The Blake Soul

by I C Camilleri

  Maria bit her trembling lower lip as she endured his skilled seduction. She fought hard against the emerging emotions that started to play across her mind, desire and disgust, lust and guilt, pleasure and horror, conflicting emotions that were twisted together like two complementary flavours on an ice cream cone. Her heart started to beat faster and faster, her mouth getting drier and drier as that hot flush spread wildly. She tried to hold on to her sanity. Why was he doing this to her when it could be over in seconds? Why did he want her satisfaction so badly?

  “I’m finally getting through to you Maria, and you know it. Close your eyes. That’s it baby, think of nothing but the strange fire that is smouldering deep inside you,” he whispered seductively in her ear. “It’s spreading wildly, consuming you and it feels so good. Yes baby, you’re almost there. Now invite me in, make me happy,” he said with confidence.

  The final piece of the puzzle fell in place. He wanted her to lose all inhibitions and betray Josh voluntarily...just as she had done on that wild Christmas night. He never wanted to rape her because Murren had left that bitter taste in his mouth. That day his victory had not been complete. Revenge would taste sweeter if she wanted this too. She clenched her teeth with resentment. Blinding anger overshadowed all her lust, fear, reason or restraint. She would never betray her husband again, at least not in her heart. That was what she had promised him. She knew how to stop Freddie. She lashed out viciously as she spat in his face, “You can never be like Josh, he is better than you could ever hope to be. Face it Freddie, your baby bastard brother will always outshine you in every little thing that you do. Leave me alone and stop touching me, just get on with it, you miserable sadist. Forget it, you will have to force me into it because I will never betray Josh again.”

  He rammed his fist in her face, once, twice, three times, in rapid succession. She felt her right cheekbone crack and her vision blurred. No, not her eyesight....she panicked and struggled, but still his clenched fist rained down until finally she felt him kick his trousers off and violently force himself on her. It was all over within minutes.

  She felt him rise. She could hear him panting with anger as he zipped up his trousers.

  “Ok, one of your kids will have to go for that. I’ll start with the youngest. It’s Sarah, isn’t it? Ok say goodbye to cute little Sarah.” He picked up the phone.

  “NO, NO,” she screamed. “Freddie, please I swear I won’t do that again. Forgive me Freddie, please, I promise it will be different next time. Please forgive me.” She tied to struggle out of her constraints but his silk tie would not give way. Her hands were white and numb and the persistent transparent curtain over the right side of her field of vision kept producing double images of his livid face. The brutal punches must have torn her retina but she didn’t care. Her baby daughter, she had to save her baby daughter.

  “I will not give you second chances. Do you understand?” He viciously flung his phone at her face and started to pace nervously around the room. He looked agitated as he wrung his hands in despair. He had not wanted it to end that way. He glanced at her bleeding right cheekbone and grimaced. He hated himself and he wept bitterly as he repeatedly punched the solid wall, making his knuckles bleed heavily.

  Maria too started to cry. It was touching to see such a promising, brilliant, young doctor in such a pitiful state. All her anger and fear disintegrated. She shouldn’t have tipped him into his madness. His illness had dictated what he had just done and none of that was his fault. “Freddie, please stop hurting yourself. It’s Ok. We can work through this. We can do this together. Everything is going to be fine. Freddie STOP. Come here.” Her tone was gentle and firm.

  He stopped and ran his blooded fingers through his fine blonde hair. He stood still, facing the wall. He finally turned round to face her. His piercing blue eyes broke her heart.

  “It’s Ok Freddie. Come here.” She desperately tried to dispel the heavy lump in her throat.

  He walked slowly towards the bed and untied her hands. He looked at the bleeding laceration over her cheek bone and touched it gently. “I’ll fix that, it needs only a couple of sutures. It won’t show,” he said hoarsely. “What is it?” he asked as he saw her repeatedly blink in the vain attempt to stop the images from splitting into two.

  “I’m fine, it’s nothing.” The retinal tear would eventually heal. She was not going to distress him over it. She put her arms around his neck and hugged him. “Freddie please, forget what I just said. It was uttered in anger and it is nothing but a lie. Josh doesn’t always outshine you. You have good qualities too, different qualities but just as good. And I’ll help you see that, I promise. I care about you a lot, much more than you think.”

  “But you don’t love me.”

  “Not in the way you want me to. But I love you in a different way. I do genuinely want you to get better and I’ll stay with you until you do, I promise.”

  He continued to hug her close to him as he ran his hands though her curls falling down her back. His phone started to ring. He ignored it but it was persistent. He finally let go. He leaned over her and grabbed the phone that he had flung at her face a few minutes earlier.

  Maria looked at his darkening stare. The really crazy Freddie was emerging again, he was murderous, he had flipped over once more...and so soon after she had finally got through to him. She hastily moved to the side of the bed away from him. She grabbed her jeans and, trembling violently, she slid her legs through them.

  “OK, I’ll meet you near the boat,” he said.

  Maria sighed, Josh had come for her. Tears of relief started to roll down her cheeks. Freddie looked at her with deep loathing. He pounced on her and wound his strong fingers around her delicate, fragile neck.

  “You lied, you filthy whore. You were never going to stay with me until I got better. How does Josh know where to find you every time? Where did he implant the chip in you?” He squeezed harder and she felt her consciousness slip away. He loosened his grip and she sucked in a precious mouthful of air before he started squeezing again. Then he abruptly let go. He grasped her hair and dragged her out of the bed. She tried to grab her shirt but he jerked her head and continued to drag her out of the room and down a long corridor. She stumbled down a flight of steps, her impaired vision causing her to miscalculate the distance between the steps but Freddie never released his hold on her hair or waited for her to catch up either. He just pulled her along as her hair painfully peeled away from her scalp. He ran down a long passageway, only pausing to grab a pistol from one of the basement rooms. They eventually emerged into the bright sunshine onto a path halfway down the cliff face.

  Freddie looked up. He could just about see Josh and Marco starting to slide down the steep incline towards the path. “I should have killed him when I could, there on that runway with his son.” He aimed his pistol at his brother who was a good distance away but Freddie had always had an impeccable aim.

  Maria instantly knew that she would fall from that very spot; the lethal ledge Josh had pointed out stood less than a storey down below them, and soon she would be hanging on to it. But she had no fear. Josh would not die for her today. Without any hesitation she lunged at Freddie and the shot lost its target. Freddie instinctively pushed her away. She reeled over the edge of the path, lost her footing and tumbled down. She only just managed break her fall some two storeys down as she hung on to a nearby shrub. She held her breath, and then the roots started to slowly peel away, one by one.

  Freddie looked at her from above. He turned to run down the path towards his waiting speedboat. But then he stopped and his face changed. He started to slide down the treacherous cliffside towards her, “Maria, there is a foothold there on your left. Try to swing towards it. Do it for Josh,” he shouted.

  “I can’t move my leg. I think it’s broken.” She clenched her teeth in pain and tried, but her impaired vision was making her dyspraxic, she kept overshooting or undershooting her mark. A few more roots gave way and she screamed, “Help
me Freddie, I don’t want to die.”

  “Look at me Maria; you are not going to die, not today, is that clear?”

  She nodded, wanting to believe him. Freddie continued to slide down the cliff face until he was close enough. He managed to find a secure footing and he took hold of her hand and heaved her up towards him. Then he lifted her off her feet and started his laborious climb back towards the path. He was confident that he could do this; rock climbing was one of the many sports he had excelled in. But the fragile rock face was turning the whole exercise into a nightmare. The ledges crumbled and groaned under their combined weight, giving him less than a few seconds to hop onto fresh footholds. He managed to tackle the first half of the fall in less than five minutes. They had the last storey to go. But Maria’s dead weight coupled with the fast pace he had to keep was tiring him out.

  He looked up; Josh had almost reached the path. Encouraged, Freddie jumped onto the next foothold. His foot slipped and he only just managed to regain his balance. They had to redistribute their weight fast.

  “Maria, Josh is just above you. Drag yourself up on that ledge and try to move towards that cave. Quick, this ledge we’re standing on will not support both our weights for much longer. Come on.” He started pushing her up, urging her to climb forward. With great difficulty she managed to curl her fingers in a crack in the rock face and haul herself up. She looked down at Freddie. His foot slipped again.

  “Freddie, take my hand,” but as she extended her left hand, a shower of clay tumbled down on him, her own ledge was crumbling. She screamed.

  “Don’t move Maria. Stay put. Josh will help you up.” He desperately looked around for a different foothold for himself but in that split second of hesitation his ledge groaned and cracked, tipping him off balance. He kept looking at her as he plunged to his death down the cliff. She screamed hysterically, too paralysed to move.

  “Oh God, FREDDIE...FREDDIE, NO, NO, NO...Josh, help me, I don’t want to die too, don’t leave me, I don’t want to die….” She kept screaming over and over again.

  “Maria, you have to move to the right, take a deep breath and calm down. Do it for me,” Josh was saying directly above her. But she continued to scream as pain and panic gripped her body. She had broken down mentally.

  Josh could not see the shallow cave from where he was standing but he knew that it was there. He had seen this mission succeeding and that was why he had attempted it. He confidently walked some paces to the side and blindly crawled backwards over the overhanging edge. He repeatedly swung his body inwards, again and again, trying to give himself enough momentum. He let go on the inward sweep. His feet landed on solid ground…but only just. He started to edge himself towards her and he managed to place his hands round her waist as the cliff face began to crumble. He pressed her close to him. He had just made it with no seconds to spare. But he had defied destiny yet again and the dream of the mourning Josh and children disappeared. He nimbly edged back inside the shallow cave.

  He now had time to look at her. He sat her down on the floor of the cave and he took off his jacket and covered her, “Now that’s the second time I had to give you my jacket,” he laughed. “You can stop crying now. It’s all over.” He held her close, comforting her.

  “Thank you for coming for me. I thought that you were going to leave me here with Freddie,” she sobbed.

  “I always do what you tell me to. You must have realised that by now.” He continued to hold her until her sobs slowly subsided. He lightly traced his finger over the bruises in her neck where Freddie had roughly kissed her. Her state of semi-nudity could only mean one thing, but he had to ask. “Was I too late? Did he...”

  She heard the pain in his voice. “No, you were exactly on time, down to the last minute. Nothing happened,” she lied. She so wished that it had happened that way. He didn’t need to know. Maria looked up into his eyes. She stopped. She shouldn’t lie to him anymore. “I’m sorry Josh, that’s not true. We….he...….just a few minutes before they spotted your descent.” She looked away.

  Why was she avoiding his eyes? “It is good to know that while I was jumping off a plane, risking my neck for you, you were having the time of your life with Freddie,” he said acidly.

  Her temper flared up and she hit him on his chest. “Josh, how dare you? He brutally used me as his punch bag and he fractured my cheekbone and ripped my retina apart. Then he raped me. After it was all over he broke down and he started to cry and hurt himself. And you think that was fun?”

  “I’m sorry.” He touched her swollen right eye. “Will the retina heal?”

  “I think so,” she snapped. “But until it does, I can’t focus on anything and I keep seeing this moving curtain in front of my right eye. And I’ve broken my ankle during the fall too.”

  “Forgive me, Maria,” he apologized again. “That was unfair on you. I’m fine with whatever happened between you two.”

  He bent down to kiss her and she felt relief wash over her. Thank God for Josh, he always forgave her. But then she remembered Phil’s observation. She had done what she always did, turn the table on him and make him feel guilty. And he had reacted like he always did, step back, take all the blame on himself and give her whatever she wanted, otherwise he would have nothing. His kiss was going to cloud her thoughts again and she would not be able to tell him what was on her mind. She had to tell him now, this very second. She had been very close to death’s door and she had learnt never to procrastinate. She might never get her second chance with him.

  “Josh, it’s not OK. Don’t apologise for things I should be apologising to. You can be angry with me.”

  “Honestly it’s fine,” he insisted, smiling broadly at her.

  “Josh, stop smiling at me, you know it distracts me. Deep down you don’t believe me when I tell you that I love you. You think that you do not deserve me and you are afraid that my love would disappear the second you go against my wishes. But you are grateful for any kind of love I can give you even if you think it is physical and shaky. Please stop acting around me.”

  He stopped smiling. “What happened to you? My smile or kiss has not fuzzed you out today. I have lost my two most powerful weapons.” He took a deep breath, “You’re right; I sometimes find it hard to believe that your love is anything more than physical, even after all these years of marriage. But I really don’t want you to confirm my fears. At least not now.” There was genuine trepidation in his eyes as he searched her face for any signs.

  “Josh, you are deeply mistaken. I am the one who never deserved you; I have been selfish and demanding and have taken advantage of your heart. But I truly love you for nothing else but for being you. But I know that for the time being these words will not penetrate your barrier. These insecurities and emotions are all linked with your childhood and I would really like to address this when we go home even if we have to discuss it with Dr Bell. Please Josh, say that you’ll agree to have some sessions with her.”

  “So now I need a psychiatrist.” He passed his fingers through his hair and sighed, “All right, I’ll make an appointment as soon as we go back home.”

  “Don’t say it’s all right if you don’t really want to go. You can go against my wishes, you know.”

  He laughed, “You are confusing me now, what do you want me to say, I’ll see a psychiatrist or I’ll never see one? Listen Maria, we can discuss this later as much as you like but right now all I want is to get off this island and sail off in that boat. Besides, Marco is probably listening to our cosy conversation and is patiently waiting to haul us up on a rope. I promise I will tackle this issue. You are right, I need to face my fears. Shall we go now?”

  She nodded. He tied Marco’s rope around their waists and he slowly crawled back up with Maria clinging to his neck. They soon reached the safety of the path. He effortlessly lifted her in his arms and started walking down towards the shore. He could hardly wait to sail off the cursed island and leave all his nightmares behind. He could see the white coat
s of the medical team on the approaching boat or rather small ship. He had hired some ten emergency consultants and surgeons, the best in different specialities, together with more than twenty paramedics. They had cost the earth. Marco had laughed at his extravagance but he was not taking any chances. As it turned out all those precautions were unnecessary.

  “Someone will look at your ankle and eye as soon as we’re on the boat. At least those white coats would have something to do. They were expecting a battered and bleeding body and they have set up a mini hospital inside that boat, operating theatre and all.”

  “Really? Gosh you think of everything. Josh ... I’m really sorry for being so difficult all the time. I realised that I never listen to you or to anyone else for that matter. But you are always so patient with me. I swear that from now on I will do whatever you want me to. No questions asked.”

  “I’m really glad to hear that and I will remind you of it sometime soon I’m sure. I will give you only a couple of days before you go back to protesting that your way is the only way. But from where did all these apologies spring from? Is it confession time?”

  “I just want to grab my chances and tell you how much I love you. My close call to death scared me. I got my second chance; I might not get it again.”

  He smiled at her. He had reached the end of the path and he could see that the boat had docked on the pontoon. Marco had sprinted off in front of them and was preparing everything to take off immediately. Josh looked anxiously at the boat, his ticket to freedom. He could not shrug off that niggling feeling. But what could possibly happen? He had seen Freddie’s body from above and he knew that he was dead, and four of Marco’s burly detectives had parachuted down to the shore and captured three of Freddie’s henchmen as they prepared for their quick getaway in their speedboat. The mercenaries had just given up without a fight.

  The sight of his own boat waiting to take them off to the horizon managed to expel that ominous feeling and he started to run towards it.