does he own the farm?”
He frowned, his head slightly cocked. “Yeah, he does. Bought it a few years ago. I know who he is, missy, but I think you do too.”
My heart warmed at his words, but before I could respond, something happened. Ashton was still standing there looking at me one minute, but the next, his eyes went wide and seemed unfocused.
“Ashton?” I said, trying to stay calm despite the icy tentacles of panic that wound themselves around my heart as I ran around the car to him. “Are you okay? What happened?”
He opened his mouth, but he couldn’t seem to get a word out. His pallor had also changed completely in the last few seconds. Just as I reached him, he let out a loud groan and his eyes rolled back in his head.
I caught him before he hit the ground, but he’d definitely passed out. My hands trembled, my extremities turning to ice. “Ashton? Ashton?”
My voice was shrill as that same panic threatened to overwhelm me. Forcing myself to suck in deep breaths, I fought against the haze that was trying to sink in. Moving as gently and yet as fast as I could, I laid him down while yanking my phone out of my pocket.
I fell to my knees next to him, desperately waiting for an operator to answer. Ashton needed help, and every second might matter. I didn’t know what was happening, but something was very, very wrong. And I was the only person here to help him.