The Blake Soul

by I C Camilleri

  “You did that to me?”

  Josh could see the horror building up in her face. “No, not in your bedroom, only in your living room.”

  “As if that would make it less disgusting. So what did you do? Did you just sit there and watch me all day? Did you ask Anna to phone at that crucial second?”

  “Yes, but only because I saw that you didn’t want to go any further. I didn’t interfere in the beginning when...ermm...you seemed to be enjoying yourself.”

  “You are disgusting Josh. When did you set it up?” She had tears in her eyes and mistrust in her voice.

  “From the very start, I was just anxious because I had this feeling that something bad would happen to you. I just wanted to be able to watch you every day.” That must have sounded as if he were an obsessive psychopath. “I didn’t do it for any other reason but to keep you safe. I swear.”

  “And you expect me to believe that! Josh, you are always manipulating me, twisting my thoughts, fiddling with my life. You fathered the twins just to tie me to you. Our marriage was built on deceipt. I can’t stay here, I’ve got to go far away from you,” and she quickly snatched the car keys but Josh grabbed her arm.

  “And where are you going? Don’t go crying back to Freddie now. Let him be, he has finally got over you and moved on. Face it; he’s going to marry Tanya. Is that why you are so frustrated today?”

  “Grow up, Josh. Yes, I would run to Freddie because he’s my friend, and nothing else. He is not the monster you make him out to be. He understands me and he never acts around me like you do. Let me go, you are hurting me.”

  Josh let go of her arm and begged, “Maria please, there is a reason why I set up the camera and after all it happened a long time ago, you can’t throw away everything we’ve had since then.”

  “It hasn’t been that long, Josh. The twins had their third birthday not so long ago,” she stopped, shell-shocked. “Three years, Josh, that is how long we’ve been married, just three years...I was engaged to Rob for three years. I didn’t know him then, and I never got to know you either.” She sat down beside him, suddenly horrified. “Three years and I have four children. I rushed into that marriage but I had no choice. I don’t know you, Josh. What else are you hiding from me? Do you have an unwanted kid that you swept under the carpet, the same thing your dad did to you? Like father, like son.”

  That really wounded him. He cradled the sleeping baby close to his chest, feeling lost and sad.

  “I’m really sorry, Josh, I should never have said that.” His pain had diffused her outburst. “I just need some space to think. I have to go,” she said meekly.

  “It’s not safe for you to go wandering about on your own. I’d rather go myself. I’ll give you your space and I will let you decide what you want out of your life. You can always phone me if you ever want me back,” and he handed the sleeping Sarah to her. “Please promise me that you will try to cooperate with the bodyguards outside. You are not to go out of the house unaccompanied. I won’t go unless you promise.”

  She promised. He headed towards the door but before he could go out, “And by the way, I just want you to know that I’m pregnant again.”

  His blood froze inside his veins. “That is NOT possible, we have been careful, very careful, and you are still breastfeeding.” He was desperately willing her to agree with him, knowing that the baby will not live if it were true. The ball had started to roll, he could not stop the course of events.

  “Breastfeeding is not the best contraceptive. You...we were not careful enough. It was probably that time in the library, we were just carried away. Anyway I checked this morning, the result is positive.”

  “I should probably stay. I’ll be out of your way, I promise. You won’t even know I’m here.” Josh made the final plea.

  “I’m sorry, it doesn’t change things. I need to get my head around this mess...I still love you Josh.” She burst out sobbing, hugging their three-month-old baby.

  “I love you too, I always have and I always will.” And he went out, hoping that it was not the last time he had seen her.

  Sphere of Control

  She was still chained to the wall, but now her spirit was crushed. She no longer called for her husband because she didn’t care whether she lived or died. She heard the trapdoor creak open and the reverberating footsteps came down the stairs. She rolled herself into a ball, weeping bitterly.

  She begged him to have mercy on her, to kill her, but he roughly turned her over. In his hand was a red hot burning rod, the ones used for branding cattle, and he pressed it hard onto her flank. She was his now, he had left his mark on her. Her scream echoed around the cellar, dying down way after she lost consciousness....

  Josh had been having the dreams for three consecutive nights now. They still left him gasping for air but he had learnt to quickly move on. He was now focussing on the things which were within his control. He imagined an inner sphere around him, everything within that space he could influence and change. Anything outside was not within his control so he would not waste his energy on it. He would give his best to prevent her abduction, but if his best failed he had to be prepared to face the cellar. And so, Josh wanted the dreams, he wanted to remember every disgusting detail and use it to his advantage.

  He had moved in with the team of private detectives lodging in a vacant villa across the road and he had been discussing how he could tackle various problems. He knew that he would somehow find the cellar because he had seen himself going down those steps. But he had to tweak the events after that. First on his list of problems was freeing her from those iron locks around her wrists, and then opening the trapdoor. The detectives thought that he was a hopeless lunatic whose only place in life was a deep padded cell, barred by a thousand bars. He had got them to constantly follow his wife and was discussing detailed options should she get kidnapped. Moreover, the wife had kicked him out two days ago. Josh was sure that they all sympathized with the unfortunate wife, but the pay was more than generous.

  He slowly got out of bed. He was greeted downstairs by Marco, the detective in charge of the bizarre operation. Marco had found a solution to the first problems. He showed Josh how to mix chemicals inside locks. The subsequent small explosion usually did the trick. The trapdoor could easily be tackled that way. The locks so close to her hands were a bit more delicate. But Josh tried it out and he smiled at the simplicity of it all. Marco had even disguised the products into harmless-looking miniature cylinder key rings so that Josh could carry them around wherever he went. The detective patiently explained everything, though Josh could not help noticing the sorry look he gave him.

  The team informed him that Maria and Julie had to take the kids to the cinema that day, but for some strange reason Maria had decided to stay at home. The detectives enquired whether he wanted them to split up and follow the kids as well.

  “No,” Josh told them, “focus on the wife, forget the kids.” One of them had been on the point of telling him, “You are one sick controlling fanatic, man.”

  Josh smiled. It might seem that way to the casual eye but in reality he had not even tried to contact her. He wanted to give her that space and perhaps she would find it in her heart to forgive him for the millionth time. His phone rang.

  “Hello Josh, I need to speak to you for a second, are you busy?”

  She had phoned, relief washed over him. “I will be right there.” He was opening his front door the very next minute and she was startled to see him so soon.

  “That was quick. Where were you?”

  “Just across the road.”

  “Were you spying on me again?” She was smiling. Smiling was a good sign.

  “I haven’t, but the men across the road have and they’ve been reporting everything you do to me, so technically, yes I have been spying.”

  “Those men are so annoying; I hate being watched all the time. They keep asking for a minute by minute account of what I intend to do. Can you call everything off...if...if you c
ome back here?”

  Was he forgiven? “I will gladly move back in but they will have to stay for a little while longer.” He was firm on that point.

  “Are you still worried about that fan thing, nothing happened.”

  “...Yet,” Josh continued for her. “So, does this mean that I’m forgiven?” He walked slowly to where she was standing.

  “I might have overreacted. And I’m really sorry about what I said about your dad. I really did not want to hurt you.”

  “I honestly haven’t lost any sleep over your comment, so forget it. Though I have been losing sleep wondering if you can ever forgive me,” and he pulled her closer to him and started to kiss her, but then he remembered Marco watching through the open window and he took her hand and led her inside their bedroom.

  “Why didn’t you go with the kids today?” he asked as he buried his face in her neck.

  “I just wanted to see you. I feel so lost without you.”

  “I will always come when you call me. I will never leave you alone. I promise.” That morning he had seen her alone and in pain, giving up on life. Perhaps she would remember his promise and find the strength to keep holding on.

  Their magic was broken three hours later when Julie returned with their children. Josh could hear their childish laughter outside their bedroom door.

  “The kids will be thrilled to see you. They’ve been asking for you every five minutes,” Maria said as they quickly got dressed. They were indeed over the moon when they saw him emerge from the bedroom and they all fought hard to climb into his arms with shouts of “Daddy’s back.” He scooped them up and proposed that they all go down to their beach.

  They were watching their children playing on the sand when Maria turned to him, “Josh, did you know that Ben can read? And he isn’t even two. He is just like you. He is truly amazing. The other day I saw him reading my book and when I asked him about it, he just gave it all back to me.”

  Josh scowled, he didn’t want any of his children to be like him. He could clearly remember the feeling of isolation, as if he were imprisoned in this large room inside his mind with no one to talk to, no one understanding him, except perhaps the kindly psychiatrist who turned out to be his future father-in-law.

  “Why the frown? Aren’t you pleased?”

  “Of course I’m not; I wanted all my children to have normal sane minds like yours. There is more to it than just reading and memory. It can be very painful and scary. I think I should talk to him about it.” He could not tell her of the heartache he felt as he saw the dark side of his future unfold before him and his frustration at the inability to change it. Knowing must be a curse from God, a retribution for his many past sins.

  Maria snorted, “Don’t be overdramatic; there is nothing wrong with you. I would have loved to have your brains.”

  Josh stood up and called Ben. He took his hand and led him up to the library. The boy proudly showed his father the volumes of books he had already tackled. He admitted to sneaking up to the library at night and scaling up shelves or climbing up the ladder to get access to all the books. Josh had noticed misplaced and missing books but he had assumed that Maria had helped herself to them. Ben was unusually alert and mature for his age, his thoughts were clear and formed and he was debating like a ten-year-old child. Why hadn’t he picked this up earlier? Perhaps he had become too engrossed with his marital problems.

  “This is really good, Ben. But sometimes it can get very scary in there,” Josh said as he touched Ben’s head. “Do you ever see things, like really vivid colourful pictures?”

  Ben laughed, “No, daddy.”

  Josh let out a sigh of relief. Perhaps Ben was not totally wired up like him. “Ok, that’s fine. Would you like it if we were to meet every week, just you and me, here in this library and we can talk about anything that you’re not happy with?” Josh was adamant about this; if his son had this Blake curse gene, he would not be alone and lost like he had been when he was a child.

  That night Josh lay in bed, willing himself to dream. He wanted the gruesome dreams; every single disjointed snippet was priceless. He would piece everything together to glean all the information. And he will find a way to change them.

  ****

  Josh went down the cellar steps, his hands tied with a thick rope. He ran to her battered body and sank to his knees. He wept as he kissed her for he knew that she had lost their child. But she wasn’t reacting to his presence. She was stiff, cold and lifeless; he was too late.

  “You’ve killed her,” he screamed out in agony as he felt his heart disintegrate, leaving only that bare cold emptiness in its place...

  ...then he remembered the young psychiatrist talking to the five-year-old Josh. “My boy, you have to believe in your abilities. You have to think hard and mould destiny down that obscure closed alleyway. Turn it into a working path....

  Josh moaned with pain as he tossed and turned on his bed...

  ...then he saw himself carrying her in his arms as he ran up the cellar steps. She was unconscious but still alive. He had triumphed in this dream. He burst out of the chalet and looked at his surroundings. He could see majestic mountains all around him. There was no sign of life anywhere in sight. It was biting cold, his shoulder ached and his scorched wrists burned like hell, but he had to keep on going before it was too late. He sprinted down the only path he saw. It eventually forked. He saw a tiny arrow pointing down to the left, MURREN...

  Josh sprang out of bed. He had a lot of things to do. He kissed his sleeping wife and ran across the road. It was still five in the morning and Marco gave him a strange stare, but Josh did not care. He was used to people thinking that he was mad, and perhaps they were right.

  He told him that he wanted to find a place called Murren, somewhere mountainous. Marco immediately set to work and soon found that it was a small skiing resort deep in the Swiss Alps. They scanned the aerial photos but he could not spot the lonely chalet. He did not know how far Murren was from this chalet, he had only seen the sign that indicated that he would eventually get to it. He told Marco that if he ever went missing he had to transfer his team to Murren and organise a helicopter there, all ready for his arrival. On second thoughts, he should split his team straight away, one half trailing his wife and the other coordinating everything in Murren.

  “And, oh, I almost forgot,” Josh said, “Do you have anything that could cut through a thick rope and that I could carry around unnoticed. It has to be something I could use when my hands are firmly tied in front of me like this,” and he put his wrists together. “I will not have much leeway for movement so....”

  That was the last straw for Marco. “Holy shit,” he swore beneath his breath.

  “You are paid to do as I say and not to judge my sanity,” Josh said in a superior icy tone. “I can assure you that I am not mad, but if you are not up for the challenge, I can hire someone else.”

  That seemed to calm Marco down. He cleared his throat, “I have a credit card with an extremely sharp edge that would slice through anything. It might be awkward to use if your hands are tied too tightly but you can steady it with your mouth and rub the rope against the edge. If that fails there is always an acid you could use. It would weaken the rope and you could then snap it apart. I can have that supplied in little key ring cylinders like the ones I gave you for the lock. The acid is likely to do the job faster than the card but it will probably burn your skin off too.”

  Josh nodded. His dream had even highlighted the burnt scorch marks the acid would leave on his wrists. He smiled. He was tackling every problem. He was prepared.

  It was past two in the afternoon when he finally returned home. Maria gave him a curious look but decided not to press him for any information. She was happy that everything was back to normal, well not quite everything, “Will those men have to trail me to hospital tomorrow and will they have to stand outside my office all day?”

  “I’ll take you there myself and I’ll come back for you in the evening
. But yes, they have to be your constant companions for now...unless you want to quit working. You are pregnant after all.”

  “Josh, I have to go tomorrow. Freddie is away on holiday. It’s Tanya’s birthday and he took her on this surprise trip. I promised to hold the fort this week. And I can’t quit working just like that; we have already discussed this a million times.”

  He could not shrug off that weird unexplainable feeling that her ordeal would somehow begin in her work place. But he would never be able to persuade her to stay at home for an indefinite period of time, after all he did not know when this would happen or if it would happen at all. He could not see her slipping through Marco’s tight surveillance. He recalled his previous suspicions on the identity of the insane man; Freddie was away, but what about Rob? He just had to ask her, “Will Rob be there tomorrow?”

  “No. He only visits for a few days every couple of months and I always tell you when he is coming over. Why are you asking me all this? I thought that we had agreed not to bring this between us again.”

  Josh shrugged, “I’m sorry.”

  The Clap of Thunder

  My dearest Joshua,

  When you get this note I will be long gone. Please do not try to find me, you have to start afresh. I feel suffocated by your obsessive love. I don’t love you, perhaps I never did.

  Please forgive me.

  Maria

  He was in her office. Josh looked at the note, rereading it over and over again. Was it possible that he had scared her with his obsessions? No, that was not even remotely possible. She herself had phoned and asked him to go back at the beginning of that week, if she had wanted to break up she would have done it then, he had not pressured her in any way. Their reunion had been genuine and she seemed as happy as he was. She must have been forced to write the note; she never used his legal name Joshua before. There were tiny smudges in the ink where her tears must have fallen on the paper. Besides, she might have decided to leave him but she would never leave her children behind, and she never even mentioned them in her note.