The Easy Chain

by Evan Dara

  Then, after, just – chaos – phone calls started, faxes, being called down to – all necessary, and all only compounding the – lawyers, strategies – between my, all through all my work my cases – but William confessed – had to – very quick – his best strategy – but also what he wanted – probably – what he was looking for needed – all like a machine, determined – preordained sequence – still, it was over quick – thank – he’s serving rotting – ten fifteen years in – someplace – who knows – who cares – let him think about it for a good long time – should could have been longer – should have been thirty – but it came out, of course – inevitably – father, his, abuse – of course – entirely predictable – to be expected – Lamarck was right when it comes to behavior – but for me, mercifully – over quick – I – no additional actions, charges – assets, compensation, the agency – could have wiped, no contest – didn’t – just a contribution – four figures – mid four figures – to the policemen’s retirement benevolent account fund – wrote a check – it’s permissible – legally – entirely – a thank you – and they understood – Joe Withers, Jimmy Greifinger – known worked with them for years – keep it quiet – speak to their guys – they understood – the practice – if it got out – right under my nose – I, the practice – never survive – I mean how would it reflect on – the practice – on me as – on Me – how could I have EVer—

  And – and, of course – I sought all possible counsel – about Anya – what to – to say to her – how to – what to do as regards – spoke with every health-care professional I could find – well maybe six, eight – and there was a consensus – a consistent opinion on what to – we’re well-schooled in trauma treatment – so Anya’s in another educational institution now – residential – up near Milwaukee – put a little distance, they said – change the environment – I get up there at least once a month – they have a few people there who specialize in – I’m told she’s doing well – seems to – though it took, as you might imagine – weeks, several, to find this place – to arrange for – though they were very helpful there – very supportive – kind – so in the interval – I had – at first it was a weekend, so that was OK – we could let it pass – but by the Tuesday, I had – there was no way around it – I had to say something – of course she was noticing – their rhythm was set – bodyfelt – so I went out to her – in the back yard – on that Tuesday – but even before I could begin to – to get to – she sensed – she knew that something – and she started to pace – to stomp her feet, to knead her dress – she got all flushed glisteny, rose-marbled – and started saying keening Where is he? – Where’s where is William? – Why isn’t he here? – and she started to move away, to twist wriggle away from me – putting her hand in her hair and pulling and – and I held her, I kept one hand on her shoulder her dress – so she would feel me, have be reassurance – but she was acting out so much, wrenching writhing and whimpering and pulling – that I let her go, let her work off some of her distress – and she went toward the house – running hobbling – and fell on a board that was there – that was on the ground – her knee scraped and her hand hitting a bolt at the end of the board – and cut her – a gash her palm Terribly – and bleeding and seeping, and immediately imMedia wrapped and to the hospital—

  Terrible really screams and stitches – and emergency couldn’t give her anesthetic – too jittery vulnerable, thrashing – couldn’t be sure of getting feedback – which it might maybe needed – so without it, total exposed, stretched belted on the table – the needle huge – the string the twine trailing circling – terrifying – sew my the wound together – and her crying screech-throat calling to me all the time – and I’m here – I’m – here – luckily she didn’t have to stay in the hospital – out, home by 9 PM – into her room – and asleep, soon – knocked out, soon, teeth tomorrow – so she came back – they let her come back home – and then she went up to Milwaukee – right soon thereafter, up to – to live, to stay – to continue her – being taken care of – in good hands – the – right, the only thing to do – the required procedure – and that was that – that was it – case closed – my case, my – closed – as it should be – as it must – even when the case is all that is the world – see her once a month – it’s astonishing, it’s miraculous – that any of us can stand up – after the way the world runs over us – runs, stampede!s, autopilot – we’re proof that the resurrection exists – proof that, in any situation – the real story is the one not being told – I suspect that’s – that’s why they say – after all the disciplining – that samsara is nirvana – it had better be – give us one grain jottle Please! to – to – to mollify – to silence – to permit the continuation of the massacre – and this is right understanding – shit – keep me Keep me from such comprehension – Buddhism needs its fucking Nietzsche – it’s like my customers clients – from before – before the new procedures – when my clients would howl and rend and pound the floor – convulsions, wracking tumult when they were told – when I told them what I’d found – had really discovered – the final reports – but every time – Every time – they said thank you – sometimes minutes sometimes Days after the torment torrent had passed – they shook my hand – and paid right up – right on time – no chasing here – no lawsuits, fits – and even threw in, many many times – something more, something extra – a pourboire, a tip – once a two thousand dollar Audemars Piaget watch – saying thank you – Thank You! for – in other words, they wanted they Needed to punish themselves even More – abs – what Else? – why do you Think they came to me – to solicit my time, to pay for my Services – to commission me to pick and pick – because there’s make no doubt about it – forget democracy, forget technology, forget intellectual arg! property, forget the hamburger – the principal product of the West is self-hate – a production so vast and fungible that it has become the roaring engine of the entire world economy – so let’s set up a futures market in it, shall we? – easy enough to manipulate – I mean, here – take a look – you can see how efficient how proDuctive it is – Take a Look! – or do you think you’re immune? – that you’re inVulnerable? – can you, little man, believe yourself absolved? – now That!’s a good one – really good – because your Aunt didn’t think so – not for One Minute! – she thought you were disGusting – exActly her word – coming over here and carrying on – Looking for her! – making her fit Your needs – what is he DOing here, she said – you weren’t even Interested in her, she said – Why Now?, she grumbled – you shit you made her ashAmed – no, not of you, you little cretin, of herSelf! – of Course! – small little shriveled waxpaper washerwoman – aged withered miserably – begging clamoring for the opportunity to clean out offices and shitholes where she Could – when she could Find work – even Park stalls, even public buildings – the bucket, the squeeze mop, the old-shirt Wipe, Those were her world – no friends, no – even asked ME for work – insisted she wasn’t a fucking waste of a drunk like your mother – and then she reFused to come out, she refused to See you, she didn’t Want to! – too ashame!d for that – so I kept the imbecile stunt going, fuckman – for Your sake – give you fucking Hope – what would you Have me doHey! – HEY you little fucking put that PUT THAT DOWN – don’t put that Point! that – Don’t! you OK, it’s not Necessary, OK?! – Don’t POINT That so OK, so if you want to know more miserable fuckman you have to Pay! me first – OK? – you want to hear the rest? – what ELse there is to say? – EIGHTeen hundred and fifty dollars for the next word – what you Owe, what you Stiffed me on – you stinking – you misera little subcretin para – forget the expenses, forGet the extras xeroxing phone just the What You Owe Me! – what – but no – of course – you don’t Want to pay – you don’t Want Is THAT what this is all a – why, don’t you think you Should pay for? – isn’t it Worth anything to you? – do you think I made it Up? – is That it? – you think I’m making All this UP? – Because I Did! –
is THAT what you think? – you misera you little – then then Do it, OK? – come on now, Do it! – Do It Already, you stinking – you miserable Please, end me Waste me do itDO IT! – Now! – NOW! – Do, It, NOW! – I’m I Want! it – I Beg you! – Waste I inSist! that you shoot end me imMEED – so OK, now, OK! – DO IT! – but, no – wait – Wait! – I, I wasn’t Seri – Really I! – Really, come on now, what are you Doing?! – Put that REALLY! – No, wait WAIT! – wait a PLEASE – Don’t, please PLEASE DON’T! – DON’T!! – No, Wait! WAIT! PLEASE!!, Where are you GOing—?