Evie's Job

by Tess Mackenzie

  24: Evie

  Evie began to relax. She began to decide, slowly, that nothing awful was going to happen because of Meredith. At least, nothing had happened after a day, and then after another, and she didn’t have time for worrying about Meredith anyway, since she needed to worry about her exams. She just half-assumed Meredith had forgotten about her and moved on to other things, and assuming that made her feel a lot better.

  She assumed for two days, and then on the third she came out of a lecture and found Meredith waiting for her.

  She stopped. She didn’t know what else to do. She stopped so suddenly that she got bumped into by the person behind her.

  She wanted to panic. She suddenly couldn’t breathe.

  She almost turned around and went back into the lecture theatre. She almost just ran off, and found somewhere to hide. She considered trying to walk past and pretend she hadn’t noticed Meredith. Even though they’d already made eye contact, and even though Meredith was staring at her.

  She made herself stop. She made herself not. This was a problem she’d created herself, so she shouldn’t run away from it. This problems was hers, and it was mostly because she just didn’t like Meredith, so it didn’t make much sense to try and hide from it.

  She refused to be scared of someone she didn’t much like, she supposed, even if everybody else was.

  Evie stood where she was, in the doorway of the lecture theatre, while people pushed past and around her. She stood still for a long moment, while Meredith looked at her, and then, in the end, Evie walked over.

  She didn’t look at Meredith shoes, and she didn’t look too carefully at Meredith’s clothes. She walked over slowly, giving herself time for a long slow breath, and then she stopped in front of Meredith.

  “What do you want?” Evie said. “I’m kind of assuming you’re waiting for me.”

  “Yes, I’m waiting for you.”

  “So what do you want?”

  “I hoped we might be able to talk.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I have some things I’d like to say to you.”

  Evie nodded slowly. “Okay.”

  “Do you have time now?” Meredith said.

  Evie was a little surprised that Meredith would ask. She was actually surprised Meredith was even there, and asking, taking the chance Evie would say no. Perhaps she assumed Evie would make herself free, and it was actually a kind of unconscious arrogance. Or perhaps she was just too clever to give Evie a chance to prepare herself, or get away. It could be that as well.

  “Now’s fine,” Evie said.

  “We could go somewhere? We could have a drink, if you like?”

  “I don’t know…” Evie said.

  Meredith glanced around. “Or how about right here?”

  Evie nodded, because that felt better. Just getting it over with quickly, and nothing more complicated. No getting tipsy and argumentative, and no awkwardness about who ended up paying the bill.

  Meredith nodded too, but didn’t seem entirely happy. She almost seemed ill at ease, as if she’d expected to go to a bar, and needed to adjust. Evie liked that idea, that she could unsettle Meredith. She wanted to unsettle Meredith, even if it was only slightly, so she just stood there, silently, and waited for Meredith to speak. She might not be as good at this as Meredith, she thought, but she could have her little moment when it came. A moment to put Meredith off-guard, and leave her disconcerted. A moment to just stand there being difficult.

  She stood, trying to outwait Meredith, and to her surprise it worked.

  “Well,” Meredith said, awkwardly, and then, “I wanted to talk to you.”

  “So you said.”

  “We didn’t meet in very good circumstances.”

  “No we didn’t,” Evie said. She thought for a moment, smug after her little victory with not speaking. She thought carefully, and decided that apologising wouldn’t hurt. She didn’t mind giving Meredith that, not if it made all this go away, and made her and Natalie’s lives both easier. Not on that off-chance it was what Meredith was really here for. “I’m sorry about that,” she said.

  Meredith seemed surprised. “You don’t really meant that, do you?” she said.

  “Of course I mean it,” Evie said. “I said it, so…”

  Meredith nodded.

  “You wanted us to have some snarky fight with each other?” Evie said.

  “No,” Meredith said. “Not really. I just didn’t expect…”

  “I mean it,” Evie said. “I was kind of awful to you, and I’m sorry for that.”

  “Yes you were,” Meredith said.

  “Yep, I know. And I said I’m sorry. So don’t push it please. Just let it go with that.”

  Meredith looked at Evie for a moment, looking quite grim, and suddenly Evie wondered if she’d gone too far. She thought about saying sorry for that as well, and then changed her mind. Meredith had caused this too, it wasn’t all her. She would apologise for what she’d actually done, like the pointless rudeness at Natalie’s, but not for anything more. Not when an apology wasn’t deserved.

  Meredith hesitated, as if she was thinking as well, perhaps calming herself down. “Thank you,” she said, after a moment. “I appreciate you saying so.”

  “It’s fine.”

  “The way we met can’t have been much fun for you either.”

  “Nope, it wasn’t.”

  “Well I’m sorry.”

  “We’re both sorry, so can we stop going on about it now?”

  Meredith nodded, and seemed to be thinking again. “Of course,” she said.

  Someone went past, another student, staring as she walked. It had already happening twice in the time since they’d started talking. Evie’s lecture had just finished, and the area was full of final-year law students. Anyone ambitious, anyone with enough sense to look up the partners in the firms they had applied to, the way Evie had, those people would probably recognise Meredith.

  “You’re famous,” Evie said, assuming flattery was useful.

  “I am,” Meredith said. “But don’t be childish. That doesn’t help anything.”

  Evie nodded. Or not, she thought, and decided to go back to waiting.

  She waited, and Meredith did too, watching Evie. Almost as if she knew what Evie was doing, Evie thought.

  After a moment Meredith sighed. “I wanted to ask you something,” she said. “If we can talk to each other civilly for a moment.”

  “Aren’t we right now?”

  “Yes, I suppose we are.”

  “Well don’t sound so surprised,” Evie said, and Meredith actually smiled.

  *

  Evie was a little surprised that Meredith had smiled. But she had, which must mean their conversation wasn’t going too badly. They were almost getting on, Evie thought. They were almost speaking nicely to one another. Evie wasn’t quite sure what to do. She was still a little nervous, but she was willing to stand there and talk to Meredith. For the time being, at least.

  If she was staying, though, she needed a cigarette. She usually had one when she came out of a lecture. She hunted in her bag, and found the packet, and took one out. She was about to light it when she suddenly thought to be polite. “Do you care?” she said, and held the cigarette up.

  Meredith made a face, then said, almost reluctantly, “No.”

  “You can say if you don’t want me to,” Evie said. She never quite knew what to do with that reaction, whether she was supposed to believe someone’s words or their expression when they said they didn’t mind her smoking but their face disagreed.

  “Go on,” Meredith said.

  Evie hesitated, but since it was Meredith and not someone else, she lit the cigarette.

  “I’m surprised Natalie’s fine with you smoking,” Meredith said.

  “What?” Evie said. “Why? It’s not like I hold her down and make her join in.”

  Meredith seemed to consider saying something clever. Oh really, Evie supposed, or something like that. In the
end she must have decided not to. “Of course not,” she said. “It’s just she had a terrible time stopping, and I thought she still didn’t like being around the smell of smoke. She always used to avoid it, anyway.”

  Evie shrugged, and waved her hand between them. She was trying to keep the smoke away from Meredith. She wasn’t going to be thoughtless, even now.

  “She never liked kissing me when I still did, that’s all,” Meredith said.

  “Um, what?” Evie said.

  “She never used to like kissing after I’d had one. At the point when she’d quit and I hadn’t.”

  Evie still couldn’t quite believe Meredith was saying that. “So we’re talking about kissing Natalie now?” Evie said. “You and me are?”

  “We don’t have to if you’d rather not.”

  “I’d have thought we probably shouldn’t.”

  Meredith shrugged.

  “Shit,” Evie said. “Why not, I suppose.”

  Evie wasn’t quite sure what to make of what Meredith had just said. It had actually sounded innocent enough, as if she’d merely been thinking out loud, but even so, Evie wasn’t sure why she’d say it. She might not have meant anything by it, Evie supposed, but that didn’t seem much like Meredith, and so Evie suspected it had been meant to be upsetting, a reminder of Meredith’s past with Natalie. Either that, or she meant to imply Evie was inconsiderate for smoking around Natalie, which was actually true enough to be a little annoying. Evie already felt guilty for kissing Natalie when she was smoky. She always did a little, and now she suddenly did a lot more.

  She stood there for a moment, smoking and thinking. Part of her wanted to assume Meredith had been rude on purpose, so she could let herself get angry, end this silly conversation, and just say something awful and storm away. She wanted to do that, to end this stupid game, but she wasn’t completely certain that Meredith’s comment had been meant rudely, and she didn’t actually want to prove something about herself to Meredith by overreacting and leaving, and she also wasn’t sure she wanted to let Meredith upset her that much. It was irritating, Evie thought, once she started questioning her own reactions. It was admitting Meredith had some power to upset her, which she didn’t especially like.

  It was irritating, but in a way it was useful too. It reminded her that Meredith wasn’t some friend to stand there chatting with. It made her want to stop this, to just get home and back to studying. It made her want to get this over with as quickly as she could.

  She was going to say something awful, she decided. She just wasn’t going to storm away afterwards, once she had.

  “Maybe she likes kissing me more,” Evie said. “I really couldn’t tell you. Maybe she was just sick of you and everything about you.”

  “I thought we were being civil,” Meredith said.

  “We were. Now maybe we’re not. What do you actually want to talk to me about?”

  Meredith didn’t answer. She seemed to be thinking.

  “You said you had something to ask me,” Evie said.

  “Yes,” Meredith said. “I do.”

  “So what is it?”

  Meredith thought, then said, “How serious are you about Natalie? I mean, if you are at all?”

  Evie had no idea what to say to that. It seemed completely inappropriate of Meredith to even ask. Evie had no idea why she would, and what it meant. Whether this and talking about kissing were somehow connected, and part of some complicated game too intricate for Evie to ever understand, or whether Meredith was actually concerned, or quite what.

  Evie didn’t know if she wanted to answer, but the way Meredith had asked was quite rude. The part she had added on the end, about whether Evie was even serious. Evie wasn’t sure if she was being too sensitive, but that part annoyed her, and it just didn’t seem necessary if they were both actually trying to talk civilly.

  “I don’t think that’s any of your business,” Evie said, after a moment.

  “Humour me. Please.”

  “Why should I?”

  “Out of politeness? Or because we have to live with each other, so why not?”

  “I don’t have to live with you,” Evie said. “I can just tell you to fuck off.”

  “You could,” Meredith said, and smiled at Evie, and there was some kind of threat there which Evie suddenly didn’t like.

  “You’re serious?” Evie said, still not quite sure. “You want me to tell you how I feel about Natalie?”

  “I am, yes.”

  “Isn’t that going to just… I don’t know. Upset you?”

  Meredith shrugged. “That isn’t your problem.”

  “You really want to know?”

  “I do.”

  Evie nodded. “Well, you didn’t need to ask me like that.”

  Meredith just looked at her. Evie wasn’t sure she understood.

  “Ask me again,” Evie said. “Just ask if I’m serious. Don’t imply that I’m not at the same time as you do.”

  It mattered to her that Meredith took this seriously. If they were going to talk about this at all, that was. Evie wanted to be asked properly, to be asked again, but Meredith was just looking at Evie as if she didn’t understand. Perhaps she didn’t, Evie thought. Perhaps Evie was making too much of it. Perhaps she was making too much of everything, Evie thought, but fuck it. This was probably going to end badly, anyway, so she might as well just keep being rude.

  “I’m serious about her,” Evie said. “More serious than you were, as it turns out.”

  And Meredith just looked at her for a while, thinking.

  *

  “It’s true,” Evie said, after a moment.

  “It isn’t. At least, it wasn’t always, which you ought to know very well. And you’re acting like a child, besides. I asked you to be polite.”

  “I had been,” Evie said. “I was being polite. You started it, that time.”

  Meredith sighed. “Yes,” she said. “I suppose I did.”

  “And you didn’t have to leave Natalie quite as nastily,” Evie said, since she was saying things she felt needed to be said. “You hurt her by doing that.”

  “You have no idea what the circumstances were.”

  “Natalie’s talked about it.”

  “Well Natalie barely does either.” Meredith stopped and took a breath, as if getting herself under control. “I don’t want to talk about this with you.”

  “You started the talking.”

  “Yes,” Meredith said. “I know. And now I’m starting to regret it. This hasn’t gone quite as I hoped…”

  “Sometimes things don’t. For people. You probably aren’t used to that, I suppose.”

  Meredith looked at Evie. It was an odd look. An irritated look. Meredith seemed annoyed, she was almost glaring, but she didn’t actually say anything. She was still keeping herself under control.

  Evie waited for a moment, but Meredith stayed silent. “Well anyway,” Evie said. “I’m serious about Natalie, which is what you wanted to know.”

  Meredith nodded.

  “So what now?” Evie said. “Do we have a nice talk about how old I am or something?”

  Meredith gave Evie another odd look. “Not precisely,” she said.

  “Oh,” Evie said, pretending to be surprised. “Because that’s why you’re here, isn’t it? I mean, that’s why we’re talking? Because you want to make speeches at me about how wildly inappropriate it is that someone my age is with Natalie?”

  Meredith sighed again. She was starting to seem more irritated, as if Evie was actually exasperating her. She still spoke calmly, though. “Not exactly,” she said.

  “Oh really. You aren’t about to make a speech?”

  “Not unless you want me to.”

  “Not especially.” Evie thought for a moment. “Oh,” she said. “I see. You’re checking up on me instead. Whether I’m fucking Natalie around or something?”

  “In a way.”

  “Yeah,” Evie said. “Of course you are.” It was obvious once she’d thoug
ht of it.

  “Not exactly in the way you think, I suspect,” Meredith said. “But I’m concerned you might be using Nat to get ahead, yes.”

  “And?” Evie said. “What if I am?”

  “Don’t.”

  Evie was a little surprised. That was more direct than she’d expected.

  “Don’t,” Meredith said. “Because I can hurt you. A lot, as it turns out.”

  “As it turns out?” Evie said. “Because I’m doing law?”

  Meredith nodded. “Obviously.”

  “Then yep, I suppose you could.”

  “I could.”

  “Even though Natalie doesn’t want you to,” Evie said. “And even though she’ll be angry if you do.”

  “I know.”

  “Of course you do,” Evie said. “Because she already told you off about that.”

  “She didn’t tell me off…” Meredith said, looking annoyed again.

  Evie grinned, pleased with herself. She’d said it that way on purpose. She wasn’t sure how far she wanted to push being annoying, and how much she could get on Meredith’s nerves before risking something terrible happening, but part of her wanted to, just a little bit. She knew it was silly, and she was doing something slightly dangerous, but she really didn’t like Meredith very much, and she only had so much self-control.

  Meredith seemed to understand. She looked at Evie for a moment, and then shrugged. “Nat mentioned how she felt about you, yes,” she said carefully. “And that she’d prefer me not to interfere.”

  “Well fuck, what a surprise.”

  “Must you talk like that?”

  Evie shrugged.

  “And it’s not like you’re in much of a position to be clever anyway,” Meredith said sharply. “Since you’re hiding behind Nat right now.”

  “How’s that…?”

  “Letting her fight your battles? Right now? So hiding?”

  “I’m not hiding,” Evie said. “You can do what you like. I’m just pointing out that if you do anything to me, you’ll piss Natalie off, and I’ve got a weird feeling you’ve never actually seen her angry.”