by Eric Vall
“Then why haven’t you just gone in there and killed him?” Libidine questioned somewhat sarcastically. “I thought you were supposed to be the greatest Demon King in Hell?”
“Watch your tongue, succubus!” Abaddon hissed and took a step toward Liby.
I threw up a wall of purple Hellfire in front of the Demon King and tossed my hand around the hilt of the Unhallowed Sword. Thankfully, Abaddon regained his composure and stepped away from the dark-haired beauty.
“Forgive me,” he sighed as he shook his head, “that is no way to treat my guests. To answer your question, Demon Lord … although the inner circle is part of my Kingdom, I do not go there often, and there is no way in hell I would ever set up shop down there. Would you want to be in a place that was an eternal desert of Hellfire? Then there’s the harpies … You see where I’m going with this.”
“So, basically, you want us to be your hitmen.” I folded my arms over my chest. “Why should we risk life and limb to deal with your problem?”
“Because, King Ralston,” Abaddon explained, “it’s your problem just as much as mine. As much as I love my domain, it is nearly impossible to transverse through. To get an entire army through it unscathed is not an option.”
“And?” I asked as I tried to figure out where he was going with this.
“If Gressil and Beelzebub somehow defeat me and take over the Seventh Circle, they will be next to impossible to reach,” the Demon King explained. “No matter how great your soldiers are, they won’t survive a full trek through the three rings of my domain. Not when they are actively being attacked. However, if you take care of our little mutual problem … I shall grant your passage through the Seventh Circle, no questions asked.”
I had to think about this one. On the one hand, making an agreement with a psychopath almost never ended well. On the other hand, if we were successful in this mission, we would be one step closer to ultimate victory. The second Demon King of the Unholy Trio would be dead, and my army would basically have a clear, unopposed path to march into the Eighth Circle and kill Beelzebub once and for all.
“Are you actually considering this?” Eligor questioned when she noticed how silent I was being. “Surely you don’t think Abaddon will keep his word?”
“I dunno,” Todd interjected, “he seems like a pretty chill guy to me. Also, don’t call Jakey ‘Shirley.’”
“It’s a tempting offer,” I whispered to my friends, “think about it … if we do this, Gressil will be dead, and Abaddon will tell his own forces to leave us alone. That’s two major roadblocks out of the way. If we pull this off, there will be nothing standing between us and Beelzebub.”
“And the sooner we vanquish Beelzebub,” Libidine spoke up, “the sooner we can move on to bigger and better things.”
“I dunno if I’d call wrastlin’ with the big daddy of all demons ‘better things,’ Lib,” Todd shuddered, “I’ve only met the guy once, but he seemed like a real dick. At least I won that fiddle made of gold and reminded him I’m the best that’s ever been.”
“Right,” I rolled my eyes at the imp’s ridiculous claim, “but we’re going to have to face my father eventually. Better to do it sooner, while we still have the advantage. Besides, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m really tired of Beelzebub’s bullshit, and I want him out of the way as soon as humanly possible. This is how we get that done.”
“Then it sounds like we’re headed deeper into the Seventh Circle,” Eclipse noted, “I hear it’s all dark and depressing. Right up my alley.”
“Easy there, Tits n’ Tats,” Todd warned, “you’re starting to sound a lot like Elvira. We’ve already got an emo chick in the band, you’re supposed to be the edgy punk one.”
“Then it’s settled,” I announced to my friends and turned back to Abaddon, “we accept your offer, King of the Seventh Circle.”
The red-skinned demon nodded his head with a hint of satisfaction.
“Excellent,” he grinned, “I knew you’d scratch my back if I offered to scratch yours.”
“No homo,” Todd muttered under his breath.
“This calls for--ah, there you are, Timothy!” the King of the Seventh Circle exclaimed as his loyal servant walked back into the room. “I was just about to ask where my celebratory drink was!”
The red-haired Shade hustled across the wood floor with a large, crystal glass in his hand. The vessel looked like it was carrying an amber liquid, probably some sort of demonic whiskey, as it sloshed around inside. Timothy was panting as he stopped in front of Abaddon, bowed, and held out the drink for his master to inspect.
The King of the Seventh Circle snatched the glass of liquor from his servant, held it up to his hooked nose, and took a long sniff. He swirled the liquid around in the glass for a moment before he put it up to his lips, tilted back his head, and inhaled it all in a single gulp.
The whole time, Timothy stood there in silence and watched his king with bated breath.
“Not bad,” Abaddon admitted as he inspected the glass nonchalantly, “but I’m afraid you forgot one thing. I asked for ale. This is whiskey.”
Timothy’s eyes went wide with horror, and he leapt up to his knees with his hands clapped together apologetically.
“I’m sorry, my King,” he whimpered with pure terror in his voice, “I swear it won’t happen again!”
“I’m sure it won’t,” Abaddon spat.
Then, without warning, the King of the Seventh Circle lashed out at the Shade with the cup still in his hand. The crystal cup shattered into pieces when it struck Timothy’s face, and the shards of deadly glass cut into his flesh and sent splatters of blood all over the pristine wooden floor. Crimson liquid gushed out of Timothy’s fucked-up face, and his left eye looked like it was about to fall out of its socket.
The Shade opened his mouth to plead for his life, but Abaddon wasn’t having it.
The red-skinned demon picked up Timothy by the neck, slammed his other palm down on the Shade’s shoulder, and yanked as if he were trying to start a lawnmower.
Timothy let out a brief yelp of pain, but that was quickly silenced as his head was ripped off his body with his spine still attached.
Gore and viscera sprayed all over the study as Abaddon tossed Timothy’s head to the side, placed two hands on the spewing geyser of a body, and tilted it toward himself. Then the King of the Seventh Circle gulped down the blood like he was a pig in a trough. He shook his head violently as he consumed the crimson liquid, and it splattered all across his face and torso as he guzzled. Finally, he tossed the body to the side, and it laid lifelessly against the bookshelf as it continued to pour its grisly fluid out onto the ground.
Abaddon let out a satisfied “ah,” then he wiped his mouth with the back of his wrist and smacked his lips happily.
“That hit the fucking spot!” he exclaimed happily as if he hadn’t just devoured a human being. “Now, let’s talk about logistics. Obviously, I can’t offer you much in the way of supplies or shelter, but my castle does have several rooms open if you’d like to bunk here for the night. You look very tired, and I’d hate to see you set off on a deadly journey without a proper night’s sleep. Actually, Timothy’s room just became available!”
There was a stunned silence in the room, but I figured I’d better speak up before this psychopath had another outburst.
“Uh, I don’t--” I began, but then Eligor stepped in front of me.
“We already have a place to stay,” she explained cautiously, “but we do appreciate your hospitality.”
Abaddon frowned at the knight’s rejection, but then he simply shrugged.
“Fine by me,” he admitted, “just be careful when you leave the castle. There are creatures out there too horrific to describe, even for me. Now, if you’ll excuse me … I have to go find another servant. I bid you farewell, King Ralston. I look forward to hearing from you when Gressil has breathed his last breath.”
Without another word, the blood-soaked Abaddon stomped
out of his study, and we were left alone.
“What the fuck just happened?” Gula gasped.
“We saw the kind of demon Abaddon truly is,” Sia explained. “He’s dangerous, unpredictable, aggressive, and quick to resort to violence.”
“That’s why I don’t trust him,” Eligor admitted, “and that’s why I wanted to make sure as fuck we didn’t stay here tonight. What if Abaddon changed his mind in the middle of the night and then decided to kill us all in our sleep? It’s too risky.”
“So, I gotta ask … what is our alternate option?” I asked with a twinge of disgust in my voice as I glanced over at Timothy’s dismembered body. “Whatever it is, I’m all for it.”
“Why, Jacob, have you forgotten about my home?” Eligor asked coyly. “I know you had a great time the last time you were there.”
Of course. Eligor had a bunker she kept hidden underground that she could call forth with her elemental Hellfire. It could apparently travel anywhere across space and time, which allowed her to camp out anywhere in Hell safely.
“Anywhere is better than this place,” I mused as I cautiously motioned for my friends to head toward the exit. “The larger the distance we can put between ourselves and this guy, the better.”
I took one last look at Timothy’s decapitated body before I exited.
If that was Abaddon’s response to a small issue with his drink order, I’d hate to see what he’d do to us if we failed this mission.
Needless to say, failure was not an option.
Chapter 13
“So, are we gonna talk about what just happened back there?” Libidine asked as we approached the waterfall of boiling blood that separated Abaddon’s castle from the rest of the Seventh Circle.
The journey between our host’s study and the edge of the waterfall had been a tense one done mostly in silence. All seven of us were on edge after watching Abaddon brutally dismember his servant Shade in cold blood, and we wanted to make sure there were no more surprises waiting for us as we exited the area.
“That was fucked up, guys,” Todd shuddered, “like, I was totally creeped out by the Gingerbread Man back there, but he definitely didn’t deserve to go out like that, bro. If he even died. Aren’t Shades immortal?”
“It’s complicated,” Superbia admitted, “a Shade can still feel the pain and suffering that goes along with death on Earth Realm, but they’ll always be able to regenerate and heal, given the proper circumstances.”
“Uhhhh, I dunno how he’s gonna heal from a Sub Zero Fatality, Strawberry Shortcake,” Todd admitted.
“He won’t,” the madame continued, “unless his spine is placed back inside his body. If not, his head will just lie there conscious, but unable to move.”
“And knowing Abaddon,” Eligor added darkly, “there’s no way he’ll do that. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised one bit if he took Timothy’s head and put it in a jar or a cage or something so it’ll never be reunited with his body. Almost like a form of twisted eternal punishment.”
“I knew Abaddon was eccentric and violent,” I admitted, “but I wasn’t expecting a straight-up basket case.”
“What are you talking about, bro?” Todd asked as he quirked his head to the side. “I didn’t see him carrying around a basket with his cronenberg-looking twin brother inside. Did I totally miss it? Because that’s, like, the one thing that could make this whole situation go from bad to worse.”
“Not the movie, bro,” I sighed and facepalmed at the same time. “I’m just still trying to get over how balls-to-the-wall crazy Abaddon is.”
“He was throwing his balls against the wall, too?” Todd gasped. “This guy is a nutcase! Every dude knows ‘slap the sack’ is the most painful game you could possibly play.”
“Is that … uh, a real thing you do?” Libidine questioned with slight horror in her voice.
“What, ‘slap the sack?’” Todd shot back. “Have you never been in a middle school locker room? That shit happens all the time in there.”
“I can’t say I have.” Libidine shook her head vigorously.
“You humans have some strange rituals,” Eclipse muttered as we came up on the searing-hot liquid.
I could feel the warmth radiating off the boiling blood, and my nostrils were filled with the scent of iron to the point that I wanted to gag. As I held down my last meal, I summoned purple Hellfire into my hands, raised them up above my head, and created a protective plank just underneath the spot where the crimson liquid was flowing. It sizzled as it hit my shield, and then it slowly began to flow over the left and right sides of the barrier and down onto the brimstone ground below.
“We can continue this conversation when we get to a place that’s more private,” I warned and then nodded to the newly-created passageway. “There are too many eavesdropping ears around here for my taste.”
The six of my friends passed underneath the deadly waterfall without incident, and then I slowly wandered through after them. The second we were all safely on the other side, I released my spell and allowed the waterfall of steaming crimson to return to its normal flow.
Thankfully, the River of Blood was not the only passageway into Abaddon’s terrain. All around the perimeter of the body of water were high, rocky cliffs that jutted out over it like a natural diving board.
Of course, taking the plunge off this high dive was the furthest thing from refreshing there could be.
My friends and I proceeded across the jagged rocks cautiously for about a mile or so before we came to a resting spot. The air around us was thin and humid, and we were all horribly winded and sweaty by the time we took a break.
“Goldilocks,” Todd wheezed as he placed his tiny hands against his knees and leaned over, “wherever the fuck your house is, I hope it’s got AC.”
“I wish Cupiditas was here,” Sia mused as she wiped the beads of sweat away from her brow. “She could use some of her ice magic to cool us down.”
“It’ll be fine,” Eligor reassured us, “my bunker may not be the top of the line, but it will at least keep us out of the elements. And away from any potential dangers that may be lurking out here in the Seventh Circle.”
“Like Cobra Commander?” Todd shuddered. “If I woke up and saw that abomination staring down at me with his vagina-slit eyes and his freaky chode of a tongue … well, there would be secretions coming outta my body nobody would find pleasant, bro.”
“You really do have a way with words,” Eligor sighed and shook her head vehemently. “I think we’re far enough away to make camp for the evening.”
“Can you even call your bunker from here?” I questioned curiously. “I thought you had to be pretty close to its location for you magic to work. Or at least, in the same Circle … ”
“That’s why it was so important to bring her along.” Eligor winked and pointed back at Gula. “Anything is possible with a little power boost. Gula?”
“Oh, right,” the Sister of Gluttony joked as she summoned brown Hellfire into her hands, “that’s my main role now. I’m just here to give everyone a little boost.”
“There’s no shame in being a Bard, Firecracker,” Todd interjected. “Without ‘em, the whole party’d be fuuuucked.”
Gula clapped her glowing hands together, twisted her torso around like she was about to throw a baseball pitch, and then launched a large ball of hazel fire directly into Eligor’s body.
The flames engulfed the bikini-clad knight as she summoned her own lime-green flames into her hands. Instantly, the two shades of Hellfire began to dance together and expand exponentially. Within seconds, the lime green spells Eligor held were nearly the size of watermelons.
Then the Knight of Hell struck a stern pose as she reached out and began to focus, and there was nothing but silence in the air as she searched across the different dimensions for her dwelling. Occasionally, the silence would be broken by the pop of bubbles that rose to the surface of the boiling river or the sound of the howling wind.
However, E
ligor’s concentration stayed strong.
Finally, there was a rumbling off in the distance, deep underneath the brimstone surface of the Seventh Circle.
Her bunker was on its way.
The next thing I knew, the ground beneath us began to quake, and I had to toss up a shield of purple so none of us plummeted into the depths below.
The surface of the River of Blood started to bubble violently as a small vortex formed at its surface. Next, the diameter of the swirling portal grew and grew until it nearly took up the entire width of the river. Ripples spread across the top of the blood in rapid succession, and then Eligor’s bunker shot up out of the water on top of a pillar of dirt and brimstone.
Eligor’s portable dwelling was just as plain as I always remembered it being. It was little more than a giant square, carved out of pure brimstone, with a small door at the front. Right on cue, the entrance of the bunker glowed with light green Hellfire and popped open with a hiss as a chunk of the brimstone extended out toward us to create a makeshift bridge.
“Welcome back to my home,” Eligor chuckled as she strutted onto the bridge and disappeared through the threshold.
I kept careful guard as the rest of my friends entered the bunker, and then I followed them inside. As I walked over the earthy bridge, I heard it wither, crack, and crumble behind me. By the time I stepped inside the door of Eligor’s dwelling, the entire thing had disappeared into the crimson liquid beneath us.
Finally, the door slammed shut behind me, and the entire brimstone structure began to rumble. The bunker shook violently as Eligor used her powers to lower it back down into the ground, and I swore I could hear the hiss of the boiling blood on the ceiling as we plunged down beneath the waves.
“Is this thing safe?” Eclipse asked with alarm. “I know brimstone is sturdy and all, but it’s not like it’s unbreakable.”
“We’ll be fine, Lizbeth,” Todd reassured the tattooed succubus, “this thing’s endured more of a beating than my schlong. And if you know me the way my hand knows my schlong, you’d know that’s an awful lot.”