Baby by Midnight?

by Karen Toller Whittenburg

  For damages.

  Annie wondered just. how much he thought a broken heart was worth.

  ALEX. SPENT THANKSGIVING DAY working Koby. It was the same way he spent every day. In fact, life on the Keyline Ranch in Doversville, Texas, was nothing if not predictable. Just what Alex wanted. Nothing but predictable, exhausting, climb-into-bed-at-night-too-tired-to-think routine. He couldn’t afford thoughts of Wyoming and Annie. He couldn’t afford to imagine how easily life there went on without him. He had to focus on one thing now. Koby and the cutting futurity. The event that would make or break his career before it really began. His future rode the fence until Koby had won or lost. The horse and the work and the contest had to be everything to him because, right now, he had nothing else.

  Afterward... well, he’d either go home in triumph or defeat and, one way or another, his family would take him in. Annie, on the other hand, might not.

  He went over those three weeks he’d spent with her on many a midnight when he couldn’t fight off the melancholy of being so far away from her. And it always came back to one issue. He’d disappointed her. The one thing he’d promised himself he’d never do. He’d made sure he couldn’t let her down. After all, if he made no promises, offered no commitments, gave no undying vows of loveforever-after, then she couldn’t reasonably be disappointed if he failed to measure up. It had been his motto since some long-ago moment when he became aware of all the expectations resting on his little boy’s shoulders. Running had seemed the simplest way to avoid disappointing the people who loved him, the best and easiest way to avoid out-and-out failure.

  Well, he was face-to-face with it now. Koby had recovered completely from the bowed tendon. He seemed happy enough to be back at the familiar surroundings of the Keyline Ranch, where Alex had trained him last summer. The Keyline was small. Minuscule, next to the seemingly endless acreage of the S-J. But in addition to having a grade-A training facility, the Keyline’s main asset was the owner, Benny Colter, who didn’t care where Alex came from or what his name was. He cared, first, last, and always, about horses. And, once in a while, about the people who rode them.

  “He’s just not interested,” Alex complained after a particularly disappointing session with Koby. “Ever since the injury, he seems to have lost his edge.”

  Benny climbed down from his usual perch, ringside, swiped a hand over his sparsely covered gray head and put his hat back on. “There’s nothing wrong with your horse, son. There’s somethin’ lost in you.”

  Alex tasted the truth in that...and the fear. “Nothin’ I can’t get along without.”

  “Maybe you can and maybe you can’t. Not for me to say. But until you decide which it is, don’t go blamin’ your horse. He ain’t changed. He’s still all he ever was.” The old man turned, started to walk away, turned back. “So are you, boy. So are you.”

  “I can’t just give up and go back there empty-handed,” Alex said, admitting to himself that that was exactly what he wanted to do. He wanted to go home to Annie, to these last days of waiting for the baby to come. He no longer cared if she wouldn’t admit the baby was his. He no longer cared whether or not it was. He would be Daddy—a good, dependable, always-there daddy—to Annie’s child, either way. If she’d give him one little snip of a chance. If she’d just allow him one more chance to prove how much he loved her. If she’d only believe that proving himself in a contest of his peers was in her best interest, too.

  After the futurity, he’d fly home. Win or lose, he’d be there New Year’s Day. Winner or loser, he was going home to stay.

  THE SMELL OF SAWDUST and cows, competition and excitement was a heady mix as Alex rode out of the arena. Koby had never been better and was far and away the leader going into the final round tomorrow night. In the preliminary events, he’d performed like the superb athlete he was, and Alex should have been busting out all over in prideful smiles. But his thoughts were miles away with Annie and the child who was still—Josie had passed along the information just that morning—waiting to be born. It was a tribute even to Kodiak Blue’s now-undeniable talent that he’d worked like a professional while his rider and trainer sat back and paid a deplorable lack of interest.

  Swinging down from the saddle in the stable area, Alex caught Benny’s eye and knew his lack of enthusiasm hadn’t escaped notice. “This is a fine animal,” Benny said. “Better’n you deserve.”

  Alex nodded. “He’s going to win.”

  “Yep. Isn’t that what you trained him to do?”

  “I’ve worked him hard for it,” Alex agreed. “Pushed him to be his best. And now...” He swallowed hard. It wasn’t easy to give up a long-held dream. “I’m about to hand him a big disappointment.” He patted Koby’s sweaty neck. “I’m leaving. Going home to Wyoming. Today. First flight I can get out of here. I’ll walk if I have to, but I’m going to be there with Annie when my son’s born.”

  Benny nodded, offered Koby an approving nose rub. “You could probably get more’n you paid for this fella, if you were of a mind to sell him. Couple of people have approached me with the question just today. ’Course, you’d get a lot more if he could go on and take the top prize tomorrow.”

  Alex didn’t think he could bear to part with this horse. On the other hand, he wasn’t looking forward to taking him home without the championship trophy, either. Matt and Jeff wouldn’t see much difference from withdrawing the horse from the competition and just plain losing. They still wouldn’t have any faith in Koby. Or in Alex, for that matter. “I don’t know what I want to do with him,” he said, then stopped, realizing that he did know. He knew exactly what he wanted. “No, on second thought, tell anyone who asks that he’s not for sale. He’ll be standing stud at the S-J Ranch, if they’re interested. And if they’re not... Well, he’s proved himself to me and that’s good enough.”

  “You’d best get to the airport if you’re gonna make it home before that baby comes.” Benny took the reins from Alex. “I’ll take care of withdrawing your name. I’ll even truck the horse to your ranch for you in at few days. Consider it a baby gift.”

  Alex felt like hugging the old man. but settled for shaking his hand. “Thanks, Benny. I’ll save you a bubble-gum cigar.”

  “Just don’t name the kid after me, and we’ll consider it a swap. Now, get the hell home, would ya?”

  Alex got

  LOOSEY PERKED HER EARS, got up, wagged her tail and barked once, sharply, as if assuring Annie that she was on guard and unafraid. Which was a good thing, because Annie was too pregnant to do anything except recline on the sofa with her feet up. At least, she thought her feet were up. She’d given up even trying to see them over the huge, round barrel of her belly. How an infant could take up so much space in a body was infinitely mysterious, but Annie was past finding any part of this nine-month drama awe inspiring. She was simply weary all the way to her toenails and weepy all the way to her eyelashes. “It’s just Uncle Dex,” she told the collie, whose tail was still swinging with the even beat of a metronome. “Come to take care of the large animals.”

  She’d hated to ask for help, but was glad now she had. It was dark already on this next-to-lastday of December, and January’s clipping chill was thick in the outside air. Annie had turned over the arduous, more physical aspects of her job to Uncle Dex back in November, when Dr. Elizabeth advised her to rest more and worry less. He hadn’t complained as much as Annie had expected. He’d even started stopping by the house every evening to check on her. He could say all he wanted that he was just coming in to warm his hands or to take a bite of supper with her, but she knew it was merely his way of making sure she was okay.

  There had been several folks checking on her during the past two months. Nell brought her leftovers from the café once in a while—healthy choices, of course. Willie came by for lunch every Thursday, rain or shine. She, said it was her market day and she wanted to check on Loosey, but Annie knew and appreciated the true reason. Not to mention the homemade pizza she insisted on stick
ing in Annie’s freezer for later. Josie called often, usually with ideas for the contest, but generally worked the conversation around to comparing pregnancies at one point or another. She never mentioned Alex, probably waiting for Annie to do so. But Annie never did. Even Alex’s brothers called a few times on the pretext of either needing or paying for veterinary supplies at the ranch, but it wasn’t hard to decipher their generous intentions.

  Everything was ready for the baby. Annie had enrolled and completed Dr. Elizabeth’s classes in natural childbirth, even though she’d gone alone. She could have asked Willie or Nell, she supposed, to be her coach. Or even Genevieve, but somehow Annie felt reluctant to have anyone with her. She wanted Alex, and since she couldn’t have his hand to hold, she’d prefer to go the distance alone.

  Her biggest worry lately seemed to be going into labor when Uncle Dex was around—something she did not want to happen. Much as she appreciated his gruff concern, she didn’t think she could bear to have him pacing the halls of the hospital, fussing at anyone who crossed his path, while she was... well, doing what women did while having a baby. It wasn’t the pain she thought about so much as having no one to hold her hand when it got bad. If it got bad. Labor couldn’t be too awful, or women wouldn’t keep going through it and coming out with a smile. Positive thoughts. She would concentrate on positive thoughts. Uncle Dex would be at home when he got the news about the birth of his great-nephew, and her labor would be quick and relatively free of discomfort. And easy. Easy was definitely a positive thought, too.

  Loosey barked again. “Okay,” Annie said to the dog. “So neither one of us knows for sure what having a baby is like. Doesn’t mean it couldn’t happen just the way I’m thinking it might, does it?”

  The dog wasn’t paying attention. She was standing, almost pointing like a bird dog, alert to the sound of a truck engine outside. Her leg had healed and the cast was gone. She’d filled out nicely, too, losing the gauntness she’d had at the beginning of October. Her coat, too, was, if not perfectly groomed, clean and shiny. Annie had learned to be grateful for small things in the past two months, and at the top of that list was Loosey, furry companion extraordinaire. Annie voted her Top Dog of ’99 and was willing to fight anyone who tried to take the title away.

  That is, she’d fight as long as she didn’t have to get up off the couch to do it.

  There was the sound of a car door closing, carried clear on the night air, then footsteps to the front door. Even before the knock came, Loosey was beside herself with excitement, and Annie felt her heartbeat quicken with the hope that, maybe...just maybe...

  “I’m coming,” she called to the door, and began the rather involved process of getting up. But before she got her feet under her, the door opened and Alex walked in. Her world shifted, spun and settled into perfect place. His smile was all the fire she needed on a winter’s day, his presence the only gift she ever hoped to receive. She would have thrown herself wildly into his arms at that very second, but life at this stage of impending motherhood just wasn’t that simple. Besides, Loosey had gotten there first, and man and dog were greeting each other enthusiastically. “Hello, Sundance,” Annie said when she could wait no longer. “You’re a little late for Christmas.”

  His eyes glistened with the blue-hot flame of home fires and regret as he closed the door and took off his hat, his coat and gloves. He was wearing her favorite blue shirt, one she’d given him some time ago, with faded, but good-looking Wranglers. Annie thought it was a positive sign that she even noticed what he wore and how good he looked in it. Something else to be grateful for. A sign that one day her body and her hormones would be normal again. “I’m sorry I missed Thanksgiving and Christmas,” he said. “But you can’t know how happy I am that I didn’t miss the most important day in my life.”

  She swallowed hard, reminded her heart not to be too quick to forget even if he’d been forgiven long ago. “And that would be...my birthday?”

  He made a face. “No, because I have missed that a time or two.”

  “Only by hours, and who’s counting?” She watched him swallow hard, then he covered the distance between them in two long strides. Falling back into the arms of the sofa, Annie smiled when he eyed her reclining form. “I’d offer to scoot over and give you room to sit down, but it’s not that easy.”

  “Then we’ll do it the hard way,” he said and knelt on one knee next to her. “I’m gonna say this fast, Annie, before I lose my nerve, so listen closely ’cause I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to do it again.” He inhaled sharply. “I have loved you since you were a gawky, freckle-faced, redheaded kid with more grit and heart than I knew I’d ever possess. I wanted your love back then so much I was willing to tackle Jason Kettridge, the baddest kid in eighth grade, just to get you to notice me. I still feel that way about you, Annie. I know we have some issues. I know I’ve disappointed you more times that I want to know about. And I know this sounds dumber than a mule with a ruffled shirt, but I thought if I never made you any promises, I’d never be able to break one. I thought, in my own foolish way, that I was protecting you from getting hutt.”

  She reached out, stroked his dear, dear face with her palm. “You weren’t kidding about doing this the hard way, were you?”

  “I’ll do sit standing on my head with my nose in the corner, if that’s what it takes to get another chance with you, Annie. I know I’m coming to you late and pretty much empty-handed, with nothing but my name and a heartful of tender feelings. I can’t promise I won’t ever miss another one of your birthdays, but I will promise with my whole heart that I’ll love you more than anybody else ever could and I’ll be here with you. It may not always be easy, Annie, but I swear I’ll make it good.”

  She wanted to speak then, but Loosey interrupted by sticking her head over Alex’s elbow and licking his chin. He let go of Annie’s hand and scratched the dog behind her left ear. “I’m happy to see you, too, Loose,” he said. “But I’m in the middle of a proposal here, if you don’t mind.”

  “A proposal?” Annie’s voice sounded like it wanted to spring straight out of her throat and dance around. “You’re proposing?”

  Alex frowned. “Well, why did you think I got down on my knee?”

  “So you didn’t have to stand over me while you talked? So I wouldn’t get a crick in my neck looking up at you?”

  “It’s a proposal,” he said. “And you don’t have to tell me my. timing’s a little off. I know this would have been better if it’d come last spring, before Josie’s wedding.”

  Annie considered. “I’m not sure there’s a bad time for a marriage proposal.” She frowned, too. “It is marriage you’re proposing, isn’t it?”

  “Would you believe me if I said I had something indecent in mind?”

  She laughed, her heart lighter than it had been for months. Years, maybe. Alex had to be her destiny. Why else would the fates ordain that just the sight of him was enough to warm her from the inside out? “I wouldn’t believe that for a second, no.” She followed his gaze to her most prominent physical feature. “Not that the size of my belly isn’t pretty indecent, already. Are you positive you want to marry me, knowing I can look like this?”

  When she lifted her eyes to meet his, her heart skipped a beat. His expression was gentle, loving and so tender it took her breath away. “Knowing you can look like this is only part of the attraction, Annie. I’ve run my life backward pretty much from the start. Taking the chip on my shoulder and using it as an excuse to do whatever I damned well pleased. Searching for dreams in faraway places when you were here all along. You were right. I wasn’t ready to be a father nine months ago and I don’t know how good I’ll be at it. But I’m here and I’m not going anywhere again. Not without you and my boy. And I don’t even care if the baby is rightfully mine or if he inherits big teeth and an interest in African architecture from some other guy. He’ll be your son and that’s enough to make me want to be his daddy. If the two of you will have me...for better or
worse?”

  “We will,” Annie declared, leaning forward as best she could to throw her arms around his neck. “Oh, your son and his mother most demurely will.”

  “My son?”

  She nodded, loving the light of pride that sparked in his eyes. “As if I’d have a son with anyone else.”

  His kiss was all she’d ever longed for, the only dream she’d ever dreamed, and it wasn’t until it had ended that she realized what Alex must have sacrificed in order to deliver it. “Where’s Koby?” she asked.

  “He was in Denver this afternoon when I decided I was not going to miss the birth of my son. A friend of mine, another trainer, offered to trailer him to the S-J for me.”

  “But what about the futurity? You’re supposed to ride him in the final event tomorrow night.” She stopped, almost afraid to ask. “Did he lose in the preliminaries?”

  “Are you kidding? He was winning in a walk.” Alex lifted his shoulder in a no-big-deal shrug. “I withdrew him from the competition. Being here for you and Sam just turned out to be more important.”

  She couldn’t believe he’d done that, couldn’t believe he was here. For her. “But you staked your future as a trainer on him.”