by Jenn Vakey
I had no doubt that I could be content if I had to. Just like I had no doubts about love.
“Leeya has my heart,” I answered. “I can’t even begin to tell you how much we’ve been through since she came into my life. No one will ever be able to even hold a piece of it if I lose her.”
And it wouldn’t be fair to let anyone even try.
Surprisingly, the response made my brother smile. Like it was the answer he had actually been hoping for.
“Father would have liked her,” he said. “He couldn’t have picked someone better for you himself.”
I knew he was right. They had met, although only briefly. Looking back now that I knew the truth, he had actually spoken of her that night in the palace. Bring the girl back with you. She was strong enough to send you back to me. I’ll right the wrongs that were done to her. I had just assumed he had been talking about Maizie. I hadn’t bothered at the time to tell him that it was too late. But I’d been wrong. He was talking about my girl. Believing that it had been her doing in getting me to return to him.
“You have to tell Leeya,” Gryffin stated, interrupting my musings. “She might be confused, but she’s going to take the news better than if it’s coming from someone else. Especially when she starts to wonder why you didn’t tell her.”
He was right. I had been lucky so far, especially since a lot of people here knew about my past with Maizie. There were only a handful of people who would know to shield her from it. I just had to figure out how to tell her in a way that wouldn’t leave her feeling like I was using the information as a way of manipulating her. Pressuring her to remember so there wasn’t a risk of me moving on with someone else.
“I’m glad you’re here, brother,” I said, turning to face him. Needing him to understand everything I wanted to tell him. “I can never express the guilt I felt when I heard you had been killed. When I believed that my chance to fix my mistake in leaving the way I did was gone forever.”
There was so much heaviness in the look he gave me in return. To my relief, I didn’t see anger there. Just sadness. “You could have come to me,” he said softly. “I would have understood. Protected you.”
Swallowing the knot in my throat, I tried to come up with an excuse. To argue that it wouldn’t have been that simple. I couldn’t. “I was scared. I did what I thought was right at the time to protect our family. If anyone had found out about me, Eden’s laws could have meant we would have all been killed. I might be able to control my abilities and hide them now, but I couldn’t have then. But I shouldn’t have left the way I did. I should have made sure you all knew and understood why I needed to go. I will never be sorry enough for that.”
Gryffin reached over and slapped his hand against my shoulder. We would never get the time I had cost us back, but that one act was enough to let me know that I would have the rest of our lives to try to make up for it.
CHAPTER EIGHT
RHYDIAN
It hurt seeing the disappointment in Leeya’s eyes at breakfast when she told me Noella hadn’t cleared her to start training again. She tried to brush it off like it wasn’t a big deal, but I had a feeling she also hoped it would be the key to getting herself back. I guess I should be happy that she actually appeared to want to get there. That she wasn’t just settling into this new life and accepting she would have to start over. It gave me hope that we had a chance. Even if she never regained everything she had lost. I had won her heart before. I would fight to do it again if I had to.
“Do people usually bring in that much stuff with them?” Gryffin said, dropping into the empty seat across from me. The timing couldn’t have been better when I looked just past him to see Maizie walking in. He had taken the last open spot at our table, so there was a chance I could avoid having to deal with that situation a little longer. That wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have with Leeya with anyone around to overhear. The look Aarys gave me when she followed my gaze told me she agreed. As did the hesitant way she looked to Leeya before distracting her with conversation.
“Without the need to hide their escape like before, we can expect the people coming in to bring a little more than usual,” I said, giving him my attention again. “But no. They brought far beyond what we usually see. From what I overheard, they were given additional bags from Harun to bring with them. Our teams in the city have been working on getting belongings from the homes of some of the people who were forced to leave without anything. There’s also some clothes that were collected to try to help us out.”
It wasn’t much. There had only been eight people at the archway when the team arrived. It was far less than what we had been expecting. Harun said the larger group wouldn’t be leaving until later in the day today. They had gathered them all near the exit until more supplies could be pulled together and to ensure there wouldn’t be stragglers traveling alone. They would be safer in large numbers now that reports had come in that some Sentry were outside of the wall. It wasn’t ideal, but it was the only chance we had of getting as many people here safely. With the decision to arm them, hopefully the Sentry would be hesitant to mess with a group that size.
That meant we would have to delay our trip out to retrieve them until the following morning. I was glad now that I had invited Leeya to join, although I hadn’t yet informed her of the change. We wouldn’t be able to vet a group that size the way we usually did. Having her there would be instrumental in ensuring Alkwin’s safety.
“Rhydian,” Aarys said, kicking me from where she sat next to Gryffin. I narrowed my eyes at the assault, and she countered with a smile. “I’m going to be in the coop this morning. Orson said we need to increase our number of chickens, so I’m going to start working on that. Can Leeya join me?”
The way Leeya perked up at the request was enough to make me agree. She hadn’t seen the chickens before, so it wasn’t something that would help in getting her memories back. Aarys also wasn’t one of the people assigned to watch her. I couldn’t refuse, though. Not only was Aarys both one of our strongest fighters and on the short list of people who actually knew about the two of us, but the look she was giving me told me she had other reasons in mind. No one went to the chicken coops if they didn’t need to. That would limit the chances of her being exposed to gossip around the camp before I could get this situation sorted.
“That’s fine,” I said, nodding. “Train her on how to care for them so it can be added to her rotation in the future.” Because she would love that. The wild animals in the woods and Denver might terrify her, but she had a soft spot for the more gentle creatures.
After we started to disperse, I pulled Aarys to the side. “Keep an eye on her,” I said, motioning to where Leeya was dropping off her empty plate. “She’s not to be anywhere alone right now. When you’re done, walk her back in and make sure she’s with either Dallin, Lillith, or myself.”
Her brow dropped, looking at me for an explanation. “This is about more than just our return resident, isn’t it?”
I nodded. It wasn’t information that was being shared with anyone, but Aarys would need to know if she was going to be trusted to watch Leeya. She was also the only person in Alkwin, aside from Orson and Lamont, who would understand the extent of it.
“We don’t know how much Dex knows about his father’s plans,” I explained, keeping my voice down so as not to be overheard. “Even if he doesn’t know that Leeya was there and possibly responsible for Adler’s death, we have to assume there is enough footage of her during the rescue and his aired confession to make her just as much of a target as I am. Especially if he realizes what she is to me.”
Aarys’ face paled and she blew out a breath, then nodded. “And she’s in no shape to defend herself if he were to send someone for her. And here I thought the biggest concern was keeping her away from things like Joury talking about noisy nighttime activities.”
Noisy nighttime activities? I feared for a moment that we had been overheard that last night we were together before leaving for
Eden. Then Aarys raised an eyebrow and I understood what she was talking about. It wasn’t about Leeya and me at all. It was Maizie.
“Shit,” I groaned. I dragged my hand through my hair. That was so much worse than her just learning that Maizie and I had a past. I didn’t want her thinking about me being with someone else like that. Especially when she didn’t even remember the things we had done. More than that, I didn’t want her wondering if there was a possibility it was still going on.
“Don’t worry,” Aarys said, patting my arm in a reassuring way. “It was a vague comment. Leeya had no idea what she was talking about, or that it had anything to do with you.”
Her eyes shifted behind me and I knew our time was running out. Especially when she lowered her voice and asked, “You are going to talk to her about it, right? Soon?”
Nodding, I stepped aside and let Aarys lead Leeya away. I didn’t like the idea of her being outside of camp with anyone other than myself, but Aarys was right. I needed to get this situation settled, and it was best for Leeya to be away until I could. And though she was young, I was confident that Aarys would protect her if anything did happen.
Now I just had to figure out what I was going to do about the Maizie problem.
Needing time alone to sort it all out, I headed in the opposite direction and made my way to the house.
Ten minutes past with me lost in my thoughts as I worked to finish the rest of the foundation. There wasn’t much more I would be able to do by myself. It might have been at the top of my priority list, but I wasn’t going to pull anyone else away from other jobs until I needed to. The community had to come first.
When the sound of footsteps approaching mixed with those of the nails I was driving in, I thought that it might have been Leeya coming out. Well, I hoped that it would be.
But it wasn’t.
“This is where you’re building?” Maizie said, stepping into view. She looked from the foundation to the waterfall and smiled. “Couldn’t have picked a better spot. I guess that means you finally figured out where it was that I always disappeared to back in the day when I wanted to be alone.”
Her words stilled my movements before I could complete my downswing toward the nail I was holding. I looked up to see if she was joking, but I was met by a pleased little smile. One that told me she wasn’t lying. That this really was the place she would go to. The one she had refused to share with me.
I was also certain that she now thought I had picked it to build my house because of her. That telling her the truth would also mean telling her that the secret spot she’d found comfort in all those years ago was going to be where I lived with the woman who had taken her place.
Because this entire situation hadn’t been messy enough.
“I had no idea,” I said, hammering the nail the rest of the way in before I reached for another board. “I came out here with the guys a couple years ago. I like the view.”
“So do I,” she said, no hint of sadness from my admission in her tone. From the corner of my eye, though, I could see she wasn’t looking at the water. She was looking at me. Talking to me in that same voice she used to use when she would sneak into my room in the middle of the night.
Though I tried to stop them, memories invaded my thoughts. Ones of losing innocence together. Being curled up together, talking about what the future might hold. Affection that I had denied myself of having with anyone else for three years after it ended.
I pushed those thoughts back down, along with the guilt that came from even letting myself remember them. For feeling even the ghost of those old feelings there. I couldn’t shake the feeling of betrayal, though. No matter how I looked at it, I was betraying the only two women I had ever been close to. Maizie for moving on while she had been trapped in hell, and Leeya for feeling anything at all when it came to Maizie.
The longer things went on like this, the worse it would be. I just didn’t know how to put an end to it without hurting Maizie.
“I was hoping my old room would be free in the dorm, but I ended up having to take one near the end of the hall,” she said when I didn’t react. “I always used to think that the number of rooms in there was overkill. That there was no way they would ever all be used. Now there are actually a few rooms with people sharing.”
I nodded. “Yeah, Linley moved into your old one last week. Our Healer, Leeya, used to babysit her in Eden, and since her parents are gone, she’s more comfortable being closer to her than staying with her aunt and uncle.”
I glanced over from the corner of my eye to see her reaction. Unlike everyone else here, Maizie had actually spent time in the palace when we were still in Eden. She had seen my sister, although she had been much younger at the time. While I trusted her, she didn’t need to know the truth about the situation now. Not if it could be avoided.
Thankfully, there wasn’t any hint of a reaction that would suggest she knew I was lying. Either she hadn’t actually seen Linley yet, or she wasn’t connecting her with the little girl who used to drive her nannies crazy.
I turned my focus back to the work at hand. That was just another reason I had for getting this house finished as quickly as possible. I would have trusted every person living in the dorm with the information before. Now it would be safer for her to have her out of sight as much as possible. Even if it meant moving her and Leeya into this house without me.
“I met her yesterday,” Maizie went on. “Leeya. That’s how I knew someone was building a house here. She was sitting here watching the river.”
“Leeya was here?” I asked, looking up sharply. I was torn between worry that they had talked and the spark of hope that she could have been remembering something. This wasn’t like the clearing with the log that she liked to sit in. Part of the reason I loved this spot was that it was away from camp enough that people weren’t likely to wander into it. Something must have brought her here. “When?”
Maizie looked around, unconcerned. “Just before dinner.”
I looked back down to the board beneath me. That was after I had brought her out here with Linley. That might not have meant that she was remembering, but she had still come back. I had to fight to keep from smiling at the realization. I had worried it had been too much for her. Hearing me talk about the future we had been planning. Did this mean that she was still open to the possibility of trying to work things out even if she never remembered?
I wanted desperately for that to be the case.
“She really doesn’t remember anything?” Maizie asked.
Then the weight of it hit me again. I sighed. “Nope. She’s tough, though. She’ll get it back.” I hoped. “My bet’s on when she starts training again.”
“I take it she liked to train before?”
That did make me smirk. “You can say that.” It felt a little awkward talking to Maizie about this. On one hand, I used to be able to tell her anything. She had been the only person around who had known me before, so she was the only one who could really understand. This was a very different situation. She might not understand it, but we were talking about the woman I loved. The one I was building this house for. It would hurt her if she knew.
I realized now that there was no way to avoid that. I couldn’t just let this play out in hopes that it would resolve itself without any hurt feelings. It would only get worse as more time passed. Gryffin had said Leeya would wonder why I hadn’t told her, but she wasn’t the only one.
The problem was, I didn’t know how to broach this without telling Maizie about Leeya. Right now, everyone who needed to know about the two of us did. Leeya didn’t need the added pressure of having more people know. It was up to her to decide when the rest of camp was told.
She had to be my priority here.
“There’s still an hour before lunch. Want to go for a dip? There are so many things I used to want to do here.”
It was her flirty tone more than the words that pulled me out of my internal struggle. I was out of time.
; “What are you doing?” I asked, trying to keep my tone light as I watched her toying with the hem of her shirt.
Maizie shrugged, pulling it up enough to show a little skin that was hidden underneath. “Making up for lost time. I know it’s a little cold, but I’m sure we can find a way to stay warm.”
“That was a long time ago, Maizie,” I said, keeping my eyes on hers and not on the show she was trying to give me. “I’m not the same person I was back then.”
Her movements stilled, but she still didn’t drop the shirt back down. “So no to swimming? Whatever else could we do to ease some of the stress that’s built up over the years?”
Her eyes raked over my body, lingering on my exposed arms before meeting my gaze with a smile again. I wasn’t the kid she remembered. Much like Leeya had, I’d thrown myself into training after that night in Eden when I thought Maizie had been killed. Though I had eventually moved past it, I had stuck with the training. It showed.