Thaddeus Whiskers and the Dragon

by H. L. Burke

  In front of the cottage waited a man in long, blue robes. A wild brown beard covered most of his face. He waved to them.

  “Josiah! How is my favorite student?” Hermes said, offering the younger man his hand.

  The fellow shook it. “Well, sir, the country life suits me. Other than predicting weather for farmers and the occasional love potion, I don’t have much to do. What brings you so far from the palace tonight?”

  “Well, that is a story.”

  The two men entered the cottage, Hermes carrying the cage. Thaddeus sniffed. A faint scent of bacon whispered about the room. His mouth watered. Other than the smell, however, the inside of the building was as discouraging as the exterior. One table, two chairs, an overflowing bookshelf, and a lumpy straw mattress made up the contents. No cushions, no cream, and the fireplace was a hearth-less pit! Thaddeus sulked at the bottom of the cage.

  Hermes placed the caged kitten on the table. “This is what brought me here.”

  Josiah furrowed his brow. “You brought me a pet?”

  Thaddeus bristled. A pet? He was a royal companion. Fish in bowls were pets. Yappy, drooly dogs were pets. Birds in cages were pets. He looked at the wires in front of his face and sighed.

  “I put an irreversible spell on him. I promised the princess I would fix it, but it is going to take some time, and meanwhile, he needs to stay away from anyone prone to sneezing.”

  Josiah peered into the cage. “Well, you can’t get much more isolated. The nearest village is an hour’s walk from here. Are you sure you want to bother with him? It may be easier to find a similar looking kitten. Most cats are interchangeable. The princess will never notice.”

  Thaddeus’s ears flattened, and he hissed at Josiah. Another kitten? With his Clarice? That couldn’t happen. He wouldn’t let it. He’d scratch his way through a dozen wizards before he'd stand for it.

  “Well, I did promise, but at least for now, the cat is your problem.” Hermes knelt next to the cage. “I know you understand me, Mr. Whiskers, and I know you want to get home to your princess, but that cannot happen. Cats are contrarians, eager to do exactly what they are told not to do, so I’ve taken precautions. I have placed a spell upon you, and you will never find the castle. So stay here, where it is safe, and when I have fixed the hay fever difficulty, I will return you to the princess. It is as simple as that.”

  Thaddeus let forth a low growl. He disliked being told what to do. This wizard was a fool if he thought he could keep Thaddeus from Clarice.

  “Yes, I see that we will not be friends.” Hermes stood and faced Josiah. “I have yet to feed him. Keep him in the cage for a few days, until he’s gotten any wild ideas of flight out of his system. Hopefully, I shall be able to return for him before long.”

  Hermes left. Thaddeus turned up his nose at the watery milk Josiah set before him. He may have to stay here, but he didn’t have to like it.

  Chapter Three

  Grandious Moves In

  Grandious watched his shadow slide over the field beneath him. It was almost like the company of another dragon. Ahead, the waves of yellow wheat turned to tall green trees, and a snow-capped mountain loomed up like a great tooth sticking out of the forest.

  The dragon had investigated this area the week before. He’d buzzed the villages, seeing if folks rushed for pitchforks or ran for cover. His passes had sent villagers cowering and flushed out no knights. He’d done a head count of the deer in the forest and found them fat and plentiful. Most importantly, however, he had located a large, dry cave at the foot of the mountain. It was perfect.

  The green dragon “borrowed” a canvas sail from a ship anchored in the nearby bay. He laid this flat on the ground outside his old cavern and slowly moved his hoard on top of it. Once every coin and gem had been transferred, he pulled the four corners together and lifted the heavy bundle into the air.

  Moving with so much treasure was inconvenient, to say the least, and he would miss the fresh sea air his coastal home provided. However, too many knights had taken up residence nearby in recent years. One had even dared to challenge him the week before. Grandious spooked him with a well-timed burst of flame, sending the coward running for the hills, but it was only a matter of time before a braver man tried his luck. Grandious was too old and tired for such nonsense.

  The bottom of his treasure sack scraped the trees, sending panicked birds screeching into the air. He snickered and whipped his tail at an enraged hawk. It was good to establish his mastery of the skies.

  Landing in front of his new cave, he dragged his bundle through the entrance and unfolded it upon the stone floor. Coins rolled everywhere. He swept at them with his tail then nudged at the pile with his nose, pushing the coins first this way and then that until he had created an even carpeting. He huffed in approval and settled down upon his riches.

  Grandious had collected his hoard over the course of a century or so. Most had come from sunken ships or burning castles. Some of the looting he had done in his aggressive, younger days. Most, however, had come to him through a “finders-keepers” method. Anything unwatched was unclaimed, and when tragedy struck wealthy humans, Grandious made a point to pick up the pieces.

  He loved the glint of the gold. He loved how cool it felt against his warm scales. His hoard was sufficient. Now he could settle down, enjoy what he possessed, and stop striving for more.

  Grandious wasn’t sure how long he had been asleep when a scuffling sound woke him. He opened one eye. A shadow hovered in the cave’s entrance. The setting sun lengthened the shape to where it reached like fingers towards Grandious’s gold. The dragon snorted and inhaled. He smelt ink and paper and butter.

  A man, he thought, but not a knight. Those smell of blood and iron.

  He cleared his throat. “You might as well come in, stranger. Or run for your life. What do I care?” He yawned, his breath catching on a pile of wood he’d placed earlier for just such an occasion. The branches burst into flame.

  The shadow quivered like a candle tickled by breath. A man strode forward, a chubby gray-haired fellow in a waistcoat and brass buckled shoes. No, definitely not a knight.

  “Mr. Dragon,” the man said in a quavering voice. “This is the second time you have visited our humble valley. As the mayor of the nearest village, I have taken it upon myself to wish you a pleasant stay and inquire . . .” He swallowed, his adam’s apple bobbing. “Inquire when you might be leaving?”

  Grandious snickered. “I actually have settled in quite nicely.” He swept his tail, pushing coins back and forth. “You are fortunate I am not one to take offense. Your manner seems to suggest you wish to be rid of me.” He smirked at the man, revealing his pointy white teeth.

  The mayor stepped back. “Oh no, of course not, we accept all sorts here. The more the merrier and what not. Always room for one more. I’m sure a dragon will be great for tourism.” He wiped his brow with the back of his hand and smiled a sickly smile.

  Grandious sniffed. His stomach growled, and he thought of the deer in the nearby forest. He preferred beef or pork to venison, however. He raised his long neck until his head towered over the mayor.

  “I tell you what,” he said. “Since I am such a benefit to your town, perhaps you can see to it that I have motivation to stay. I don’t ask for much, a pig here, a sheep there, perhaps a cow on holidays. One animal a week. No chickens though. I can’t abide feathers.” He lowered his head.

  The mayor clenched and unclenched his fingers. “Mr. Dragon, we are not a rich village. I fear we will not be able to provide you with enough. Maybe it would suit you to settle down in a wealthier area?”

  “Well, I can always go hunting for my keep. I like deer, but I am a bit nearsighted, and sometimes I grab gray-haired old men by mistake.”

  The mayor backed towards the cave’s mouth, tripped over a stone, and sat down hard. “No need to strain yourself,” he stammered. “I’m sure we can scrape together something to your satisfaction. No chickens, of course, no chickens.
Excuse me. I have somewhere to be. Welcome to our humble village.” He stumbled out, and Grandious chuckled.

  This would be home sweet home indeed.

  Chapter Four

  The Mayor’s Difficulty

  Josiah kept Thaddeus under lock and key, day and night, allowing him out only to use the litter-box and to eat bread soaked in watery milk.

  “I don’t have time for pets,” he often muttered. “You do belong to the princess, though. I can’t have you wandering off and getting eaten by rats.”

  Josiah had an ongoing war against the rats. They stole his food and chewed on his furniture. He set traps and laid poisons. Still, in spite of all his efforts, every night the large, gray rodents would squeeze through cracks and skitter across the wooden floor.

  One night they noticed Thaddeus’s cage and climbed up on the table to gawk. Their beady yellow eyes glowed at him in the darkness. The largest, twice the size of Thaddeus, snickered and stuck his pointed snout through the wires. His whiskers tickled Thaddeus who sank into a puffy ball.

  “So small, probably sweet and tender.” The rat showed its buck teeth, not sharp but long and frightening. “Come out and play, kitten, tasty kitten.”

  Thaddeus flattened his ears and hissed. His skin prickled as his fur stood on end. Two rats clambered up the sides of the cage, shaking it back and forth.

  “Yeowl-Meow!” Thaddeus shrieked. “Leave me alone!”

  Josiah leaped from his bed and darted across the room. The rats scattered. Josiah lit the lamp and opened the door of the cage. He lifted the quivering kitten and examined him. For a moment, Thaddeus forgot how much he despised wizards, so grateful was he for a human touch.

  If Thaddeus had been able to speak human, he would’ve asked not to go back in the cage. He would’ve begged to sleep on Josiah’s lumpy mattress. He would’ve told the wizard he couldn’t bear to spend the night alone.

  “No bite marks.” Josiah snorted and pushed the kitten back inside the cage. Thaddeus grasped Josiah’s sleeve with his tiny claws, but Josiah pried him off and locked the door. “An eternal kitten, what a useless luxury. You’re too small to catch a mouse, let alone a full grown rat. You’re a toy, little pet.”

  Thaddeus’s heart pattered like raindrops on a window. Clarice, he thought. I want Clarice. I want Clarice, and Clarice wants me. Clarice wants me.

  He repeated these words over and over until he finally fell asleep.

  THE NEXT MORNING HE awoke to the smell of bacon, a disappointing odor because Josiah never shared. The kitten stared as the wizard ate his breakfast, watching every bite. Josiah turned his back to him.

  A sharp rapping sounded on the cottage door. The wizard stood and opened it.

  “Mayor Pendleton?” he said. “I wasn’t expecting you today. Is there a problem at your farm? Have your hens stopped laying?”

  An older man pushed past the wizard, his face florid. “Nothing so mundane, Josiah. Didn’t you see him? He must’ve flown over your cottage yesterday.”

  Josiah cleared his throat. “I stayed in doing research yesterday.”

  Thaddeus sniffed. Apparently “research” meant napping and hogging all the good food.

  “Well, a dragon has settled in Bear Cave. He brought along piles of gold and has made himself right at home. You’re our local wizard. What are you going to do about it?” Pendleton pointed a finger at Josiah’s chest.

  Josiah backed up a step. Thaddeus narrowed his eyes at Josiah. The wizard couldn’t rid himself of rats, let alone drive off a dragon.

  “Can’t we leave well enough alone?” Josiah asked. “Dragons are more the realm of knights than wizards.”

  “We’re a poor village. We can’t afford to feed a dragon.” Pendleton shook his head. “Surely you must have a potion or a spell to chase him away.”

  “Well, the thing about spells is they don’t work from a distance. Proximity is the key. I’m not certain I can get close enough to a dragon to do any good.”

  The mayor threw up his hands. “Holy heifers, Josiah! You don’t drive off dragons. You can’t predict the weather. What good are you, man?”

  Thaddeus snickered. He liked Pendleton. The kitten gave forth a meow of agreement.

  Pendleton turned towards the table. His brows furrowed. “You have a cat in a cage? Are you daft?”

  Josiah turned red. “No need to get insulting. It’s a long story. I will look into your dragon problem, but you really should call a knight.”

  Pendleton crossed his arms over his chest. “We can’t afford a knight.”

  “Well, I have some books on the subject, but I loaned them to a school teacher. I’ll see if I can get them back. Maybe there will be something in there about dragon repellent.”

  The men stood, staring at each other. Pendleton raised his eyebrows. Josiah drew back. Thaddeus leaned forward, watching the stand off through the wires of his cage.

  “Preferably before the dragon sets fire to the whole valley, Josiah.” Pendleton tapped his foot.

  “Of course. I’ll go now.”

  Pendleton watched Josiah scurry down the path then turned to Thaddeus. The kitten drew closer and stuck his nose through the wires. He gave a hopeful purr.

  Pendleton shook his head. “Long story or not, a cage is no place for a cat. Do you want out, little puss?”

  Thaddeus nodded.

  Pendleton bent the wires apart. Thaddeus slipped through the opening and sat on the table.

  “If you wish, you can come home with me. I have a granddaughter who would adore you.”

  Thaddeus hesitated. The old man was kind, and Hermes had said Thaddeus couldn’t get home, but Pendleton’s granddaughter was not Clarice. Thaddeus shook his head.

  “Suit yourself, little one. I’ll leave the door ajar for you.”

  Thaddeus waited a few minutes after the old man had left so he wouldn’t think he was following him, then darted into the woods, free of Josiah and eager to find Clarice.

  Chapter Five

  Thaddeus in the Woods

  Though Thaddeus had been unable to watch the road on his journey to Josiah’s, he knew which way was home. The hills to the east were the same ones he had seen from the palace windows. He was simply on the wrong side of them. If he climbed those hills, he would see the palace.

  A rutted dirt road twisted outside Josiah's cottage. Thaddeus sprinted down it, not slowing until the cottage had disappeared behind the trees.

  Though the sky above was clear, the trees cast shadows along the edge of the road. Thaddeus imagined toothy fiends lurking in those shadows, so he kept to the narrow strip of sunlight in the middle.

  His tail stuck up like a flag as he scurried down the road. He passed a farmer in a horse-drawn cart. The fellow burst into a sneezing fit and dropped the reins, and his cart veered to the side of the road. Thaddeus flattened his ears and ran faster. The man’s sneezing faded in the distance.

  The encounter brought back unpleasant memories, and for a moment, Thaddeus doubted his quest. After all, his very presence had been enough to make the king miserable. If that awful spell still had a hold on Thaddeus, would he be put out again? Would they send him some place else? Even farther away?

  He shook his head and pushed on. Clarice would make the king keep him.

  The trees thinned and the ground sloped upward. He was almost there. His mind filled with cream, soft cushions, and Clarice. Once in her arms, he would never be sent away again. She wouldn’t allow it.

  Ahead the path disappeared over the crest of the hill. He pressed forward, imagining the valley on the other side with the castle laid out like a doll’s house. If he hurried, he’d be home in time for lunch. He wanted bacon and hoped he could convey this desire to Clarice.

  Thaddeus reached the horizon. He tumbled over his front paws and landed face first in the dirt. Dust filled his mouth, and he coughed. Of all the indignity! When this was all over, he was never going outdoors again.

  Shaking his head, he gazed out over the valley. His
tail drooped, and his whiskers quivered.

  Below him lay not the green fields and hedged gardens that surrounded the palace, but miles upon miles of twisted, tangled forest, with pine trees so close together he could not see the grass. A tiny village sat within a small clearing in the shadow of a craggy, snow-peaked mountain. A single road broke into two branches. One led to the tiny village. The other ended at a hauntingly familiar cottage.

  It couldn’t be! How had he gotten turned around? He whirled about and gazed over the other side of the hill, back the way he had come. The view was identical, down to the smoke curling out of Josiah’s chimney.

  He sat down and wrapped his tail around his feet. He remembered Hermes’s warning, of a spell that would keep Thaddeus from getting home. Perhaps he had underestimated the foolish old wizard.

  Thaddeus raised his head and gave out a mournful, “Meeeowww!”

  What am I to do? Where am I to go? Why would the king allow him to do this? Clarice needs me! The king should understand that. Oh, what am I to do?

  It was some time before Thaddeus could bring himself to move. Fear and disappointment gripped him, freezing his muscles in place. He blinked several times, hoping the view before him would change.

  Hermes’s spell had thwarted his plan, but Thaddeus couldn’t go back to Josiah’s cottage. Not only was it awful there, but doing so would admit defeat. Thaddeus would not allow Josiah or Hermes that victory. There had to be another way to get to the castle. Perhaps only the road doubled back onto itself, and if he took a less direct path he could get home. He scampered down the hill.

  Thaddeus stood at the edge of the road for some time. The trees cast gloomy shadows. Insects flitted in the few beams of sunlight, and Thaddeus wondered what else lived in such a spooky place. He remembered the rats with their beady eyes and glinting teeth. So many things could eat a kitten.