One Song: book two in the one series

by Best, Victoria J.

  “Nat, before you say anything, let me say one thing,” I began, pointing towards the living room.

  She nodded, running a hand through her hair as she walked out ahead of me. I watched her retreating back. My eyes trailed down her loose t-shirt to her cutoff shorts, which were just long enough to leave something to the imagination, but short enough to make me want to run a hand up her thigh just underneath. We made our way into the kitchen and she began to putter around, making a bottle for Christopher as I stood next to the island and bounced him to keep him from fussing. She wouldn’t look at me but she had agreed to listen. That would have to do for now because I had every intention of saying what I had to say.

  “What happened in the office, that was way beyond just friendship.” I had considered beating around the bush, taking it slow, but fuck that.

  “Yeah,” she said quietly, still not looking at me.

  I sighed, my head tipping back so I was looking up the ceiling for a moment. “Natalie, why are you fighting this so much?” I was over being delicate about it.

  “I don’t know,” she whispered, finally turning to glance at me over her shoulder before averting her eyes again quickly.

  Neither of us spoke for a few minutes, Natalie continuing to make the bottle for the baby and me standing in the middle of the kitchen. I had a lot to say, so much so my brain was a swirl of words and explanations I couldn’t make sense of. The silence allowed for me to mull, which may or may not have been a good thing. But eventually, when she turned to me and pushed the bottle into my hand, I knew exactly what to ask her.

  “Come to San Diego with me for the day, so that my mom can meet Christopher,” I said.

  Natalie’s met mine, confusion marring her beautiful face. “What?”

  It was a one-eighty from the conversation before, out of the blue, but we could revisit that later. This was what I needed to know right now.

  “I’ve been telling my mom about Christopher since I found out about him. She keeps subtly hinting that she wants to meet him, but you were in New York and he couldn’t travel. You’re here now. Come with me. I have to go home to grab a few things, talk to the guys about your proposal, and then we can come back up here. That is, if your offer from before is still good.”

  It suddenly dawned on me she may not want me to stay after what happened between us.

  “Uh, but that’s a two-hour ride. Christopher hasn’t been in a car seat for that long before.” She chewed her bottom lip as she spoke.

  I went into the living room and settled onto the couch with Christopher in the crook of my arm as I gave him the bottle. When I looked up at her, she was worrying her hands together, her teeth still working on her bottom lip.

  “I think he’ll be okay, but if you want, I’ll call the pediatrician before we decide.” She was making excuses. The doctor had cleared Christopher of his bronchitis the day before at his follow-up appointment, and Natalie knew that.

  Letting out a heavy breath, Natalie met my eyes again, dropping her hands to her sides. “Okay, we’ll go with you, Rhys. I know it must be important to you if you asked.”

  I could tell by the look on her face that she was uneasy about it, whether for Christopher’s health or another reason. But she had agreed and that meant something. With a little maneuvering, I freed a hand and patted the couch next to where I sat, in hopes she would sit down with me. Usually, she took up her post at the chair opposite the couch, as far away as she could get and still be in the same room as me. To my surprise, she bobbed her head slightly and sat down. Her arm brushed mine briefly, and she sucked in a sharp breath, settling back against the couch and angling her body away from me. I tried to pretend her actions didn’t feel like a rejection, but I could tell she saw it in my eyes with the way she looked down at her hands.

  “This is hard for me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.” Her quiet confession made took the sting out of her rejection.

  “What are you so afraid of?” I had asked her this before and she kicked me out. This time though, I hoped she would answer me.

  “Christopher, mostly. But I would be lying if I said he was the only reason. I don’t trust myself, not after—well, not after my past relationships. I’m not a good person, Rhys, and I’m afraid you’ll realize that before I can try to change it.” Her voice was small, not aligning with the Natalie I knew. This was the wounded kitten voice, the one she hid with her bravado and sharpness around other people. She thought I didn’t see that the sarcasm and bitchiness was an act. She thought that was her true personality. I saw something completely different.

  “You know that isn’t true, Nat. You moved all the way across the country so that Christopher could be near me. Quit your job, parted ways with your father. A selfish person doesn’t do those things.”

  A bitter laugh erupted from her throat. “You don’t know the things I’ve done to people, the way I’ve treated them. If you did—” She shook her head but didn’t finish the thought. “What will your mother think of me?”

  I could tell she was changing the subject, afraid to talk about the hard stuff any longer. “She’ll love you both.”

  Natalie shook her head again. “I don’t think so. She’ll she right through me. But she deserves to meet her grandson.” As she spoke, a black cloud seemed to pass across her face, her hazel eyes darkening and her mouth dipping into a deep frown. I started to speak, to assure her my mother would like her, when she spoke again. “I wish my mother could meet him,” she added, her voice tight and tears glistening in her eyes.

  This was the first time Natalie mentioned her mother to me in an emotional way. I knew she passed away when Natalie was young, but beyond that, she gave no inkling of their relationship or otherwise.

  Even though she was trying to keep a physical distance from me, I scooted closer as best I could with Christopher in my arms, and rested my arm against hers to offer comfort. Her eyes met mine, silent tears trailing down her cheeks.

  “I’m sorry.” She gave me a watery smile as she wiped the tears from her cheeks. “I don’t know what’s come over me all of a sudden.”

  “You’re allowed to be sad about losing your mom, Natalie,” I assured her.

  “Right,” she mumbled, but the look on her face said otherwise. I was sure Christopher Livingston II discouraged shows of emotion and wouldn’t let her talk about her mom.

  “Tell me about her.” I wanted her to know I would listen when she was ready to talk about it.

  “I will, soon, but since we are going to visit your mom, how about you tell me about her?” She met my eyes again, smiling for real this time instead of forcing it.

  I wanted to tell her she didn’t have to change the subject, but I knew arguing with Natalie Livingston was not an option. When she had her mind made up about something, there was no changing it. So instead, I told her about my mom as I finished feeding and burping Christopher. By the time I glanced at my watch again, thirty minutes had passed and both of our stomachs were growling.

  Natalie chuckled, the first real laugh I had heard from her since earlier. “Looks like we better get some food into you soon.”

  She stood up and walked into the kitchen, taking the empty bottle from the side table as she went. I got up to follow her, Christopher propped on my shoulder.

  “I feel like Chinese,” she muttered as she rifled through a drawer for a takeout menu.

  I approached her from behind, placing a hand on her waist. She turned abruptly, our eyes colliding and her breath hitching in her throat.

  “I want you to know that I appreciate you making plans for the baby to visit my mom tomorrow. She’s really going to be over the moon about it.”

  A small smile graced her rosy bow-shaped mouth and her tongue darted out to wet them before she spoke. I couldn’t look away, transfixed by her mouth even as she began to speak.

  “It’s not a problem, Rhys. Despite my dad acting like an ass before I left, I would never have kept Christopher from him. Your mom mu
st be desperate to meet this little munchkin.” She grabbed his pajama clad foot and held it in her hand.

  “I just wanted you to know I appreciate it and that you’re letting me visit for longer.”

  Her eyes bounced back up to meet mine, something there I couldn’t identify. My chest clenched and I wanted to double over from the feeling that lodged there. We stood there, my hand on her waist, our bodies barely touching, our child between us and our eyes locked for what felt like hours. I wanted to say something to her, something I would have regretted later had I let it slip, but I bit the inside of my cheek to keep it to myself. Now was not the time.

  For now, this had to be enough.

  But soon, I would tell Natalie I was falling for her, and I wouldn’t let her pretend like she wasn’t falling for me right back.

  32

  Natalie

  Rhys strapped Christopher in his seat, which rested on the floor in the foyer the next day as I gathered some last-minute baby supplies and shoved them into my overstuffed diaper bag. I was sure I packed too much for a day trip but knew I wouldn’t have felt comfortable without it all, just in case. Rhys didn’t mention my overabundance of supplies, only gave me a bit of side eye as I hauled the bag, which was now heavier than Christopher and the car seat combined, onto my shoulder.

  “Ready?” he asked with a slight smirk.

  I rolled my eyes at him, giving him a playful smack on the bicep as I trailed him out the front door. He just chuckled while attaching the car seat to the base. With a grunt, I tossed the bag onto the front seat and slipped into the back next to Christopher. Rhys thought it was overkill to sit in the back but gave up convincing me otherwise when he realized I wasn’t going to budge.

  The night before, after we devoured our Chinese takeout, we discussed logistics for the road trip down to San Diego; what we would bring, where we would stop, and who would drive. Since I’m a native New Yorker, we decided he would drive. We also agreed on a stop about an hour in, to get the baby out of the car for a change and feeding. Rhys was against me riding in the back the whole way, but I refused to discuss the trip unless I was in the back. In the end, he agreed.

  The one thing we didn’t talk about was the spur-of-the-moment sex we had on the floor of the office earlier in the day.

  But since I wasn’t sure how I felt yet about any of it, I was grateful he didn’t bring it up again after he mentioned visiting his mom. I could deal with the surprise visit to her. I wasn’t yet ready to talk about the way I felt about him or what any of it meant. What I told him the night before, about not wanting him to know what kind of person I used to be, was only half of the truth. The rest, I had realized as we stood in the kitchen, barely touching, transfixed on one another. I was afraid, not just that I wasn’t good enough for Rhys, but that he would soon realize this fact only after I had already fallen so hard I wouldn’t be able to come up for air. I wasn’t ready to drown in him because what if a tsunami overtook me?

  It was much easier to pretend I wasn’t what he wanted than to find out that was the truth only after I lost my heart.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to sit up here?” Rhys asked as he put the SUV into gear.

  I nodded. “I’m sure. What if he needs me and we are on the highway?”

  He sighed, his eyes meeting mine in the rearview mirror. “I guess you’re right.”

  “I’m always right,” I said with a grin, sticking my tongue out at him.

  He turned around and winked before pulling out of the driveway. Once we reached the highway, Christopher was asleep and Rhys turned the radio down to a dull background noise so as not to wake him. I was afraid to talk, mostly because I was afraid Christopher would wake up crying while we were on the highway, so we drove in relative silence for about thirty minutes.

  “Have you ever been to San Diego?” Rhys asked me softly, his eyes meeting mine again in the rearview.

  I shook my head. “No. I’ve been to LA a few times before, for work, but never any other part of California. What’s it like?”

  His eyes lit up at my question and I could tell he loved his city. For the next twenty minutes, he talked animatedly about San Diego, where he grew up, his brother, and all the places he wanted to show Christopher when he grew up. I listened with patience, inserting an answer here and there as I saw fit, but I was mostly happy to just listen to him speak, his melodic voice soothing me as I watched Christopher sleep.

  Sometime later, I opened my eyes as the car rolled to a stop without realizing until I was waking up that I actually fell asleep.

  “Where are we?” I asked, jumping up to peer at Christopher, who was still fast asleep in his car seat.

  “At my mom’s. Since you two sleepyheads were knocked out I decided to drive right through our pit stop so we would make better time.”

  “Oh, I didn’t realize I was so tired.” I sat all the way up, stretching as I did so.

  “He’s been up quite a bit the last few nights.” Rhys pointed at Christopher as he turned the car off and pushed his door open.

  “Yeah. I think he’s still getting over being sick, even though the fever is gone and his breathing has cleared up.”

  I unbuckled my seatbelt as I talked, and Rhys opened the other door to take out Christopher’s car seat.

  “I guess it’s a good thing you’ve been staying with me, to help,” I added, hoping he didn’t take my words to mean anything else.

  I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy spending time with him, or that having him around wasn’t more than just helpful, but I wasn’t ready to take it any further. Not yet.

  “Are you ready?” he asked me as we approached the front door to his mom’s tiny ranch-style house.

  I nodded slightly, looking around at the neighborhood. It was solidly working middle class; cozy homes with well-tended yards. I decided it looked like a wonderful place to grow up. Rhys knocked on the door as I focused on the back of his head. Anxiety became an uncomfortable pit in the middle of my stomach. I wasn’t sure why I was so nervous about meeting his mom. From what Rhys told me, she was a great person—raised him and his brother alone, worked hard, and was as loving a mother as he could have asked for. But still, my hands tingled with nerves as the door swung opened.

  A short woman with shoulder-length brown hair stood in the doorway. Her blue eyes, the same eyes I always admired on her son, lit up when she saw us, and her hands went up to her mouth.

  “Is this him?” Her slightly high-pitched voice surprised me because she sounded like a much younger woman.

  Rhys’s mom looked down at the car seat in his hands, her eyes roaming over Christopher with a sheen of tears in them. A lump formed in my throat at her reaction to seeing her grandson for the first time, and I swallowed hard, looking away for a moment to collect myself.

  “Come in, come in,” she said suddenly, as if remembering we were still standing on the stoop. She waved her arms at us to follow her into the house.

  I trailed behind Rhys, feeling a little out of place, not because of the new situation but because I wasn’t sure how I would be received. Typically, I wasn’t the type of person to feel uncomfortable in new situations. Not when I was meeting new people for a business deal or in a professional setting. In those circumstances, I was always calm, collected, and had myself together. I could handle the room, the people I spoke to, I was in control. But lately, all of the changes in my personal life, all of the new people and new surroundings, made me feel unsure of myself. This was new territory for me, so I hung back while Rhys greeted his mom, setting the car seat on the floor in the living room in order to embrace her.

  I took the chance to retrieve Christopher, unstrapping him gently and carefully, so he wouldn’t wake up as I transferred him from the seat to my arms. He barely stirred and the butterflies in my stomach calmed a little at that. At least I wouldn’t have to contend with a fussy baby on top of everything.

  “You must be Natalie,” Rhys’s mom said after she pulled out of his b
ear-like hug and turned to me. Tears were drying on her cheeks and she swiped them away with a dismissive movement, laughing at herself a little. “I’m so sorry for all of this. Rhys didn’t tell me you were coming. He caught me totally off guard.”

  “It was a surprise, Mom,” Rhys said with a chuckle. “That’s how they work.”

  She swatted him on the arm playfully. “Oh, Rhys. You’re lucky I didn’t keel over in the doorway from your surprise.”

  Rhys laughed a little louder, but my eyes widened with horror. “Rhys, you didn’t tell me she didn’t know we were coming,” I hissed at him. The butterflies began their riotous flight again. “I’m so sorry for intruding, Mrs. Beckett.”

  This time, Rhys’s mom laughed, her hand on her belly as if it were the funniest thing she ever heard. “Oh, it’s not an intrusion at all. Rhys backhandedly mentioned stopping by this week, but I didn’t think you and the baby would be with him. This is the best surprise I’ve had in ages. I’ve been dying to meet this little one for months.”

  Guilt invaded my stomach where the butterflies continued their assault and I felt the need to apologize again. I had been selfish keeping Christopher to myself for so long.

  “It’s so nice to finally meet you,” I managed to say around the guilt and anxiety, and everything else that I was feeling in the moment. My head was spinning with it and I tried to compose myself as my throat clogged again with the need to cry.

  Rhys caught my eye, because my voice was soft and hoarse, shooting questions from their blue depths. I gave a slight shake of my head and plastered the most genuine smile I could muster on my lips. This was all wrong for some reason. I was happy Christopher finally got to meet his grandmother, but I felt like I didn’t belong, and it didn’t make sense. Rhys walked over to me and I transferred Christopher to his arms.

  Without warning, Rhys’s mom wrapped me in a tight hug, bigger than I expected from a woman her size. Something inside of me relaxed a little with the contact. It had been so long since I had the comfort of a mother’s arms around me that I didn’t even realize until it was happening that it was what I needed.