The Blake Soul

by I C Camilleri

  Maria buried her face in his neck and cried bitterly. “You are a very good man Josh Blake,” she sobbed. “How did I get to be so lucky? I love you Josh, I really do.”

  “I know, your father told me.” He smiled and ran his finger down her wet cheek. He was exhausted. He had achieved what he had surfaced for. He knew what Freddie had wanted him to do. He slowly closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

  “Josh, the kids are outside. Are you well enough to see them?” Maria was gently shaking his shoulder. He must have slept for twenty-four hours. His hand flew over her belly as he wondered if she had kept her appointment.

  “I cancelled everything. We will talk about it when you are felling better.”

  “We’re good Alfredo,” he smiled as he tenderly caressed her belly.

  “Alfredo?”

  “That’s what you and Freddie would have named your handsome blue-eyed boy.”

  Maria shook her head, she would never get used to this weirdness. She looked at him, his eyelids had already started to droop. “Josh, Max got the kids. Ben desperately needs to see you. The boy is a mess. I can’t send him back home. Can you spare a couple of minutes with him? The others can wait outside if you’re not up to it.”

  “No, bring them all in. Help me up.” He tried to sit up but the pain returned with a bang and he fell back on his pillows.

  “You don’t have to sit up, there is nothing wrong with lying down,” Maria said reassuringly, and with regret, he had to remain flat on his back while his children all stormed into the room. He clenched his teeth in pain when they jumped excitedly around his bed but he hid everything behind a wide smile. He was just as happy to see them again. Everyone fought hard for his attention. Only Ben remained at the foot of the bed, watching his brother and sisters talking incessantly to their father. Josh looked at Maria and she nodded, understanding him.

  “We need to go and buy some drinks for daddy. You can all come with me and help me choose. Ben can stay here to keep an eye on him.”

  Nick started to protest but Maria just grabbed his hand and left the room.

  “Ben, can you come here on the bed? Your old man can’t lift you up.” Josh smiled as the boy bounded onto the bed. “Ben, none of this is your fault,” he said as he put his arms around the little boy.

  “I should have stayed at home that night. But I really wanted to see what happened to my puppy whilst we were away on holiday. I never saw Freddie coming.” He was crying now.

  “Don’t expect to foresee everything in life. Seeing tiny snippets of what might happen does not make us infallible and the jigsaw we try to piece together would contain flaws because it is conditioned by our own speculations. And besides, it would have happened in some other way. Sometimes you just cannot stop the course of events, no matter how hard you try. I know, I’ve tried it loads of times. But contrary to what you think, I owe my life to you. I did see you in your dream when I had been shot. Seeing you at that moment gave me the will to endure the pain and I survived. I’ll be out of here in no time and we will be together again, I promise. And you can keep the puppy too. But I don’t want you walking out of your room at night.”

  “I just need the solitude of the forest. I need that time to think...by myself.”

  “I understand what you’re saying. I had the library, my sacred place where no one could trespass. We’ll think of a place for you.” He kissed his forehead and huddled him close to him.

  Josh was fast asleep by the time Maria returned with the drinks.

  Stopping History from Repeating Itself

  “Signora Blake, dovrebbe spingere piu forte per l’ultima volta,” the Italian obstetrician urged as the baby’s head slowly emerged. He had seen many births but that exhilarating moment never ceased to send tiny shivers of emotion down his spine. It won’t be long now, the next push would bring about one of nature’s most beautiful and amazing miracles.

  They were in a private clinic in Naples. After lengthy discussions and a lot of reassurances from Josh, Maria had decided to see the pregnancy through. Though she was adamant on one thing, the child would be given up for adoption and one of her Italian cousins was the perfect candidate. Carla had been happily married to an Italian judge for over seven years. Sadly she had had two stillbirths with severe congenital malformations and any further pregnancies would almost certainly end the same way. The couple’s only chance for parenthood had been through adoption which proved to be very lengthy and trying. That was why they embraced Maria’s proposal with great enthusiasm.

  But Josh didn’t. He had no intention of abandoning his brother’s child. He thought that Maria was bound to change her mind when she saw the perfect blue-eyed boy. And so he went along with her wishes of giving birth in Italy and shortening the handover period. But he never signed any papers beforehand.

  Josh clasped her hand and kissed her. “Come on Maria, it’s the last push. It will soon be over. Are you ready?” And he supported her back as she grunted and strained really hard, her face turning bright red. The baby’s shrill cry filled the room and Maria wept bitterly.

  “Un bel figlio maschio. E meraviglioso. Complimenti,” the obstetrician said as he wrapped the crying infant in a shawl and handed him to Josh.

  “Thank you Maria. Thank you for doing this,” Josh said as he held the tiny bundle. He too cried bitterly as he stroked the baby’s soft red cheek.

  ****

  Two days later Josh stood sulking in the corner of a lawyer’s office. Maria was bending over the desk, signing papers. No one was going to force him into signing any papers, he thought angrily. But apparently his signature was just a formality since the child wasn’t his to give away.

  He looked at Carla’s ecstatic face as she cuddled baby Alfredo. Then he looked at her husband standing behind her and beaming down at the child. Josh had met the Italian judge on a couple of family occasions and there had always been that look of grief in his eyes, grief that he had been unable to give his wife the one thing she desperately needed, a child. But that look wasn’t there anymore. It was replaced by a proud look of any new father, the same Josh had had after the birth of all of his children. There was no doubt that Freddie’s child would receive tons of love from his adopted parents, but Josh could not help that overwhelming sense of guilt...as if he was participating in a simple clean act of sweeping an unwanted and embarrassing problem under the carpet. Alfredo was not that.

  He crossed the room and took the baby from Carla’s arms. “I’m sorry, Carla. I need to have a private word with my wife. Can you excuse us?”

  Carla nodded and she, her husband and the lawyer exited the room.

  “Maria, this is a mistake.”

  “It’s not. We have been through this plenty of times. I can’t understand you. Any sane man would not want to raise the child of his wife’s rapist.”

  “I’m not sane.”

  “Why are you doing this, Josh?”

  “Because I owe it to Freddie.”

  “Why?”

  “Because if I hadn’t existed, he would have had a very happy and full life. Maria, he was always crumbling inside...and so was I.”

  “And that is why I want this for Alfredo. He is my son and I want what is best for him. If he stays with us history will repeat itself. It will always be him against Ben and Nick just as it had been you against Freddie. Josh, you can never love him as much as your own sons. It will always be that tiny bit less. If you were out in the desert, starving, and you had just one piece of bread, to whom would you give it, to Ben or Alfredo?”

  “I’d half it.”

  “Very diplomatic. What if the cliff face was crumbling and Ben was on your right and Alfredo on your left. Which side are you going to run to?”

  “Maria, I’m not my father, repeatedly choosing Freddie over me.”

  “And despite Phil’s blatant favours, Freddie was still left crumbling inside. Wouldn’t it have been better for both of you if Julie had been given full rights of adoption? You would have
been brought up in love and security away from the anger and spite. You would eventually have been told of your true origins, but you would have accepted them and moved on and so would Freddie because both your childhoods would have been secure and untainted. Childhood is important because it paves the rest of our lives.” She paused, then she wiped a tear, she had to tell him the truth.

  “Josh, I know that you would treat him fairly and justly, and I am just putting the blame on you and hiding behind that excuse. I don’t doubt you. But I doubt myself. I don’t have your heart, Josh. I love Alfredo but I can never love him as much as our own children. When I look at them I see the love and passion we both share, but when I look at Alfredo I only see Freddie raping me. I will be the one who would act like Phil. If I were in that desert I would have given the piece of bread to Ben. Forgive me Josh, but I can’t do this. I love Alfredo enough to want him to be the centre of someone’s universe. And he will be with Carla and her husband, but not with me. He will always be my second best. I have to stop history from repeating itself. Don’t hate me, Josh.”

  Josh looked down at the beautiful baby sleeping in his arms. Everyone deserved to be on top of someone’s pile. He of all people knew that. He kissed the child and strode across the room, opening the door. Carla was crying. Her husband had wrapped his arms around her shaking shoulders and was whispering quietly in her ear, trying to appease her grief.

  Josh smiled kindly at them both as he put the baby in the new mother’s arms. He walked purposely towards the desk and started signing. He had a lot of papers to sign. He had inherited all of Phil’s estates together with Freddie’s hospital and other assets. He wanted none of that for himself. He wanted to give them all to Alfredo. It was what Phil would have wanted. The boy would be a billionaire when he turned twenty-one.

  “Grazie Josh, ” Carla sobbed. “Lo amerò per il resto della mia vita, te lo prometto.” She was too emotional to translate her thoughts into English.

  “She said...” Maria interjected.

  “I know what she said,” Josh snapped. “I have studied Italian just in case you and your dirty cousins start shooting scores on the way I look.”

  Maria laughed as she looked at her cousin and nodded towards Josh’s perfect backside, “E il suo culo? Che dici?”

  “Sempre cento per cento. You are a very lucky woman Maria.”

  Josh had to laugh. And with a final glance at the baby he took Maria’s hand and strode out of the office before he changed his mind.

  “We’ll see him every summer when we visit Max in Kemmuna. We always have a big family gathering and Carla always comes along. It’s not as if we gave him to total strangers. He will still be part of our lives,” Maria said as they walked towards their parked car.

  “I know. I hate to admit this, but I think you are right on this one.”

  “As always. The doctor always knows what’s best.”

  Josh patted her nose and kissed her before holding the car door wide open. He laughed as he theatrically ushered her in.

  ****

  Josh held his youngest daughter in his arms as they walked amongst the tall cypress trees. She rested her head against him and her golden brown curls splayed all over his shoulder. A year had passed from their harrowing cliffside experience, but Josh still found it painful to walk long distances especially with the added weight of his daughter. His near fatal accident had traumatised her to such an extent that she had glued herself to his side and he often had to carry her wherever he went.

  His wife glanced at him, she knew that he was in pain, “You should put her down; she can play with the others.”

  Josh shrugged, “I’m all right.” This phase in her life would eventually pass and the shock of possibly losing a father would be nothing but a forgotten past. He knew that he was greatly loved by all of his four children and wife; this was the family he had always wanted. This was the true purpose of his existence. His parents had been wrong; he had a right to exist and live a full and happy life.

  He watched his other three children playing happily further along the cemetery path. His wife stopped near her parents’ grave and placed a single red rose there. She turned round and took his hand. This scene could have been so different; Josh knew it and he shuddered.

  He could not see the tall dark-haired man, but he knew that he was there, smiling happily, looking proudly at his family. The psychiatrist could finally rest in peace.

  THE STORY CONTINUES IN

  THE BLAKE CURSE

  Now available from all major online bookstores in both paperback and eBook formats.

  Ben Blake, an eighteen year old British Intelligence agent brimming with gifts; intellectual genius, striking appearance, impeccable acting skills and a heightened sixth sense... gifts that all guarantee the success of his first undercover assignment. He effortlessly infiltrates university life in Cambridge and befriends Cathy, the daughter of billionaire Edward Carter, one of the most influential and politically secure titans of the time.

  Samantha Black, known as the elusive and exquisitely petite Sam. She rises from the ashes and battles her dark legacy. Her cryptic past and deep secrets become firmly intertwined with Ben’s investigations, shredding his carefully thought out plan to bits.

  Jake Snell, the young rugged Earl of Yorkley, the enigma, the rogue full of vices....but possessing abundant resourcefulness, creativity and determination. He is Ben’s only lifeline in this treacherous game.

  The Blake Curse is all about heartrending choices, fast paced suspense and that faith in the thread of human goodness.

  THE BLAKE MISTAKE

  Three characters and a life-changing event.

  Ben Blake; British intelligence agent, intellectual genius, striking appearance, impeccable acting skills and a heightened sixth sense, all concealed behind a solid impenetrable mask.

  Jake Snell; the rugged eleventh Earl of Yorkley, the extremely bright cardiac surgeon, the loving husband, the devoted father, the enigma whose criminal past gives British intelligence another perspective from the other side of the fence.

  Emma Snell; the talented actress who denounces her claim to fame and glory and becomes a stay-at-home mother. She finds the trapdoor in the edge of the woods surrounding her husband’s stately home. She has no idea of the horror that had taken place in the hidden rooms or how this would play into her future.

  The London bombing; Ben foresees it, Jake thwarts it and destiny is rewritten, spewing forth a cataclysmic course of events as all the domino pieces begin to fall. Snippets of Jake’s violent and forgotten childhood start to surface his conscious mind and his perfect life begins to break apart before his very own eyes. Women he comes in contact with are found dead bearing a particular signature linked with his childhood. He starts to doubt his hidden suppressed half. He has to unlock his memories and search deep within the bowels of his vast ancestral home if he is to ever save his wife and tame the brutal destiny he himself had unleashed.

  The Blake Mistake is all about insecurities, unconditional love and that desperate run against the flowing sands of time.

  WEEK OF LIES

  It is New Year’s Day. Beth Banks wakes up to find her father dead in their multimillion pound house in London. It appears to be a suicide, but Beth has her doubts. She looks back on her previous week, her introduction into the cryptic world of Rob Menezes, the righteous law graduate desperately seeking a living, the man she has grown to love and trust despite his many facets. She sets out in search of the truth and she uncovers a dark secret that could radically change her life.

  I C CAMILLERI

  I C Camilleri is a medical doctor. Her first novel, The Blake Curse was published in March 2012. A year later it was nominated for The People’s Book Prize UK, a national competition voted for by the public. After a three month vote The Blake Curse became one of the three finalists in the Summer 2013 Collection.

  Her next two books, The Blake Soul and The Blake Mistake were published in 2013. Each book in the Blake series co
uld be read as a stand-alone. Suggested chronological order of reading;

  THE BLAKE SOUL

  THE BLAKE CURSE

  THE BLAKE MISTAKE

  Week of Lies is a revenge thriller/romance published in 2014.

  Red Tides is her first short story inspired by true life events.

  RED TIDES

  A young man flees war’s bloodshed and embarks on a treacherous journey across the Mediterranean Sea. He desperately seeks solace in the decaying things around him. Preserving the life of an orphaned boy becomes his driving force to survive against all odds.