The Blake Soul

by I C Camilleri

  “She told me that you were the heart and soul of that party and that she danced with you but she had to leave when the party got too wild for her tastes,” Josh said bitterly as all his insecurities came flooding back.

  “Is that all she told you? Well, I’ll tell you what really happened. I started off by choking her with that bitter jealousy she always felt for you, I told her all about Pam. Then I began behaving badly with a whole bunch of girls. You know, our kissing bet. You should have told her of the tactics you used in your bachelor days and perhaps she wouldn’t have fallen so naively into the trap. The wild performance aroused her, it was like watching a dirty movie, and she willingly became my tenth victim. But I bet you already knew that. You must have noticed that she had no underwear on when she returned home.”

  Freddie smiled. Josh had known, he could see it in his face as he chanced a sideways glance at him. But he had never confronted his wife about it.

  “Yes, Josh, she succumbed and I carried her to the restroom…and yes Josh, I entered your wife’s warm, moist haven. Being inside her felt like going home for Christmas. But seconds later the English prude woke up from her trance and started to struggle like a trapped hare. I had her under a firm grip and for a moment I thought that she had resigned herself to the inevitable, but then she swiftly bashed a dish in my jaw and ran out on me. I never saw that coming. She hastily made her retreat that night and the party turned flat and sour.” Freddie remembered his frustration, Josh had been victorious that night, and he had to make do with four of the randomly selected girls from the party.

  “The next day I apologized and she was fine again, readily believing that I had been drunk. We went back to our friendly intimate chats and highly inappropriate cuddles but she never wanted anything more than that. I tried bringing Rob back in her life, just knowing that she was cheating on you would have been enough. But that didn’t work either. I finally realised that she would never stop loving that silent brooding Josh. I would hear her voice quiver with excitement as she spoke to you on the phone, telling you that she would soon come home. I used to watch her from my window as she ran to her car. She would look at her reflection on the car’s window and flick her curls, her face full of anticipation that she will soon be with you again. That hurt. It hurt a lot...because I love her too.”

  “If you love her, then why the hell did you torture her into unconsciousness?”

  “I don’t know. I really don’t know,” Freddie mused. “I have always loved and hated her at the same time...from the very start, the very first day I met her in my clinic with her bashed forehead. The two feelings were equally intense and profound and with time they both got gradually stronger and stronger until they totally overwhelmed my life. I suppose her insolence in the cellar tipped the balance in favour of hate. It sparked off that wicked side in me and I wanted to hear her scream in agony. It made me feel like an omnipotent king. And the more she screamed the more I wanted her. I sliced her skin and branded her like cattle and repeatedly fucked her like a stinking animal. And it felt really, really good.”

  “You do need to see a psychiatrist, you filthy mad sadist. You are not quite there mentally,” Josh spat out.

  Freddie slammed on the brakes and smashed his fist in his brother’s face. Josh felt blood trickling down his nose and he braced himself for more, but Freddie started the car and continued to drive on in bitter silence. Josh wished that he could see through the blindfold but he let his other senses take over. He knew that they were heading uphill and at some point they must have passed Murren because he had heard the sounds associated with village life.

  After some time Freddie parked the car, opened Josh’s door and grabbed his arm. He continued to lead him blindfolded over uneven ground. They eventually stopped and Freddie opened the door to the chalet. The air inside was cold, heavy and damp. The lingering smell of burnt ashes got stronger and stronger as they moved towards the kitchen.

  Josh peeled off his blindfold. The metal rod lay near the cold open hearth. He grimaced. He looked away and his eye fell on the closed trapdoor. His heart started to hammer inside his chest. What would he find at the other end? Was he too late?

  Hanging by a Thread

  Josh went down the cellar steps with his hands still tied with the rope. It took some time for his eyes to adjust to the darkness that greeted him. He had seen this scene a thousand times before, but nothing could have prepared him for that engulfing rush of sorrow as he saw his wife, mother of his children, lying in a pool of blood. She had nothing on except the now torn blue shirt she had worn the day she had gone to work. Some rats scurried by, nibbling at her hair, but she was oblivious to their presence.

  Josh fell to his knees and kissed her forehead whilst feeling his heart shatter into a thousand pieces. “Maria, please be alive,” he begged. She moved at the sound of his voice and with great difficulty she managed to force her eyelids apart. Josh was relieved, his quick thinking and planning must have made the difference between finding her dead or nearly dead. His dreams had served their purpose.

  She looked at his bleeding nose and tied hands. “Oh Josh, you should have stayed with the kids,” she whispered. “I’m dying anyway. Now he will kill you too. Who will take care of our children when we are both gone?”

  “You are not going to die. You just have to hold on for a little while longer. I found you like I said I would. I’ll make you well again and you will go home because our children need you.”

  She shook her head, “No, Josh. I’m not going to survive this. I deserve everything I got. I just want you to forgive me before I go.”

  “There is nothing to forgive, this is not your fault,” he sobbed as he leaned his head against her forehead.

  She squeezed her eyes shut. Josh could see that her spirit was completely annihilated. Whatever Freddie had done had left her lifeless within. She didn’t even want to survive this.

  “You freaking maniac,” he hollered at his brother. “You have destroyed her will to live.”

  Freddie viciously kicked him on his shoulder, making him fall to his side. Josh felt something give and experienced blinding pain in his right collar bone, he must have fractured it. But this pain was nothing compared with the burning ache in his heart. He tried to sit up but Freddie’s boot slammed into his groin and he doubled up in pain. He felt Freddie’s kicks repeatedly hammering down upon him but he tried to focus on Maria’s terrified face as she jerked again and again with the sound of every brutal kick. He could not lose consciousness; he had to be strong enough to get them both out of there.

  At some point Freddie seemed to decide that physical pain was just not enough for his beloved brother, so he slammed his boot for one last time and dragged him to the other side of the room. He turned and walked very slowly towards Maria, relishing her protracted terror.

  “Please, no, no, no, please forgive me,” she whimpered as she buried her face in the hard cellar floor.

  “This is for the many times you pushed me away,” Freddie told her as he grabbed her ankles and pulled.

  Josh tried pleading as he slithered towards them, “Freddie, you have to stop this madness now. She’s bleeding heavily and she needs to go to hospital. Please Freddie. It’s me you want to torment. I’ll stay here, lock me up and leave me here to die. Without me hovering around her, I know that she will begin to love you; I just know that, call it my sixth sense again. Freddie please, don’t hurt her again, don’t let her die. You’re a doctor, for goodness’ sake; you should preserve life and not end it. She is miscarrying....”

  “She’s pregnant? I thought that...but it’s so soon, your daughter is just three months old. You never learn, Josh.” Freddie’s surprise was profound. He gently lifted her hair out of her face and stroked her wet cheek. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were pregnant?”

  Josh saw the dramatic change in Freddie. He did not understand this rapid flip but he tried pleading again, “We didn’t plan this pregnancy, it just happened. Freddie, please,
you love her too.”

  Freddie carefully took her hand and felt her pulse. It was the same Freddie who had fought so hard to save her life the night Ben was born. “Don’t be afraid Maria, I only want to see what’s wrong with you. I won’t hurt you again. I never wanted to hurt you in the first place.” Freddie’s voice was surprisingly soft and docile. He slowly turned her over and started to examine her, taking particular care to avoid the numerous bruises and cuts covering her body. There was no hatred in his eyes as he spoke to Josh, “I’ll be back in an hour with some equipment and I can treat her here. I won’t let her die.”

  Josh pushed his luck, “Can you put her on that bed in the corner? She doesn’t have to stay all chained up, she can’t escape, she can’t even move. She is as cold as ice, and it’s freezing in here.” Josh held his breath.

  Freddie took the keys out of his pocket and undid the locks. He very gently picked her up and carried her to the bed, covering her with a thick blanket. Then he shot up the steps and locked the door behind him. Freddie seemed to have had a change of heart, but Josh was not taking any chances with his volatile moods.

  He had an hour, or perhaps less. At least he had managed to persuade Freddie to undo the chains and he did not have to perform his chemistry experiment so close to her hands. He crossed over to her and spoke in a soothing voice, “I’ll get you out of here, I promise, we will soon go home,” but she closed her eyes and relapsed back to her semi-conscious state. Again Josh saw her reluctance to fight for her own survival.

  He had no time to lose, and he was not going to waste precious seconds fiddling with the sharp credit card. So, ignoring the pain in his collar bone, he wedged his keys out of his pocket and threw the acid on the rope, burning his wrists in the process. But it did the trick and the rope was weakened enough to snap with little force. He ran to the door and poured the two chemicals in the lock. He stepped back for the tiny explosion. That did not fail him either. Thank God for Marco.

  He wrapped Maria in the blanket and lifted her up. Every inch of her body was battered and bruised, and there was nowhere he could touch without sending her into spasms of pain, but Josh kept murmuring encouraging words as he bounded up the cellar steps. His shoulder hurt and his wrists burned but he could not afford to wince. Luckily for him, Maria was still the fragile tiny woman he had married. The moonlight highlighted the path and he set off, running and putting as much distance behind him as he possibly could. He soon came to the fork in the path and he followed the sign to Murren and continued to plough on, all the time keeping a lookout for Freddie’s car.

  His arms were aching but he kept on jogging. The cold mountain air was getting to him too. It was still August but they were experiencing freak cold weather conditions out on the mountains that summer and at that altitude large patches of ice were already forming. But he could not complain; it could be much worse if it had been winter, or if he had to go uphill, at least running downhill was not so taxing on his heart.

  After an hour he spotted some lights coming from the village ahead, Murren at last. At the same time he saw headlights speeding up the track towards the chalet. He stopped and hid behind a thick fir tree. It must have been Freddie. Josh quickened his pace; he did not want to face his brother’s rapid transformation into that evil vengeful monster. He soon reached the outskirts of the village. He had no problem retrieving the map in his mind and he headed straight for the helicopter pad. He sprinted the last few metres.

  Marco had been on the lookout. He ran forward and took Maria from his arms and carried her to the helicopter where a medical team immediately set to work. Josh staggered inside and was in time to see a black car speed by, probably a livid Freddie returning from the empty chalet. Josh had enough time to shout out the vehicle make and registration number to Marco before collapsing.

  Accepting Mistakes and Moving On

  He recognised the island of Kemmuna. He was basking in the Mediterranean sun. That same sun shimmered and sparkled on the clear blue sea and the air was still and quiet, punctured only by the buzzing of a busy bee. He stood up and dived into the water, its crystal freshness cleansing his mind. But he felt that there was something he should be doing there in Kemmuna, he had to dig up something that was locked up in that quaint little house, Max’s house.

  It was time to stop acting. He had to invite her into that hidden locked room inside his sanctuary and he had to try to explain it all to her. She would only believe him if he managed to find it in Max’s house. Only then could he honestly give her all her options, and she would be able to choose her own path... Or else he could just do the noble thing and disappear from her life; leave her and his kids behind without a word of explanation. What will his children say in twenty years’ time; will they understand that it was the only way to save their mother or will they hate him for the rest of their lives?

  ....The scene changed and a much younger tall dark-haired man knelt down and hugged the five-year-old tearful Josh. They were saying their goodbyes. The boy walked slowly to the door, his shoulders drooping down. He stopped and turned round.

  “Please don’t go. You have to help me to understand myself. I...I need you,” he begged.

  “I’m sorry Josh, my wife is not happy here in the States and....” The psychiatrist’s voice trailed off.

  “...and you have other priorities,” the boy finished off for him. “That’s fine, I understand.”

  “We can still write.”

  “NO... I won’t write back. Goodbye Dr Conti.”

  The psychiatrist heard the bitterness in the boy’s voice. “Josh, you are wrong, you are worth loving. You are very important to me….to us all. You will be that vital nucleus in your family.” He put his hand on his little shoulder as he implored, “Please Josh, remember this, no one else can ever replace you. Don’t ever abandon your chances of happiness just to take that painful safest option for her.”

  The boy squirmed away from his hand, opened the door and ran crying into Julie’s arms. The psychiatrist sighed. He was lucky to have known such an extraordinary child, an adult trapped inside a boy. His conversations were mature, deep and powerful. He could only begin to imagine the sheer strength of his thoughts when he eventually grew into that adult.

  He slowly sat at his desk and started writing in his black notebook. The door opened. He smiled at his heavily pregnant wife and put the black book in his desk drawer....

  Josh opened his eyes. His wrists were bandaged and his arm was strapped to his chest. He and his wife had been holed in that Swiss hospital for four days now. His mission had not ended exactly the way he had wanted it to. Tanya was behind bars but Freddie had slipped away and Josh knew that he would eventually strike again, but he didn’t know when. Time was never fixed in stone and the ages of the children often varied from one dream to the next. But he reckoned that he had at least another year or two.

  Now his first priority was to get his wife well again. He glanced at the opposite bed in the hospital room. Maria was still reluctant to come back and face life. Physically she was on the mend and her various wounds were healing rapidly. At least Freddie had done a good job in stitching her up again. But she remained in a deep coma. Dr Bell, a psychiatrist and old friend of Maria’s who was flown in to Switzerland to help, did not find this alarming. She said that the psychological trauma would be the last to heal, if it would heal at all. Josh had to be very patient and understanding.

  He got out of bed and stood by her side. “Please Maria, come back. The kids need their mum. And I need you too.” He bent down and kissed her lifeless lips before trudging back to his own bed. It was still too early to start the day. He must have drifted off to sleep again because he was suddenly shaken back to the room some two hours later by her desperate screams. He quickly ran to her side, cradling her trembling body.

  “It’s all right. Don’t be afraid. It’s all over now.”

  “The baby….”

  “Maria, you miscarried, but the important thing is that you a
re safe and well.”

  She continued to cry bitterly on his shoulder, “What happened? The last thing I remember is standing in my office. How did you hurt your hand? Were we involved in an accident?”

  She was blocking everything from her conscious mind and Josh was not sure what to do. He thought it best to let her find her own memory in her own time, so he continued to silently soothe her. Dr Bell seemed to think so too, but she did warn Josh that when the memories eventually start to flood in, she would be thrown into a deep crises.

  Maria continued to have nightmares every night. She would wake up screaming hysterically but she never remembered anything else but a cold dark cellar infested with rats. And she so easily persuaded herself that it was nothing but a fictitious dream. But apart from her nightmares she seemed to be coping relatively well, she was bright and smiley all morning. She missed the kids and Josh promised that they could join them in Max’s house in the Mediterranean as soon as she was well.

  Two weeks passed and they returned back home to the States. Josh wondered if being in familiar surroundings would finally jog her memory, and he prepared for the crisis. It happened much sooner than he thought.

  “It’s so quiet without the kids. It’s just like old times, just you and me,” she said as they stood in the lounge. “I’ve missed having you so close to me, I hate hospitals.” She slid her hands beneath his shirt and reached up on her toes to kiss him. She did seem very keen to take this further but he was not sure if she was mentally ready for more than a kiss; he had been warned by Dr Bell. He slammed on his brakes and gently broke the embrace.

  “Do you want some coffee?”