by Plautus
PHANOSTRATA
What’s to be done, Lampadio?
LAMPADISCUS
What’s your own, keep as your own.
PHANOSTRATA
But I feel compassion for her.
LAMPADISCUS
This I think ought to be done; give her the casket, and go in-doors together with her.
PHANOSTRATA
I’ll follow your advice. Giving it to HALISCA. Take you the casket. Let’s go in-doors. But what’s the name of your mistress?
HAL.
Melænis.
PHANOSTRATA
Go first; I’ll follow you at once. Exit LAMPADISCUS, and the others go into the house of the FATHER of ALCESIMARCHUS.
ACT V.
Enter DEMIPHO.
DEMIPHO
What affair is this, that all persons are talking about in the street — that my daughter has been found? They say, too, that Lampadio has been seeking me in the Forum. Enter LAMPADISCUS.
LAMPADISCUS
Master, whence come you?
DEMIPHO
From the Senate.
LAMPADISCUS
I rejoice that through my means there is an addition to your children.
DEMIPHO
But it don’t please me; I don’t want that I should be having more children by means of another person. But what is the meaning of this?
LAMPADISCUS
pointing to the house of the FATHER of ALCESIMARCHUS . Make haste, and go in-doors here to the house of your neighbour; you’ll at once recognize your daughter. Your wife’s in-doors there as well. Go quickly.
DEMIPHO
I’m resolved that this shall, before all other matters, be attended to. They go into the house of the FATHER of ALCESIMARCHUS.
The Company of COMEDIANS
Don’t you wait, Spectators, till they come out to you; no one will come out; they’ll all finish the business indoors; when that shall be done, they’ll lay aside their dress; then, after that, he that has done amiss will get a beating; he that has not done amiss will get some drink. Now as to what’s left, Spectators, for you to do, after the manner of your ancestors, give your applause at the conclusion of the Play.
CURCULIO
Translated by Henry Thomas Riley
The shortest of Plautus’ extant plays, Curculio concerns the young man Phaedromus, who is in love with Planesium, a slave girl belonging to the pimp Cappadox. Phaedromus sends Curculio (a stock parasite character) to borrow money to help him buy Planesium. Unsuccessful, Curculio happens to run into Therapontigonus, a soldier that intends to purchase Planesium. After Curculio learns of his plans, he steals the soldier’s ring and returns to Phaedromus. They fake a letter and seal it using the ring. Curculio takes it to the soldier’s banker Lyco, tricking him into thinking he was sent by Therapontigonus. Lyco pays Cappadox, under the conditions that the money will be returned if it is later discovered that she is freeborn. Curculio takes the girl back to Phaedromus. When the trick is later discovered, the angry Therapontigonus confronts the others…
CONTENTS
THE SUBJECT.
THE ACROSTIC ARGUMENT.
ACT I.
ACT II.
ACT III.
ACT IV.
ACT V.
THE SUBJECT.
PHÆDROMUS
is desperately in love with Planesium, who is in the possession of Cappadox, an avaricious Procurer. Not having the means of obtaining her freedom, Phædromus sends Curculio, his Parasite, to Caria, to borrow the money from a friend. The friend being unable to lend it, Curculio by accident meets a military officer, named Therapontigonus, and is invited by him to dinner. The Captain accidentally mentions to him that he has agreed to purchase Planesium of the Procurer, and that the money is deposited with Lyco, the banker, who, has been ordered, on receiving a letter signed with the Captain’s signet, to have the young woman delivered to the bearer. While the Captain is overpowered with wine, Curculio steals his signet, and hastens back to Epidaurus, where he forges a letter by means of it, which he delivers to Lyco, as though from the Captain. The money is paid to the Procurer, and Planesium is handed over to Curculio; a condition having been previously made, that if she should turn out to be a free woman by birth, the money shall be repaid to the purchaser. Curculio then delivers Planesium to Phædromus. The same day, the Captain arrives at Epidaurus, and is soon after recognized by Planesium as her brother, through the medium of the ring, which had belonged to her father. To corroborate her assertion, Planesium produces another ring, which Therapontigonus had presented to her when a child as a birthday present. On this, she is given by her brother in marriage to Phædromus; and Cappadox, much against his will, is forced to refund the money to the Captain.
THE ACROSTIC ARGUMENT.
[Supposed to have been written by Priscian the Grammarian.]
On an errand of Phædromus, Curculio (Curculio) goes to Caria, that (Ut) he may obtain some money; there he despoils the rival (Rivalem) of Phædromus of his ring. He writes a letter, and seals it with that seal. Lyco, when he sees it, recognizes (Cognoscit) the seal of the Captain; that (Ut) he may send him his mistress, he pays the money to the Procurer. The Captain threatens to summon Lyco (Lyconem) and the Procurer to justice: he himself (Ipsus) discovers his sister that was lost, at whose request (Oratu) he gives her in marriage to Phædromus.
ACT I.
(Before daybreak.) Enter at one side of the stage PHÆDROMUS, with a lighted torch, and followed by SLAVES with wine and provisions for an entertainment, and PALINURUS on the opposite side.
PALINURUS
Whither away must I say that you are going out of doors at this time o’ night, Phædromus, with that dress and with this train?
PHÆD.
Whither Venus and Cupid summon me, and Love persuades me; whether ’tis the midnight or whether the earliest twilight, if the day is fixed for pleading your cause with your antagonist, still must you go where they command you, whether you will or no.
PALINURUS
But pray, pray ——
PHÆD.
Pray —— you are annoying to me.
PALINURUS
Really that is neither pretty nor befitting you to say. You are your own servant; in your fine garb you are showing the light with your waxen torch.
PHÆD.
And ought I not to carry that which is gathered by the labour of the little bees — which has its birth in sweets — to my own sweet one, my little honey?
PALINURUS
But whither must I say that you are going?
PHÆD.
If you ask me that, I’ll tell, so that you may know.
PALINURUS
If I make the enquiry, what would you answer me?
PHÆD.
This is the Temple pointing to it of Æsculapius.
PALINURUS
That I have known for more than a twelvemonth past.
PHÆD.
Close to it is that door, dear as my very eyes. Points to the door of CAPPADOX. Hail to you! door, dear as my very eyes; have you been quite well of late?
PALINURUS
Did a fever leave you but yesterday, or the day before, and did you take your dinner yesterday?
PHÆD.
Are you laughing at me?
PALINURUS
Why then, madman, are you enquiring whether the door is well or not?
PHÆD.
I’ faith, I’ve known it as a door most comely and most discreet: never one word does it whisper; when it is opened, it is silent; and when, by night, she secretly comes out to me, it holds its peace.
PALINURUS
And are you not, Phædromus, doing, or contemplating the doing of, some deed which is unworthy of yourself or of your family? Are you not laying a snare for some modest fair one, or for one that should be modest?
PHÆD.
For no one; and may Jupiter not permit me to do so.
PALINURUS
I wish the same. Ever, if you are wise, so bestow your love, that if the
public should know the object which you love, it may be no disgrace to you. Ever do you take care that you be not disgraced.
PHÆD.
What means that expression?
PALINURUS
For you to proceed with caution on your path; the object that you love, love in the presence of witnesses.
PHÆD.
Why, ’tis a Procurer that lives here. He points.
PALINURUS
No one drives you away from there, nor yet forbids you, if you have the money, to buy what’s openly on sale. No one forbids any person from going along the public road, so long as he doesn’t make a path through the field that’s fenced around; so long as you keep yourself away from the wife, the widow, the maiden, youthful age, and free-born children, love what you please.
PHÆD.
This is the house of a Procurer.
PALINURUS
A curse befall it.
PHÆD.
Why so?
PALINURUS
Because it serves in an infamous service.
PHÆD.
You speak out.
PALINURUS
Be it so, most especially.
PHÆD.
Once more, will you hold your tongue?
PALINURUS
You bade me speak out, I thought.
PHÆD.
Then, now I forbid you. But, as I had begun to say, he has a young female slave ——
PALINURUS
This Procurer, you mean, who’s living here?
PHÆD.
You have hold of it exactly.
PALINURUS
The less shall I be in dread of its falling.
PHÆD.
You are impertinent. He wishes to make her a courtesan, while she is desperately in love with me; whereas I don’t wish to have her upon loan.
PALINURUS
Why so?
PHÆD.
Because I’m for having her as my own; I love her equally as well.
PALINURUS
Clandestine courtship is bad; ’tis utter ruin.
PHÆD.
I’ troth, ’tis so as you say.
PALINURUS
Has she as yet submitted to the yoke of Venus?
PHÆD.
For me she is as chaste as though she were my own sister, unless, indeed, she is any the more unchaste for some kissing.
PALINURUS
Always, do you understand, flame follows very close on smoke; with smoke, nothing can be burnt, with flame, it can. He who wishes to eat the kernel of the nut, first breaks the nut; he who wishes to seduce, opens the dance with kisses.
PHÆD.
But she is chaste, and never yet has bestowed her favours upon man.
PALINURUS
That I could believe, if any Procurer had any shame.
PHÆD.
Well, but what think you of her? When she has any opportunity, she steals away to me; when she has given me a kiss, she’s off again. This happens by reason of this, because this Procurer is lying a-bed ill in the Temple of Æsculapius; that fellow is my torturer.
PALINURUS
How so?
PHÆD.
At one time he asks me for thirty minæ for her, at another for a great talent; and from him I cannot obtain any fair and just dealing.
PALINURUS
You are too exacting, in requiring that of him which no Procurer possesses.
PHÆD.
Now, I’ve sent my Parasite hence to Caria, to ask for money on loan from my friend; if he doesn’t bring me this, which way to turn myself I know not.
PALINURUS
If you salute the Deities, towards the right I think; now this is this altar of Venus before their door.
PHÆD.
I have already vowed to bring me an early breakfast for my Venus.
PALINURUS
What? Will you then be giving up yourself as a breakfast to Venus?
PHÆD.
Myself, and you, and all of these. Pointing to the SLAVES.
PALINURUS
Then you would have Venus to be sick outright.
PHÆD.
to an ATTENDANT . Here, boy, give me the bowl.
PALINURUS
What are you going to do?
PHÆD.
You’ll know directly. An old hag is in the habit of sleeping here, as the keeper of the door; the name of the Procuress is “Much-bibber” and “Neat-bibber.”
PALINURUS
Just as you would speak of a flagon, in which Chian wine is wont to be.
PHÆD.
What need is there of words? She is a most vinous soul; and the very moment that I’ve sprinkled this door with the wine, she knows by the smell that I’m here, and opens it forthwith.
PALINURUS
Is it for her the bowl is brought with the wine?
PHÆD.
Unless you object.
PALINURUS
I’ faith, I do object; for I’d rather have it broken about him who has brought it. I fancied it was brought for ourselves.
PHÆD.
Why don’t you hold your tongue? If any’s left after her, it will be enough for ourselves.
PALINURUS
What river is it, pray, that the sea does not receive?
PHÆD.
Follow me this way, Palinurus, to the door; do you be obedient to me.
PALINURUS
I’ll do so. They advance to the door of the PROCURER’S house.
PHÆD.
sprinkling the door with wine . Come, drink, you joyous door, quaff on, readily prove propitious unto me.
PALINURUS
in an afected tone . Door, would you like some olives or a tit-bit, or some capers?
PHÆD.
Arouse and send out here to me your portress.
PALINURUS
You’re spilling the wine; what matter is it that possesses you? Takes hold of his arm.
PHÆD.
Let me alone. Don’t you see? This most joyous door is opening; does the hinge make a bit of creaking? ’Tis a charming one.
PALINURUS
Why don’t you then give it a kiss?
PHÆD.
Hold your tongue; let’s keep back the light and our noise.
PALINURUS
Be it so. They stand apart, leaving the bowl near the door.
Enter the PROCURESS, from the house of CAPPADOX.
PROC.
The savour of aged wine has reached my nostrils; the love of it has brought me in my eagerness hither in the dark; wherever it is, it’s near me. O capital, I’ve found it. Stooping, and smelling at the bowl. Hail to you, my soul, Joy of dear Bacchus; how enamoured am I of your old age. For in comparison with yours, the odour of all unguents were mere bilge-water; you are my myrrh, you my cinnamon, you my rose, you my saffron unguent and my cassia, you are my vine-palm scent. But, where you have been poured, there would I most earnestly hope to be buried.
PALINURUS
apart . This old lady’s thirsty; how limited is her thirst? PHÆD. apart . She’s a moderate person; she swallows eight gallons only.
PALINURUS
apart . I’ faith, according to your account, this year’s vintage is not enough for this old woman alone.
PROC.
But since as yet you, fragrance, alone have penetrated to my nostrils, so in its turn afford some delight to my throat. Feels for the bowl on the ground, which PALINURUS draws away. I find you not; where is your own dear self? I’m longing to touch you; do let me pour your liquids into me by sip-sipping. But in this direction it has gone, this way I’ll. follow it. Goes in the direction of PALINURUS, who has the bowl.
PALINURUS
apart . It really had been more proper for her to be a dog; she has a good nose.
PROC.
Prithee, whose voice is it that I hear at a distance.
PHÆD.
apart . I think that this old hag should be accosted. I’ll approach her. Aloud. Come back, Procuress, and look back towar
ds me.
PROC.
Who is it that gives his commands?
PHÆD.
The all-powerful in wine, jolly Bacchus; he who, when you’re hawking, parched, and half asleep, brings you a draught and comes to quench your thirst.
PROC.
How far is he away from me?
PHÆD.
holding up the torch . See this light.
PROC.
Then, prithee, do quicken your pace towards me.
PHÆD.
Health to you.
PROC.
How can I have health, who am parched with thirst?
PHÆD.
But you shall drink in a moment.
PROC.
’Tis long a-coming.
PHÆD.
extending the bowl . Here’s for you, jolly old dame.
PROC.
Health to you, gentleman dear as my very eyes.
PALINURUS
Come, toss this off quickly into your abyss; scour out your sink right speedily.
PHÆD.
Hold your tongue; I won’t have her ill spoken to.
PALINURUS
aside . In preference, then, I’ll do her ill.
PROC.
pouring some of the residue on the altar . Venus, of this little, this very little will I give to thee — sore against my will; for all the lovers, in their cups, to propitiate thee, expend their wine upon thee: not such windfalls often fall to me. Drinks again.
PALINURUS
Do look at that, please, how greedily the filthy hag swills down the pure wine into herself with distended gullet.
PROC.
patting her stomach and chuckling . Ha, ha, ha
PALINURUS
How is it? Do you like it?
PROC.
I do like it.
PALINURUS
And I, too, should like to goad with a spur as well.
PHÆD.
aside to PALINURUS . Don’t you — do hold your tongue.
PALINURUS
I’ll hold my tongue; the old woman drinks but see, the rainbow’s drinking; I’ faith, I do believe it will rain to-day.
PHÆD.
Troth now, I’m quite undone; what first to say to her I know not.
PALINURUS
Why, the same thing that you said to me.
PHÆD.
What’s that?
PALINURUS
Say that you’re quite undone.
PHÆD.
May the Gods confound you.