Scarlet

by A. C. Gaughen

  He were quiet for a long stretch. “Do you still want to die, Scar?”

  I shut my eyes. “Don’t know,” I whispered. “Sometimes I don’t see much worth living for. Sometimes I think I’m a curse on everyone because I live so contrary, and give the Church stolen money, and break most of the Lord’s laws. But as long as the Lord’s giving me a chance to ’tone for what I done, I’ll take it.” I sniffed, rubbing my face on my sleeve. “You know ’bout me going to church?”

  He nodded. “I saw you there.”

  I looked at him. “Thought you didn’t go to Mass.”

  “I don’t.” He shifted round, and his voice got quiet. “I wish I could. I followed you there once, hoping maybe if you were there I could go in. As much as I desperately want forgiveness, God’s not offering it at the moment.” He swallowed, and it pushed the bulge in his throat out. “Why do you wear a dress?”

  “Can’t lie to God.”

  “You’re not lying, Scar. You are who you are. God knows you in skirts or breeks.” He shook his head. “The good and the bad, unfortunately.”

  I shrugged. “Always feels wrong.”

  He leaned forward a little, shifting on the branch, to rub his thumb under my eyes and pull off the tears. “When did Gisbourne give you the scar?”

  “Years ago. He caught me and Joanna running from our home and he pushed a knife in my face. I said he’d never use it on me, so he did.”

  “Bastard. To cut a girl, and you must have been just a little one at that.”

  “Thirteen,” I countered. “Two days before fourteen. I weren’t so little.”

  “It’s strange. It sounds so young, but most noblewomen are betrothed at fourteen. Some even wed, though traditionally they wait till fifteen.”

  I swallowed a hard lump. “Heard that.” I raised my eyes to him, my strange eyes, and for the first time, I wished that I would blaze in his mind. Truth were, I’d met Rob. Before Gisbourne cut me and before Joanna and I ran to London, I’d met Rob—just once, not for long. When I saw him in the marketplace that awful day after Joanna died, knowing he were a lord, it felt like a gift. I’d known him straight off—but in all the time then and since, he’d never remembered my long-ago self.

  “So you know, Scar, I don’t want you going anywhere. And I’m sorry about the Morgans. That was cruel.”

  “I don’t mean to run,” I said, ducking my head down. “Just sometimes I feel like everything will come out, like a bleeding slice, and . . .” I shrugged.

  “I know. But no matter how you bleed, we’ll patch you up. Just trust us.”

  I nodded.

  “Will you come down with me?”

  “I’ll just stay up here. Hurt my shoulder enough to get up; I’ll let it rest a bit.”

  He took my arm. “Christ, I forgot about that. Come on, get on my back. I’ll carry you down.”

  It did hurt a fair bit, and with all the waterworks I felt tired and weak. Still, I shook my head. I think I’d rather tumble my way to the ground than scrabble on his back like a monkey—or worse, like some tot of a child.

  He frowned but didn’t force it, and he climbed ’longside me down the tree. When we touched ground, John called me to sit by him. I gave Rob a bare glance and went, sitting near John. He passed me some soup and moved closer to do it, putting his arm round me. Part of me squirmed a bit, like it weren’t quite right, but most of me were just glad for a warm arm and warm side and warm soup.

  “The soup should go down pretty easy,” John told me soft. I nodded, and he squeezed my hand a bit. “Sorry about the Morgans.”

  Taking a sip of the soup, I felt like pushing his arm off, felt like climbing back into the tree and pulling Rob up there with me, staying there and graining into the wood.

  I caught Rob looking at us, but soon as I looked up, he went to Much without looking at me again.

  Chapter

  Twelve

  The days started drawing on faster. We spent them training and working the road, collecting as much as we could in coin. It were coming in quick enough. During the nights, we hunted the king’s forest and we gave out the meat, but in almost two weeks, six people got nabbed, and we knew it would be worse come tax day.

  Gisbourne weren’t killing them, which were good and bad at the same time. Good that they weren’t dead, but bad that they were all in the prison still. I knew he had the castle trussed up like a fortress; even during the day, people couldn’t come and go anymore. If we were going to break them out, it would have to be all at once, and we wanted to wait till hanging day. Or hanging night, I suppose, because hanging morning wouldn’t do anyone much good.

  My shoulder healed up; it only hurt if I hit it. Which were good—when my shoulder hurt, it made climbing tough, and these days I found myself up in the trees more. Gisbourne couldn’t go where I went, and it were the only thing made me feel safer.

  I swung down from the archway onto the road. The travelers had passed, and John tossed me the large bag of coin he lifted from one of the lords. “Awful heavy, Scar. Good spot.”

  Shaking them, I listened to the rattle like soft rain. “Sweetest sound there is.” I tossed it to Much as Rob and I started picking up the jewels and weapons. Rob and I grabbed for the same sword and our eyes crossed looks.

  I pulled back, letting him have at it.

  John grabbed at one of the swords, pointing it toward me. “Come on, Scar, feel like a fight?” he asked. Then he saw a dagger and we both jumped for it.

  His hand nicked it a hair before mine and John lifted it high above his head. “You want this, Scar?” He swung the dagger back and forth.

  I jumped for it and he grinned, catching me and holding me off the ground so our noses were level.

  I stared straight at him, not afraid of him none. “Not what I were jumping after, John.”

  “You sure?” he asked, his eyes fixing on my mouth.

  He leaned toward me a tiny bit and I kicked his shins before he might do some fool thing like kiss me.

  John dropped me with a groan and I snatched the knife from him, catching Rob’s eyes and seeing the dead scowl on his face.

  Even Much were frowning at me, and I turned away, feeling my belly twist. It weren’t fair. Rob wouldn’t never be the sort to get his belly in a twist for me, but if me and John got any bit of friendly, he acted like I were wrenching the band apart.

  We had a decent haul on the road that morning, all told, and Rob and I headed to Trent to sell the more expensive bits.

  “I think it’s been too long,” I told him.

  He looked at me, curious. “What?”

  “Too long. Since we were in a tussle or something. Something feels wrong today.”

  “Maybe it’s because John isn’t with you.” He smiled, but his teeth looked sharp. “World not right without him?”

  I glared. “It ain’t that way. Needn’t be mean about it.”

  “That wasn’t mean.”

  “Well, don’t tell me you’re just starting in on me.”

  His smile got a little soft. “No.”

  “Honestly, though. I have an awful sick feeling.”

  He looked at me. “About going to Trent? Or selling the jewels?”

  I rolled over the two ideas. “Trent, I think.”

  He nodded. “We have to be double-sharp, then.”

  I smiled. I liked that about Rob. He teased me a bit, he scowled at me more, but he trusted me.

  “So what ’bout you?” I asked. I felt my mug heat up for asking the question.

  “Me?”

  “And girls. Ladies. You don’t . . . I mean, John’s always in love with someone, but you never seem much interested.”

  “Is that what you think you are to John? The affair of a moment?”

  I kicked a stone. “Weren’t my question.”

  “I was like John, before I left. Every girl was a new adventure. But then came the Crusades, and then came this mess, and now I’m a noble without a title.” He shook his head. “To marry a
commoner would dishonor my family’s lineage, but I have nothing to offer a noblewoman.”

  “It’s not like Bess or Ellie would want you to marry them none.”

  He pulled up his shoulders. “I’ll leave the tumbling to John.” He looked sharp to me. “I don’t mean to say he’s been unfaithful to you, Scar.”

  I shook my head. “I hope he ain’t faithful to me.”

  “What?”

  “I told you before, I’m none sure ’bout him. I’m hardly sure he even likes me and isn’t just after nabbing a tumble.”

  Rob rubbed his head. “He seems pretty sure about you.”

  I chuckled. “I reckon Bess or Ellie would tell you the same.” I pulled my long coat tighter; the wind were creeping through the rubbed-down elbows. “’Sides, I told you I won’t marry.”

  He smiled. “So you refuse to be sure about him so you won’t have to marry him.”

  “Something like that.” I looked at his feet. “Don’t it get lonely, though?”

  “Is that why you’re with John?”

  “I’m not with him. But if I ever were, I reckon that’d be the cause. It’s fair nice, you know. Someone holding on to you makes you feel like you’re really there.”

  He nodded. “I know. Nice isn’t for me right now, though. I need to focus on protecting the people so they can feel that comfort, not selfishly take it for myself.”

  “Maybe you just think you don’t deserve it.” I felt like that, mostways.

  “Maybe I don’t.”

  I nodded, walking on beside him. Me and Rob could be fair kindred sometimes.

  When we got to Trent, it were midday and no better time to do the selling. We put our hoods up, set deep so our faces hid back. Knives were better cover than a bow in a crowded sort of place, so I split off from Rob and watched him, ready to throw a blade if needed.

  While he circled round the place, I cast an eye over the weapons on offer in the market. I had only seen the like of the blade I wanted to fetch for Much but once, and I didn’t expect to find it here, but it were always worth looking. Maybe John could make it for him once things got a bit quieter.

  I settled in and watched the jeweler. His eyes were darting about, and he ain’t even looked at Rob yet. There were no reason for him to be so nervous. I whistled twice, two short tweets, and Rob halted, veering from the jeweler’s stall and looking at the tanner’s goods. I stayed close to the shop, following the squirrel looks of the jeweler. Gisbourne’s men, in their black with crimson trim, were in the market.

  My blood set to rush like river water and I gave three short whistles this time. Rob turned away sharp and started moving through the crowd.

  A hand clamped on my head, grabbing the hood and my hat and ripping backward. I jerked and twisted, and all my secret hair flew round like streamers from my head.

  It were one of Gisbourne’s men, and he were staring at the hood like I were staring at him.

  “Help!” I shrieked in the highest voice I could muster. “Help, please!”

  Men seem to like helping ladies that need it, so when I turned to run through the crowd, men saw my long hair and smooth chin without noting the breeches and all, and they stopped Gisbourne’s men long enough for me to clear the market.

  I ran past Rob, who were waiting for me, fisting his shirt and jerking it along while he gawped at me. “Christ’s blood, Rob, come on!” I yelled.

  He ran with me then, and we both bolted into the trees like a crash of thunder. When Rob slowed down, I tried to keep running, looking back over my shoulder.

  “Scar, it’s fine. They didn’t mark where we went,” he told me.

  I stopped running and took a deep gulp of air. Then I spat out every foul curse word I’d ever learned, even knowing I’d have to confess them all on Sunday.

  Rob looked a little shocked. “Don’t you look at me like that,” I snapped at him. “Just because I can’t trim a beard don’t mean I can’t swear.”

  “Like a sailor,” he added. “I’ve never heard so many curses in my whole life. All combined.”

  I glared and uttered another one for good measure. Then I spat on the ground. If there were ever something to draw evil near, it must have been curse words.

  “Should I ask what has you so upset?”

  “Gisbourne’s man knows I’m a girl now, Rob!”

  Muscled bits of his jaw rolled into bunches. “That’s not good.”

  “No, it’s bloody not!” I shook my head. “He’ll come straight for me now. God knows all you lads are good and tough, but he puts a blade to a girl’s throat and you’ll give it all up. And while he’s doing that, he’ll get a long look at my face and—” Words dried up, and my bones started quaking. God, if there were ever a time for hiding, it were right now. I should run. I had to run. After the lads went to sleep, I could walk at least as far as York before they caught up, maybe even to Scotland. Maybe I should head for Dover and catch a ship to France.

  “Scarlet,” Rob said, like he’d said it a few times already. Had he? His big hands clamped on my shoulders. I looked to him. My eyes felt like they’d jump out of my skull. He met my eyes and his head tilted a little. “You’re fine. You’re going to be fine. We won’t let Gisbourne get near you.”

  “You won’t have much of a choice when you’re breathing through a slice in your neck,” I snapped. I pulled away.

  He let me go, then caught my face, his hands on my cheeks, his eyes on mine like the sun-warmed sea rushing round me. My breath and my wild mind froze. “You don’t think I’m a match for Gisbourne?”

  I didn’t say—don’t think I could have, him holding my face like that, no words would have come—and his eyes got this dark, cold glint.

  “You really haven’t seen what I’m capable of, Scar. He’s the one who should be very much afraid.”

  I blinked.

  His thumb ran over my scar, and it jangled through me like I were tangled up in rope. “He has a lot to answer for already. If he comes for you, he’s a dead man.”

  I felt my mouth hang open but I couldn’t do much about it. I couldn’t do much of anything with him touching me like that. His thumbs kept rubbing, sliding my mind clear away. My cheeks felt hot and red under his fingers, and he smiled, his eyes heavy like the weight of the ocean.

  “All right?”

  I drove my teeth into my bottom lip, nodding a little.

  He let go of my face, but his fingers caught in my hair a bit. “You have nice hair, you know.”

  My pipes felt tight and I couldn’t much breathe. “Thanks,” I managed. “Um, you too.”

  His hand dropped and he chuckled. “Thanks, Scar.” He moved on.

  What in all of Heaven and Hell were that? I screamed. Well, I didn’t scream none, but I wanted to. Why do you put your hands on me like that? You can’t touch me and make my skin squirm when we both know you ain’t in love with me.

  The very thought made my anger die like a leaf on a branch, and I followed behind him. It were fair torture when he put his hands on me, and looked at me, and stood with me, but Robin were a lord, and his heart would never turn to a thief.

  “Well, maybe they were just in the marketplace,” Much offered.

  “Maybe they weren’t watching the jeweler. After all, they grabbed for Scar, not you, Rob.”

  “I never got close. She was closer than I was.” Rob shook his head. “I think they were watching the jeweler.”

  “He were all shifty,” I said. “He were why I warned you off. The man must have spotted my hood and figured me for the Hood.”

  “Then maybe Gisbourne’s man didn’t know you for one of mine after all.”

  “Know her?” John’s face ran white. “You mean he’s how you lost your hat? Gisbourne knows you’re a girl now?”

  My hair were braided back, but I grabbed at it anyway. I nodded.

  “Oh, Christ,” Much moaned.

  “It’s not the worst news we’ve ever gotten,” Rob said.

  John rubbed his head. �
�It’s bad.”

  “Hey,” Rob said, scowling. “Don’t any of you, including yourself, Scar, forget exactly how deadly Scar is. He comes after her and he’ll have a bit of her mind carved into his hide.”

  I smiled.

  “And then the rest of us will kill him.”

  I grinned at him.

  “Regardless, we don’t have time to fret over it.” We all looked to Rob. “Tax day is the day after tomorrow, and we need to fence these jewels immediately. Meanwhile, we can’t leave the cave unprotected.”

  “No one knows where it is,” John countered.

  “Can’t risk it. Not when we have tax money for almost everyone in Edwinstowe, Worksop, and Nottingham in there.”

  “Why haven’t we been parceling it out?” Much asked.

  I sighed. “People are poor, Much. They’ll spend it on something else before taxes, and then they’ll be strung up or worse.”

  “What’s worse?” John asked.

  “Ask the boy at Tuck’s,” I muttered.

  “Anyway, we’re going to have to split up even more than usual. Scar, I want you to head to Leicester. John, you go to Derby. Much, you’re going to head up to Lincoln. I’ll stay and protect the treasure we’ve got.”

  “We’re heading off alone?” Much asked.

  Rob rubbed his head. “No. Can’t endorse that. I’m going to send Mark Tanner with John, Thom Walker with Scar, and, Much, go with Lena. She’ll charm you straight out of trouble if you need it. Better than a strong arm. They aren’t the best choices, but they’re the only ones not killing themselves to bring in harvest.”

  “Are they even good with weapons?” I asked. “Lena ain’t.”

  “No, they aren’t there to fight. They are there to spot you and keep an extra set of eyes—and run, when needed.”