Complete Works of Plautus

by Plautus

  Enter MEGADORUS, at a distance.

  MEGADORUS

  to himself . I’ve communicated to many friends my design about this proposal; they speak in high terms of the daughter of Euclio. They say that it was discreetly done, and with great prudence. But, in my opinion, indeed, if the other richer men were to do the same, so as to take home as their wives, without dower, the daughters of the poorer persons, both the state would become much more united, and we should meet with less ill feeling than we now meet with; both, they, the wives, would stand in fear of punishment more than they do stand in fear of it, and we husbands should be at less expense than we now are. In the greater part of the people this is a most just way of thinking; in the smaller portion there is an objection among the avaricious, whose avaricious minds and insatiate dispositions there is neither law nor magistrate to be able to put a check upon. But a person may say this; “How are these rich women with portions to marry, if this law is laid down for the poor?” Let them marry whom they please, so long as the dowry isn’t their companion. If this were so done, the women would acquire for themselves better manners for them to bring, in place of dowry, than they now bring. I’d make mules, which exceed horses in price, to become cheaper than Gallic geldings.

  EUCLIO

  aside . So may the Gods favour me, I listen to him with delight; very shrewdly has he discoursed on the side of economy.

  MEGADORUS

  to himself . No wife should then be saying: “Indeed, I brought you a marriage-portion far greater than was your own wealth; why, it really is fair that purple and gold should be found for me, maid-servants, mules, muleteers, and lacqueys, pages to carry compliments, vehicles in which I may be carried.”

  EUCLIO

  aside . How thoroughly he does understand the doings of the wives! I wish he were made Prefect of the manners of the women.

  MEGADORUS

  to himself . Now, go where you will, you may see more carriages among the houses than in the country when you go to a farm-house. But this is even light, in comparison with when they ask for their allowance; there stands the scourer, the embroiderer, the goldsmith, the woollen-manufacturer, retail dealers in figured skirts, dealers in women’s under-clothing, dyers in flame-colour, dyers in violet, dyers in wax- colour, or else sleeve-makers, or perfumers; wholesale linendrapers, shoemakers, squatting cobblers, slipper-makers; sandasmakers stand there; stainers in mallow colour stand there; hairdressersmake their demands, botchers their demands; boddice-makers stand there; makers of kirtles take their stand. Now you would think them got rid of; these make way, others make their demands; three hundred duns are standing in your hall; weavers, lace-makers, cabinet-makers, are introduced; the money’s paid them. You would think them got rid of by this; when dyers in saffroncolours come sneaking along; or else there’s always some horrid plague or other which is demanding something.

  EUCLIO

  aside . I would accost him, if I didn’t fear that he would cease to descant upon the ways of women; for the present I’ll leave him as he is.

  MEGADORUS

  When the money has been paid to all the nicknackmongers, for these saffron-coloured garments and stomachers, your wife’s expenses, then at the last comes the tax-gatherer and asks for money. You go, your account is being made up with your banker; the tax-gatherer waits, half-starved, and thinks the money will be paid. When the account has been made up with the banker, even already is the husband himself in debt to the banker, and the hopes of the tax-gatlherer are postponed to another day. These, and many others, are the inconveniences and intolerable expenses of great portions; but she who is without portion is in the power of her husband; the portioned ones overwhelm their husbands with loss and ruin. But see; here’s my connexion by marriage before the house! How do you do, Euclio?

  EUCLIO

  With very great pleasure have I listened to your discourse.

  MEGADORUS

  Did you hear me?

  EUCLIO

  Everything from the very beginning.

  MEGADORUS

  eyeing him from head to foot . Still, in my way of thinking indeed, you would be acting a little more becomingly if you were more tidy at the wedding of your daughter.

  EUCLIO

  Those who have display according to their circumstances and splendour according to their means, remember themselves, from whence they are sprung; neither by myself, Megadorus, nor by any poor man, are better circumstances enjoyed than appearances warrant.

  MEGADORUS

  Surely they are; and may the Gods, I hope, make them so to be, and more and more may they prosper that which you now possess.

  EUCLIO

  aside . That expression don’t please me, “which you now possess.” He knows that I’ve got this, as well as I do myself: the old woman has discovered it to him.

  MEGADORUS

  Why do you separate yourself thus alone, apart from the Senate?

  EUCLIO

  Troth, I was considering whether I should accuse you deservedly.

  MEGADORUS

  What’s the matter?

  EUCLIO

  Do you ask me what’s the matter? You who have filled every corner in my house, for wretched me, with thieves? You who have introduced into my dwelling five hundred cooks, with six hands a-piece, of the race of Geryon, whom were Argus to watch, who was eyes all over, that Juno once set as a spy upon Jupiter, he never could watch them; a music-girl besides, who could alone drink up for me the Corinthian fountain of Pirene, if it were flowing with wine? And then as to provisions ——

  MEGADORUS

  Troth, there’s enough for a procurer even. I sent as much as a lamb.

  EUCLIO

  Than which lamb, I, indeed, know right well that there is nowhere a more curious beast existing.

  MEGADORUS

  I wish to know of you why is this lamb curious?

  EUCLIO

  Because it’s all skin and bone, so lean is it with care; why, even when alive, by the light of the sun you may look at its entrails; it’s just as transparent as a Punic lantern.

  MEGADORUS

  I bought it to be killed.

  EUCLIO

  Then it’s best that you likewise should bargain for it to be carried out for burial; for I believe it’s dead by this time.

  MEGADORUS

  Euclio, I wish this day to have a drinking with you.

  EUCLIO

  By my troth, I really must not drink.

  MEGADORUS

  But I’ll order one cask of old wine to be brought from my house.

  EUCLIO

  I’ faith, I won’t have it; for I’ve determined to drink water.

  MEGADORUS

  I’ll have you well drenched this day, if I live, you who have determined to drink water.

  EUCLIO

  aside . I know what plan he’s upon; he’s aiming at this method, to overcome me with wine, and after that, to change the settlement of what I possess: I’ll take care of that, for I’ll hide it somewhere out of doors. I’ll make him lose his wine and his trouble together.

  MEGADORUS

  Unless you want me for anything, I’m going to bathe, that I may sacrifice. He goes into his house.

  EUCLIO

  By my faith, you pot taking it from under his cloak , you surely have many enemies, and that gold as well which is entrusted to you! Now this is the best thing to be done by me, to take you away, my pot, to the Temple of Faith, where I’ll hide you carefully. Faith, thou dost know me, and I thee; please, do have a care not to change thy name against me, if I entrust this to thee. Faith, I’ll come to thee, relying on thy fidelity. He goes into the Temple of faith.

  ACT IV.

  Enter STROBILUS .

  STROBILUS

  This is the duty of a good servant, to do what I’m intending, not to consider the commands of his master a bore or trouble to him. For that servant who resolves to serve his master with hearty goodwill, him it behoves to act expeditiously for his master, slowly
for himself; but if he sleeps, let him so sleep as to bethink himself that he is a servant. But he who lives in servitude to one in love, as I am serving, if he sees love overcoming his master, this I think to be the duty of the servant; to restrain him for his safety, not to impel him onwards towards his own inclination. Just as a float of bulrushes is placed beneath boys who are learning to swim, by means of which they may labour less, so as to swim more easily and move their hands; in the same way do I consider that it is proper for the servant to be a buoy to his master thus in love, so as to bear him up lest he should go to the bottom; and so * * * * should he learn the will of his master, that his eyes should know what his mouth chooses not to speak. What he orders, he should hasten to perform more swiftly than the swift steeds. He who shall have a care for these things, will escape the castigation of the ox’s hide, nor by his own means will he ever bring the fetters to brightness. Now, my master’s in love with the daughter of this poor man, Euclio; word has just now been brought to my master that she is given to Megadorus here: he has sent me here to spy out, that he may be made acquainted with the things that are going on. Now, without any suspicion, I’ll sit here by the sacred altar. From this spot I shall be able, in this direction and that, to witness what they are about. He sits by the altar, and on seeing EUCLIO, hides behind it.

  Enter EUCLIO, from the Temple

  EUCLIO

  O Goddess Faith, do thou but take care not to discover to any person that my gold is there. I have no fear that any one will find it, so well is it concealed in its hiding place. By my troth, he will surely have a charming booty there, if any one shall meet with that pot loaded with gold. But I entreat thee, Faith, to hinder that. Now I shall go wash me, that I may perform the sacrifice; so that I may not delay my new connexion by marriage, but that, when he sends to me, he may forthwith take my daughter home. Over and over again now, Goddess Faith, do thou take care that I shall carry away the pot safe from thy Temple. To thy fidelity have I entrusted the gold; in thy grove and Temple is it placed. Goes into his house.

  STROBILUS

  coming from behind the altar . Immortal Gods, what a deed did I hear this person speaking of, how that he had hidden here, in the Temple of Faith, a pot filled with gold; prithee, beware you, how you are more faithful to him than to myself! And he, as I fancy, is the father of her whom my master’s in love with. I’ll go hence into it; I’ll thoroughly ransack the Temple, to see if I can anywhere find the gold, while he’s engaged. But if I do find it, O Goddess Faith, I’ll offer to thee a gallon jug full of honeyed wine, that I’ll surely offer to thee; but I’ll drink it up myself, when I have offered it. Retreats behind the altar.

  Enter EUCLIO, from his house.

  EUCLIO

  to himself . It wasn’t for nothing that the raven was just now croaking on my left hand; he was both scratching the ground with his feet and croaking with his voice. At once my heart began to jump about, and to leap within my breast. But why do I delay to run?

  EUCLIO

  He discovers STROBILUS, and drags him from behind the altar. Out, out, you earthworm, who have this instant crept out of the earth; who just now were nowhere seen, and now that you are seen shall die for it. By my faith, you juggler, I’ll receive you now after a disagreable fashion. Begins to shake and beat him.

  STROBILUS

  What the curst plague does ail you? What business have you with me, old fellow? Why do you torment me? Why are you dragging me? For what reason are you beating me?

  EUCLIO

  You out-and-out whipping-post, do you even ask that, you, not thief, but thrice-dotted thief.

  STROBILUS

  What have I stolen from you?

  EUCLIO

  Give me that back here, if you please.

  STROBILUS

  What do you want me to give you back?

  EUCLIO

  Do you ask me that?

  STROBILUS

  As for me, I’ve taken nothing away from you.

  EUCLIO

  But give up that which you have taken away for yourself. Are you going to do so?

  STROBILUS

  Do what?

  EUCLIO

  You can’t carry it off.

  STROBILUS

  What do you want?

  EUCLIO

  Lay it down.

  STROBILUS

  Troth, for my part, I think that you are in the habit of quizzing, old gentleman.

  EUCLIO

  Put that down, please; cease your quibbling; I’m not trifling now.

  STROBILUS

  What am I to put down? Why don’t you mention it, whatever it is, by its own name? By my faith, I really have neither taken nor touched anything.

  EUCLIO

  Show me your hands, here.

  STROBILUS

  Well, I do show them; see, here they are. Holdinq out his hands.

  EUCLIO

  I see them. Come, show me the third, as well.

  STROBILUS

  aside . Sprites, and frenzy, and madness, possess this old fellow. Are you doing me an injustice, or not?

  EUCLIO

  A very great one, I confess, inasmuch as you are not strung up; and that too shall be done this moment, un less you do confess.

  STROBILUS

  What am I to confess to you?

  EUCLIO

  What it was you took away hence.

  STROBILUS

  May the Gods confound me, if I’ve taken away anything of yours, aside and if I don’t wish I had taken it away.

  EUCLIO

  Come then, shake out your cloak.

  STROBILUS

  At your pleasure. Shakes it.

  EUCLIO

  You haven’t it among your under-clothing?

  STROBILUS

  Search where you please.

  EUCLIO

  Pshaw! how civilly the rascal speaks, that I mayn’t suppose he has taken it away! I know your tricks. Come, show me here again that right hand.

  STROBILUS

  Here it is. Extending it. EUC. Now show me your left.

  STROBILUS

  Well, then, I show you both, in fact. Extending them.

  EUCLIO

  Now I leave off searching. Give back that here.

  STROBILUS

  Give back what?

  EUCLIO

  Are you trifling with me? You certainly have got it.

  STROBILUS

  I, got it? Got what?

  EUCLIO

  I shan’t say; you want to hear. Whatever you have of mine, give it back.

  STROBILUS

  You are mad; you’ve searched me all over at your own pleasure, and yet you’ve found nothing of yours in my possession.

  EUCLIO

  starting . Stop, stop; who was that? Who was the other that was within here, together with yourself? Troth, I’m undone; he’s now rummaging about within. If I let this one go, he’ll escape. At last, I’ve now searched this one all over; he has got nothing. Be off where you please; Jupiter and the Gods confound you!

  STROBILUS

  He returns his thanks not amiss.

  EUCLIO

  I’ll go in here now, and I’ll at once throttle this accomplice of yours. Will you not fly hence from my sight? Will you away from here, or no?

  STROBILUS

  I’m off.

  EUCLIO

  Take you care, please, how I see you. (He goes into the Temple.)

  STROBIOUS, alone.

  STROBILUS

  I would rather that I were dead outright, by a shocking death, than not lay an ambush this day for that old fellow. But he’ll not venture now to hide his gold here; he’ll now be carrying it with him, I guess, and be changing the spot. But hark! there’s a noise at the door. Looking in the direction of the Temple. See, the old fellow’s bringing out the gold with him! Meanwhile, I’ll step aside here to the door. Conceals himself near the door.

  Enter EUCLIO, from the Temple, with the pot of money.

  EUCLIO

&nbs
p; to himself . I had thought that there was the very greatest dependence upon Faith; very nearly had she played me a pretty trick. If the raven hadn’t come to my assistance, to my sorrow I should have been undone. Troth, I very much wish that raven would come to me which gave me the warning, that I might say something kind to him; for I would as soon give him something to eat as lose it. Now I’m thinking of a lonely spot where I shall hide this. The grove of Sylvanus, outside of the wall, is unfrequented, ana planted with many a willow; there will I choose a spot. I’m determined to trust Sylvanus, rather than Faith. (Exit.)

  STROBILUS

  re-appearing from his hiding-place . Capital! capital! the Gods will me to be safe and preserved! Now will I run before to that place, and climb up into some tree, and thence will I watch where the old fellow hides the gold. Although my master bade me remain here, I’m resolved rather to risk a mishap along with emolument. (Exit.)

  Enter LYCONIDES and EUNOMIA, from the house of MEGADORUS.

  LYCONIDES

  I’ve told you all, mother; as well as I do myself, you understand all about the daughter of Euclio. Now, I do entreat you, my mother, make mention of it to my uncle, and I now unask of you, mother, that which before I entreated of you, to conceal this from Megadorus.

  EUNOMIA

  You know, yourself, that what you desire to be done, I desire, and I trust that I shall obtain this of my brother; and the reason is good, if ’tis so as you say, that in a drunken fit you debauched this damsel.

  LYCONIDES

  Could I, my mother, tell a falsehood in your presence?

  PHÆDRA cries out in labour, in EUCLIO’S house. I die, my nurse; my pangs are coming on! I entreat thee for thy protection, Juno Lucina!