“Mommy!” she screams as soon as I get out of my car. She runs toward me, launching herself into my arms. I hold her tight to my body. “I missed you,” she tells me even though she’s only been at school for half a day today.
“I miss you always. How was school?” I set her down but grab her hand as we walk toward the front door. My dad is standing there, leaning against the doorjamb. I can’t look at him out of fear that I’ll lash out in front of my daughter. She doesn’t need to hear me say things to her grandfather, at least not the kind of words that I’m holding back.
“School was boring,” Evelyn sighs heavily. “No recess and I had to do spelling.”
“Do we have words to work on?”
She nods and skips over a hole that’s likely a result of my parents’ dog doing some digging. “Ten of them. But I already know them.”
“Of course you do, because you’re so smart.”
We climb the steps leading to the wide wraparound porch. This was a must have for my mom who loves sitting out here to watch the sunrise and listen to the ocean as the waves lap against the shore.
Dad steps out onto the porch and picks Evelyn up. He whispers something in her ear to make her giggle and when he sets her down, she’s off and running. He must know that we need to talk and that it’s going to get ugly. I decide to sit on the steps, as doing so gives me a clear shot at my car if I need to make a quick escape because right now, I feel like running. Running to find Ajay. Running away from life. Just running, never stopping, and never looking back.
He sits next me and lets out an audible sigh. “Jameson—”
“Unless the next thing out of your mouth is ‘I’m sorry for putting my nose in your business’, don’t say anything.”
He sighs again. “I am sorry. I just wanted to scare him. I had no idea Harvey would pull this shit.”
“Really?” I ask, looking at my dad. “Did you really not know? Because I’m having a hard time believing that. At what point did you think arresting Ajay would be a good idea?”
He doesn’t answer. He doesn’t even look at me.
“You have no idea what you’ve done,” I say to him. “Things are good here for Evelyn and me, and now… now I’m forced to spend time with Ajay all because you have a vendetta against him. I accepted that things between us were over a long time ago. I grew up. I became a mother. Ajay’s doing his thing – and we shouldn’t begrudge his happiness or success - yet, here you are interfering with his life. He made a choice, one that I found a way to make peace with, and you need to as well. You don’t act like this with Evelyn’s father and what he did was far worse.”
“At least he pays child support.”
I roll my eyes. “Is that what this is about, money? Does Ajay owe you some? Because if he does, I’ll tell him to pay you and we can be done with this crap. Neither of us want to be married to each other, and yet something as simple as Harvey signing the papers to end this farce of a marriage is too much to ask.”
“I’ve already said I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, well sometimes sorry isn’t good enough, Dad.” I glance at him, he’s staring down at his hands. “Three days a week for three months, that’s how long I have to spend with him. And he’s determined to fulfill the sentencing. What am I going to do with Evelyn?”
“You know she can stay here.”
“Not the point.”
“So, introduce them.”
I shake my head. “I don’t want to see the hurt in his eyes, Dad. He wanted our baby, and he has no one, except for his band, while I have her.”
I leave my dad on the steps and go inside to see what my mother is doing. I find her and Evelyn at the table, working on a craft project. I don’t ask questions, I just sit down and immerse myself in glue, glitter, colored cotton balls and construction paper. At times, I have to excuse myself because my eyes start tearing up, and I can’t stop them. I’m so angry with my father, and yet there’s a small piece of me that is happy he did what he did because I saw Ajay. Seeing him, however, has opened old wounds, wounds that have never fully healed. I could use our time together to gain some closure, but knowing my heart, it’s highly unlikely that will happen. It’s always belonged to him and as much as I’d love to close the door, I’m not capable… it remains wide open for him to come in and destroy me.
Instead of returning to the craft table, I sneak out back and walk the steps my father built down to the beach. My mom has two chairs and a small table out here, but I choose to sit closer to the water.
The cold, wet sand feels good as I dig my toes into it. The waves come close, but barely touch me except for the errant one that envelops me. I don’t care that I’m wet and sandy, right now it’s the only thing that can distract me from my aching heart.
“He meant well,” my mom says as she sits down next to me. She hands me a bottle of beer with the top already twisted off.
“I have to drive home,” I tell her.
“Not until after dinner and one beer won’t hurt you.”
Still, I hesitate before taking a drink. It’s one of her fruity beers, something I don’t particularly care for. Maybe that’s why she gave it to me, knowing I’d nurse the bottle instead of finishing it.
“Did you know about this?”
“Not until this afternoon when Tina called. Why didn’t you tell me he was back in town?”
“Because I thought he would be gone after today, that I wouldn’t have to see him again.”
“And what were you going to do with your divorce papers?”
I try to peel the label off the bottle even though I know it won’t come off. Back in high school, Ajay and I used to do this. We’d save them, saying that when we had our own place, we’d make wallpaper out of all the labels. Good thing that idea lasted as long as our marriage… well the initial part of our marriage.
“I was going to sneak into the records and put them in there. Blame the clerk for not filing them correctly.”
“So, Ajay comes back, and you revert back to your old ways?” she asks. I shrug. Sometimes being bad is fun. “I used to think he was a bad influence on you but maybe it was the other way around.”
“He definitely encouraged me.”
As my mom and I sit, she points out different birds that land near us and talks about how the tide is shifting. She tells me that the craft project that we were working on was for the senior center and that it was Evelyn’s idea to make glitter cards. I remind her that last week Evelyn’s class went on a field trip there and that’s all Evelyn talked about for days.
“Why’d he do it, Mom?”
“Who, your dad or Ajay?”
I close my eyes briefly. “Both.”
“Well, I can’t speak for Ajay, but I imagine he just got lost and couldn’t find his way back home. Your father… I don’t know, Jamie. We watched you struggle for so long after Ajay left; I think that always played in the back of his mind. He’s a father after all, and he’s protective of his daughter.”
“How did he know where to find him?”
“There was an ad in the paper for the concert. I threw it away but found it later on his dresser. He had circled Ajay’s name. I tried to talk him out of whatever he was planning, but you know your father. Once he sets his mind to something there’s no stopping him.”
“I’m the one who teepeed Harvey’s house. Ajay just drove my truck. I did it because I heard what you told Dad about Harvey hitting on you and I got pissed.”
“You were such a delinquent back then, but I thank you for sticking up for me.” She bumps her shoulder into mine. “What are you going to do if Evelyn takes after you?”
“Lock her up,” I say with a shrug. “Tell her that whatever she’s thinking of doing, I’ve already done it so she can’t outsmart me.”
“She’s definitely smart.”
“Like her father.”
My mom looks at me. “She asks about him a lot.”
I nod. “I know. I don’t know what to tell her about
him. She shouldn’t have to know that he chose his family over her.”
“All you can tell her is that you didn’t know what he was really like.”
I scoff. “No matter what I say to her, I look like the asshole who had an affair with a married man.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Jameson. A one-night stand hardly constitutes an affair on your part… he on the other hand, needs his balls cut off.”
“He was just another mistake I made.”
“But the result was worth it in my opinion. Evelyn is the light of our lives, and you gave her to us. You brought that beautiful little girl into this world; her father be damned. She’s ours and we get to keep her to ourselves.”
Mom shrugs. “Maybe it’s time to make up a fairytale about him. I’m sure between the two of us we can create a Prince Charming who lives with a wicked witch in a cold, dark dungeon and only a fire breathing dragon and unicorn can save him.”
I look at my mom with bewilderment. “She’s going to see right through your story.”
Mom shrugs. “It’s the beer talking,” she says, taking another sip.
17
Ajay
When I walk onto the stage, everyone stops tuning their instruments. Dana rushes over and hugs me, while Hendrix mumbles something about being the only man alive who’s allowed to touch his woman, earning him a sly flip off from Dana. Quinn, Keane, and I shake hands, and when Hendrix finally gets over his little attitude, he comes over and gives me a half hug.
“What’s the big house like? Did you shank anyone?”
I push Hendrix’s shoulder and frown at him. “It was county lock-up, dude.”
“So, no hard time?”
“No, man. Just a local judge being unreasonable, nothing the lawyers can’t handle.”
“Well, I, for one, am happy you’re back,” Quinn says. “Playing with my pops is fun and all until he starts critiquing.”
“I heard that,” Harrison yells from somewhere backstage. I may have only been gone a week, but what a difference it makes. Being surrounded by people that I love, who love me back, offers a whole different outlook on life.
“Sorry, man. I’ll do my best to stay out of trouble.”
“What’d you do anyway?” Keane asks.
“Stupid teenage stuff. It always comes back to bite you in the ass.”
“Remind me to never go home then,” Hendrix says.
“You’re from Los Angeles, you moron,” Dana yells out, causing us all to laugh. Hendrix is our jokester, the one who can and will turn any situation into a comedy routine. He’s also the guy that will break your heart with his sob story about Dana and their failed relationship. His love for her, however, doesn’t stop him from hooking up with women that he meets at 80’s night karaoke. They all swoon when he sings the ballads.
I climb the ramp to my drum set and sit down on my stool. The caddy in front of me holds four pair of sticks. I pick them up and rub my fingers along the wood, thinking back to my conversation with Whiskey about how I couldn’t afford to buy new sticks at one time and yet now, here they are, always waiting for me. Being with a band that’s signed to a label is something I’ll never take for granted.
While everyone finishes tuning, I make sure my kit is stationary, that every nut and bolt is tight, that the toms sound right, that my foot pedal has the right amount of tension, and that my bass drum sounds just the way I need it to.
Pulling a pair of sticks from the caddy, I go through a run, starting off slow until I build the tempo. I continue to play, pushing through the ache in my arms and wrists until our sound crew tells us they’re ready for rehearsal.
As soon as Quinn strums his guitar, followed by Hendrix, and Dana sings the first line of our new hit, I’m lost in the beat. I play everything on auto pilot while I soak in her voice. I love this group, not because I’m in it but because of the songs Quinn and Dana sing. They mean something, not only to me, but to all of us, as well as the masses out there who are downloading our songs. I realize while I’m hitting my drumsticks against the toms that I want Whiskey to be here. I want her to see us play, to be a part of the experience. To do that, I’m going to have to play my cards right. I’m going to have to show her that despite everything, I want her to be a part of my life.
After rehearsal, we gather in the green room and chow down on the buffet provided by the catering company. It’s always different from the previous location, which is a nice change.
When Betty Paige and Chandler, Keane’s daughter, come into the room, I have to swallow a lump that forms in my throat. I could’ve been the guy who had a child on tour. He or she would be about seven or so, following me around, waiting back stage and living on the tour bus. Life for Whiskey and I could’ve been totally different than what we have going on now. I long to have the life with her that we were supposed to have.
After dinner, Keane and I stand backstage and listen to the local group opening the show. People are still finding their seats as they play. They try to entertain the crowd, but it’s hard. The people aren’t into it. They paid for the headline act, after all, not to see the openers.
“Tough crowd,” Keane says.
“I was just thinking the same thing. I’m also thinking how lucky we are. Without Elle, Quinn and 4225 West, we’re just like this opening act trying desperately to get some attention.”
“Don’t I know it. I’ve been the small fry before, as well as being part of the headline act. I’m perfectly happy where we are.”
“How does Chandler like being on tour?”
“She loves it, although I probably would too if I got to fly everywhere. She gets along very well with Paige. She likes her tutor as well, which is good otherwise I wouldn’t tour during the school year.”
“It’s almost summer vacation, right?”
He nods. “A few more weeks. I’m hoping to take her to Disneyworld when we circle back to Florida.”
That’s where I wanted to take Whiskey for our honeymoon. I told her it would happen, that I would save every cent I had to make her dream come true. I can do it now, but the meaning is lost. Maybe I’ll make the offer anyway, to come as my friend when the time is right.
If the time is ever right.
As soon as the group on stage starts their last song, Keane and I head to our dressing room to get ready. Inside, Dana is pouring champagne for everyone.
Elle holds her glass up high. “I just heard that your new single will debut at number one on the charts this week. This,” she pauses and looks at all of us, “is what we’ve worked for. The dedication each of you have put into this group, following my vision, and never giving up, has proven to be successful. I am honored to be your manager.”
We clink glasses and praise each other. I set my flute down and go over to Elle, pulling her aside. “Can you get me Jamie’s number?”
“Why?” she asks. I know she’s meant to protect us from the people around us, even from ourselves, but surely she has to know that considering the situation I’m in with Whiskey, we need to communicate.
When I don’t answer right away, she nods. “I have it. I’ll text it to you, but please be careful, Ajay. Neither of you are in the same place you once were, and you don’t need your emotions getting in the way of what you’ve got going on here.”
“I know, Elle. My head’s in the game. I promise.”
She places her hand on my arm and gives it a squeeze. “It’s not your head I’m worried about, it’s your heart. I saw the way you looked at her… it’s the same way I look at Ben. Just be careful.”
“I will,” I tell her although my voice lacks the conviction that I need to make myself believe it.
“Alright, unless you’re in the band, please leave the room so they can get ready. We’ll see everyone after the show.” Elle shoos everyone out except for Liam, Harrison, and JD. We come together as a family, arms linked around one another, and pray silently until Liam breaks the silence.
“Another show, another victory.
Make the night yours.”
Seconds later, one of the staffers comes to our dressing room. She leads us to the stage, telling our sound and lighting people that we’re on our way. As soon as the lights dim, the crowd starts to cheer.
“I love you guys,” Dana says as she hugs us all while the rest of us high five. We walk out together, all except for Dana who comes on after the melody has started. As soon as I sit down at my kit, my phone vibrates. It’s Elle, with Whiskey’s number. I save it quickly under Whiskey Girl and send her a text: I’d like to talk to you after my show tonight, around 8 or so. Will you be awake?
I don’t have time to wait for her response before I have to start playing. From the moment I slam my sticks down and the lights come on, I’m in my zone, and I’m fucking happy that in a few shorts days I’ll see my girl, even if she doesn’t want to see me.
Throughout our show I do nothing but think about Whiskey and how I miss her. I only spent one day around her and now I can’t get her off my mind. Each song that we play reminds me of her, which is crazy because I haven’t written a single one of them so there’s no underlying influence. Maybe love is all the same and I’ve just been too deaf to really hear what Dana and Quinn have been singing about.
Once I’ve banged on the toms for the last time, I stand and walk to the front, tossing my sticks to some people in the crowd. As soon as I’m off stage, I pull out my phone and much to my surprise, Whiskey responded.
Whiskey Girl: I’ll be awake
That’s enough to make my heart pound with anticipation. I shower quickly in the dressing room and hightail my ass onto the bus. Elle is there, talking on the phone, the bus otherwise empty other than the driver. I have never been so eager to get on the road before, but this time I know it puts me one day closer to heading back to Bailey and my Whiskey.
Normally, I chill out in the front of the bus but tonight I head to my bunk. With my headphones on, I press Whiskey’s name and wait for her to answer.
Fighting For Our Forever: The Beaumont Series: Next Generation Page 11