One Song: book two in the one series

by Best, Victoria J.

  I just stared at him, unable to respond. My heart was screaming at me to say yes. It wanted me to tell him I had been waiting for him to say this for months. But my head, that fickle bitch, was telling me the whole thing would fall down around my shoulders if I gave in. She was telling me to guard my heart, to tell him no, to run away. I hadn’t been this confused since I found out I was pregnant with Christopher.

  “I don’t know, Rhys,” I finally said, my voice small.

  “Don’t make a decision now. Come to my show in a week and a half, and if you really don’t want to do this, don’t even want to try, after we’ve spent the week together, then I’ll understand. I won’t bring it up again. I’ll only come around as Christopher’s father. Can you do that?” The look on his face was hopeful and it tore at my heart. Because even though I was scared, Rhys was putting himself out there too.

  “Okay,” I answered, because I owed him that much.

  And because I wasn’t ready to make the decision to give him up yet.

  “How about we walk a little and have dinner?” Rhys was offering to put a pin in it for now. I was grateful for that.

  We didn’t talk much as we walked next to each other, close but not holding hands, down the beach, parallel to the pier. I wanted to look at him, to gauge how he was feeling, but I was being a coward. I was afraid that if I looked at him, I would tell him I felt the same way. I was afraid my heart would speak when my head was telling it not to.

  “What are you in the mood for?” Rhys finally asked me as we approached an area with restaurants and shops.

  “Huh?” I responded, unsure for a moment what he was asking me.

  “To eat, Nat. How does seafood sound?” Rhys pointed towards a restaurant to our right.

  I glanced over, feeling like my brain was in a fog because it had been whirring and whirring, trying to figure out what to do for the last twenty minutes.

  “Oh yeah, that sounds good.” As if to punctuate the hunger I was all of a sudden feeling, my stomach growled loudly.

  Rhys chuckled, and some of the tension that was shrouding us like the darkness began to dissipate. I didn’t want to ruin our night out so I decided to follow his lead and put a pin in my thoughts, so we could enjoy having dinner and hanging out before we went back to pick up Christopher.

  * * *

  “He was so good. He drank his entire bottle and didn’t fuss a bit. Not once. He has been sleeping for about an hour,” Rhys’s mom said quietly as we stood in her living room. “How was dinner?”

  Rhys and I exchanged a look before he answered, and my stomach flipped despite my attempts to keep it neutral. “It was nice. I made Natalie try crab for dinner, and we walked on the beach a little.”

  Tammy gave us a look that indicated she was hoping something happened. I frowned, looking down. It was one thing to have Rhys’s expectation for a future on my mind, but I couldn’t deal with his mother’s too.

  “I think we will collect Christopher and head home,” Rhys said, ignoring Tammy’s look.

  I was grateful to him again, for the second time that night.

  “Are you driving all the way back to LA at this hour?” It was only ten o’clock.

  “No, Mom. We’re going to stop at my place so I can get some clothes, stay the night, and then head back up tomorrow morning.”

  “Oh, what a relief.” Tammy grabbed her chest before heading towards the kitchen. “I’ll grab some of the cookies I made yesterday for you to take with you.”

  Rhys breathed out a heavy sigh when his mom left the room, and I could tell he was feeling tense all of a sudden. It was my fault.

  “I’ll get Christopher and we can go,” I said, needing a minute alone.

  I crept back into the guest room where somehow, though she didn’t know we were coming, Tammy had a portable crib set up. Rhys said it was there because she sometimes babysat his brother’s kids and when he called as said she had a new grandchild, she pulled it out of the attic. My chest clenched with how thankful I was that Christopher had a loving grandmother.

  I stood there for a moment, watching my tiny son sleep, his mouth opened slightly as his chest rose up and down. My heart clenched for another reason now. I loved him so much, more than any words could describe. Didn’t I at least want to give a relationship with Rhys a chance for his sake?

  You aren’t good at relationships, and Christopher will be better off if you don’t even try, that nagging voice reminded me.

  What if it was right?

  35

  Rhys

  Natalie didn’t talk to me for the rest of the evening. Instead, she said goodnight as soon as we got into my apartment, taking Christopher with her into my bedroom. We had discussed logistics at dinner. Since I only had a one-bedroom apartment, she would sleep in the room with the baby for the night and I would sleep on the couch.

  Two hours later, I lay there, wide awake and wishing I had kept my feelings to myself. I had been thinking about telling Natalie how I felt since we left LA, but somewhere in Orange County, I convinced myself it wasn’t a good idea. That was, until we were on the beach. Natalie looked so happy and carefree, her beauty radiating from not only the outside but the inside too. I hadn’t seen her content since I met her. For once, the lost puppy dog look was gone. She wasn’t hiding from me the way she usually did, and when I held her in my arms, the whole world fell away.

  And with it went my reservations.

  So, I said fuck it, and told her that I was done being friends. I wanted all of her, I wanted a relationship. But when I said it, she transformed before me. The carefree woman from moments before was gone, replaced by the woman who was afraid to tell anyone what she actually wanted. The woman who was, for some reason, afraid of herself.

  I didn’t regret telling her, but I did regret the result. She didn’t say she wouldn’t think about it, agreeing to come to my show in San Francisco next week. But I felt the shift in her and almost regretted ruining the evening. Almost.

  Something dawned on me then as I lay there, staring at the ceiling. This week, I would just have to show Natalie my feelings for her went beyond lust. It was time for me to show her I was in love with her.

  * * *

  The next morning, we awkwardly skirted around each other as I packed a bag and she tended to Christopher. We were able to leave for LA by nine a.m., in hopes we would beat traffic. LA being what it was, it was smooth sailing until we got just outside the city. Then it was bumper to bumper.

  Natalie sighed for the hundredth time, looking out the window on the passenger side before turning all the way in her seat to glance at Christopher, who was sound asleep. I could tell her anxiety was rising the longer we sat still on the highway, her leg bouncing again as she kept shooting looks into the backseat at Christopher.

  “I should have sat with him. What if he wakes up screaming back there, alone?” She chewed her nail as she spoke.

  “We’ll pull over and you can switch,” I said, not taking my eyes from the road.

  “Okay, okay,” Natalie mumbled, trailing her gaze back to the window.

  She was doing an excellent job of ignoring me.

  “We can always pull off the highway and go around?” I knew a little bit about LA, enough to get us to her house without using the highway.

  Natalie shook her head. “I don’t want to risk getting lost.” Her eyes darted back to Christopher again.

  “It will be quicker, if you’re nervous about Christopher…” I began.

  “No, no. It’s fine,” she snapped at me, hazel eyes green with irritation.

  It was my turn to sigh.

  “Natalie,” I started again, to try to get her to calm down.

  “I’m sorry. I’m tired, it’s been a long couple of days. I just need a little space to think.” She let out a long breath as she said it, giving me a weak smile.

  Well shit, now I felt like an asshole.

  “No, I’m sorry. I sprung all of this on you yesterday, and now you’re trapped in a
car with me on the highway.”

  Natalie laughed, the sound bursting from her mouth, like it had been bottled up in her chest for days, fighting to escape. At the sound, Christopher jumped, my eyes darting to him in the mirror at the same time as she laughed. He began to cry, a shrill, loud sound that made me cringe.

  “Dammit,” Natalie murmured under her breath, though she was still smiling slightly.

  “Want me to pull over?” I felt like some of the tension had left the vehicle, though it was slowly building again as Christopher’s wails reverberated through the SUV.

  “Just get off the highway,” she finally said, tossing her hands up as if she surrendered.

  “Okay, maybe once we start moving again, he’ll settle anyway.”

  I maneuvered around the other cars on the highway, managing to get to an exit ramp. Within minutes, we were cruising again, and with the movement of the car, Christopher settled. It didn’t stop Natalie from tossing anxious looks into the back, but she relaxed against the seat after a while, the lines of worry on her face disappearing. Silence filled the car again, but this time, it was more of an amicable silence which helped me to relax some as well.

  Though I was relaxed, my mind kept traveling back to the plan I had come up with last night, to try to convince Natalie my feelings were genuine. The more I thought about it, the more my confidence grew. There was only one catch; it was contingent on her keeping her promise to come to my show next weekend. By the time we reached her house, I was no longer relaxed or confident, anxiety churning in my gut that she would change her mind.

  “What do you have planned for the week?” I asked Natalie, in my best casual voice as we walked into her house.

  She shrugged as she hiked the diaper bag on her shoulder, pushing through the front door. “I have to get a few things situated with the company. Most of the people accepted my proposal to join, but I haven’t heard back from Isabel Garcia’s manager and you still have to speak to your guys.”

  She raised an eyebrow at me as she said the last part.

  “I’m planning to go over it with them when we meet for the show. They want to talk more about it with you before they make a decision.”

  I left out the part about Todd being on the fence. He was worried Natalie would manipulate us because of her relationship with me. Apparently, Jessica had been running her mouth about how Natalie was cruel and abusive to clients and co-workers when she worked for Livingston PR. I assured him the person Jessica was referring to was not the Natalie I knew, but he was hesitant. The other two guys were on board. I needed a few hours to work on Todd when we were in San Fran to convince him.

  “Oh, good. I can’t wait to get started with everything. I’m a little anxious about finding a nanny for Christopher, but I know he will need at least part-time care while I work.” Natalie chewed her bottom lip as she spoke.

  As we talked, we dropped our bags and I removed Christopher from the car seat, propping him on my shoulder, my hand on his back to keep him in place while I moved around.

  “I think it will all work out fine. Besides, I may be able to come up and spend some time with Christopher in a few weeks while you work. My west coast tour is winding down. Our last tour date is in Seattle in two weeks and then we’re done. We do have to get back in the studio soon for the next album, but I have some downtime coming up.” I walked into the kitchen, grabbing all the components for a bottle from the counter, and began to make it up.

  “Really? That would help a lot. I promise to have the guest room set up for you by then, so you don’t have to sleep on the couch.”

  I glanced at her in my peripheral as she spoke. There was uncertainty in her hazel eyes, but also something else. Maybe she was thinking the same thing I was—hopefully we wouldn’t need the guest room in two weeks.

  Pushing the thought aside for now, because a week was a long time to speculate, I finished up the bottle and walked back to the living room with Christopher. I tested the formula on my wrist as I sank into the plush sofa, before popping it into his mouth, which was waiting for the bottle like a baby bird. Taking care of Christopher had become more natural, rote, unlike the first few days I was here. Those days seemed like so long ago, though it was only last week, and I marveled at how comfortable I was with having a baby. Before Christopher, I wasn’t even sure if I wanted children, and now I couldn’t imagine my life without him.

  “You are so good with him,” Natalie mused from behind the couch, as if she were reading my mind.

  I looked up at her and smiled, our eyes locking for a second. A light flush crept up her cheeks as we stared at each other, the smile slipping away from my mouth. I could stare at her all day, her forest green and amber eyes drawing me in like a moth to a flame. This week was going to be the longest week of my life because I knew if I touched her, she would spook and I’d lose the edge I already had. I had to do my best to keep it together. Losing right now was not an option. I wanted Natalie and Christopher like I needed air to live.

  I wasn’t walking away without her this time.

  36

  Natalie

  How was I going to make it through this week?

  Those words ran through my head over and over again that night while I bathed Christopher and rocked him to sleep. If Rhys kept looking at me like I was a snack, I would crack. I would tell him yes before I even had the time to think about it. I would make a rash decision, like the one I made almost a year ago in a dark alley, which could change things without being able to reverse them.

  I ran through a list of pros and cons in my head while I sat in the rocker, my son snoring on my chest. My logical brain was hard at work and I missed her. Saying yes to Rhys would mean a full-time father for Christopher. That was a pro. He could move in with us, help me take care of him, and Christopher would never have to miss him.

  I wouldn’t have to miss him.

  That was a con.

  Feeling something for Rhys beyond lust scared me. I wasn’t good at relationships and apart from that, I wasn’t a very good person. Fear of the old Natalie resurfacing and ruining everything made me slip my feelings for Rhys solidly into the con column.

  But what were my feelings for Rhys?

  I wasn’t able to name them and was also terrified of admitting something I wouldn’t be able to take back. No, thinking about my feelings for Rhys when he was right down the hall wasn’t going to work. But I knew I had to figure it out soon because he wanted an answer.

  I had a week; a week to get my head on straight and make a decision for myself and my son that wouldn’t ruin everyone involved. My days of ruining people were over.

  * * *

  “What are you reading?” I jumped at Rhys’s voice, even though he whispered.

  I was sitting in my office, the door slightly ajar, the video monitor on my phone displaying Christopher as he slept, reading over a contract I received just an hour ago from Isabella Garcia’s manager.

  I set the papers down and turned to Rhys. “Just a contract. I thought you were asleep.”

  He was leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest, his black t-shirt pulling against his biceps. My heart rate spiked and I looked away, a slight flush covering my cheeks. Thankfully, the room was dim, only lit by a small desk lamp.

  “I heard you moving around after you put Christopher down and decided to see what was going on,” he said, strolling into the room further.

  My eyes darted to the doorway, wanting to escape from the dimly lit room, where Rhys looked too sexy and dangerous and I was hanging on the precipice of a bad decision.

  “I wanted to catch up with a few things before tomorrow,” I said with a slight shrug.

  Please go to bed, I internally screamed.

  But I knew he wasn’t going to leave this room.

  And I knew I was going to make the wrong choice.

  “You are still planning to come to my concert, right?” Rhys suddenly asked.

  My head snapped up, meeting his eyes. U
ncertainty lurked in the deep, sky blue depths.

  “I said I would, Rhys.” I wasn’t frustrated but my answer came out that way.

  He nodded, holding his hands out at my tone. “I’m not pressuring you, Nat. I just have to check with my mom to see if she can come up here for the weekend to watch Christopher.”

  I ran a hand through my hair, which was half-braided but came loose to fall around my face. “I’m sorry. I’m exhausted. I really hope Chris sleeps tonight.”

  “I can get him at night, you know. I know how to get him back to sleep now.”

  It was my turn to nod. “I know, but since he’s in my room, I’ll hear him anyway. And, I think I won’t be able to go back to sleep while he’s awake regardless.”

  “I guess you’re right. But if you need company when he’s up, feel free to wake me. I won’t mind.” As he spoke, he moved further into the room, standing directly over where I sat now.

  I looked up at him, a tired smile on my lips. “Thanks. I mean it. I was struggling the first few weeks he was home when I was alone in New York. But since being here in LA, with you here, I’ve been able to relax knowing that I have someone I can trust with Christopher.”

  Rhys bobbed his head again, looking at me silently.

  “And you can tell your mom that I’m still going to the concert. I made a promise.”

  Our eyes locked again and the next sentence fell away from my lips. When my gaze met his, I felt like I was trapped in a stormy maelstrom, unable to escape.

  “Rhys,” I said instead, my voice low in the semi-dark room.

  “Natalie,” he responded, his tone matching mine.

  “You made a promise too,” I managed to utter just as he crouched down, eye level with me now in the chair, his hands cupping my face.

  “I made a promise not to pressure you into make a decision; I didn’t make a promise not to kiss you.”