Romancing the Past

by Darcy Burke

  Henry shook his head and looked away, not wanting to acknowledge the truth.

  “Your father never understood you, but he trusted that I did. He intercepted the letters you sent through his house, and advised Anna’s father to do the same, not that it took much convincing. I didn’t know he kept them, and only remembered when you asked for them.”

  “You knew what I was looking for?”

  She nodded.

  “And you knew where they were?”

  “I did.”

  He sat back again. “You sent me on a wild goose chase in the hopes I’d involve Anna.”

  She nodded again. “I admit, I hoped you two would reconnect now that you are in a both in a better position.”

  Henry rubbed his fingers across his forehead in frustration. “Aunt, this is highly troubling. You’ve toyed with our emotions and prevented Anna and I from a lifetime of happiness.”

  That seemed to catch her off guard and Henry chuckled. “Did you think that a few days together and Anna would run off with me again?”

  “I thought if your affection for each other was as strong as it was ten years ago you might have a second chance.”

  “We might have, were she not committed to her two stepchildren.”

  His aunt mulled this information over.

  He chuckled again. “You are not the only one who can be overly attached to children who are not your own.” He held up his hand as she began to protest. “Not that there is anything wrong with that. I do not disparage your love for me nor Anna’s love for Millie and Percy. But the fact remains, you prevented us from being together ten years ago, which directly affects our ability to be together now.” Henry sighed, his anger with his aunt fading. “What is done is done, Aunt Cornelia. I cannot be angry with you for interfering all those years ago when you gave us the opportunity to find each other again. This time it is our decision to go our separate ways.”

  His aunt looked displeased. “That is what you both want?”

  He shook his head. “It is not, but it is what must be.”

  “You won’t find what you are looking for in America. This is your home, Henry. You belong here.”

  He sighed. “I am not looking for a home, Aunt, though I doubt I ever had one. What I do have is a purpose, and that can be accomplished in America.”

  She studied him for a long moment. “It can be accomplished in England just the same. But I see my words are falling on deaf ears. You’ve made your decision, and you’re as stubborn as your father when it comes to staying steadfast in your choices. I only hope whatever awaits you in America brings you happiness and fulfillment. And I shall look forward to your return.”

  It seemed cruel to remind her he might never return, but that knowledge hung between them all the same.

  He stood, the wooden box of letters under his arm. “I depart within the hour. As always, I thank you for your hospitality. Despite my best efforts, I enjoyed my time here.”

  She smiled. “You will write?”

  He bowed his head. “Of course.”

  The morning light did not bring a refreshing mood to conquer the day, and Anna wished she could remain in bed. As they were to depart in the late morning, that was not an option.

  Despite the early hour, Millie had already dressed and lounged about while Anna dressed. Just as her maid finished pinning her hair, there was a knock at the door.

  Anna glanced at Millie, who shrugged. It was probably Percy, Anna decided, and nodded to her maid to see to the caller.

  But it was Henry’s voice she heard from the hallway where he spoke with her maid.

  The maid glanced at Anna, her brows raised in question and Anna nodded. “Let him in.”

  Henry strode into the room with quiet purpose, filling the room as he always did with a presence she’d come to cherish. Her heart beat a little faster at the sight of him, dressed for travel in trousers and a comfortable navy-blue jacket. It offset the color of his eyes perfectly.

  He nodded to her and to Millie. “Good morning. Um...” His gaze hesitated on Millie before meeting Anna’s. “Might I speak with you privately?”

  Millie glanced between Anna and Henry with a knowing smirk, but left the room without comment.

  “Give us a moment,” Anna said to her maid. “We will be but a minute. I wouldn’t want to delay our packing.”

  The maid nodded and curtsied before quitting the room.

  With the door closed, a heavy silence hung in the room. What was there to say that they’d not already said? They’d talked a great deal over the past days, exhausted everything they could manage. Everything between them was aired, repaired, and things were to go on as they had before they’d met again ten days ago.

  “You’re all set to leave then?”

  “I’ve a few things to attend to in London before departing for America. This sojourn in the country has tightened my schedule.” She could not place his expression, as if he was trying to memorize every part of her, every detail of the moment. “I have something for you.”

  “Would you care to sit?” She moved to the group of chairs and claimed the one facing the window. He took the seat across from her.

  It was then she noticed the wooden box in his hands. He set it gently on the table between them.

  “Is that the box we’ve been looking for?”

  “It is.” He opened the lid and pulled out a stack of letters. “My aunt had it the entire time.”

  “What are they, then?”

  He set the letters before her and she looked at them. “These are yours, though they’re ten years late. It seems my father kept the letters I sent you.”

  Her hands trembled as she took them. Her name and address were written on the front of each one in his scratchy scrawl.

  She frowned in sadness as she rubbed the pad of her thumb over the faded ink. “These are the letters you wrote me? How?”

  “My aunt advised my father to intercept my letters to you. My father sent them here some years ago. When I appeared to retrieve them, she saw an opportunity for us to reunite. She’d hoped we’d come to this on our own, and she withheld the letters as a last resort.”

  Anna sighed. “It wouldn’t have mattered either way. If anything, I am more resolute not to abandon Millie and Percy.”

  Henry moved to kneel before her and took her hands in his, kissing her knuckles. “And so you should. I do not think less of you for this, Anna. I cannot stay, and you cannot join me. We can try to change our fates, but it would seem we are not meant to be.”

  Her smile was soft as she cupped his face with her palm. “My dearest Henry, I will love you until the end of my days. At least this time we are afforded a chance to say goodbye.”

  “I do not know if I have the strength to do it again.” He stood and pulled her to her feet, wrapping his arms around her.

  Anna pressed against his chest. “Yes, you do. You are going to smile, so I can remember you with a smile on your face. And then you will take your carriage and set off down the drive. You will not look back so I know you are resolute in your decision. You will go to America and use your intelligence to build yourself into history, and I will think of you fondly bent over design sketches and mathematical equations that would make my head spin.” She took a steadying breath and stepped out of his embrace. “You will write to me, and I will write to you. And if you find some impressionable young woman who makes you laugh and challenges your sanity, you will marry her, and I will wish you all the happiness in the world.”

  He chuckled. “I don’t anticipate that happening.”

  “But if it does, I do not want you to feel as though you owe me anything, Henry. Our lives are going in separate directions, as is the natural way of things.”

  “You speak as though we will not see each other for another ten years.”

  “Can you say when you will return from America?”

  He sighed. “No, I cannot.”

  “Then it could be another ten years. It could be two years; it co
uld be never again.”

  “Anna—”

  “My point is, we cannot live together, but that doesn’t mean we cannot live.”

  She hoped he took her meaning, because it was painful her to say such things. She could not let him leave again with things unspoken. If they found their way back to each other, then so be it. And if their lives were forever parted, then she could live with that as well.

  “You’d best be off,” she told him before she lost the nerve to let him go again.

  “With a smile, no backward glance.”

  “Off to embrace your adventure.”

  He placed a chaste kiss to her cheek and tightly squeezed her hands, but there was no need for anything more. It was goodbye.

  And with a nod and a smile, he was gone from the room.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Anna sucked in a hard breath, feeling the absence of him sharper than she’d anticipated.

  She counted the beats of her heart as she inhaled, and then as she expelled a shaky breath. Her eyes closed and she pictured him moving through the castle, down the stairs and through the corridors, an elaborate labyrinth that had become familiar to her again over the past ten days, though she was still a guest here. This was not her place.

  She moved slowly to the window that overlooked the front drive and Henry emerged a few seconds later. A carriage sat ready to depart, the Carrington crest proud against the grey of the carriage door. He paused for a moment, facing away from the house, looking down the drive.

  “Please don’t turn and look,” Anna whispered, though she didn’t know how she felt about the words. They were spoken with courage, but they seemed wrong. Everything about this seemed wrong, him leaving without her—again, and yet she couldn’t see an alternative. He was determined to leave, and she was determined to stay.

  At long last he ducked into the carriage, not turning to glance back at the castle. The carriage rolled into motion a moment later and it set off down the drive.

  “I cannot believe you’ve done this!”

  Anna jumped and spun around.

  Millie stood in the middle of the room, Percy just behind her. Both looked outraged.

  “I beg your pardon?”

  Millie huffed. “You’ve let him leave!”

  Anna gaped at her. “Well, yes, he has business elsewhere.”

  “How could you be so stupid?”

  Anna gasped. “Millicent Newbury!”

  “I will not apologize, Anna, for this is just beyond reason!”

  Percy stepped in before Millie could launch into a tirade. “What she means to say, is we cannot understand what has happened.”

  Anna swallowed. “I do not think it is any of your--”

  Percy cut her off. “You are our business, Anna. You are our family; of course, we care about your happiness.”

  “Your happiness is my happiness,” Anna insisted.

  Millie fumed. “That is simply a crock of—”

  Percy threw his sister a warning look. “You cannot use us as an excuse to not find your own happiness.”

  “I am not using you as an excuse.”

  “You refused Carrington because of us!” Millie exclaimed. “Do you deny it?”

  Anna sighed. “I do not. But I could not uproot my life and go with him to America.”

  Millie looked astonished. “Why ever not?”

  “I could not just leave you two!” Anna moved to the sofa and slumped into the cushions. “Not after last night! I would never do that to you.”

  Millie sat beside her. “Anna, I know you did not find happiness with Father, but I will not sit by and let you refuse to take the gift that has been given you.”

  Percy sat on her other side. “Lord Carrington loves you, and you love him.”

  Anna nodded, tears forming in her eyes. She tried to blink them away but it was futile.

  Millie took her hand. “Haven’t you spent the past fortnight telling us to embrace love should we be given the chance?”

  Anna shook her head. “I ran away with him once, and it did not end well.”

  Millie dabbed at the tears that trailed down her cheeks, as Anna had often done for her as a child. “But Anna, this time there is no one stopping you. There is no Father, no scandal, you don’t even have to high-tail it to Scotland to make it official. Why could you not give yourself this chance?”

  Anna’s lip trembled as she fought to keep herself together, but the care and concern from her stepchildren broke her resolve. Her hands covered her face as she leaned forward, sobs overtaking her. The pain of losing Henry the first time, the pain of his betrayal. Seeing the disgust in her father’s eyes before she finally agreed to marry Rycroft. Enduring his cold indifference, as if she didn’t matter or exist, she’d made it her purpose to find happiness for Millie and Percy. And now she’d lost Henry again.

  “I’m afraid,” she whispered finally, choking on the emotion that she’d fought for so long to hold back. “I’m afraid if I left with him and forsake you two, I would lose you both.”

  Millie wrapped her arms around her stepmother, and Percy did the same, embracing his sister and Anna with his long arms.

  “Oh, Anna,” Millie whispered. “We will love you no matter what you chose.”

  Percy nodded. “You saved us from Father, from a childhood spent without love or laughter. It is because of you we are who we are.”

  Millie pulled away, catching Anna’s tearful gaze. “Without you we would have turned out like Father.”

  Anna chuckled. “You two fought me so hard for so long...”

  Millie shared a glance with her brother before returning her dazzling gaze to Anna. “That wasn’t because we didn’t need you. We knew what Father was, even as children we knew he was unloving. We were too old to see you as mother properly, but you’ve been more like a beloved aunt. A bridge between mother and friend.”

  “You protected us as fiercely as you would if we were your natural born children,” Percy added. “The greatest thing Father did for us was to give us you.”

  Millie nodded in agreement. “We were so hesitant to embrace you for the same reasons you are so afraid of leaving.”

  Percy agreed. “If we loved you, and you left us, we’d be crushed. We were afraid of being hurt. But Anna, it’s time for you to let us go.”

  “What do you mean?”

  His eyes were gentle, but full of resolve. “You’ve done everything you can for us, but it’s time we do something for you. You need Henry in your life; it’s time you choose your happiness over ours.”

  Anna shook her head. “I couldn’t.”

  “You could,” Percy insisted and handed her his handkerchief.

  “Percy is leaving,” Millie reminded her. “He’s about to set out on his own adventure, just as you always wanted for him. Your job was to love us until we were ready for the world.”

  “And you?” Anna asked, watching Millie. “Are you ready for the world and an adventure on your own?”

  Millie beamed. “Oh, for certain. Except, not on my own. My adventure will be with you in America.”

  Anna glanced between them in confusion.

  Millie snickered. “I want to come with you and Carrington to America. Percy is leaving, and a season in London sounds tedious. But America!” Excitement lit Millie’s blue eyes. “Can you imagine the trouble I could find there?”

  Anna could, actually.

  “But what about Mr. Pennex? Have you spoke to him?”

  “I have, and we’ve decided that while we are fond of each other, last night proved we are not ready for marriage.” Millie took Anna’s hand. “He promises to write to me, and we will see where that takes us. Who knows? Maybe we will meet here again in ten years.”

  Anna chuckled and dabbed her tears with Percy’s handkerchief, but this time they weren’t tears of sorrow. Anna couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She looked between them. “Then this is with your blessing?”

  Millie smiled brightly. “We’ve become quit
e fond of Henry.”

  Percy nodded enthusiastically. “He’s not Father. He’s more like...”

  “A favorite uncle,” Millie decided. “Now, will you please go after him and declare your undying love?”

  Anna laughed and gave herself a mental shake. It felt right this time, her decision finally feeling like the last piece of her life sliding into its rightful place.

  After traveling for nearly the entire day, Henry was eager for a tankard of ale and a good night’s sleep.

  The coaching inn he’d arrived at looked as though it could offer the first, but the second was unlikely.

  However, as soon as he stepped foot inside, his decision felt wrong. Leaving Anna felt wrong.

  This wasn’t something he would get over in the coming weeks. When he’d left her the first time, he’d done so with a resolve to prove himself worthy of her. He’d needed to find himself and build something of his own before being able to offer her the life she deserved.

  What did his leaving now accomplish? The canal in New York was an incredible opportunity, but was it worth sacrificing a life with Anna? There would be other canals, other opportunities to make his mark, but in England with Anna by his side.

  “Will you be needing a room, sir?”

  Henry’s gaze focused on the man before him, who eyed him warily.

  Slowly Henry shook his head. “No, I won’t. But I will need fresh horses. Are there any to hire?”

  The innkeeper eyed him suspiciously. “Who is asking?”

  That meant there were horses available.

  “I am the Earl of Carrington.” It was the first time he’d said his title without hesitating first. “I am Lady Stratford’s nephew. I’ve just come from her house party, but find the need to return.”

  The innkeeper looked mortified. “Yes-yes, my lord, I am terribly sorry. I will have Jem prepare horses for you right away.”

  Henry held up his hands. “It is alright, I can manage. Jem is in the stables?”

  The innkeeper nodded, and Henry left the inn, retracing his steps to the stables.