“Just tell me the address,” Natalie said, after a few moments. “The car can find it.”
“I don’t know an address.”
“A building number? Or a bar or something nearby?”
Evie thought for a moment, and then told her a street to go in by, and a carpark to find, and said she was standing there now and there was a big sign Natalie should see. Natalie wrote it all down.
“I’ll see you there,” Natalie said. “And Evie, thank you.”
“Nah, no worries. I want to too.”
“Well, goodbye.”
“Hold on a sec,” Evie said, then, “Um.”
Natalie waited.
“Um,” Evie said again. “So I just wanted to say, and it seemed easier over the phone. This is just for you and me, okay? I’m not doing this for anyone else.”
“All right,” Natalie said, a little puzzled.
“I just wanted you to know.”
Natalie thought. “Well I’m not either,” she said. “With anyone else. For what that’s worth.”
“No,” Evie said. “I mean, thank you and I’m glad, but that isn’t what I mean. I meant, for me, this is just for you. I’m not going to be fucking any of your friends. I’m not doing this for a job. You can’t tell anyone about this, or let them call me. Nothing like that. It’s just something between you and me. Something weird and a little bit special.”
“Oh,” Natalie said, understanding. “Of course.”
“I just wanted to say that.”
Natalie didn’t know what to say for a moment. “Thank you,” she said.
“For what?”
“Doing this. And thinking it’s special.”
Evie was silent for a moment, and then she said, “Dickhead.” She sounded like she was smiling again. “Yes it is special,” she said.
“I’m glad.”
“Okay,” Evie said. “Well. I just wanted us to be clear on that. This is only with you.”
“Of course.”
“So don’t tell anyone, okay? Don’t give my number out to your friends.”
“Of course not.”
“Okay, good. I just thought I should say.”
“I understand.”
“Okay. Bye, then. I’ll see you tonight.”
*
Natalie found Evie easily. She drove in the campus entrance Evie had told her, and saw the carpark almost right away. She couldn’t see the sign Evie had mentioned, but she did see Evie, standing under a streetlight. Evie was wearing a jacket and scarf and jeans, and eating hot chips out of a paper bag while she waited. It was dark, and raining again, but there were still people around.
Natalie pulled up beside her, and opened the window and called, “Evie, it’s Natalie.”
Evie came over, and peered through the window, and then climbed into the car. She glanced around and then threw her bag in the back. “Hey,” she said, and leaned over and kissed Natalie quickly. Natalie hadn’t been expecting that. Evie kissed, and her mouth was warm, and tasted of salt and frying.
“Hi,” Evie said.
The car’s stereo was on. Evie reached over and turned it off. She didn’t ask, she just did, as if it was some kind of habit when she got into a car. Natalie actually liked that. She liked that Evie seemed comfortable around her to switch off Natalie’s music. Natalie turned on the heater, and turned up the air, and just sat there with the engine running for a moment. The windows were steaming up, and water was dripping off of Evie and onto the seat and carpet.
“Shit,” Evie said, noticing, “Sorry. I’m always dripping on you car.”
“Don’t worry.”
“Well I’m sorry,” Evie said. “Again.”
Natalie smiled. “It’s fine.”
Evie looked at Natalie for a moment, then leaned over and kissed her again. Kissed her properly, also on her lips, this time with her mouth a little open. She kissed carefully, slowly, and as if she enjoyed kissing, and wanted to kiss Natalie. She also kissed very well. Surprised, Natalie kissed back.
A moment passed, and then Evie stopped. She sat back in her seat and opened her paper bag. She ate a chip, and held out the bag to Natalie, but Natalie shook her head. Evie ate another.
“Sorry,” Evie said. “I’m hungry.”
“It’s fine.” Natalie kept looking at her, confused.
Evie noticed. “What?” she said.
“You don’t mind us kissing?”
Evie seemed not to understand.
“I thought you might not want to,” Natalie said. “That’s all.” She was thinking about paying for sex and not kissing, which seemed to be a rule. At least according to TV.
Evie realized. “Oh that,” she said. “Yeah. Because how you’re paying?” She must have heard the same things as Natalie.
“Yes,” Natalie said.
“Um,” Evie said. “No, you dick. Because I’m not actually a prostitute, and you’re not actually a customer, and I haven’t already done this with ten other people today.”
“Of course,” Natalie said, a little embarrassed. “Sorry.”
“Yeah,” Evie said. “I’d have thought sorry. Friends, remember?”
Natalie nodded. “I am sorry. I didn’t mean that how it sounded.”
“It’s fine,” Evie said, and ate another chip. “Because we are, aren’t we?”
“Friends?”
Evie nodded.
Natalie was surprised. She hadn’t thought of it like that, but she supposed they were. They were becoming friends, at least, through the complicated tangle of sex and money. She realized Evie was waiting, looking at Natalie as if the answer actually mattered. As if, perhaps, it did. As if Evie would sleep with her friends for money, if that was what her friends liked to do, but never with an actual stranger.
“Well?” Evie said, sounding almost sharp.
“Of course we are,” Natalie said.
“We’re friends?”
“Yes.”
“Then, yeah, I’ll kiss you,” Evie said. “Because how this is a thing between friends that got really weird. And I because how I like to kiss. And we never did the other day. So I’d like to do it more.”
“Oh,” Natalie said. “All right. Now?”
“How about not in a parked car?”
Natalie smiled. “That’s good too.”
Evie grinned, and ate a chip. “So anyway,” she said. “Of course I’ll kiss you if you want me to. I didn’t know you did.”
Natalie was surprised. “Why on earth wouldn’t I?”
Evie shrugged. “No idea. Maybe you just like to fuck?”
“No,” Natalie said. “I like to kiss.”
“Then we’ll kiss,” Evie said. “Later. After I eat.”
She took a handful of chips out of her paper bag, three or four in one go. She ate them all, and grinned. Natalie sat there watching her.
“Okay,” Evie said. “So take me somewhere and let’s do this.”
“You really want to?”
Evie nodded. She kept eating.
“You’re completely sure?” Natalie said. “No second thoughts.”
“Some second thoughts,” Evie said. “But I’m sure.”
Natalie wasn’t sure what to make of that. She watched Evie eat.
“Drive,” Evie said. “Go.”
“Where?”
“Your place? If that’s okay?”
Natalie nodded and put the car in gear.
Evie kept eating, stuffing chips into her mouth. “Sorry,” she said. “I’m starving. Tuesday’s are really bad. I start at nine, and don’t finish until six, and hardly get a break in between.”
“That’s a long day.”
“It gets all the lectures out the way though, so there’s that.”
Natalie nodded. “We can get something to eat first, if you’d like to?”
Evie shook her head.
“You look hungry. Perhaps we should?”
“I’m eating. I’m almost done. We’ll eat another time. Let’s go do th
is now.”
Natalie was still a little surprised by Evie’s enthusiasm. It seemed as though Evie ought to only be politely interested, not actually wanting to. Evie was acting like this was a date, like they were meeting up for fun. Not for Natalie to pay Evie for sex.
Evie seemed to notice Natalie’s stare again. She stared back. She ate a chip. “What?” she said.
Natalie shrugged. She decided she didn’t completely understand, but she probably didn’t need to either. “Nothing,” Natalie said.
“You don’t get me, do you?” Evie said. “That’s why you just looked at me like that?”
“A little, perhaps. But it doesn’t matter.”
“Do you want to get me?”
“I think I do.”
“I should explain?”
Natalie nodded.
“I want to,” Evie said. “I want to do this with you. I want to fuck you, and I want you to pay me, so I can see how it feels.”
“Oh,” Natalie said.
“Is that okay?” Evie said.
“It’s fine.”
“Then let’s go somewhere and do this.”
Natalie nodded, and started to drive, and Evie dripped rain on the car seats and finished eating her chips.
5: Evie
Evie sat in Natalie’s car, looking out the side window, watching people go past. She was wondering, as she watched, who else might be being paid for sex. She’d been thinking about it a lot over the past two days, thinking so much it was almost obsessing her, whenever she was around other people. Wondering how unusual her situation was, and how unusual she was to agree. Wondering who else had done it too.
She had become suspicious of people, in a curious kind of way. She’d begun to assume the worst about other people’s money. Whenever she saw expensive clothes or shoes or jewellery, she didn’t think of good jobs and generous parents, she assumed someone was being paid to fuck. It had surprised her at first, because she wasn’t usually so suspicious. It surprised her, but she kept doing it anyway, as if knowing such things were possible made them automatically true. As if there was some secret Evie suddenly knew, some secret she was part of, and now that she was, she wanted everyone else to be part of it too.
She looked out the window, and watched rain on the glass, and wondered why she was thinking like this. She was in a strange mood, and had been all day, and she didn’t completely know why. She ought to be happy, like she’d been a few moments before. She about to have sex, with someone she liked, and do something she wanted to try. She ought to be happy, yet she was in this odd mood, and she didn’t entirely understand why.
It wasn’t Natalie, she was fairly sure of that, because she wanted to be doing what they were going to do. She wanted to fuck Natalie for money, and knowing she was about to was actually turning her on. She was completely sure she wanted to, and didn’t feel worried, or unsure. All the same, she felt odd. She felt like her mood had changed too suddenly, sometime in the last few minutes, and she really had no idea why. She might have been trying too hard to be cheerful, she thought. By being witty and interesting, she had worn herself out, because she was actually quite worried about sex. If she was being paid, she had to be good, and she had no idea if she would be. She thought that must be what it was. She had been happy to talk, when she first got into the car, but then she’d suddenly gone quiet. So quiet her quietness had infected Natalie too, and now they were driving in silence.
Evie felt quiet. She stayed quiet, as they drove. She sat in the car in silence, and waited for Natalie’s lift in silence, and went inside Natalie’s apartment in silence too.
Natalie didn’t seem to mind. She was being quiet as well. She hardly spoke either, all the way to her apartment. She smiled once or twice, but that was all. She parked her car, and went upstairs, and opened her apartment door, all without a word. She kicked off her shoes, then poured Evie wine without asking, and switched on the extractor fan too.
Perhaps Natalie was nervous, Evie thought. Perhaps she was having second thoughts. She probably was. She probably had better things to do with her money. Evie began to worry about that. She still wasn’t sure why Natalie had changed her mind the first night, why she’d wanted sex, then hadn’t after all, not even Evie getting her off with her hand. Evie could decide whether Natalie had doubts, or they’d talked too much, or Natalie just wanted something else particular, something other than being fingered. It could have been any of those, but Evie was thinking the worst, that Natalie was unsure, and might not want this, at least not as much as Evie thought she did. It would be awkward to assume, and have Natalie change her mind.
Evie sat, and smoked, and tried to think of something to say. Natalie wasn’t helping at all. She was quiet, watching Evie. They seemed to be having as much trouble as each other.
After a while Natalie put music on. A woman singing, some kind of jazz that sounded sad and old. Evie wanted to ask what it was, but was worried she’d look silly if she did. She sat and listened instead. At first she thought it was Natalie’s fuck music, that Natalie was trying to get her in the mood, but after a while she wasn’t so sure. It wasn’t so much music to fuck to, as music to fuck to and then kill yourself to. It seemed bland and happy until you actually listened, until you realised was an emptiness to it, a desperation, that made Evie want to cry.
“I like it,” Evie said, “The music,” and Natalie seemed pleased that she did.
That improved things a lot, Evie thought. They both seemed a little more comfortable now Evie had spoken. Natalie shifted, came closer, and stood nearer to Evie. She was still quiet, watching Evie, perhaps not sure how carefully Evie was listening, and whether she should interrupt. Evie wanted to be interrupted. She wanted to be a lot. The music was making her think too much, making her sad, and she didn’t need that at all.
“Say something,” Evie said, a little desperately.
Natalie shook her head.
“Please?” Evie said.
“I don’t really have much to say.”
“Are you listening to this?”
“Not especially.”
“So talk,” Evie said.
Natalie nodded, but she still didn’t speak, just stood there and watched Evie and sipped her wine. Half-listening to the music, Evie thought, half-waiting for Evie to say something.
Evie didn’t know why this was so complicated, except that Natalie might have noticed Evie got quiet in the car. If she had, Evie supposed, she might be waiting until Evie seemed more cheerful. Waiting for Evie to speak.
If she was, that meant conversation was up to Evie.
Evie decided it was. She tried to think of something to say.
*
Evie thought for a moment, then cleared her throat. “You asked me why I was here,” she said. “Last time.”
“I remember.”
“Do you still want to know?”
Natalie shrugged, and sipped her wine. “If you like.”
“I mean, why I was here in the first place, before everything else. Before you said you’d pay me.”
Natalie nodded. “Go on.”
“For my career. In case you can help me. That was why I came upstairs.”
Natalie nodded. “That I’d assumed.”
“Yep,” Evie said. “I’d assumed you’d assumed. But I just wanted to say, in case you wondered. So you knew.”
“Don’t worry. I knew.”
“Is that terrible?”
“Is what terrible?”
“Me doing that. I was kind of using you?”
“Of course not,” Natalie said, actually sounding surprised.
“Oh,” Evie said. “Okay, well good.”
Natalie smiled, and sipped her wine, and then they both went quiet. Natalie seemed to be thinking. She looked up, then hesitated, as if there was something she wanted to ask she couldn’t quite bring herself to say.
Evie waited.
“Is that the only reason you’re here?” Natalie said. “To help your career?”
>
“Other than money?”
“Other than that. In the first place, I mean, before we were taking about money.”
“Not the only reason,” Evie said. “I like you, as well. But it’s all a little mixed up with thinking you might be useful, and I don’t really know how much it’s one and how much the other.”
Natalie nodded slowly.
“That’s why I’m not sure if it’s awful,” Evie said. “Because I can’t be sure.”
“It isn’t awful.”
“But I’m using you. At least, I might be.”
“And I’m using you back. I want to have sex with you, and I’m paying you for it. I can’t see how that’s any different.”
“I suppose not,” Evie said, but now she was wondering, too. “So what you just asked,” she said. “The same back. Is that the only reason I’m here? Like the only reason you called me? Because you can pay me for sex?”
Natalie sipped her wine, and didn’t answer.
“I was honest with you,” Evie said.
“You were,” Natalie said, then, “No. I like you too.”
“Oh,” Evie said. “I’m glad.”
“I am too.”
“So we like each other…”
“Apparently so.”
“But we’re still doing this.”
Natalie smiled. “We are.”
Evie thought. “We’re not very nice people, are we?”
“I don’t see why not.”
“We’re both being kind of selfish.”
“Selfish?”
“We’re both using each other.”
“Perhaps,” Natalie said. “Or we’re being honest. Saying what we each want. That’s more honest than most people are.”
Evie thought about that.
“We can help each other, and like each other too,” Natalie said. “I wouldn’t worry too much about who’s being used.”
Evie nodded slowly. “I won’t then,” she said, and Natalie smiled.
Natalie refilled her own wine glass, and then held the bottle out towards Evie. Evie shook her head. She didn’t want to get too tipsy. It didn’t seem like she ought to be doing this, if she could only do it drunk.
Evie's Job Page 10