by Plautus
CAPPADOX
Ask me what you please.
THERAPONTIGONUS
Did you not promise, that if any one should show that she pointing to PLANESIUM was freeborn, you would pay back all the money?
CAPPADOX
I don’t remember saying so.
THERAPONTIGONUS
What, do you deny it?
CAPPADOX
I’ faith, I really do deny it. In whose presence? In what place was it?
THERAPONTIGONUS
In my own presence, and that of Lyco the banker.
CAPPADOX
Why don’t you hold your tongue?
THERAPONTIGONUS
I shan’t hold my tongue.
CAPPADOX
I don’t care a rush for you; don’t be bullying me.
THERAPONTIGONUS
In my own presence and that of Lyco it took place.
PHÆD.
to the CAPTAIN . I quite believe you. Now, therefore, Procurer, that you may know my judgment, pointing to PLANESIUM she is a free woman; he pointing to the CAPTAIN is her brother, and she is his sister; she is engaged to me; do you restore him the money; that’s my decision.
CAPPADOX
Upon my faith, Phædromus, you have given this decision corruptly. It shall both be bad for you, and you, Captain, — may the Gods and Goddesses confound you.
THERAPONTIGONUS
And as for you, you shall be clapt in prison at once, unless the money’s returned me.
CAPPADOX
Then follow me.
THERAPONTIGONUS
Follow you where?
CAPPADOX
To my banker — to the Prætor; for it’s there that I pay my money to all persons to whom I’m indebted.
THERAPONTIGONUS
I’ll be carrying you hence to prison, and not to the Prætor, if you don’t pay back the money.
CAPPADOX
I do most earnestly wish you may come to a bad end, so don’t misunderstand me.
THERAPONTIGONUS
Do you really so?
CAPPADOX
I’ faith, I really do so.
THERAPONTIGONUS
I don’t misunderstand these fists of mine. Holding them up.
CAPPADOX
What then?
THERAPONTIGONUS
What then, do you ask? With these same fists, if you provoke me, I’ll be making you quiet immediately.
CAPPADOX
taking the money from his girdle . Well then, take this back at once.
THERAPONTIGONUS
taking the money . By all means.
PHÆD.
Captain, you’ll dine with me; the nuptials shall take place to-day.
THERAPONTIGONUS
May this matter turn out well for me and for yourselves.
An ACTOR.
Spectators, give us your applause.
EPIDICUS
Translated by Henry Thomas Riley
Epidicus is said to be one of Plautus’ most popular works. It concerns the eponymous slave, who works hard to please his master’s son, Stratippocles. The main plot was based on a Greek play, though the story line was changed in order to prevent a brother from marrying his half-sister. This change was made as Romans considered this incest, unlike the Greeks.
In the plot, Epidicus tricks his master, Periphanes, out of a sum of money in order to purchase a female slave, Acropolistis, who the master’s son, Stratippocles, has fallen in love with. Epidicus does this by convincing Periphanes that this girl is his daughter from Philippa, whom he hasn’t seen in many years, and has been captured in Thebes and brought to Athens. Believing this young woman is his daughter, Periphanes willingly hands over the money. Stratippocles soon goes off to war and falls in love with a different woman while away. To purchase this new woman, Stratippocles borrows money from a banker. When Stratippocles returns home, he vows not to meet with his father until the debt is paid back to the banker.
CONTENTS
THE SUBJECT.
THE ACROSTIC ARGUMENT.
ACT I.
ACT II.
ACT III.
ACT IV.
ACT V.
THE SUBJECT.
The plot of this Play is of an involved nature. Periphanes, an aged Athenian, has a son, born in wedlock, named Stratippocles. By Philippa, a woman of Epidaurus, whom he has formerly seduced, he has had a daughter, named Telestis who has been residing with her mother at Thebes. A war arising between the Athenians and Thebans, Stratippocles, on setting out for the army, commissions Epidicus, his father’s servant, to purchase for him Acropolistis, a music-girl, of whom lie is enamoured. Epidicns, on this, persuades Periphanes that this girl is really his daughter by Philippa, whom he has not seen for many years, and that she has been taken captive at Thebes, and brought to Athens. On this the old man gives Epidicus the requisite sum, and she is brought home and introduced to him as his daughter Telestis. In the meantime, Stratippocles meets with another damsel who has been taken captive, and agrees with a Banker to borrow forty mince, for the purpose of purchasing her. He returns to Athens, and resolves not to meet his father until he has paid the money to the Banker and gained possession of the damsel, and Epidicus is threatened by him with a severe punishment, if he does not manage to raise the sum required. On this he accosts his aged master, and tells him that he must find a wife for his son, who is about to purchase a singing-girl of the name of Acropolistis. The old man is persuaded to give a sum of money to Epidicus for the purpose of buying Acropolistis, that she may be kept out of the way of his son. On receiving the money, Epidicus hands it over to Stratippocles, to be paid to the Banker. The old gentleman having that morning ordered a singing-girl to be hired to perform at a sacrifice at his house, she is brought to him as Acropolistis, having been instructed how to play her part. A Captain, who admires Acropolistis, having heard that Periphanes has purchased her, applies to him, and offers to give him a profit of ten minæ if he will transfer her to him. Periphanes, thereupon, brings to him the music-girl who is assuming that character (while the real Acropolistis is taken for his daughter), on which the Captain discovers the deception, and Periphanes finds out that the girl is already free, and has been only brought to his house to perform at the sacrifice. At this conjuncture Philippa arrives, having heard that her daughter has been brought to Athens. Periphanes meets her, and assures her that her daughter is safe at his house. On this, Philippa is introduced to Acropolistis, and declares that she is not her daughter, and that Periphanes has been imposed upon. On being questioned,Acropolistis confesses that she has only called Periphanes her father because lie has called her his daughter. Epidicus, on being discovered to be guilty of this second fraud upon his master, is greatly alarmed; but just then he perceives the Banker, who has come for the money, leading the Theban captive. He immediately recognizes her as Telestis, the real daughter of Periphanes and Philippa, Stratippocles, somewhat to his sorrow, is informed that the captive is his half-sister, and therefore, most probably, consoles himself with Acropolistis. For making this discovery, Epidicus is not only pardoned by Periphanes, but receives his freedom.
THE ACROSTIC ARGUMENT.
[Supposed to have been written by Priscian the Grammarian.]
An old gentleman, thinking her his daughter, purchases (Emit) a music-girl, by the advice (Persuasu) of his servant, who, a second time (Iterum), substitutes for him, in place of his son’s mistress, another one hired; he gives (Dat) to his master’s son the money; with it the young man, not knowing it (Imprudens), purchases his sister. Soon afterwards, by the aid of a woman whom he has seduced, and of a Captain, the old man understands (Cognoscit) that he has been imposed upon, as (Ut) the one is in search of his mistress, the other of her daughter. But (Sed) on finding his daughter, he gives his servant his liberty.
ACT I.
Enter THESPRIO, followed by EPIDICUS.
EPIDICUS
pulling THESPRIO by the cloak . Harkye! young man.
THESPRI
O
Who pulls me by the cloak, when thus in haste?
EPIDICUS
An intimate.
THESPRIO
I confess it; for with your annoyance you are too intimate.
EPIDICUS
But do look back, Thesprio!
THESPRIO
looking round . What? Is it Epidicus that I see?
EPIDICUS
Why surely you’ve the use of your eyes.
THESPRIO
Greetings to you.
EPIDICUS
May the Gods grant what you desire. I’m glad that you’ve got here safe.
THESPRIO
What besides?
EPIDICUS
According to the usage, a dinner shall be given you.
THESPRIO
I agree.
EPIDICUS
What to do?
THESPRIO
That I’ll accept it, if you offer it.
EPIDICUS
How are you? Fare you as you could wish?
THESPRIO
The proof’s before you.
EPIDICUS
I understand. Eyeing him from top to toe. Marvellous! You seem quite plump and hearty.
THESPRIO
pointing to his left hand . Thanks to this.
EPIDICUS
Which, indeed, you ought to have parted with long ago.
THESPRIO
I’m less of a pilferer now than formerly.
EPIDICUS
How so?
THESPRIO
I rob above-board.
EPIDICUS
May the immortal Gods confound you, with what huge strides you do walk! for when I caught sight of you at the harbour, I began to run at a rapid pace; I was hardly able to overtake you just now.
THESPRIO
You are a town wit.
EPIDICUS
I know that you, on the other hand, are a military gentleman.
THESPRIO
Speak out as boldly as you please.
EPIDICUS
How say you? Have you been well all along?
THESPRIO
In a varied way.
EPIDICUS
Those who are well in a varied way, a race of men of the goat kind or of the panther kind, don’t please me.
THESPRIO
What do you wish me to tell you but that which is fact?
EPIDICUS
To answer to these things fairly; how’s our master’s son? Is he well?
THESPRIO
Stout as a boxer and an athlete.
EPIDICUS
You’ve brought me joyous tidings on your arrival. But where is he?
THESPRIO
I came here together with him.
EPIDICUS
Where is he then? Unless, perchance, you’ve brought him in your wallet, or, perhaps, in your knapsack.
THESPRIO
May the Gods confound you!
EPIDICUS
I want to make enquiries of you. Lend me your attention; attention shall be lent you in return.
THESPRIO
You say what’s law.
EPIDICUS
It becomes me to do so.
THESPRIO
But why now are you acting the Prætor over us?
EPIDICUS
What other person in Athens will you say is more deserving of it than I?
THESPRIO
But still, Epidicus, one thing is wanting for your Prætorship.
EPIDICUS
What, pray?
THESPRIO
You shall know; two lictors two osier bundles of twigs ——
EPIDICUS
shaking his fist at him . Woe unto you! But how say you —— ? THES. What is it you ask?
EPIDICUS
Where are the arms of Stratippocles?
THESPRIO
I’ faith, they’ve gone over to the enemy.
EPIDICUS
What, his arms?
THESPRIO
Aye, and quickly too.
EPIDICUS
Do you say that seriously?
THESPRIO
Seriously I say it; the enemy have got them.
EPIDICUS
By my troth, a disgraceful affair.
THESPRIO
Still, before now, other persons have done the same. This affair will turn out to his honor.
EPIDICUS
How so?
THESPRIO
Because it has been so to others before.
EPIDICUS
Mulciber, I suppose, made the arms which Stratippocles had; they flew over to the enemy.
THESPRIO
Why, then, e’en let this son of Thetis lose them; the daughters of Nereus will bring him others.
EPIDICUS
Only this must be looked to, that material may be found for the armourers, if in each campaign he yields a spoil to the enemy.
THESPRIO
Have done now with these matters.
EPIDICUS
You yourself make an end of them when you please.
THESPRIO
Cease your enquiries then.
EPIDICUS
Say, where is Stratippocles himself?
THESPRIO
There is a reason, for which reason he has been afraid to come together with me.
EPIDICUS
Pray, what is it?
THESPRIO
He doesn’t wish to see his father as yet.
EPIDICUS
For what reason?
THESPRIO
You shall hear; because he has purchased out of the spoil a young female captive of charming and genteel figure.
EPIDICUS
What is it I hear from you?
THESPRIO
That which I’m telling you.
EPIDICUS
Why has he purchased her?
THESPRIO
To please his fancy.
EPIDICUS
How many fancies has this man? For assuredly, before he went away from home to the army, he himself commissioned me, that a music-girl whom he was in love with should be purchased of a Procurer for him. That I have managed to accomplish for him.
THESPRIO
Whichever way the wind is at sea, Epidicus, in that direction the sail is shifted.
EPIDICUS
Woe unto wretched me! He has utterly undone me!
THESPRIO
What’s the meaning of this? What’s the matter, pray?
EPIDICUS
Well now — she whom he has bought, at what sum has he purchased her?
THESPRIO
A very little.
EPIDICUS
That I don’t ask you.
THESPRIO
What then?
EPIDICUS
For how many minæ?
THESPRIO
holding up all his fingers four times . For so many.
EPIDICUS
Forty minæ?
THESPRIO
For that purpose, he borrowed the money on interest of a Banker at Thebes, at a didrachm for each silver mina per day.
EPIDICUS
Surprising!
THESPRIO
This Banker, too, has come together with him, and is dunning for his money.
EPIDICUS
Immortal Gods! now I’m fairly done for!
THESPRIO
Why so, or.what’s the matter, Epidicus?
EPIDICUS
He has proved my ruin!
THESPRIO
Who?
EPIDICUS
Who? He who lost his arms.
THESPRIO
But why so?
EPIDICUS
Because he himself was every day sending me letters from the army — but I shall hold my tongue; it’s best to do so. It’s best for a man in servitude to know more than he says; that’s true wisdom.
THESPRIO
On my faith, I don’t understand why you are alarmed. You are frightened, Epidicus; I see it by your countenance. You seem here, in m
y absence, to have got into some scrape or other.
EPIDICUS
Can’t you cease annoying me?
THESPRIO
I’ll be off. Moves as if going.
EPIDICUS
Stand still; I’ll not let you go from here. Holds him. THES. Why do you hold me back?
EPIDICUS
Is he in love with her whom he has purchased out of the spoil?
THESPRIO
Do you ask me? He dotes to death upon her.
EPIDICUS
The hide will be stripped from off my back.
THESPRIO
He loves her, too, more than ever he loved you.
EPIDICUS
May Jupiter confound you!
THESPRIO
Let me go now; for he has forbidden me to go to our house; he ordered me to come here pointing to the house to our neighbour’s, Chæribulus; there he bade me wait; he’s about to come there himself.
EPIDICUS
Why so?
THESPRIO
I’ll tell you; because he doesn’t wish to meet with or see his father, before he has paid down this money which is owing for her.
EPIDICUS
O dear! an involved business, i’ faith.
THESPRIO
Do let go of me, that I may now be off forthwith.
EPIDICUS
When the old gentleman knows this, our ship will fairly founder.
THESPRIO
What matters it to me in what way you come to your end?
EPIDICUS
Because I don’t wish to perish alone; I’d like you to perish with me, well-wisher with well-wisher.
THESPRIO
tearing himself away from EPIDICUS . Away with you from me to utter and extreme perdition with those terms of yours!
EPIDICUS
Be off, then, if you are in great haste about anything.
THESPRIO
aside . I never met with any person from whom I parted with greater pleasure. Goes into the house of CHÆRIBULUS.
EPIDICUS
to himself . He’s gone away from here; you are now alone. In what plight this matter is, you now see, Epidicus. Unless you have some resources in your own self, you are done for. Ruination so great is impending over you — unless you support yourself stoutly, you cannot hold up; to such a degree are mountains of misfortune threatening to tumble on you. Neither does any plan just now please me by means of which to find myself disengaged from my entanglement. To my misfortune, by my trickeries I have forced the old man to imagine that he was making purchase of his own daughter; whereas he has bought for his own son a music-girl whom he was fond of, and whom on his departure he commissioned me about. He now, to please his fancy, has brought another one from the army. I’ve lost my hide, for when the old man finds out that he has been played tricks with, he’ll be flaying my back with twigs. But still, do you take all precautions. He stands still and thinKs. That’s of no use! clearly this head of mine is addled! You are a worthless fellow, Epidicus. In another tone. What pleasure have you in being abusive? Because you are forsaking yourself. What am I to do? Do you ask me the question? Why you yourself, in former days, were wont to lend advice to others. Well, well; something must be found out. But why delay to go meet the young man, that I may know how the matter stands? And here he is himself. He is in a grave mood. He’s coming with Chæribulus, his year’s-mate. I’ll step aside here, whence at my leisure I’ll follow their discourse. He steps aside.