by Erik Rounds
“I’m sorry to hear that,” the king said. “What news can you offer me?”
“Well, other than my dying, things are doing well. I believe that I was the only one to fall against the Jabberwock. They are in the Slime Federation but have been moving through the wilderness. We now know for certain that Queen Murderjoy has been hunting them.”
Was the steam dragon Kaze with you?
“Aye. He joined our group about a week after we crossed the border into the Slime Federation. He played a part in rescuing the princess and offered to join us.”
You allowed him to be placed in danger? Tell me where he is at once, dwarf.
“Hold on, we didn’t place him in danger, he offered to help us of his own volition. He’s been a great help to the quest. You should be proud of him.”
TELL ME WHERE HE IS NOW, DWARF!
Hermes paced around for a moment. “If I tell you,” he said, “what will you do with that information?”
THERE IS NO IF. YOU WILL TELL ME WHERE HE IS, HERMES. The longer you delay, the more danger he will be in.
“And what will you do then?”
I will fly to there and bring him home.
“An enormous fire dragon flying through the slime kingdom might draw undue attention. Did you miss the part about my friends being hunted? You could draw Queen Murderjoy herself right to them.”
That is not my concern, dwarf. Great elven king, kindly make this obstinate dwarf give me the information I require.
King Questgiver sat in thought for a moment before turning to Hermes. “Maybe you should tell him what he needs to know. I’m sure he will make every effort not to draw any unwarranted attention.”
Hermes shook his head. “Penryth, listen to me. I’m positive Kaze will come home on his own once they reach the borders of the Slime Federation. Just give it a few more weeks.”
The dragon crossed the distance to the dwarf and bared his teeth at Hermes.
Dwarf, you are no different from the rest of your treacherous kin. Your kind stole not only our home from us, but also our children. Know that if I ever see you outside the protection of this castle, I will kill you for this. Unless you reconsider now.
Hermes fell onto his back and regarded the dragon in fear. He shook his head before getting to his feet and leaving the throne room. Apparently he wouldn’t be trying to catch up to the party or doing much of anything outside the city. Dragons always kept their word, and a threat from a dragon wasn’t something to be taken idly.
Chapter 30
Chicken Chaser
The GP is the only form of fiat currency backed by the godlike beings known as aire. There have been attempts by various governments over the millennia to mint different forms of currency with varying degrees of success, but the GP remains the primary form of monetary exchange throughout Etheria.
The GP is backed by the aire in several ways, including trade with NPC merchants for goods, consumption of GP during crafting, and upkeep for the magical fields that repel monsters. The actual cost of these services varies based on the amount of GP in circulation at any particular moment.
New GP is created through various means, including the slaying of mobs, the opening of treasure chests, and various NPC quests.
Although GP is an endlessly farmable currency, its value has remained static, changing only as the population increases. This is a result of the self-adjusting cost of crafting, NPC purchased goods, and the upkeep cost of mob repellers, which are necessary for the survival of any society on Etheria.
The only society to reject the use of GP as a common medium of trade is the Zhakaran Dominion. Since Zhakaran serfs and peasantry are denied the use of NPC merchants and are often not allowed to fight against mobs without a lord’s permission, other forms of fiat currency have arisen, and the direct barter of goods between serfs is commonplace.
An excerpt from A Treatise on a GP Based Currency by Erwin Silcross
Tasha didn’t sleep the entire night. The memory of what had happened during the battle replayed itself over and over. Ari was a summoned creature, and Pan was his summoner. Ari wasn’t a real person, just a product of Pan’s imagination. He was her imaginary friend.
As the hours passed and the night wore on, her anger began to diminish. Tasha had second thoughts—she wasn’t being rational. This wasn’t like her at all. She wasn’t the sort of person who would allow herself to be controlled by her emotions. The original Tasha had been logical, patient, and cautious. That person wouldn’t have abandoned a friend just because they had kept a secret from her. Pan was just a kid; she shouldn’t have said that they weren’t friends.
Deciding to apologize to Pan, she got out of the bedroll and stood up. Being careful not to awaken the others, she opened the tent flap and stepped outside. The sky was dark, but the ground was illuminated by the circular pattern of the campsite, providing a modest amount of light. After the fight, she’d left Pan on her own. The girl hadn’t come into the tent, so Tasha had assumed that she would still be outside, but she wasn’t anywhere to be seen.
Tasha checked the perimeter of the campsite. There wasn’t much ground to search, and Pan wasn’t there. Kaze was snoring soundly on the ground beside one of the scorch marks from the conflict with the Jabberwock. Tasha walked up to the dragon and tried to shake him awake.
Leave me alone, Player. Has no one told you not to wake sleeping dragons?
“Kaze, Pan’s missing.”
She probably just had to answer a call of nature.
That actually might explain things, but in her heart Tasha knew it wasn’t true. “No, we had a fight last night. I think she’s run off. We need to find her.”
What do you expect me to do about it?
“Can you circle around and try to find her from above?”
It’s night, and it’s a new moon. I wouldn’t see much of anything from the air. I’ll look in the morning.
The dragon curled back up and went back to sleep.
The hours passed, until finally the sun peeked out over the horizon. Having gotten a full night’s rest, Kaze was in a much less grumpy mood and started a search right away. The dragon spent several hours circling the area in an expanding spiral, but there was no sign of the thief girl from the air.
Tasha knew what probably happened. “It’s not your fault that you couldn’t see her. I’ll bet she’s wearing her invisibility cloak. We haven’t found any clues as to where she went. Maybe we should just pick a direction and start looking.”
Kiwi shook her head. “No, we have a mission, and that needs to take priority. I want to find Pan as much as you, but I’m not sure that’s possible. We can’t afford to waste any more time. Queen Murderjoy is still out there, and the longer we wait, the greater the chance that her minions will find us. Pan knows that we’re headed to Slime’s Row, so if we’re lucky, we might meet her there.”
It was early afternoon the following day when they finally reached the thick wooden town gates. There was a save point in the town center, so the three travelers touched it, registering themselves and healing their wounds.
Kiwi, Slimon, and Tasha wandered around the town. The town center was a small gathering of buildings. There was a traditional item shop and a tavern, as well as several other small businesses. Tasha didn’t see an inn but figured that they might have some rooms at the tavern. There was no sign of Pan, however.
The town square was filled with slimes of all shapes, sizes, and colors, all merrily hopping their way across town. Although many of the buildings had smaller slime-sized doorways, there were plenty of buildings that looked to be built for people of human or elven stature. In fact, a small number of human townsfolk could be seen walking the street alongside the slimes.
Tasha turned to Kiwi. “I thought that we were in a slime nation. Why are there so many humans?”
“This is the Slime Federation,” Kiwi said, “but despite their many fine qualities, slimes lack the ability to manipulate tools. They outsource most of the agricultu
ral work to humans.”
The princess directed her gaze toward a human-sized building. “Let’s stop at the item shop and pick up some new clothing.”
Kaze waited outside with Denver while Slimon, Kiwi, and Tasha entered the building. A bell above the door chimed as they entered. There were items of various types on display as well as some farming implements, a modest collection of swords, bows, and axes, and an assortment of human-sized clothing.
The slime proprietor hopped in from the back room a moment after the customers entered. This slime was slightly smaller than Slimon and had a red tint.
“Pfffpt,” the proprietor offered helpfully.
“Pfffpt,” Sir Slimon respond politely.
It went back and forth like this for awhile, until finally they reached some sort of agreement. The slime proprietor removed two suits of clothing from the back and placed them on the counter.
Tasha picked one up and equipped it, her spidersilk armor instantly being replaced by a suit of blue-and-brown overalls.
Kiwi nearly refused to wear it on principle, since it detracted from her natural beauty, but reason prevailed. She tied up her hair into pigtails and wore a conical sun hat, which would hopefully disguise her elven nature from casual observers.
Tasha purchased one of the bamboo cone sun hats for herself as well. She did this partly to hide her identity, partly to keep cool in the harsh sun, but mostly because she thought it made her look like Raiden from Mortal Kombat. Now she just needed to program herself some lightning magic.
Kiwi asked the slime, “Master Slime, are any caravans leaving town soon bound eastward toward the Uncrossable Veldt?”
“Pfffpt,” the slime responded knowingly.
“I see. Well, in that case, is there somewhere we can rest and purchase an additional raptor for my boyfriend?”
“Pfffpt… pfft.”
“Thank you kindly.”
They left the shop, and Tasha took Kiwi aside, “What did he say?”
“It’s not a he. Slimes are non-gendered and most don’t have any gender identity. The proper way to address a non-gendered slime is ‘it.’”
Tasha adjusted her sun hat. “Okay, so what did it say?”
“It said that nobody in town has any raptors to sell, and there aren’t any caravans leaving toward the Uncrossable Veldt for several months. He did say that there is a human farmer nearby who might have what we need.”
“Did you get directions? What is the farm called?”
Kiwi pointed toward the southern outskirts of town. “The slime said that the farm is called Belly Acres. It’s about a ten-minute walk from here.”
They made their way to the Belly Acres farm and were greeted by a fat farmer and his wife. Tasha hadn’t even realized that people in Etheria could get fat, since stats appeared to improve fitness and excess calories recovered mana and health. Perhaps there was an ability somewhere that unlocked rotundness.
Tasha extended her hand. “Hello. Are you the owner of the Belly Acres farmstead?”
The man spit into his palm before shaking her hand. Tasha wiped the spittle off on her overalls. “Yes, ma’am. My name’s Ernest Belly, and this here’s my wife Sally Belly.
“I fear that you find us in a pitiful state. Woe and misfortune have befallen us, for you see, all of our beloved chickens have wandered away from the chicken coop. If only some heroic adventurer would search around the town of Slime’s Row and collect them, I would be ever so grateful.”
Tasha smirked. “Yeah, I hope that happens for you. In the meantime, would you happen to have any raptors for sale?”
“I’m so sorry,” said the man’s wife, “but I’m afraid my husband is too distraught and filled with sorrow to answer your question intelligently. But if some kind person would gather our chickens and return them to their pen, we would certainly reward such a person.”
Tasha squinted her eyes in suspicion. “What kind of reward?”
“Uh… it would be a generous reward,” Ernest said.
“That’s rather vague.”
“A very generous reward.”
“That’s actually no less vague. You know what, fine. I’ll do your little side quest. We’ll go out and find your chickens for you. How many did you lose?”
Quest: No Harm, No Fowl
Farmer Ernest Belly has misplaced his chickens and doesn’t know where to find them.
Conditions for success: Recover Ernest’s 8 lost chickens and return them to their coop at the Belly Acres farm.
Conditions for failure: Don’t do that.
Reward: Allegedly something very nice
“Okay, everyone. Let’s split up and find this man’s chickens. I don’t think he’ll help us until we do.”
It turned out that looking for lost chickens in a town even as small as this one was a massive undertaking. Tasha found the first one squawking about on the roof of somebody’s house. Climbing up the side of the building and onto the roof, Tasha slowly inched toward the chicken and picked her up before the little clucker could run away.
Holding the chicken over her head, Tasha jumped off the roof and immediately plummeted downward, slamming into the ground, breaking one of her legs. She somehow thought that holding a chicken over her head would slow her descent, but it didn’t reduce her downward velocity in the slightest.
You lied to me, video games. You lied to me.
Tasha chugged a health potion to heal her broken leg. She picked up the chicken and carried her to the coop, tossing her inside. The quest counter updated:
Chickens returned: 1/8
Returning to the search, she passed Slimon, who was carrying a large chicken over his head.
There was another one clucking around in the rafters of the tavern. She had no idea how he got there, but she climbed up over the confused bar patrons and returned him to the coop. Sir Slimon found another hanging around some slime younglings in the playground, and Kiwi found one hiding in an outhouse.
Chickens returned: 5/8
Kaze was just napping in the farmer’s chicken coop. “Why aren’t you helping?”
Because I don’t have any hands. What would I even do if I did find a chicken?
As Kaze went back to sleep, Tasha realized that the dragon had a point and resumed her search.
The next one she found on a ledge overlooking the village. After collecting the chicken, she resisted what she considered the totally natural instinct to jump off the ledge while using the chicken to slow her descent. There was another one balancing along the top of the wooden town walls, and Kiwi found one lounging on the save point.
Chickens returned: 8/8
Quest complete: No Harm, No Fowl
Return to Farmer Ernest to receive reward.
100 XP awarded.
Tasha threw the last of the chickens into the coop.
“We got your chickens. So what’s the reward?”
“Oh!” Sally said. “I’m so overjoyed to have our beloved chickens back at home, safe and sound. As a reward for your service, I would like you to have this glass jar. You can store liquids in it and even catch bugs.”
“A glass jar? Seriously? Don’t they sell this at the general store for like 5 GP? I don’t think we need a jar.”
Sally put away the jar and brought out another item. “Well, then, how about my old bug catching net? You can use it to catch as many bugs as you like. Collect them all. Impress your friends, confuse your enemies, annoy perfect strangers!”
What was wrong with these people? “Um… no. What we do need is to purchase some raptors. We lost most of our raptors on the way here, and we need to purchase some new ones.”
“Nope,” Ernest said, “I don’t have anything like that. This here’s a chicken farm. I could sell you some chickens if you like.”
“You mean the chickens that we just recovered for you?” She’d pretty much given up on the idea of getting a reward.
“Oh no. Not those chickens. Obviously not those chickens. Don’t be silly. I’
m talking about some completely different chickens.”
“I don’t think we need any chickens,” Tasha said.
“Well, you won’t know for sure until you’ve seen them. Right this way, missy.”
Shrugging, Tasha followed the large man to a large wooden building with a curved roof. It looked like the kind of building she would expect to see in a farm.
The farmer’s wife, Sally, led the company through the wire-mesh doorway, and they went inside. The chicken coop was completely different from what she had expected. It was more like a stable. There were several large raptor-sized chickens in their own compartments. One of them was wearing a riding harness.
“Right now we have three riding chickens,” Sally said. “We also have an old carriage if you are in the market.”
“Ba-kah!” said one of the riding chickens, surprising Tasha and causing her to fall on her butt.
Kiwi ran up to one and started stroking its feathers. “Oh, it’s adorable! We’ll take all three, plus the carriage. How much will that be?”
An idea occurred to Tasha. “Wait a minute! How about instead of the glass jar, you just let us keep the carriage for free?”
“Okay,” said Sally, “but are you sure wouldn’t rather have a glass jar?”
Hubert tapped at the air in front of him, clearly operating the calculator in his menu interface. After a moment he said, “14,300 GP for the three chickens. These are strong, trained riding chickens so they’re worth every GP. I’ll even throw in a month’s worth of feed free of charge.”
Tasha took the princess aside and said, “The crown will pay for this, right?”
“Of course,” she whispered. “But then I would need to tell him that I’m the princess, and that would mean I wore this horrible outfit for nothing.”
“That’s what you’re worried about? Never mind. Do we have enough? I have 2,400 GP right now. I just spent most of my money a few days ago on my new gunblade.”
They pooled their money and found that they could just barely afford it with what the party had on hand.
“Thank you for your business, miss,” Ernest said. “Is there anything else you need?”