“Um, no,” Evie said. “We should fuck. Then we should sleep.”
Natalie rolled sideways, and grinned at her for a while.
“I mean it,” Evie said.
“I know,” Natalie said.
“So why aren’t we starting?”
Natalie laughed, and leaned over to kiss, and Evie made a happy little sigh and kissed her back.
23: Evie
A few weeks passed, and Meredith stayed out of Evie and Natalie’s lives. Evie was glad, although a little surprised. She still wasn’t quite sure how she felt about Meredith. She didn’t want to be demanding, and tell Natalie what to do, but it seemed odd to her that Meredith was still around, still interfering and being difficult, and it worried her a little as well. It would have worried her, that was, except that Meredith seemed to have disappeared. Evie was very grateful, and could concentrate on her study instead.
The last lectures of the semester had begun, and everyone was getting ready for exams. The teaching had slowed down, since presumably everyone knew what they needed to know by now, or if not, it was too late to learn. The teaching had slowed down, but other things were happening instead. There were lectures about exam technique, which there were every year, and which seemed a little pointless to Evie because everyone must know exam techniques by now. There were lectures about career planning, and about obtaining a solicitor’s practicing certificate, and about taking the bar exams for those who were intending to. There were also evening drinks with recruiters from the big firms, which Evie didn’t go to because studying and good marks seemed a better way to get a job than wasting time drinking with people who would judge her solely on her marks anyway. She checked with Natalie to make sure, who said going to drinks meant nothing, and the more Evie thought about it, the more having recruiting drinks right before exams seemed like an elaborate and sinister test of her self-control, so she stayed away.
Instead, she studied. She read, and went to lectures, and barely did anything else. She had begun panicking about her exam timetable, and how much she had to do in a short time. She was reading constantly, at every opportunity, doing nothing but take notes and then read them over and over to memorize them. Natalie was helping too, quizzing her on cases, and not complaining when Evie left reminders stuck to the fridge and bathroom mirror to look at while she made coffee and brushed her teeth.
She studied, and the weeks passed, and she was actually happy. She was far happier than she remembered being often before. She was with Natalie, and wanted Natalie, and she wanted her life in law too, and she almost had everything, if she could only get through the next few weeks.
One afternoon, shortly before the end of classes, Evie was sitting in a lecture theatre waiting to start. She had her laptop, and was reading over her notes. All week they’d had guest lectures from practicing lawyers and lower court judges, telling them all what being a real lawyer was like. Today was going to be another, and Evie hadn’t paid much attention to what. It was sensible to turn up, in case something useful was said or someone checked and decided she wasn’t being enthusiastic, but lectures weren’t what she was concentrating on any more, her exams were, and so she spent most of the lectures reading and doing exam preparation. She was reading again while she waited to start, reading, and absorbed in that. She was aware of the room filling up around her, and of people up the front walking in and setting up. She was aware, but hardly noticing, until she glanced up and saw Meredith at the front of the room.
Evie sat there for a moment, and suddenly couldn’t think. She almost couldn’t breathe. She looked again, making sure. It was Meredith, because of course it was Meredith.
There was no reason it wouldn’t be her.
Evie didn’t know what to do. She slid down in her seat, and tried to sit sideways, with her hand over her face. That was fine for now, while Meredith and the lecturer were standing over near the door, off to the side of the room and well away from Evie. Once the talk began, though, she would be far more obvious. She was sitting in the middle of her row, in about the middle of the lecture theatre, right where Meredith would probably be looking as she spoke. She was right where Meredith would look, and worse, she was sitting in the hardest part of the room to slip away from. She was right in the middle because she’d arrived early, to study, and been one of the first to sit down. She was trapped. There was no way out that didn’t involve climbing over a lot of other people, which would probably cause enough of a fuss that Meredith would look to see what was happening.
Evie thought, quite seriously, about sliding under the desk and spending the rest of the lecture down there. She thought about holding a book open in front of herself for the next hour. She hunched her shoulders, and tried to pull her hair over her face, and did her best not to look like herself.
It worked, it seemed. It worked enough that Lizzy, sitting beside her, noticed something was wrong.
“What’s up with you,” Lizzy said. “You’re sitting kind of weird.”
“Nothing,” Evie whispered, then changed her mind right away. “That’s Natalie’s ex,” she said quietly.
“What?” Lizzy said.
Lizzy leaned closer, and Evie realized how softly she was speaking. She swallowed, and said again, “That’s Natalie’s ex. Up the front.”
Lizzy looked.
“Fuck, don’t look,” Evie said.
“She won’t notice me.”
“All the same, look somewhere else. Look at me.”
Lizzy did. She put her elbow on the desk, and leaned on it, twisted all sideways and probably far too obviously furtive to be in any way subtle at all.
She was grinning at Evie, too, although she seemed to be trying her best not to. Evie appreciated her trying, even though it didn’t work.
“Don’t look at her,” Evie whispered. “She’ll notice.”
“Because she’s magic?”
“Maybe. I don’t know.”
“I have to in the end.”
“You can’t,” Evie said, feeling panicky.
“Evangeline, I have to once she starts. She’s the guest speaker.”
“Fuck,” Evie said. “Yeah, I know.”
“Is this the one who hates you?” Lizzy said.
“Which one who hates me?”
“The ex who does?”
“What?” Evie said, confused, then understood. “Of course it is. Oh god, there’s only one who hates me, as far as I know.”
Lizzy kept looking at Evie, still obviously trying not to laugh. After a moment, she said, “Don’t worry, she won’t recognise you.”
“Yes she will.”
“There’s a room full of people.”
“And we’re right in the middle.”
“And she won’t be expecting to see you here.”
“So?” Evie said.
“People see what they expect to see.”
“Fuck,” Evie said. “She still has eyes.”
*
Lizzy looked at Evie for a moment. “Has she ever actually met you?”
“Of course she has,” Evie said. “Twice.”
“But only quickly, yeah?” Lizzy said, thinking. “So without getting a proper look at you?”
“Um no,” Evie said, nervously. “She had a really good look. Why?”
“Oh,” Lizzy said. “Oh shit, that isn’t good.”
“I know,” Evie said.
Evie glanced around, thinking about leaving again, but decided it would be too difficult. There were too many people between her and the door. She knew Lizzy, and the guy beside Lizzy, Lizzy’s friend who always sat with them but whose name Evie couldn’t seem to remember. She could get that far quietly, without too much commotion, but the rest of the row were strangers who she’d need to climb over, and climbing over them would probably cause a fuss. She’d been right the first time, she decided. She was completely stuck where she was. She couldn’t get out without a lot of bother, exactly the kind of bother that would make Meredith notice her anyway.
&n
bsp; “I can’t get out,” Evie said, just in case Lizzy suggested some kind of clever plan.
Lizzy looked down their row. “No, probably not.”
“Shit,” Evie said, and slumped in her chair.
“I’m sorry,” Lizzy said, but actually sounded like she was trying not to laugh.
“I’m fucked,” Evie said. “I’m completely fucked.”
“I’m sure it isn’t that bad.”
“Oh it is,” Evie said. “It’s exactly as bad as it sounds.”
Lizzy squeezed her arm.
Evie sat for a moment, thinking, wondering what to do. Lizzy smiled at her, probably trying to be reassuring, and then seemed to decide to leave her alone, and started talking to other people. Evie sat there for a moment, brooding, and then realized Lizzy was actually talking about her. Someone down past Lizzy had asked what was going on, and why Evie was upset, and Lizzy had started telling her. Evie heard Lizzy say that Evie was sleeping with the guest speaker’s ex, and the guest speaker hated Evie, and had been stalking her for weeks.
“Lizzy,” Evie said, a little shocked. “Fuck. Stop it.”
“What?” Lizzy said, but did.
Lizzy’s friend, the guy on the other side of her from Evie, had been listening too. He suddenly got interested. He looked at Evie, and said, “Really stalking?”
“Mostly,” Lizzy said, even though he hadn’t asked her.
“No,” Evie said. “And can we stop talking about it now?”
“Turning up at her house,” Lizzy said anyway.
“At Natalie’s house,” Evie said. “And it’s not like stalking, it’s just…”
“She wants to ruin your life,” Lizzy said. “Because you stole...”
“Hey,” Evie said sharply, and glared, and Lizzy stopped abruptly. She knew better than to be that obvious in public.
“It’s not like that,” Evie said. “And I didn’t steal anything…”
“If you say so,” Lizzy said, smugly.
“Stop it,” Evie said, meaning it, and Lizzy shrugged.
Lizzy’s friend, the guy, then leaned past Lizzy, and said to Evie, “She really doesn’t like you?”
“Nope. But not because of anything I did.”
“But she thinks you did something?”
Evie shrugged. “She seems to.”
“Oh god, you’re fucked.”
It was probably true, but Evie didn’t really appreciate being reminded. She glared at him, and snapped, “I know,” as coldly as she could.
The glare didn’t work. “You’re so fucked,” he said again. “You know who she is, don’t you?”
“Of course I know who she is.”
“She’s a partner at…”
“I said I know who she is,” Evie interrupted.
He looked at her for a moment, as if wondering whether to be offended.
“Sorry,” Evie said. “But don’t. Please.”
He shrugged, and said, “Well you’re totally screwed, and that’s fucking hilarious.”
Which Evie didn’t think was very nice. She decided to ignore him and Lizzy both. She sat where she was, wondering how best to hide, and decided it was probably to do so in plain sight. Just sitting quietly, and not being noticed. Since she couldn’t think what else to do, anyway, with Meredith right there.
She sat, and waited, and ignored Lizzy’s occasional grins, and after a few moments, the lecture started.
Evie had wondered if Meredith would have powerpoints or a movie to show, so the lights would be dimmed and she might be able to slip out, loud but hidden by the darkness. She had hoped, but Meredith just stood there and spoke, and the lights stayed on, clear and bright.
Evie slumped into her seat, and tried to disappear. To disappear just by pretending she was. She wished for a while that she had a hat, and then wondered about putting on sunglasses. Sunglasses seemed a little obvious, and leaning on the desk with her face hidden in her arms did too, especially since Meredith seemed like exactly the kind of person who would notice someone asleep and point them out to everyone else. After a few moments, Evie took her hair out, because she’d had it up both other times Meredith had seen her. She slipped her clip out, trying not to be obvious, then combed her fingers through her hair slowly. That was all she could really do.
She leaned on her hand, and half-hid her face, and waited to be noticed anyway.
Meredith talked, and Evie didn’t hear a word she said, even though it would probably have been useful to hear. It would probably be important career advice. She’d have to ask Natalie when she got home.
Meredith talked, and Evie stayed still and quiet and actually seemed not to have been seen. She couldn’t quite believe it, but Meredith didn’t look her way at all. Evie started to feel like she might actually survive this.
She sat up a little. She began to listen. She realized Meredith was already finishing up. She got ready to clap and then dash out. She actually felt better, and was about to just run, when the lecturer said something about questions.
Evie stopped. Her heart sank. She’d forgotten there would be questions afterwards, and worse, that questions meant Meredith would be looking around. Meredith had just been talking until now, probably talking to the back wall, like everyone got told to do if they were speaking to groups of people. Meredith probably hadn’t even seen individuals until now, just a blobby room-sized audience. That was probably why she hadn’t noticed Evie. Now she’d be seeing people, though. Now she’d be looking at actual people, looking around, seeing who was asking questions and where the next question was coming from.
Now she’d be talking to actual people, and paying much more attention to their faces.
Evie suddenly felt awful. She felt worse all over again. And all she could do was sit, and wait, and hope, and dread what she was almost certain was about to happen next.
*
Meredith began answering questions, and Evie knew she was in trouble. Meredith was looking around, exactly as Evie had expected her to do.
Meredith was looking around, looking at people carefully. She was listening carefully too, paying attention as people spoke. She seemed to be taking the questions seriously, and trying to be helpful with her answers. It was almost as if she was trying to be supportive. As if she actually wanted to help.
Evie couldn’t believe what was happening.
Helpful Meredith was all very nice, but exactly what Evie didn’t want. Evie needed Meredith bored and inattentive, and trying to leave as quickly as possible. Instead she got Meredith taking her community outreach seriously, talking to people and listening to people and looking at them all far more carefully than was necessary. It was probably only so she could remember their faces, Evie told herself bitterly. Meredith was probably memorizing them all so she’d know exactly how inexperienced they were if they turned up opposing her in court. Probably she was just doing that, but even if she was actually sincere and trying to help, it didn’t especially matter. Not for Evie, not right now. Whatever the cause of Meredith’s interest, it meant she was looking around as she answered questions, and noticing people as she did, and that meant all Evie could do was sit where she was and wait to be seen.
She didn’t like that waiting at all.
She sat, breathless and nervous, wondering how awful this was going to be. Meredith was going to notice her, and when she did, something bad would happen. Something so horrible that Evie couldn’t imagine what. She tried to imagine it anyway, she didn’t seem able to make herself stop. It was bound to be something dignified, Evie decided. She was fairly certain of that. And probably something nasty and restrained as well. Meredith wasn’t going to call her names right there in the lecture. It wouldn’t be anything so obvious, Evie thought. Meredith wouldn’t point and shout home-wrecker, or anything like that, even though it would almost be a relief if she did. A relief, as long as that was all she did, because would get everything out of the way and save whatever happened being something worse.
Evie expected someth
ing worse. She was sure it was something worse. Something more terrible, with quietness and planning and remembering, something involving Meredith’s position and her friends, and the worst she was capable of, and whatever else it was about her that had even Natalie wary of her anger. Evie began wondering what. She began wondering whether Meredith could have her solicitor’s practicing certificate refused, or her exam results cancelled, or something horrible like that. She tried to remember if good character was a requirement of solicitors. She had an awful feeling it was, and realized she had no idea what good character actually meant.
She was daydreaming, she realized, rather than concentrating on Meredith. She supposed daydreaming was better than just sitting there dreading.
Meredith talked, and Evie waited, and Meredith still didn’t notice her.
Noticing was taking longer than had Evie expected it to, almost long enough for her to start hoping again. She began to hope. She began feeling happier. She felt almost relieved, and like this might all end well.
She had almost started to think Meredith might not see her at all, when, quite suddenly, there was a question from two rows behind her. Right behind her.
That was very bad.
Meredith looked at the person who was asking the question. She was concentrating on that person, and looking right over Evie’s head. As Meredith listened, she glanced around. Evie watched her eyes move downwards slightly.
Downwards, and then back up. Evie held her breath.
Meredith wasn’t especially looking for her, Evie told herself. Meredith didn’t know she was there. Lizzy was right, people didn’t see what they didn’t expect to see. Evie might still escape notice. Meredith began answering, and for a moment, Evie thought she had. Meredith was looking past Evie, talking about how private chambers compared to a big firm.
For a moment, Evie thought she was safe.
For just a moment she did.
Then Meredith glanced down again, and this time she noticed Evie.
It was obvious she had noticed. She saw Evie, and seemed surprised. She blinked, but kept talking, and seemed to be deciding what to do.
Evie's Job Page 42