The Darkest Hour

by Roberta Kagan

  Ellen nodded and finally took a hesitant step toward Sabine. “I’m so frightened. I don’t want to die.”

  “You won’t die. Now come.” Sabine extended her hand and Ellen took it. A stab of pain seared through her as she realized that Ellen’s blind trust put her life in Sabine’s hands…and ultimately, she’d betray her – hand the innocent girl over to the most atrocious bastards who ever roamed the earth. With Ellen’s small hand lying in Sabine’s they walked together to the terminus of Underground line 2 Ruhleben.

  How fitting. Ruhleben meant “live in peace” and was an euphemistic name for a cemetery. It seemed like a bad omen and Sabine shuddered despite the warm May sunshine. They stepped onto the platform and waited for the train to arrive. Before the war, the trains ran every few minutes, but due to the many damaged tracks now their arrival was more hit and miss, and Sabine nervously glanced at her wristwatch.

  When the train finally arrived, hundreds of people disembarked, including the conductor, who had to walk to the other side of the train to change direction. Sabine and Ellen were two of the few passengers wanting to get into the city. Everyone else had happily left it for the much safer suburbs at the end of a workday.

  Eight stops until Zoologischer Garten, where she’d meet her contact person and hand over Ellen. But the Gestapo would be waiting, too. And they’d most likely take Ellen away.

  Reichssportfeld. Neu-Westend. Adolph-Hitler-Platz. With every passing station, Sabine’s guilt mounted, until she believed she’d suffocate from the darkness enshrouding her.

  She looked at the pale young girl. Her raven-black hair hung in strands to her shoulders, the dark eyes filled with anguish – and hope. I’m not a monster. I can’t do this! At the next stop, she jumped up, yanking Ellen’s arm and said, “Hurry, we need to get off.”

  Ellen gave her a confused look, but fell in step behind her, barely able to keep up with Sabine’s frantic pace.

  Chapter 24

  Sabine was lost, had never been in this part of the city before, and she had no idea what to do next. She continued walking, with Ellen holding her hand. Straight ahead. Not looking left or right. Walking, walking, walking. They crossed craters in the street, upended tram rails, rubble, but they didn’t stop until Sabine recognized the restaurant where she’d been with Lily so many weeks ago.

  At least now she had an idea how to get home from here. But the moment this thought crossed her mind, she remembered that her home didn’t exist anymore. And she couldn’t return to the Klausen apartment either, not with Ellen.

  She’d just made a monumental decision. A watershed moment. And by choosing good over evil, she’d backed herself into a corner.

  Glancing at her wristwatch she estimated that if she didn’t show up with Ellen at the Zoologischer Garten within fifteen minutes, the Gestapo would know something had gone wrong. They’d kill Werner, hunt her down… Ellen’s small hand squeezed hers as if the girl had read her thoughts and looked at her with big, knowing eyes. “Something went wrong, didn’t it?”

  Tears threatened to spill from Sabine’s eyes, but she willed them away. Not even in her lowest moment without any sliver of hope left would she let Ellen see that she was hanging on by a thread.

  To sanity. To breath.

  To hope.

  “I’ll fix it,” Sabine said, not exactly sure how she’d be able to do this. But she could try. The one thing she knew was she couldn’t hand over this innocent child to the Gestapo. Not even to save Werner.

  She stopped, clamping her eyes shut. How could she choose between the two lives? How could she decide which life held more value? This shouldn’t be happening. When had the Universe decided that she should hold the fate of two people in the palm of her hand? That she should be judge, and executioner?

  Her mind raced. Werner would never forgive her for sacrificing an innocent child. After all their years together, she knew that for sure. I’ll keep Ellen safe. No matter the cost.

  But where could they go from here? The only trustworthy person who came to her mind was Pfarrer Bernau. It was a risk, but he’d know what to do. Yes, he would know.

  “Come on,” she said to Ellen, “we’re going to see a friend for help.”

  They took a tram and then a bus and forty-five minutes later Sabine knocked at Pfarrer Bernau’s door.

  “Frau Mahler, what are you doing here with the girl?” Pfarrer Bernau hissed, his eyes wide with shock. He quickly pulled them both inside, locked the door and said, “You shouldn’t have come here. What happened?”

  “I’m sorry, but we needed a safe—”

  He cut her off with a wave of his hand. “You’re not safe with me here, and now, I’m not safe here, either. Were you followed?”

  Sabine shook her head, feeling a new wave of guilt rush forward, threatening to overwhelm her again. When would it end? The horrific tornado of emotions that swirled around in her head?

  “Wait here,” the priest said to Sabine and disappeared with Ellen through a tiny connecting door to the church.

  Sabine paced the room, waiting for Pfarrer Bernau to return, biting her lips and praying to God. Surely He would work a miracle and keep Ellen and the priest safe. When the connecting door opened again ten minutes later, she took one look at the worry on his face and broke down in tears.

  “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

  Pfarrer Bernau wrapped an arm around her shoulders and guided her to a small bench. “Tell me what happened.”

  She didn’t need more encouragement, and the entire story since Lily had approached her with the offer spilled forth. “Kriminalkommissar Becker promised to spare my husband’s life in exchange for spying on Frau Klausen and delivering him the heads of the organization. I told him about the handover tonight, but then I couldn’t do it,” Sabine sobbed. “I’m such a horrible person.”

  Pfarrer Bernau shook his head. “War has the ability to make saints into monsters. You did the right thing when it mattered most. Don’t forget that. You saved Ellen’s life today.”

  “But I probably killed my husband in the process and brought the Gestapo down on you and whoever else is involved.”

  Despite the obvious worry on his face, Pfarrer Bernau talked to her in soothing words and offered her a glass of water. While she drank he made a telephone call and shortly after, someone knocked at the door.

  Sabine couldn’t see the person; she only heard a female voice murmuring with the priest. From what she could glean, he tasked the woman with retrieving Ellen from the church and getting her to another safehouse.

  The priest returned to his office and said, “Ellen will be safe. And you have to leave now as well.”

  “No! They’ll be looking for me…”

  “You have to go back.”

  “I can’t. I won’t,” Sabine clasped her hands to the desk, as if he were physically pushing her from the room.

  “It’s the only way. You need to buy us some time to get Ellen out of the city and on her way to safety.”

  “But what do I tell them?” Sabine asked, suddenly not so sure anymore that she’d done the right thing. “I really don’t want to end up in one of their torture cells.”

  A sad smile appeared on Pfarrer Bernau’s face. “That is everyone’s worst nightmare. But believe me, the more normal you act, the better your chances are. Go home. Telephone Becker and tell him that something went wrong.”

  “I don’t think I can pull that off. I can’t keep lying. Can’t you see that it’s killing me inside?”

  “Frau Mahler, I don’t see another choice. Sometimes a lie is the lesser of two evils. You saved Ellen once today, don’t let it be for naught.” The priest looked at her with quiet confidence and then added, “God will help you. Now go.”

  Sabine nodded, took a bracing breath and slipped through the connecting door into the church. She planned to find a pay phone and call Lily to tell her about the change of course. But when she passed a working telephone booth about halfway to the
Klausens’ apartment, she thought of a much better idea.

  One that hopefully would keep both her and Werner alive for another day. She picked up her pace and took the underground to Gestapo headquarters.

  Chapter 25

  Sabine’s knees shook with terror when she stepped through the doors of Prinz-Albrecht-Strasse 8. The last two times she’d been here, she’d been in the company of Gestapo agents who’d shoved her forward.

  Now, the vastness of the huge entrance hall tugged at her fear, beckoning a new wave forward. An eerie chill crept up her spine, urging her to turn on her heels and run away. She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. When she opened them again, she noticed a uniformed woman manning a reception desk.

  “Good evening, I’d like to speak with Kriminalkommissar Becker, please,” Sabine said, hoping her voice didn’t betray her nerves.

  “On what business?” the woman asked, giving her a once-over.

  “He’s waiting on information about some subversives. Tell him Sabine Mahler is here.”

  The woman reluctantly picked up the telephone and spoke a few words. Then she pointed to a line of wooden chairs. “The Kriminalkommissar will be here in a few minutes.”

  “Thank you.” Sabine exhaled a deep breath, sensing how a drop of sweat trickled down her temple. She brushed it away, careful not to damage her hastily renewed make-up. Becker didn’t have to notice her tumbling nerves.

  Becker arrived five minutes later, glaring at her. “Why weren’t you at the meeting place?”

  Sabine stood up. “There was a problem. I came to tell you in person. It might be important.”

  “Fine. Follow me,” he said, leading the way deep into the maze of hallways. Sabine almost wept with joy when he stopped short of the staircase leading up to the attic with the torture cells. He opened the door to what seemed to be his office, a huge room with windows overlooking the park behind the building. It seemed to be an oasis of peace and quiet, but Sabine knew better.

  The wall behind his desk was adorned with Hitler’s photograph flanked by two flags with the swastika. Sabine stood for a moment and saluted the Führer. “Heil Hitler!” Her right hand shot forward, slightly above shoulder-height, the way she’d practiced it so many times in the Bund Deutscher Mädel, the Hitler Youth for girls.

  Her salute seemed to mollify Becker, because he said with a slightly less icy voice, “Now what is so important that you came all the way here?”

  “When I arrived to pick up the girl, she was gone.”

  “Gone?” he asked in disbelief.

  “Yes. It looked like she’d been moved in a hurry.” Sabine paused to let him process her words before she continued to tell her carefully rehearsed charade. “Someone warned those devious subversives. I can’t think of any other explanation.”

  “Now you are fantasizing. Who could have done such a thing?”

  “I honestly don’t know. When I found out, I searched for a working telephone booth to inform Lily Kerber, just as you ordered me to.” She gave him a tentative smile. “But then I had my doubts. What if she was the person who warned them?”

  “Fräulein Kerber?” he scoffed. “She’s not working for the resistance, I assure you.”

  “I can’t believe it either. Lily and I attended school together and I can’t possibly imagine her betraying the Reich…but she was the only one to know about the Aktion besides you and your men.”

  “Now you’re implying my men are traitors?” Becker seemed to be amused at that notion.

  “Of course not,” Sabine hurried to say. “You and your men are above any doubt. But I thought it prudent to inform you in person, so you can investigate for yourself and find out who warned the subversives.”

  “Hmm…” He didn’t seem convinced.

  “I’m so sorry this happened. I just hope this Jewish girl won’t be able to wreak havoc on Germany.” Sabine dabbed at her eyes to show her immense concern.

  “Who told you such nonsense?” Becker exploded. “She’s a child. Vermin. How would she be able to damage our great Germany?”

  Finally, Sabine felt like Becker was biting into her story. “Our Führer! He said every last Jew had the power to destroy the Master Race. And now she got away…it’s my fault…I failed our Führer…” Sabine gave a sob.

  “I’m sure we’ll find her. Don’t you worry about the vermin. What concerns me more is that we have a traitor in our own ranks,” he said.

  “Yes, that is very worrisome, and I can’t help but wonder…who would benefit from warning the subversives? Who could be devious enough to pretend loyalty to you when in fact she’s spying for them?” Sabine clasped her hand in front of her mouth. “You don’t think I would do this, right? You know I’d never lie to you. I love my husband and I want him back. Besides, I wouldn’t come running straight to your offices if I were the traitor. Traitors hide…they evade.”

  Becker gave her a long gaze and shook his head in thought. “Hmm… you have a point there. But if it’s not you, then who is it?”

  “It must be someone who knew about the handover.” Sabine nudged him to where she wanted to have him.

  “We won’t jump to conclusions here, but I might have to interrogate Fräulein Kerber,” he said, making a whipping movement with his hand.

  Sabine felt hot and cold shivers racing across her skin. More sins piled up on her mountain of transgressions.

  He pursed his lips when noticing the obvious distress on Sabine’s face. “We don’t take these things lightly, but since Fräulein Kerber has faithfully worked for us such a long time, I’ll be gentle if she’s really innocent.”

  Did the Gestapo even know the meaning of the words gentle and innocent? Sabine did her best to control her emotions and kept her voice calm when she asked, “What do you want me to do now?”

  “Go home and pretend nothing is amiss. I will contact you should I need you.” He dismissed her with a wave of his hand.

  Sabine itched to ask questions about her husband, but she knew better than to destroy the fragile goodwill she’d just built with the Gestapo officer.

  Chapter 26

  The May night was warm, and daylight wouldn’t settle until way past ten p.m. Sabine decided to walk the long way home. She needed to think. The day had been one long succession of events. Guilt, relief, sorrow and pride fought an unrelenting battle in her confused heart.

  She had done something despicable. No. You’ve done a long line of reprehensible acts. Thrown an innocent woman under the train to save herself, although innocent wasn’t exactly applicable. Lily would – and had – gladly sacrificed anyone in her way.

  But knowledge of her rival’s faults did nothing to lift the burden of guilt from Sabine’s shoulders, and she longed to visit Pfarrer Bernau. He’d be able to set her moral compass straight, or at least he’d absolve her from her sins if she confessed. But she couldn’t visit him. The Gestapo had probably followed her, and it would only serve to attract attention to her, and the priest.

  No, she had to stay put. Do as Becker had ordered. Act normal. But how did she do that when she no longer understood the meaning of the word?

  Sabine took a lukewarm bath and settled onto the couch with a cup of tea. Her entire belief system lay in tatters at her feet. How could she ever have subscribed to the opinion that minding her own business was the right course of action? Hadn’t that been the most selfish way of thinking?

  She fell into a troubled sleep on the couch but was awakened bright and early on Sunday morning by a loud knocking on the apartment door. She clambered to her feet, smoothing her hands over the clothing she’d fallen asleep in the night before. The knocking came again, and she hurried to open the door before it awakened the nosy neighbor, Frau Weber.

  “Kriminalkommissar?” She hissed at the sight of Becker and two SS officers standing outside the door.

  “May we come in?” he asked.

  So he hasn’t come to arrest me. Sabine stepped aside. “Please excuse the disarray.
I was too tired to tidy up last night.”

  Becker stepped into the sitting room, the two SS men in their black uniforms following behind. “We captured the priest.”

  Sabine suppressed a shriek.

  “He’s still under interrogation but it seems he was the head of the organization.”

  “The priest?” Sabine couldn’t believe her ears, sorrow about Pfarrer Bernau entering her heart. “I only met him once, but he seemed such a nice person.”

  Becker glared at her. “This is the very reason why the church is a thorn in Hitler’s side. Not only do her members oppose the National Socialist ideals, but also her priests are like wolves in sheep’s clothing, misleading innocent citizens.”

  For lack of an appropriate response she nodded.

  “And there’s more good news,” Becker said, pleased with himself. “While Fräulein Kerber hasn’t confessed yet about her involvement with the resistance group, she has admitted to working for a variety of other interests, including the NKVD.”

  “She was working for the Russians?” Sabine’s jaw fell to the floor.

  “It would seem so. She had never intended to help the Reich, but only used her position for personal gain. The interloper willingly betrayed our country to the Russian secret police for a substantial amount of money.”

  “What’s to become of her?” Despite all that Lily had done, Sabine still felt sorry for the other woman and hoped she’d at least be granted a fast and painless death.

  “That is for the judge to decide, after we have extracted all the relevant information she possesses.” The cold steel in Becker’s voice chilled her to the bone and she didn’t even want to consider how exactly he planned to extract that information. “But Fräulein Kerber is not your problem. Neither is Frau Klausen.”

  Sabine had totally forgotten about Frau Klausen and Ursula and now her stomach churned at the thought of what might happen to them. “You have arrested them, too?”