A Protector's Touch: A New Adult College Romance & Romantic Suspense Novel

by Parker Sinclair

  Entwining my arms around his neck, I rise on my toes to kiss his perfect lips, the lips that formed the words, words a protector like him, a hero, means with all his heart. With my fingers now in his hair, the tips of our tongues meet, sizzling on impact.

  “When’s your game again?” I ask when the requirement for air takes us over.

  “I’d say we have a few more minutes to spare.”

  Getting dressed, again, is somehow hilarious to the both of us. Perhaps due to the rush we find ourselves in after getting a little overzealous. Somehow, I managed to do to Shan what I never wanted to do to Derrick, and damn was it a turn-on. I didn’t think doing that would have been as satisfying for me as it was for him; then again, I’ve never been turned around like that either. That position allowing our mouths to fully explore each other’s sex, though I forgot what I was doing some of the time. He was a bit distracting down there.

  Our eyes slide back and forth between concentrating on getting dressed and stealing looks at each other. I don’t think my cheeks have stopped flaming, and I am pretty sure these untamed curls are a lost cause. Curls drape down my face in a swirling curtain of brown as I tie my shoes again. Derrick had always asked me why I didn’t want to go blond. Seeing as most of his conquests when we were together were blond, I am thinking he picked the wrong girl from the get-go. Not-so-lucky me.

  Sated and with an added layer of protection nearly wrapped around me from Shan’s words and our physical manifestation of them, I head out the door with my head held high. I don’t jump, not really, when Shan’s arm wraps around my waist followed by a gentle squeeze. His head moves slowly as he sweeps the area; not a ripple of anxiety exists in the motion. No, this is smooth confidence personified.

  My shoulders release a hidden stress, and I melt into his hold. I don’t care who sees me with Shan. I’m proud to be with him, and he has shown me nothing but compassion and…

  And what? Love?

  Maybe love. Maybe that’s what I am feeling as well, but can a broken and untrusted heart fall so quickly? And if so, should I trust it all completely? I’ve been wrong—so wrong—before.

  Not this time.

  Shan opens Tyler’s car door and I slide in, carefully eyeing the oddities I toss aside and avoid. Boys can be so gross.

  I don’t see eyes, and I try to hold onto my unwavering carelessness about who sees me with Shan, but a sensation of them burning into me slips through the cracks of my old habits and fears.

  It’s just your imagination. Shake it off.

  I refuse to look around. Why should I care?

  “So, I will talk to you later tonight?”

  “Absolutely,” I promise. “I want to hear all about the game. I’ll be studying at Nia’s, but text me.”

  A shadow plays along his face as we pass the thick line of trees on our way to my dorm. The sun shines more fully, yet a shadow is still there. Is he worried?

  We pull into my parking lot, and I gather my purse to me, nearly hugging it like a favorite blanket. I notice I’m looking down again, and Shan’s words come back to me about not feeling ashamed of my past, so I pull my shoulders back and out of my slump.

  “You’re worried.” My statement holds more power than if I had asked it as a question. I knew the answer to that already. Shan must think Derrick is still a threat. I know it.

  “Do you have anything for protection when you go out alone? I know you can walk or drive to Nia’s, but either way, do you have something?”

  My hand slips into my purse and I pull out the bright pink holder with police-grade Mace inside.

  “It’s one of the first things they had us decide on in the self-defense class my group took together.” My hand holds out the small object that packs a punch. “These don’t hurt either.”

  Shan’s eyes widen at the set of knuckles attached to my keys like a painful promise. Bright purple coloring with lethal, sharp ears complete the kitty look of the dangerous weapon.

  “Cute,” he says as the shadow lifts away. “I feel much better knowing you have these.”

  “Yeah, so do I.”

  “Last night—well today, too, all of it was amazing.” His words are followed by a touch to my knee that travels up my leg.

  “Hey, you. No fair! We can’t start this again or you’ll miss your game.” The flush in my cheeks is back again, but he doesn’t push it, another way he is sexier and more of a man than my ex.

  When his hand slides away, I shift toward him, instead touching his face with my hand and pulling myself closer one last time.

  “You’re a magnificent distraction, April.”

  “You’re quite a diversion yourself, Mr. Carp.”

  I break away with a pout and hop out of the car. With a wave, I turn toward my hall, only to swivel around to see him waiting there, smiling while I walk away like a little girl who just got everything she asked for on Christmas Day.

  It is nearing five, and I need to get something to eat before I meet with Nia. She already has a dinner plan with her newspaper group, and having just joined, she doesn’t want to miss it no matter how looming this damn chemistry test may prove to be.

  Aware of the lack of food in our dorm apartment, I decide to head downstairs to grab something in the dining hall to go.

  While deep in my decision-making process over different sandwiches or pizza options, a presence looms behind me.

  “Saw you leaving idiot Shan’s house this morning.” Chas spews his hate long enough to send a heated breeze to the back of my ear. “Just so you know, I sent Derrick a nice picture of the two of you looking all cozy.”

  “And I care why?” I reply while continuing to move down the line, opting for pizza for now and a sandwich to bring to Nia’s. We’ll be there awhile.

  “Why? Don’t you think you should show him some respect? He treated you like a queen, and now you’re showing your tits to some loser.”

  Gripping my tray tightly enough to bring white and a splattering of red blood vessels abloom on my knuckles, I try to take a deep breath before setting the tray down.

  Spinning around slowly, I point my finger at Chas. “Move away from me, Chas. You’re in my space and your mouth is in my ear, so back off!”

  His shit-eating grin only brings my finger to curl inward, my short nails managing to feel like tacks piecing my skin.

  “I said back up!”

  This time Chas raises his hands in the air. “Look, psycho chick, calm down. You’re making a scene.”

  “Oh, I’m making the scene? But you can come up behind me like some freak of a stalker and try to threaten me because your dick boyfriend can’t leave me alone? He had his chance, but I guess once an abuser and a cheat, always one.”

  “You’re a lying bitch. I should wash out your lying mouth with these fake-ass mashed potatoes and make you choke on them.”

  Breathe and don’t back down.

  “I’m not scared of you, Chas, or your master, Derrick. He kept me under his thumb for too long, kind of like he is doing to you now. Wake up! If you ever want to be a decent guy you should distance yourself from him, like yesterday. Otherwise, I feel bad for any girl who wanders into your webs.”

  I don’t think Chas takes a breath for about thirty seconds while I glare into his eyes, not breaking our contact, not dropping my eyes to my hands, which are shaking in rage. My life is my own, and Derrick and his cronies aren’t going to control what I do and whom I do it with.

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he grits through clenched teeth.

  “Don’t I?” My head tilts while my lips purse. I pick up on a small drift of his eyes, as if he is actually considering my words.

  I decide the standoff can end on my terms. Plus, I am famished. Smiling at him instead of holding onto my grimace, I turn around, grab my tray, and walk away. I don’t look back. Even though I’ve held my ground, I am still trembling inside like a downed beetle, and any small movement might just unleash the tremors.

  This get
ting back to who I was thing is complicated, because I don’t think that person was ready to deal with this crap either. I keep saying Derrick made me weak, but something must have been missing in my confidence to begin with in order to let his wickedness leak into my psyche. I try not to let that beat me down. I mean what teenager is truly uber-confident? We are all just finding our way, both then and now, and when someone appears to love and cherish us, even a would-be protector cloaked in a deep-rooted guise, it can be easy to fall for the wrong person.

  Not like Shan, right?

  Trust is hard, people.

  I scan my card and leave the cafeteria. I get nods and smiles from some of the other students who saw the interaction along with a couple glares from other soccer players and their hater girlfriends who know Derrick and believe he’s a god. A false god is more like it. Why can’t people find a better, less sinister and cowardly person to look up to? Of course, I was enamored by the star athlete as well, so who am I to judge? I guess the real question is, can I forgive and forget about what happened in our relationship? And on another note, do I ever think Derrick can change and become a better person? It’s hard to see past the abuse, both physical and mental, or the lies, but maybe change is possible. Isn’t that what we want in the world?

  Realizing that I’m heading to my car lost in my thoughts, something I was told not to do at self-defense class, I snap out of it and pick up the pace.

  “Where are you off to, sweetheart?”

  The bile in my stomach shoots up my throat, burning the inside of my mouth.

  Damn it, girl! You weren’t paying attention.

  I clutch my keys, shifting them to slip my knuckles into place. By moving to the side, I am now able to see Derrick, my car, and my hall at the same time.

  “What do you want, Derrick? I have somewhere to be.”

  “Are you having another date with Shan?” He sneers. “Do you even know that guy? I mean, well enough to give it up already?”

  Breathe, in out in out. Don’t overreact. That’s what he wants.

  “I’d say I know a lot more about Shan than I ever really knew about you. Or maybe I was just a confused little girl who was blind to what you were really all about. Control, lies, and physical and mental abuse.”

  I’ve never said this out loud to him—only in texts when he wouldn’t leave me alone once I found my voice in group and knew what it really was that he was doing to me nearly every day. No, I didn’t need group to know the physical part was happening and that it was wrong, but to learn that all of the earlier mind games leading up to his carnal rage should have been warning signs all along that he was jacked. But I was in love, I trusted him, and sadly, at times I thought he was right and that I even deserved what he was saying to me. Maybe I was a flirt, or a tease needing attention and looking elsewhere. Which I was—at Shan.

  These words rush through my head as I gauge his reaction. He doesn’t flinch; though when does a stalking tiger flinch?

  “I’m not the person you think I am. You’re just being fed a bunch of bullshit from your cult lesbian group.” He takes a step toward me and I tighten the grip on my deadly kitten knuckles. “I bet you didn’t tell him all the things you did to me. How you provoked me. I don’t get mad with anyone but you. Just you, April! Now explain that to me!”

  Derrick’s yell doesn’t rattle me on the outside, but I am barely keeping it together inside.

  “Maybe you did love me, once, but you need help, Derrick. When you do find love again, I fear this cycle will continue.” I pull a smile despite the vehemence in my heart. “Maybe you can change.”

  “You’re the one who needs to change. I’m just fine and everyone knows you’re a liar.”

  “Not Shan.”

  “Oh, that’s rich. If you think he’ll ever love you like I did, you’re wrong.”

  “I hope not, Derrick.”

  Uh-oh.

  His steps are invisible to my ears, as if he floats to me.

  “Back off, Derrick.” I hold my knuckles by my side, my elbow locked and taut as a tightrope. His eyes glance down before moving back to mine.

  “What are you going to do with that?” He laughs. “You’d never.”

  “Really, like you’d never destroy someone’s property. Smart thing spray painting the cameras.”

  Good, throw him off guard.

  “What in the hell are you talking about?”

  His eyes widening and a drop in his jaw make me wonder if Shan was right. No, it had to be him.

  “You’re trying to tell me you didn’t dump paint all over Shan’s car when we were on our date last night?”

  He takes a step back and then another. Changing the subject, kind of, seems to have worked. He’s too conceited not to want to know what people are thinking of him, especially if law enforcement, or the college, could be involved.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, April.” His arms cross and his mouth sets to a sideways sneer. He’s shut off to me now. Something I remember fondly.

  It’s hard to tell with this Derrick if he truly doesn’t know because he didn’t do it, or if he’s wanting to play his brain-screwing games with me just to keep me entwined with him somehow.

  “I guess we’ll see. I’m sure they’ll figure out who is behind it soon enough.”

  His side smirk moves, without a shift in his eyes, to the other side with a touch of his nasally laugh just for fun.

  “It’s been nice seeing you, April. Say hi to Nia for me.”

  Time to go.

  Without turning around, I slip around to the driver’s side of my car and get inside to the echo of sliding locks.

  What a dick.

  “Such a dick.”

  Does he know where you’re going?

  I wouldn’t put it past him, though Nia is friends with people that are a few degrees separated from those who report to Derrick, and it’s not like I can be in a witness protection program. Derrick has to let this go soon. Of course, if he’s insane enough to commit a crime…

  Another crime.

  Yes, I can report his abuse. I feel bad enough about unleashing him on the world without notifying the proper authorities, but like I said, I’ve already been warned, in not so many words by more than one of the soccer coaches, to keep my mouth shut. Though they tried to come across as being supportive, I know better now. Once deceived by one snake, the others are easier to beat out of the grass.

  Maybe it is time to talk to someone on campus or at the station. Especially if he screwed with Shan’s car. I’m sure Shan will list him as a suspect, right? Is Derrick really that dumb?

  He thinks he can get away with anything, remember?

  I get to Nia’s and push the stick into park. I don’t think I took one true breath all the way over here, not with all the rear and side mirror viewing and peeking for my ex’s car. No one followed me into the lot. With the tension easing from my neck, my head flops back against my headrest followed by a long series of deep inhales and exhales.

  This isn’t normal. Why can’t I just have a chill, normal life? Why did I let this happen? Salty wetness prods at the corners of my eyes, hot and stinging as if a bitter smoke came shooting out of my car vents hell-bent on yanking tears from my eyes. I don’t hold back; why should I? The emotions of the past twenty-four hours release from each side of the spectrum. My mind cycles from the highs of my date with Shan to the fear at what happened to his car, but then that was quickly dampened by our time back at his house. Just thinking about it warms my body and fights away some of the sadness.

  Derrick’s shade may have reemerged multiple times afterward, whether from by my own worry or when facing Chas, before he showed in true form moments ago, making me fear for my safety outside my dorm. I knew that leaving my ex wouldn’t end things for good, but it’s been months now. Why can’t he just let me go?

  He wants to control everything, and you aren’t letting him do what he wants. How many times do you think he hasn’t gotten his way?
r />   I’d say close to never.

  Tears fall, even with the visions of Shan touching me, kissing me, telling me I am beautiful. They all drift away when my shit of an ex comes back to mind. I can’t let him do this. I need to stop him for good.

  Restraining order.

  Yes. It’s time.

  Chapter 10

  I Know

  ~

  It seems like an hour of waiting passes by while I wait to speak to a campus officer before I finally leave, opting to get some advice from my group leader, Kathy, instead. Something didn’t feel right as I sat there, like I was being put off. Like they knew why I was there and whom I was reporting. Now I’m not a conspiracy nut—okay, maybe a little—but I had been cautioned before, so who wouldn’t be suspicious?

  Said suspicions are confirmed when I spy the soccer coach marching across the campus lawn toward the security building as I slip behind a tree. I am in over my head here, stuck in a circle of lies and cover-ups, just like Nicole Bends, Shan’s mother.

  At that, I run. I run harder than I can remember ever running before, but maybe that’s because my feet seem to be digging into rocky mud or nearly hardened cement. Regardless of if my mind is playing tricks on me or not, I’m back in my room, kneeling in front of my toilet before I even realize I’ve made it that far.

  “What am I going to do?”

  Tears come next. Followed by the creaking of the door and a “Hello? April.”

  Oh shit, Shan.

  Shooting my foot out, I slam the bathroom door closed with a wince. My muscles scream at the sudden awkward movement and the lactic acid built up in their fibers.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to just walk in. I saw the door open and I got…well, I figured you were just chilling.” Shan’s response to a door literally being slammed in his face can be read like a book.

  Well, he’s not wrong. Something is up.

  “I-I just need a minute,” I say between silent gasps of air. Air to push down my rising nausea and unease.

  “I can leave if this isn’t a good…”

  “No,” I yell, interrupting him. “No, please stay. I’ll be right out.”