by Eric Vall
“Knock it off!” Barlos demanded. “We’re supposed to be roasting each other here!”
“I am roasting you, bro,” Todd grinned, “you’re a loyal imp with a master who hates your fucking guts. It’d be way funnier if it wasn’t so sad.”
“W-Well … your master isn’t even a real demon!” Barlos tried to answer snappily. “He’s just another no-name Nephilim Lucifer will eventually dispose of when he’s done being used as my master’s plaything.”
“At least he’s still in the ‘useful’ stage,” Todd shrugged, “unlike some people in this graveyard.”
Barlos opened his mouth to say something, but Ziminiar stepped in.
“The winner is Todd,” he blurted out before Barlos could respond. “The winner has been Todd for awhile now.”
Barlos looked over at the sheep-faced demon and frowned.
“Why didn’t you say something earlier?” he sighed. “Woulda saved me a lot of breath … Welp, a deal’s a deal, and I trust Zimmy’s judgement. You won, fair and square, Todd. Now, if you’ll excuse me … ”
Before any of us could say another word, the tiny green demon extended one of his claws, stabbed it into his abdomen violently, and then dragged it across his stomach while he screamed bloody murder.
“Bro!” Todd gasped. “I was totally joking about the whole seppuku thing!”
“You what?” Barlos called out, wide-eyed.
But it was too late.
Once he reached the end of the line, Barlo’s lower abdomen opened up like a bursting balloon, and his internal organs splattered out onto the grass with a wet plop. The small demon moaned in agony as he fell down onto his knees, coughed up a mouthful of blood, and then collapsed over into his own viscera. Barlos’ body twitched for a few minutes before it finally stiffened up and went silent.
“Well, uh, holy fuck,” I whistled as I stared at the other imp’s corpse. “That was definitely not something I was expecting to see today. Thank you, Todd.”
“No problem, bro,” Todd cackled as he walked back toward us and brushed his shoulder off cockily. “I don’t like to bust out my god-like roasting powers too much, mostly because they’re so awesome they’ll literally blow your mind, but I’ll make a special exception for you, Jakey. Anytime you need me to toast a bitch, just let me know.”
“I’ll be sure to do that,” I promised with a sigh.
“Well, it looks like this little side quest was worth it, after all,” Libidine spoke up. “Now, you have even more Shades to add to your army, and another Demon Lord who doubles as one of Hell’s smartest entities.”
“But it is still just a side quest,” Eligor reminded me. “This was fun and all, but our main goal is still to get into the Seventh Circle and finish off Gressil once and for all.”
“Gressil is in the Seventh Circle?” Ziminiar mused. “I never would have thought he’d leave the sanctuary of his home. He was never one to go exploring outside the box.”
“Well, that’s where he’s at right now,” I explained, “we’re just trying to find him so we can take him out, crush the Unholy Trinity once and for all, and then officially take over the Sixth Circle. You know, typical Demon King stuff.”
“That’s quite bold of you,” Ziminiar mused. “If there is any way I can be of assistance, please let me know.”
“Well, you’re in luck,” I chuckled as I motioned to the landscape around us. “There is currently an entire Circle of Hell that’s missing its King and all of its Demon Lords, and all of its Shades are going to be free and in need of guidance really soon. I want you to stay here and try to control the chaos. There’s a man named Henry who I put in charge of leading the current Shades, go find him, and then you two can work together to figure out what’s going to happen next with this Circle.”
“And what about you, my King?” Ziminiar asked curiously.
Something about the way the wise, scholarly voice of the demon said “my king” filled me with a deep sense of pride. I couldn’t help but puff out my chest boastfully as I announced my next move.
“As for us?” I grinned. “Next stop, Seventh Circle.”
Chapter 11
“I wonder if the Seventh Circle is gonna be one that’s all fire and brimstone, or if it’ll be one of those that’s all cold and snowy,” Todd pondered as we flew through the blood-red sky of the Sixth Circle, “you’d think Lucifer would have come up with more creative biomes for the place he’d be living in twenty-four seven.”
“That’s actually a myth,” Sia explained as she was carried by Eligor. “Lucifer did not create Hell. The Exalted One did. Lucifer just took it over when he was banished from the Pearly Gates. He doesn’t like being here anymore than you do, I’m afraid.”
“Talk about adding insult to injury.” The imp clicked his tongue. “Honestly, though, I just need to know if I should transform into somebody with a winter coat or not.”
“The Seventh Circle is not cold,” Eligor finally explained. “In fact, it’s the hottest of the Nine Circles by far, and it is one of the most difficult to travel through.”
“My knowledge of The Inferno is kinda shaky,” I admitted, “but isn’t the Seventh Circle the one where there’s three different rings?”
“Unfortunately,” the blonde knight sighed, “but we can take solace in knowing Abbadon never leaves the innermost ring, save for special occasions.”
“I mean, his domain is being invaded by another Demon King,” I reminded her, “I’d say that’s a pretty fucking special occasion.”
“If anything, we may just run into Serpico,” Libidine chuckled. “Wouldn’t that be great, Todd?”
“Hell yeah it would!” the imp agreed. “I totally want to see how this guy keeps a giant version of Al Pacino as a pet.”
The succubi and I all exchanged knowing looks of amusement.
Finally, we arrived at the gateway that would take us to the next Circle.
After we sent Ziminiar away to deal with the Shades, my team set out to the far north of the Sixth Circle, to the place where the interdimensional portal was located. The entire area was desolate, populated only by a singular black tombstone that stuck out like a sore thumb in the open field of sand.
However, there was one element that distinguished this tomb from the rest. It had a large, three-ring puzzle sketched into the front that held the key to unlocking the gateway between the Circles.
There were fragments of inferoglyphs carved into each of the three rings, and they were on rotating discs that allowed you to manipulate them until they were lined up to form the proper words.
According to Eligor, this was supposed to be the easiest part of our journey.
The seven of us landed in front of the single sarcophagus, and then the Knight of Hell instantly got to work. She dashed over to the lid of the tomb, bent over, and began to fiddle with the rotating discs. Eligor worked diligently for a full five minutes, and my eyes were stuck on her tight, thonged ass the entire time.
Finally, there was a click, and the Knight of Hell stood up with gusto.
“Ha!” she announced. “See? Easiest thing we’ve done so far.”
The center of the ring lit up with a bright green Hellfire as the lid of the tomb began to groan and shake. There was the grating sound of stone on stone as the sarcophagus opened on its own, and then we were greeted with an intense green light.
There in the tomb, where there would normally be deadly fire, was a swirling, emerald, interdimensional portal.
That was our ticket into the Seventh Circle.
“I’ll go first,” I announced as I stepped forward and placed my hand firmly on the side of the tomb. “We don’t know what’s waiting on the other side of this thing, and I don’t want you guys to get hurt.”
“We’ll be right behind you, Jacob,” Libidine reassured me. “Just be careful. We don’t want you to get hurt, either.”
I gave my friends an understanding nod, and then I turned around, threw my legs up over the open sarcophag
us, and let them dangle above the interdimensional portal. Finally, I took a deep breath and pushed myself off the edge.
My body became weightless as I passed through the glowing emerald Hellfire, and the world went black along with my mind.
Then I smelled it.
There was the distinct stench of metal, and it was wafting through the air at levels that made me want to gag. Worst of all, it smelled hot, almost as if somebody had taken a giant bag of pennies and then melted them down to make a giant fucking candle.
When I opened my eyes, I was standing on ground made up of slimy bright orangish-brown rocks. There wasn’t a single completely even patch of land, chunks of the rocky material jutted out in jagged patterns every few feet, and it created a landscape both natural and chaotic.
Limestone. I was standing on limestone.
When I finally turned around and saw the source of the iron scent, my heart dropped into my gut.
All throughout the Seventh Circle, as far as my eye could see, there was a winding river of red liquid. It was bubbling intensely as it rushed downstream, and I could hear gurgled screams pop up every now and again.
It was a river of boiling blood.
“Stay alert, Jacob,” Sia warned as she suddenly appeared beside me. “The outer ring is the place where murderers and those who are most attuned to violence are sentenced to be tormented. We may encounter some aggressive Shades in this place.”
“We’ll be careful,” I promised.
“You’ll be dead!” Todd snickered as he appeared with a puff of green Hellfire. “God, Star Wars references never get old.”
Gula, Eclipse, Eligor, and Libidine appeared soon after, and they all seemed to be as infatuated with the terrain as I was.
“How the hell am I supposed to walk?” Libidine groaned as she pointed down at her stilettos. “It took me thousands of years to get used to wearing these things, but even I’m not skilled enough to make them work on jagged rocks.”
“Why does it smell like Sister Ira’s torture chamber in here?” Gula gagged. “I don’t even think my butchers deal with this much blood in their whole lifetime!”
“It only gets worse from here, I’m afraid,” Eligor sighed, “since the outer ring is the safest. At least, for outside travelers.”
“It honestly reminds me of a fucked-up version of Yellowstone, with all the limestone and geysers and shit,” I chuckled and shook my head.
“I don’t see what’s so funny,” Libidine said as she stared at me matter-of-factly. “That sacred place is where the Seventh Circle spills over into Earth Realm.”
“Seriously?” I gasped. “You’re telling me Yellowstone is actually the Seventh Circle reincarnated on Earth?”
“Of course,” Sia interjected, “how else do you think it gets all those time-sensitive geysers and the boiling-hot water and the strange geographical formations? The smell of sulfur should have been a dead giveaway.”
“Aha!” Todd cackled and pointed a finger at me in celebration. “You totally owe me fifty bucks, bro. I fucking told you there was something fucked up with that whole area.”
“That was like when we were in tenth grade, bro,” I shot the imp down real quick.
“A bet’s a bet, Jakey,” Todd prodded. “That Barlos guy back there was so willing to keep his word, he committed seppuku. Do you really wanna get shown up by Barlos, bro?”
“I guess not,” I sighed, “I’ll give you the fifty whenever we go back to Earth. Although, I don’t get why you need it. I can literally order my Shades to build us anything we want back in the Fourth Circle.”
“It’s not about the money, Jakey,” Todd giggled as he smacked his lips, “it’s about the principle.”
“Okay, so we’re here in the Seventh Circle,” Eclipse mused as she looked around cautiously. “Now what? Gressil could be hiding anywhere.”
“He could be,” Sia agreed, “but he isn’t. If there’s one thing I know about Gressil, it’s that he is a spineless coward. He wouldn’t go anywhere there might be potential conflict, so that would instantly mark out the second ring.”
“Why is that?” I questioned. “Isn’t that the one where suicides end up? I’d figure that’d be the ring with the least amount of conflict.”
“It is where suicides end up,” Eligor admitted, “but that’s the thing … those Shades are eternally tormented by harpies. They’re strung up on large poles where those horrific half human, half bird monsters rip chunks out of their flesh, all while they can do nothing but scream in agony.”
“So, I’m assuming the harpies don’t treat outsiders well, either?” I guessed.
“They do not,” Eligor confirmed. “The last time I was in the second ring of the Seventh Circle, I had to use every trick in the book to make it through without being seen by those abominations. Even then, I couldn’t avoid killing a couple of them.”
“So, he’s not in the second ring.” I nodded. “You don’t think he’d be stupid enough to go to the innermost ring, do you? Right next to Abbadon’s castle?”
“See, you say that’s stupid,” Eclipse chuckled, “but I say it’s genius. You don’t expect your enemy to set up shop right next to your own house. It’s the perfect crime.”
“Speaking of crime,” Sia reminded us, “we need to be extra careful. He may be preoccupied right now, but Abbadon isn’t our ally. If he finds out we’re here, he’s going to hit us with everything he has, and then some.”
“But that doesn’t solve our issue of Gressil,” I sighed. “He’s still out here somewhere, and we need to figure out where.”
“Also, where is his army?” Gula questioned somewhat sassily. “You don’t just bring an entire army into a Circle of Hell without somebody noticing. How on Earth is he managing to hide them?”
“I can tell you exactly where he issssss,” a nasally, slimy voice cooed from somewhere off in the distance.
The seven of us quickly flipped around and got into a “back-to-back” stance as we summoned forth our weapons and spells. This was a formation we’d practiced many times before, one that was intentionally designed for missions in which we were outnumbered, outgunned, or a mixture of both.
I couldn’t currently see what we were up against, but I knew it wasn’t friendly.
There was a loud splash, and I glanced over to see something emerging from the river of boiling blood. The head popped out first, a triangular shape with two large, yellow eyes whose pupils were dark slits. There were two large jowls on each side of the creature’s face, probably to store its razor-sharp fangs without incident.
The body came next, and my stomach jumped up into my throat.
It was one long, circular tube. There were no legs. No hands or feet. The creature slithered across the limestone as it pulled itself out of the river of blood, and I could tell its length was at least five times my height.
It was a giant, red-skinned snake. This had to be Serpico.
I drew the Unhallowed Sword from its hilt and held it out in front of my threateningly.
“Stay the fuck back!” I demanded. “We come with noble intentions, but if you take one more, uh, slither, I swear to--”
“I am not yourrrr enemy, King Ralston,” Serpico hissed. “At leassssst, not today.”
“Jakey, what--” Todd began as he flipped around to see what was going on. “Holy fucking shitballs!”
The imp let out a girlish scream, and then he jumped onto Libidine’s leg and clung to it like a koala. He kept repeating the phrase, “find a happy place,” as he rocked back and forth and threatened to knock Liby off her feet.
“Not our enemy?” I growled. “The last time I tried to talk to your boss, he sent a demon bear into my domain to kill me. How’s that ‘not my enemy?’”
“That wasssss then,” Serpico argued as his tongue flitted in and out of his mouth. “Things have changed, King Ralsssssston. My master asked me to notify him of your arrival. He wishes to speak with you at your leissssure. And by your leisure, I mean right n
ow.”
I was listening to what the giant snake was saying, but I wasn’t going to let my guard down for one second. This thing looked like it could literally swallow me or any of my friends in a single bite, and I knew enough about snakes to realize we were within striking distance of the bastard.
“Why should we believe you, Serpico?” Eligor questioned. “Abbadon is a madman. What’s to say you don’t kill us the second we lower our weapons?”
“If you don’t lower your weaponsssss and follow me, I will kill you,” Serpico threatened.
Goosebumps rose to the top of my flesh as I tried to formulate a plan. We could try to fight the demon snake, but we were already tired from our earlier battles. Couple that in with the fact that this guy was way bigger than any of us and could easily just snap us in two with his massive muscles, and I realized we were in a dilemma.
“Hold on,” Todd gasped, “that’s Serpico? He doesn’t look like Pacino whatsoever!”
The snake tilted its head curiously, and then he slowly lowered himself down so he was at eye level with the imp.
However, Todd refused to make eye contact.
“Nope,” he refused and vigorously shook his head. “Nooooooopppppeeee. Why’d it have to be snakes? I hate snakes.”
“Cat got your tongue, imp?” Serpico giggled devilishly as he watched Todd squirm. “Come, now. There’s nothing to fear.”
“Easy for you to say, bro,” Todd shot back. “You’re not the prey in this part of the food chain.”
“Don’t flatter yourssssself,” the snake hissed jubilantly as he returned to the upright position, “I require much ssssssustinence. You wouldn’t hold me over for an hour.”
My succubi looked at me with terror in their eyes, and I wondered if I should motion for them to strike. Serpico was about as thick as a large tree trunk, and I could tell he was mostly muscle underneath his scaly skin.
If we attacked now, maybe we could get in a lucky killing blow before the snake went berserk and crushed us all in its deadly embrace or impaled us with its razor-sharp teeth. Then again, if we missed, we were fucked.