Total Life

by Erwin Wensley

  (Excerpt taken from the interview of Anonymous for the newspaper Desert Rock Alert, Friday, October 7, 2033).

  *

  DESERT ROCK MANIAC STRIKES AGAIN.

  Six deaths recorded in the brutal attack last Wednesday night.

  (Headline of the Main Rock Journal, Thursday, October 6, 2033).

  *

  You park the car a few feet from Robert's house, turn off the radio and look at your reflection in the rearview mirror. Then you look at the house, where unmistakable candlelight illuminates the shuttered curtained windows. Steve will not give you any instruction this time. He wants you to do it yourself. And of course you can do it, right? Of course you can.

  You sigh, look at the ceiling and then take the ax by your side. You get out of the car, look at the empty street and walk behind the garage. You open the back door, being careful not to make noise and spoil the surprise. You're in the dark garage. You're in the dark garage and you can hear the classical music coming from inside the house, the kind of music Robert loves to listen.

  You walk down the hallway to the kitchen with slow steps, holding the ax firmly in your hands. The light from the red candles illuminates the dark house, casting the light of its flickering flames on the furniture. You're in the kitchen. You see the bottle of wine open on the table. You are hearing groans coming from the room. Moans grow louder until you hear breathless sounds and Laura's unmistakable voice asking “to do it harder.”

  You look in Robert's trash.

  You see photos of you torn in Robert's trash.

  You walk into the living room with a faint smile forming on your face.

  And there it is. Robert sitting on the couch, his body reclining while Laura mounts on top of him with her eyes closed. He grabs her breasts, pinches her nipples and she lets out a loud moan, begging for more. She bends down, clutches her chest to his and moves tighter on Robert's cock. The candlelight illuminates the jutting veins on Laura's face contorted with pleasure and sweat dripping down her forehead. She scratches his back and lets out a loud moan. Her eyes still closed. Then the movements become violent and the moan becomes constant. Laura is about to cum.

  You prepare the ax.

  Laura reaches orgasm and lifts her head up in a last long moan.

  You pass the blade of the ax in your hand and the blood flows through the skin at the same time that Laura opens her eyes and sees you standing there.

  Laura falls backwards on the floor, dropping candles that hit the curtain and start a small fire. The expression of pleasure on her face is replaced by panic, staring at you and somehow knowing that her miserable life has come to an end. Robert turns with the same expression of panic and you brandish the ax toward him, but he manages to move in time and falls to the ground.

  You cross the couch, past Laura, and follow Robert, who crawls across the floor.

  “What do you think you're doing, Jimmy?” Laura asks, through her tears. “What the fuck do you think you're doing?”

  Robert crawls as fast as he can, dropping candles, sobbing and drooling on the floor. You have your ax in hand prepared just above him, just watching the fat pig struggling for his pathetic life.

  “You don’t wanna do this, Jimmy!” Laura shouts. “Come on, drop this and I promise that everything is gonna be the way it was, okay?”

  But you don’t want everything to be the way it was, why would you want to? All you had was contempt. All you were doing was being humiliated at work while your wife was fucking another man at the table you ate. All she did was open her stinking ass to him and let him penetrate her with his filthy dick using your margarine as a lubricant. Then you would return to home after a terrible day and still have to endure the humiliations of your wife who said that you weren’t a real man. Why would you want things to go back to the way they were?

  “Please, Jimmy, leave him alone!”

  Robert reaches for the phone on the nightstand and approaches it to his ear. And then the ax falls on his arm, cutting off his hand and causing the blood to gush. Robert yells with the rest of his arm squirting blood on his own face and you hit him with the ax again, this time on the neck. Robert shouts one last time, falling to the side with half of the neck hanging and throwing more blood to the sides. Laura screams and grabs her own knees. Classical music continues to play. No, you don’t want things to go back to the way they were. This is how things should be.

  You drop the ax next to Robert's body and walk to Laura with the nicest smile you can forge. She crawls back, sitting silent, just watching you with dread on her face and tears streaming down her eyes.

  “Jimmy? Let's talk, Jimmy. We're still married, remember? I'm still your wi—"

  She lets out another scream as her back reaches the burning curtain. The smell of burnt flesh comes quickly to you and wraps your stomach. Laura falls to her chest against the floor, rolling with her back and the skin melting. You pull her by the legs, turn her face to face and stifle her screams with a punch in her mouth. Then another. And one more.

  Laura is dizzy now. She punches you in the face and you hit another one on her nose, dropping blood on your wife's chin. You get up and hit a kick in the middle of her legs. Then you hit another kick in her stomach and make her turn toward the couch. Her back is exposed again, now with bubbles emerging from the burnt flesh. You hit a kick in the burnt flesh and she screams. You turn Laura to you again, fall on her and hit another punch on her face. Then you hit Laura's mouth repeatedly and pluck four of her teeth.

  Now you're hanging Laura. Over her naked body, you feel your rigid cock like in the last days before the festival, when you made love with her at least five times a day. Maybe you'll relieve yourself one last time with Laura as soon as she stops breathing. In spite of everything, as she herself said, she’s still your wife. And is there anything more righteous than a husband clamming for his property? You could even —

  Laura reaches a vase on the coffee table and hit your face with it. Now it's you who screams and falls to the side with the blood in your eyes. You feel your eyes burn and you hear Laura standing beside you, the scent of burnt flesh right next to you. She gasps, moans in pain and walks away staggering.

  You see blurry, but the sound of the ax on the floor says exactly what Laura is doing. You try to wipe the blood from your eyes with your shirt and hear Laura approach. It's your time to say goodbye.

  You see Laura above you with the ax in hand, ready for the blow. Her hair pasted on the bloody face, her swollen mouth and crooked nose. She opens a toothless grin to you, the wide eyes and the traces of her face being outlined by the flames that now scatter through the living room.

  “Fuck you, Jimmy,” she says.

  And then you feel a warm liquid on your feet. A stinking liquid, the smell of rot mixed with the scent of burnt flesh. Laura looks down and sees the blood flowing in abundance through her vagina.

  Laura is having an abortion.

  You trip Laura and she falls to the ground, the ax turning in the air before falling on her thigh and opening the flesh toward the bone. You get up quickly, take the ax off Laura's leg and lift it up. For a moment, when your eyes meet one last time with hers, you can see the woman you fell in love with one day, the intelligent woman with whom you wanted to make love and build a family ...

  ... but only for a moment.

  The ax falls on Laura's head, opens the skull and launches bits of brain mixed with blood on you, covering your arms, your shirt and your face, sticking into it until you completely deform your wife's face and open her head in the middle.

  When the service is done, you drop the ax and fall to your knees on Laura, leaning over her chest and crying.

  You say you're sorry.

  You say you love her.

  You look around at the blood-soaked house and the flames spreading.

  You remember the gasoline you left in the car.

  It's time to end the show.

  XXI

  I leave Robert's house behind with the fire lig
hting the night. Soon the firemen and the police will be here, so I must hurry.

  Steve told me that Peter would be at Mandy's house. The family is still in mourning for Phill's death, of course. I really didn’t want his death. You may not even believe it, but it's true. Phill was a good man. I liked him. And considering I've never liked a lot of people, I think that's something.

  I imagine Elise has already tried to get Peter away, but he would never do it since his girlfriend needs him. Unlike me, my son isn’t the kind of person who abandons people. Someone needs to do the right thing, right?

  I park in Susan's garden and get out of the car with the gun in my hand. I see Mandy's face in the window, staring at me in fear and then running in. I break the door and find Susan with Samuel standing in the living room, staring at me without saying anything. I shoot the boy first, a straight shot in the head that throws him back. Then it's Susan's turn, shot in the mouth and another shot in the chest. I hear shrill screams coming from the hall.

  I hurry toward the screams, I have no time to lose. I find Mandy in the bedroom with Peter, he sitting on the bed and she in front of him, crying.

  “Calm down, Mr. Gibson, I know—"

  But Mandy's phrase will never come to an end. I hit three shots on her chest, throwing her back against the mirror that breaks and splashes blood on Peter.

  He looks at Mandy's dead body, his eyes already lifeless.

  Peter doesn’t say anything, as someone who suffers too much trauma and ceases to be able to react.

  I grab my son by the hair and pull him out of the room. He screams, tries to get rid of me and only now begins to cry. I push Peter into the living room. He sees the dead bodies and turns to me. Then he opens his mouth to say something, but I punch him in the face immediately. Peter falls to his knees and I drag him by the hair outside the house.

  I put Peter in the car, then go to the wheel and put the revolver in the glove compartment.

  “What-whatcha gonna do?” he asks, breathing heavily.

  “Let's say we're going on a father's and son's trip,” I say to him, hastening to the street. “Don’t you miss doing things with me? Now we'll have plenty of time to do that. Let's live together far from everybody. Maybe I'll even get you another girlfriend. Mandy wasn’t a big deal anyway.”

  Peter punches me in the face. The car's rear wheels spin and I lose control momentarily, but soon I can get control over it again.

  “You killed them!” Peter shouts. “You killed the only people in the world who cared about me. Cuz that’s all you do, right? You just fuck with everybody around you. Shit, I was such an idiot. I really believed you could change, but ... fuck, you're just a piece of shit.”

  “Peter—"

  “You're just a fucking psycho. What did these people do to you? Why do you have this need to hurt everyone around you?”

  “Son—"

  “I'm not your fucking son!”

  Driving as fast as I can until leaving the city, I let out a long sigh.

  “I know you're angry, Peter, and you have every reason in the world for that. Believe me, if I were you, I'd feel the same way. But you must understand that everything I'm doing is for your own good. I want you to stay with me, like father and son, you know, the way things should be, but if I haven’t killed those people, they would come after you. And I'd hate that, Peter. I'd hate if you were taken away from me again. Look, for a long time I struggled with that feeling of emptiness inside me, trying to understand why there’s this hole inside me that consumes me day and night. And you know what I figured? I figured that there’s only this hole inside of me ‘cause I keep the people I love away from me. And I'm not talking about Laura, Elise or June. I'm talking about you Peter. You're the only person that really matters to me, and having you by my side is the only thing that will make me happy.”

  Peter says nothing, just stares out the window with tears streaming down his face.

  I remember the first time I picked up my son. He was just a helpless little baby who looked nothing different from other babies, but who brought a sense of comfort to me that I had never felt before. When I held him for the first time in my lap, it was as if nothing else mattered, as if it didn’t matter what happened, having him next to me was the only thing that mattered.

  And I may have fucked with everything, but there's still time to fix it. I can make Peter love me if I have a chance, away from everything and everyone. If it's just the two of us, I'm sure I'll make him understand me and know that all I want is his good. If we have a chance, we can finally be father and son.

  When we are near a bridge, Peter grabs the gun in the glove compartment with a quick movement. I step on the brake pedal and try to take the gun out of his hand. The car goes around in a half-moon and raises dust on the dirt road. Peter opens the door and falls out, the gun still in his hands. When I get out of the car, my son has got up and now points the gun at me.

  “Why did you do that with me?” Peter asks, sobbing. “Look what I've become. I'm just an empty person who never had anyone. I'm just a fucking forgotten person that nobody cares about or remember. I see other boys hanging out with friends, hanging out with girls and I know I can’t have any of it. And when I finally found people, you ... you killed them. I see parents hugging their kids and you have no idea how much it hurts me.” He shakes his head. “Why did you do that with me? I've never felt more alone. My life has been just a pit of misery and loneliness, don’t you see? And when I look in the mirror, all I can feel is disgust.”

  “Peter, put this thing down.”

  “Shut up!” He shakes his head. “You have no idea the size of this thing that's destroying me from the inside.”

  “Then pull the trigger.”

  “What?!”

  “If killing me will make you feel better, then pull the trigger. Come on, Peter, kill me. I want you to fucking kill me!”

  Peter prepares to shoot, blinking to keep away the tears. The moments that follow seem to last forever, just the two of us alone in the middle of nowhere with a gun. Father and son facing the destiny ...

  And then Peter makes his decision.

  My son puts the gun against his own head and shoots.

  XXII

  I sit in front of my old television with my back reclining in the chair and the virtual reality glasses in hand. I lightly stroke the electrodes and think of Peter. I think of Laura. I think of how everything could have been. And, most of all, I think of how everything can be.

  “I'm sorry about your son, Jimmy,” Steve says through the speakers. “But perhaps now you understand that reality can’t be defined so simply as ‘what human beings see and feel.’ There are many different ways of reality, old friend. And I know that now you're thankful for that.”

  Soon the police will arrive here, in my old house, so I must be quick to put on my glasses.

  The Total Life menu opens.

  I select Create and then Avatar. First I create myself, trying to make my features as realistic as possible, with the appearance I had before all this began. In my biography, I write that I am a successful lawyer, an exemplary parent and an active member of the community. I’m loved by all the inhabitants and I usually appear in television programs every week. My face is also on magazine covers every month.

  Then I create Laura. She’s a lawyer who’s in love with me and who does everything to please me. She’s a patient, caring and loving person. Laura's greatest interests are to fight for justice and to help others. She makes love with her husband every day and we rarely fight.

  Then I create Peter. My son is a popular young man who has lived with me since he was nine years old. He dates the mayor's daughter and is loved by everyone, both at school and in the community. His dream is to go to college and follow in his father's footsteps. Our relationship is based on advices, hugs and trips. Peter is always smiling and feeling happy.

  To make everything more real, I upload photos and videos of the two that were saved in the cloud.


  After creating my family, I select a house in a condominium and click on start.

  When the game loads, I see a large glass house in front of me, surrounded by a beautiful garden. I can feel the fresh air of the environment and I’m pleased by a sudden desire to laugh at this beautiful blue sky. Reality has never been so beautiful and so ... real.

  I cross a white wooden bridge, where a river runs quietly underneath, and I walk to my house. Even our ceiling is made of glass and our furniture is all white, with plants gracing the landscape and with beautiful pieces of art on the walls. There's classical music playing and all I'd like to do was listen to it forever.

  I meet Laura in the kitchen, preparing the lunch.

  “Jimmy?” she says, coming up to me and kissing me. “Why did you take so long? I thought something had happened.”

  There's a sad look in Laura's eyes when she says it, but I kiss her forehead and make her smile.

  “I love you,” I tell her.

  “I love you too.”

  Behind me, I hear the footsteps of another person. I turn and see Peter smiling at me next to his girlfriend. He walks in my direction, I can feel the tears forming on my eyes.

  The police must be arriving, but that doesn’t make any difference.

  What matters is that inside Total Life my son hugs me until I can’t hold back my tears.

  The End

  About the author

  Erwin Wensley is a Brazilian self-published author who lives in the middle of stars, robots and fictional characters who have their own consciousness. Sometimes he visits our planet, even though he always seems to be up there on space. During his time as an earthling, Wensley worked in construction, grocery stores and also worked with digital marketing for a while — an experience that he hated, if you’re wondering. Everytime he comes to Earth, he spends his time with his family in Brazil, taking care of his little sister and watching Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Time as many times as he can. To learn more about Erwin, read his movie reviews and writing essays, go to his blog: https://erwinwensley.wordpress.com