Complete Works of Plautus

by Plautus

  MUS.-G.

  I never heard of that person before to-day, nor, indeed, was any one able to purchase me for any money; I’ve been free now for more than five years.

  PERIPHIANES

  What business have you, then, at my house?

  MUS.-G.

  You shall hear; I came, being hired to perform for an old gentleman while he was sacrificing.

  PERIPHIANES

  I do confess that I am the most worthless of all men in Athens of Attica. But do you know Acropolistis the Music-girl?

  MUS.-G.

  As well as my own self.

  PERIPHIANES

  Where does she live?

  MUS.-G.

  Since she has been made free, I don’t know for certain.

  PERIPHIANES

  Well now, I should like to know who has made her free, if you know?

  MUS.-G.

  That which I have heard, you shall hear; I heard that Stratippocles, the son of Periphanes, had provided in his absence that she should be made free.

  PERIPHIANES

  By heavens, I’m undone, most clearly, if these things are true. Epidicus has disembowelled my purse!

  MUS.-G.

  I’ve heard to that effect. Do you want me for anything else?

  PERIPHIANES

  Away to perdition in the veriest torments, and off this instant!

  MUS.-G.

  Won’t you give me back my harp?

  PERT.

  Neither harp nor pipes. Make haste, then, and escape from here, if the Gods love you!

  MUS.-G.

  I’ll be off. At a future time, however, you’ll restore it, with the greater disgrace to yourself. (Exit.)

  PERIPHIANES

  to himself . What now? Shall I, who have been placed before so many edicts, allow him to get with impunity? No; even though as much again should be required to be lost, I’ll lose it rather than allow myself to be held in derision with impunity and plundered by them. That I should have been thus cheated openly to my face, and that I should have been set at nought before this Apæcides, who is famed as being the framer and founder of all the laws and ordinances! He too declares that he is a wise man! that the hammer, forsooth, should be wiser than the handle! He stands aside.

  ACT IV.

  Enter PHILIPPA, at a distance.

  PHILIPPA

  to herself . If a mortal being has aught of misery, through which, miserable creature, to be wretched from the heart, that same do I experience, for whom full many a woe unites in the same spot, which, all, at the same instant are beating against my breast. A multitude of troubles keep me in suspense. Poverty and misery alarm the thoughts of my heart; nor have I anywhere a spot of safety where to fix my hopes; in such a way has my daughter fallen into the power of the enemy; nor do I know where she now is.

  PERIPHIANES

  apart . Who is this woman coming from a distance with a breast filled with alarms, and who thus bewails her lot?

  PHILIPPA

  to herself . It was told me that Periphanes was living in this neighbourhood.

  PERIPHIANES

  apart . She’s mentioning me; need of hospitality has befallen her, I suppose.

  PHILIPPA

  to herself . I would be very willing to give a reward to any one who would point me out that man, or where he dwells.

  PERIPHIANES

  apart . I recognize her; for I think I have seen her before; where, I know not. Is it, or is it not she, whom my mind suspects her to be?

  >PHIL.

  seeing him . Good Gods! I have seen this person before!

  PERIPHIANES

  to himself . It surely is she, a poor woman whom I remember having an intrigue with at Epidaurus.

  PHILIPPA

  to herself . Surely it is he, who at Epidaurus first violated my maiden modesty.

  PERIPHIANES

  to himself . She who had the daughter by me whom I’ve now got at home.

  PHILIPPA

  to herself . What if I accost him?

  PERIPHIANES

  to himself . I don’t know whether to make up to her. If this is she ——

  PHILIPPA

  to herself . But if it is the man, as length of years renders me doubtful ——

  PERIPHIANES

  to himself . Length of time renders my mind uncertain. But if it is she, whom with some doubt I conjecture it to be, I’ll accost her circumspectly.

  PHILIPPA

  to herself . A woman’s artfulness must be employed by me.

  PERIPHIANES

  to himself . I’ll address her.

  PHILIPPA

  to herself . I’ll bring my powers of conversation to bear against him.

  PERIPHIANES

  accosting her . Health to you!

  PHILIPPA

  That health I accept for me and mine.

  PERIPHIANES

  What besides?

  PHILIPPA

  Health to yourself; what you lent me, I return.

  PERIPHIANES

  I don’t impeach your punctuality. Don’t I know you?

  PHILIPPA

  If I know you, I’ll move your feelings, so that you shall know me.

  PERIPHIANES

  Where have I been in the habit of seeing you?

  PHILIPPA

  You are unfairly hard upon me.

  PERIPHIANES

  Why so?

  PHILIPPA

  Because you think it right that I should be the prompter of your memory.

  PERIPHIANES

  You speak to the purpose.

  PHILIPPA

  You say what’s strange to me, Periphanes.

  PERIPHIANES

  Ah now! that’s better. Do you remember, Philippa ——

  PHILIPPA

  Yes, I remember that.

  PERIPHIANES

  At Epidaurus ——

  PHILIPPA

  Ah! you have moistened my burning breast with a little drop of comfort.

  PERIPHIANES

  How I relieved the poverty of you, a poor young maiden, and your mother?

  PHILIPPA

  What, are you he who for your own gratification brought heavy troubles upon me?

  PERIPHIANES

  I am he. Health to you.

  PHILIPPA

  I am in health, since I see you in health.

  PERIPHIANES

  Give me your hand.

  PHILIPPA

  extending her hand, which he takes . Take it — you hold by the hand a woman distrest and full of woes.

  PERIPHIANES

  What is it that disturbs your features?

  PHILIPPA

  The daughter whom I had by you ——

  PERIPHIANES

  What of her?

  PHILIPPA

  When I had brought her up, I lost her; she fell into the hands of the enemy.

  PERIPHIANES

  Keep your mind in quiet and at rest. Why look, she’s here at my house safe and sound. For immediately I heard from my servant that she was a captive, instantly I gave the money for her to be purchased; he managed this affair as discreetly and frugally as in other matters he is egregiously — dishonest.

  PHILIPPA

  Let me see her, whether it is she or no.

  PERIPHIANES

  going to the door of his house . Hallo there! you — Canthara, this instant bid my daughter come out before the house, that she may see her mother.

  PHILIPPA

  My spirits now at last return to me.

  Enter ACROPOLISTIS from the house.

  ACROPOLISTIS

  Why is it, father, that you have called me out before the house?

  PERIPHIANES

  That you may see and accost your mother, and wish her health on her arrival, and give her kisses.

  ACROPOLISTIS

  looking about . What mother of mine?

  PERIPHIANES

  pointing to PHILIPPA . She who, half dead, is following your gaze.

  PHILIPPA
/>
  Who is this that you are requesting to kiss me?

  PERIPHIANES

  Your own daughter.

  PHILIPPA

  What, she?

  PERIPHIANES

  She.

  PHILIPPA

  What — am I to kiss her?

  PERIPHIANES

  Why not, her who was born of you?

  PHILIPPA

  Man, you are mad.

  PERIPHIANES

  What, I?

  PHILIPPA

  Yes, you.

  PERT.

  Why?

  PHILIPPA

  Because this woman — I neither know nor understand who she is, nor have I beheld her with my eyes before this day.

  PERIPHIANES

  I know why you are mistaken; because this woman has her dress and ornaments changed.

  PHILIPPA

  Puppies have one smell, pigs quite another; I say that I do not know her, who she is.

  PERIPHIANES

  stamping with rage . Oh! by our trust in Gods and men, what is this? Am I following the calling of a Procurer, to be keeping strange women in my house, and to be emptying my house of my money? To ACROPOLISTIS. What are you to be calling me your father and kissing me? Why stand you stupidly there? Why do you keep silent?

  ACROPOLISTIS

  What do you want me to say?

  PERIPHIANES

  pointing to PHILIPPA . She denies that she is your mother.

  ACROPOLISTIS

  Don’t let her be so, if she don’t choose. For my own part, whether she likes it or not, I shall be my mother’s daughter still. It isn’t right for me to compel this woman to be my mother if she doesn’t like.

  PERIPHIANES

  Why then did you call me father?

  ACROPOLISTIS

  That is your own fault, not mine; ought I not to call you father when you call me daughter? Her too, as well pointing to PHILIPPA if she were to call me daughter, I should call mother. She declares that I am not her daughter; then she is not my mother. In fine, this is no fault of mine; what I’ve been taught, I’ve told you all of it. Epidicus was my instructor.

  PERIPHIANES

  I’m undone! I’ve upset my waggon!

  ACROPOLISTIS

  Have I done anything amiss towards that?

  PERIPHIANES

  Upon my faith, if I ever hear you call me father, I’ll put an end to your life, you jade!

  ACROPOLISTIS

  I shan’t call you so. When you want to be my father, then be so; when you don’t want, don’t be my father.

  PHILIPPA

  to PERIPHANES . What? Did you purchase her for that reason, because you supposed her to be your daughter? By what signs did you recognize her?

  PERIPHIANES

  By none.

  PHILIPPA

  Why did you suppose her to be our daughter?

  PERIPHIANES

  My servant Epidicus told me so.

  PHILIPPA

  What if it had seemed to your servant otherwise? Prithee, could you not have known?

  PERIPHIANES

  How should I, who had never seen her after having once beheld her.

  PHILIPPA

  Wretched creature, I’m quite undone! Begins to weep.

  PERIPHIANES

  Don’t weep, madam; go in-doors; be of good courage; I’ll find her out.

  PHILIPPA

  An Attic citizen from Athens here purchased her Indeed, they said it was a young man who had bought her.

  PERIPHIANES

  I will find her; hold your peace. Only do go in-doors, and keep an eye upon this Circe, this daughter of the Sun. She goes into the house, followed by ACROPOLISTIS. All business laid aside, I’ll give my attention to seeking for Epidicus. If I find him, I’ll make this day become the final one for him. (Exit.)

  ACT V.

  Enter STRATIPPOCLES, from the house of CHÆRIBULUS.

  STRATIPPOCLES

  to himself . The Banker is inattentive to me, not to seek the money of me, or bring this woman who has been purchased out of the spoil. But see — here comes Epidicus How’s this, that in gloominess his brow is wrinkled? at a distance.

  EPIDICUS

  to himself . If Jupiter unto himself were to take the eleven Gods beside himself, even then, all of them would not be able to rescue Epidicus from torture. I’ve seen Periphanes buying the thongs; Apæcides was together with him; now, I do believe that these persons are in search of me. They have found it out; they know that they’ve been imposed upon.

  STRATIPPOCLES

  coming forward . What are you about, my ready occasion?

  EPIDICUS

  That which a wretched fellow is about.

  STRATIPPOCLES

  What’s the matter with you?

  EPIDICUS

  Why don’t you prepare for me the necessaries for flight before I’m quite undone? For the two fleeced old gentlemen are hunting for me through the city; they are carrying in their hands handcuffs an inch and a half thick.

  STRATIPPOCLES

  Be of good heart ——

  EPIDICUS

  Of course I will, whose freedom is so close at hand.

  STRATIPPOCLES

  I will preserve you.

  EPIDICUS

  I’ faith, they’ll do it better for me, if they catch me. But who’s this young woman, this greyish old fellow, too, that’s coming along? are seen at a distance.

  STRATIPPOCLES

  This is the Banker, and this is the woman whom I purchased out of the spoil.

  EPIDICUS

  What, is this she?

  STRATIPPOCLES

  It is she. Isn’t she just like what I told you? Look at her.

  EPIDICUS

  Is it she?

  STRATIPPOCLES

  Survey her, Epidicus. Even from her nail to the top of her hair she is most lovely! Is she not? Do look at her! Observe her! You’ll be looking at a picture beautifully painted.

  EPIDICUS

  Judging from your words you are foretelling that my hide will be beautifully painted; me, whom Apelles and Zeuxis, the pair of them, will be painting with elm-tree pigments. Enter the BANKER and TELESTIS.

  STRATIPPOCLES

  to the BANKER. Immortal Gods! I’m surprised at your slowness. The man that’s spoken of in the proverb with swollen feet, would have got here sooner than you have arrived for me.

  A BANKER.

  pointing to TELESTIS . I’ faith, ’twas she delayed me.

  STRATIPPOCLES

  If indeed you delayed for her sake, because she wished it, you have come too quickly.

  A BANKER.

  Well, well, dispatch with me and count out the money, that I mayn’t be detaining my friends.

  STRATIPPOCLES

  It has been counted out.

  A BANKER.

  giving him a bag . Take this bag; put it into it.

  STRATIPPOCLES

  You come discreetly provided! Wait till I bring out the money to you.

  A BANKER.

  Make haste.

  STRATIPPOCLES

  It’s at home. Goes into the house of CHÆRIBULUS.

  EPIDICUS

  looking steadily at TELESTIS . Have I the use of my eyes quite unimpaired, or is it otherwise? Do I not behold in you, Telestis, the daughter of Periphanes, born at Thebes of your mother Philippa, and conceived at Epidaurus?

  TELESTIS

  What person are you who are making mention of the name of my parents and my own?

  EPIDICUS

  Don’t you know me?

  TELESTIS

  Not, indeed, so far as recurs to my mind just now.

  EPIDICUS

  Don’t you remember my bringing you a crescent upon your birthday, and a little gold ring for your finger? STRATIPPOCLES returns with the money.

  TELESTIS

  I remember it. What, are you that person?

  EPIDICUS

  I am, and pointing to STRATIPPOCLES, at a distance he there is your brothe
r by another mother and the same father.

  TELESTIS

  in agitation . What of my father? Is he alive?

  EPIDICUS

  Be of calm and composed feelings; hold your peace.

  TELESTIS

  The Gods will that from being lost I should be saved, if you speak the truth.

  EPIDICUS

  I have no occasion to be telling untruths to you.

  STRATIPPOCLES

  to the BANKER . Take this money, Banker; here are forty minæ. If any piece shall be doubtful I’ll change it. Gives him the money.

  A BANKER.

  You do well. Kindly farewell. (Exit.)

  STRATIPPOCLES

  to TELESTIS . Now then you are my own ——

  TELESTIS

  Why yes — sister, i’ faith, that you may know it as well. Greetings to you, brother.

  STRATIPPOCLES

  to EPIDICUS . Is this woman in her senses?

  EPIDICUS

  In her senses, if she calls you her brother.

  STRATIPPOCLES

  How’s this? Have I just now become her brother while going in-doors and coming out?

  EPIDICUS

  What good fortune there is, do you in silence keep your peace thereon and rejoice.

  STRATIPPOCLES

  Sister, you have both lost and found me!

  EPIDICUS

  Simpleton, hold your tongue! Through my endeavours, there’s ready for you at home, in fact, a Music-girl for you to make love to; I too, through my endeavours, have restored your sister to liberty.

  STRATIPPOCLES

  Epidicus, I confess ——

  EPIDICUS

  Be off into the house, and order the water to be made warm for her. The rest I’ll let you know afterwards, when there’s leisure.

  STRATIPPOCLES

  Follow me this way, sister.

  EPIDICUS

  I’ll bid Thesprio come across to you. But remember, if the old gentlemen are at all savage, you, with your sister, to run and help me.

  STRATIPPOCLES

  That will be easy. He and TELESTIS go into the house of PERIPHANES.

  EPIDICUS

  going to the door of the house of CHÆRIBULUS . Thesprio, come this way through the garden. Come to my rescue at home! The matter’s of importance! To himself. I care much less for the old fellows than I did just now. I’ll return in-doors, that the strangers may be attended to on their arrival. I’ll tell these same things that I know, in-doors to Stratippocles. I shall not take to flight; I’m determined to be there at home, and he shan’t throw it in my teeth that he has been provoked by my running away. I’ll away in-doors; I’ve been talking too long. (Goes into the house of PERIPHANES.)

  Enter PERIPHANES and APÆCIDES, with thongs in their hands.