Complete Works of Plautus

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Complete Works of Plautus Page 62

by Plautus


  But do you know how you are to act? Pretend that you are full of disdain, as though it pleased you not; exclaim against me, because I make you so common to the mob.

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  I remember, and I’ll follow your instructions.

  PALAESTRIO

  I’ll call her, then, who is inquiring after you.

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  If she wants anything, let her come.

  PALAESTRIO

  Wench, if you want anything, step this way.

  MILPHIDIPPA

  approaching . Save you, charmer.

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  She makes mention of my surname. May the Gods grant you whatever you may desire.

  MILPHIDIPPA

  To pass life with you is the wish of ——

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  You are wishing too much.

  MILPHIDIPPA

  I am not speaking of myself, but of my mistress, who is dying for you.

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  Many others are wishing for the same thing, who have not the opportunity.

  MILPHIDIPPA

  By my troth, ’tis not to be wondered at; you set a high value on yourself — a person so handsome, and so illustrious for his prowess, and so valorous in his deeds! O! was there ever any one more worthy to be a man?

  PALAESTRIO

  aside . I’ faith, the filthy fellow is not a human being; indeed, I think there is something more human in a vulture.

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  aside . Now I shall make myself of importance, since she so praises me up. Struts about.

  PALAESTRIO

  aside . Do you see the blockhead, how he struts? To PYRGOPOLINICES. But will you not answer her; she is the woman that’s come from the lady whom I was mentioning just now.

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  But from which one of them? For there are so many courting me, I cannot remember them all.

  MILPHIDIPPA

  From her who strips her own fingers and adorns your fingers; for I delivered to him pointing to PALAESTRIO that ring from her who is sighing for you, and then he to you.

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  Tell me, wench, what is it you want then?

  MILPHIDIPPA

  That you will not despise her who is sighing for you; who lives now but in your life: whether she is to exist or not, her hope is in you alone.

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  What does she want then?

  MILPHIDIPPA

  To talk with you, to embrace you, and to be intimate with you. For unless you bring her succour, she will soon be quite desponding in her mind. Come, my Achilles, let that be done which I entreat; save her, charmer, by your charming ways. Call forth your kind disposition, stormer of cities, slayer of kings.

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  O! by my troth, ’tis a vexatious thing! To PALAESTRIO. How often, whip-scoundrel, have I forbidden you to make promises of my attention thus common.

  PALAESTRIO

  Do you hear that, hussy? I have told you already, and I now tell you again, unless a fee is given to this boar- pig, he cannot possibly throw away his attentions in any quarter.

  MILPHIDIPPA

  A fee shall be given, as large as he shall demand.

  PALAESTRIO

  He requires a talent of gold, in Philippean pieces. Less he will take from no one.

  MILPHIDIPPA

  O, by my troth, but that’s too little, surely.

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  By nature there’s no avarice in me; I have riches enough. I’ faith! I’ve more than a thousand measures full of Philippean gold coins.

  PALAESTRIO

  Besides your treasures. Then, of silver, he has mountains, not ingots; Aetna is not so high.

  MILPHIDIPPA

  aside . By the stars! O, what a lie!

  PALAESTRIO

  to MILPHIDIPPA, aside . How rarely I am playing him off!

  MILPHIDIPPA

  to PALAESTRIO, aside . And I; how do I do it? Ain’t I gulling him?

  PALAESTRIO

  aside . Rarely.

  MILPHIDIPPA

  But, prithee, do let me go now.

  PALAESTRIO

  to the CAPTAIN . But do you give her some answer, either that you will do it, or that you won’t do it. Why cause this poor lady so much anguish of mind, who has never deserved any ill of you?

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  Bid her come to me herself. Tell her that I will do everything that she requires.

  MILPHIDIPPA

  You now act as it is proper for you to act. since you wish the same yourself that she is wishing.

  PALAESTRIO

  to himself, aside . No poor faculty of invention has she.

  MILPHIDIPPA

  Since too you have not scouted your petitioner, and nave suffered me to prevail upon you. Aside to PALAESTRIO. How now? Haven’t I played him off?

  PALAESTRIO

  aside to MILPHIDIPPA . Faith, I couldn’t refrain from laughing.

  MILPHIDIPPA

  aside to PALAESTRIO . Yes; and for the same reason I turned in this direction away from you.

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  By my troth, wench, you don’t understand how great an honor I am now paying her.

  MILPHIDIPPA

  I know, and I shall tell her so.

  PALAESTRIO

  To another he could have sold his favours for his weight in gold.

  MILPHIDIPPA

  I’ faith, I believe you in that.

  PALAESTRIO

  Of those that are parents by him true warriors are born, and his sons live eight hundred years.

  MILPHIDIPPA

  aside to PALAESTRIO . Fie on you for a fibber!

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  Why, straight on, from age to age, they live for a thousand years.

  PALAESTRIO

  I spoke within limits, for the reason that she mightn’t suppose I was telling lies to her.

  MILPHIDIPPA

  aside . I burst, I die! Aloud. How many years will he live himself whose sons live so long?

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  Wench, I was born the day after Jupiter was born of Ops.

  PALAESTRIO

  If he had only been born the day before the other was, he would have had the realms of heaven.

  MILPHIDIPPA

  aside to PALAESTRIO . Now, now, prithee, no more do let me get away from you, if I can, alive.

  PALAESTRIO

  Why don’t you go then, as you have your answer?

  MILPHIDIPPA

  I’ll go, and I’ll bring her here, on whose behalf I am employed. Is there aught else you wish?

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  May I never be more handsome than I am at pre sent; so much trouble do my good looks cause me.

  PALAESTRIO

  Why do you stay now? Why don’t you go?

  MILPHIDIPPA

  I’m going.

  PALAESTRIO

  aside to MILPHIDIPPA . And tell her, too, do you hear, cleverly and correctly, what has passed.

  MILPHIDIPPA

  to PALAESTRIO . So that her very heart may leap for joy.

  PALAESTRIO

  aside to MILPHIDIPPA If Philocomasium is there, tell her to pass through into our house; that the Captain here.

  MILPHIDIPPA

  to PALAESTRIO . She is there with my mistress for, on the sly, they have been overhearing this conversation.

  PALAESTRIO

  aside to MILPHIDIPPA . ’Twas cleverly done; here after they will take their cue the more readily from this conversation.

  MILPHIDIPPA

  to PALAESTRIO . You are delaying me. I’m off.

  PALAESTRIO

  to MILPHIDIPPA . I’m not delaying you, nor touching you, nor — I’m mum.

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  Bid her make haste to come out here; we’ll give our first attention to this matter especially. MILPHIDIPPA goes into the house of PERIPLECOMENUS.

  PYRGOPOLINICES, PALAESTRIO.

  PYRG
OPOLINICES

  What do you advise me now to do, Palaestrio, about my mistress? For this lady can by no means be received into my house before I have sent the other away.

  PALAESTRIO

  Why consult me what you are to do? So far as I am concerned, I have told you by what method that can be effected in the gentlest manner. The gold trinkets and female clothing with which you have furnished her, let her keep it all for herself: let her take it, be off, and carry it away: tell her that it is high time for her to go home; say that her twin-sister and her mother are come, in company with whom she may go straight home.

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  How do you know that they are here?

  PALAESTRIO

  Because, with my own eyes, I’ve seen her sister here.

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  Have you met her?

  PALAESTRIO

  I have met her.

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  And did she seem a brisk wench?

  PALAESTRIO

  You are wishing to have everything.

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  Where did the sister say her mother was?

  PALAESTRIO

  The captain that brought them told me that she was in bed, on board the ship, with sore and inflamed eyes. This captain of the ship is lodging with them next door.

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  And he, too, is he a very fine fellow?

  PALAESTRIO

  Away with you, if you please. What have you to do with him? You have your hands quite full enough with the women. Attend to this for the present.

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  As to that advice you were giving me, I wish you to have a few words with her upon that subject. For, really, a conversation on that subject with her is more becoming for you.

  PALAESTRIO

  What is more advisable than for you to go yourself, and transact your own concerns? You must say that it is absolutely necessary for you to marry: that your relations are persuading, your friends are urging, you.

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  And do you think so?

  PALAESTRIO

  Why shouldn’t I think so?

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  I’ll go in, then. Do you, in the mean time, keep watch here before the house, that when the other woman comes out you may call me out.

  PALAESTRIO

  Do you only mind the business that you are upon.

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  That, indeed, is resolved upon. For if she will not go out of her own accord, I’ll turn her out by force.

  PALAESTRIO

  Do you take care how you do that; but rather let her go from your house with a good grace, and give her those things that I mentioned. The gold trinkets and apparel, with which you furnished her, let her take away.

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  By my troth, I wish she would.

  PALAESTRIO

  I think you’ll easily prevail upon her. But go indoors; don’t linger here.

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  I obey you. Goes into his house .

  PALAESTRIO

  to the AUDIENCE . Now, does he really appear to be anything different from what, awhile ago, I told you he was, this wenching Captain? Now it is requisite that Acroteleutium should come to me, her maid too, and Pleusicles. O Jupiter! and does not opportunity favour me in every respect? For those whom I especially wished to see, I perceive at this moment coming out here from our neighbour’s.

  Enter ACROTELEUTIUM, MILPHIDIPPA, and PLEUSICLES from the house of PERIPLECOMENUS.

  ACROTELEUTIUM

  Follow me; at the same time look around, that there may be no overlooker.

  MILPHIDIPPA

  Faith, I see no one, only him whom we want to meet.

  PALAESTRIO

  Just as I want you.

  MILPHIDIPPA

  How do you do, our master-plotter?

  PALAESTRIO

  I, the master-plotter? Nonsense.

  MILPHIDIPPA

  How so?

  PALAESTRIO

  Because, in comparison with yourself, I am not worthy to fix a beam in a wall.

  ACROTELEUTIUM

  Aye, indeed so.

  PALAESTRIO

  She’s a very fluent and a very clever hand at mischief. How charmingly she did polish off the Captain.

  MILPHIDIPPA

  But still, not enough.

  PALAESTRIO

  Be of good courage all the business is now prospering under our hands. Only do you, as you have begun, still give a helping hand; for the Captain himself has gone in-doors, to entreat his mistress to leave his house, with her mother and sister, for Athens.

  PLEUSICLES

  Very good — well done.

  PALAESTRIO

  Besides, all the gold trinkets and apparel which he himself has provided for the damsel, he gives her to keep as a present for herself — so have I recommended him.

  PLEUSICLES

  Really, it’s easily done, if both she wishes it, and he desires it as well.

  PALAESTRIO

  Don’t you know that when, from a deep well, you have ascended up to the top, there is the greatest danger lest you should thence fall back again from the top. This affair is now being carried on at the top of the well. If the Captain should have a suspicion of it, nothing whatever of his will be able to be carried off. Now, most especially, we have need of clever contrivances.

  PLEUSICLES

  I see that there is material enough at home for that purpose — three women, yourself the fourth, I am the fifth, the old gentleman the sixth.

  PALAESTRIO

  What an edifice of stratagems has been erected by us! I know for certain. that any town seems as though it could be taken by these plans: only do you lend your assistance.

  ACROTELEUTIUM

  For that purpose are we come to you, to see if you wish for anything.

  PALAESTRIO

  You do what’s à propos. Now to you do I assign this department.

  ACROTELEUTIUM

  General, you shall assign me whatever you please, so far as I am capable.

  PALAESTRIO

  I wish this Captain to be played off cleverly and adroitly.

  ACROTELEUTIUM

  I’ faith, you’re assigning me what’s a pleasure to me.

  PALAESTRIO

  But do you understand how?

  ACROTELEUTIUM

  You mean that I must pretend that I am distracted with love for him.

  PALAESTRIO

  Right — you have it.

  ACROTELEUTIUM

  And as though by reason of that love I had fcregone my present marriage, longing for a match with him.

  PALAESTRIO

  Everything exactly in its due order; except only this one point; you must say that this house pointing to the house of PERIPLECOMENUS was your marriage-portion; that the old man had departed hence from you after you had carried out the divorce, lest he should be afraid just now to come here into the house of another man.

  ACROTELEUTIUM

  You advise me well.

  PALAESTRIO

  But when he comes out from in-doors, I wish you — standing at a distance there — so to make pretence, as though in comparison with his beauty you despised your own, and as though you were struck with awe at his opulent circumstances; at the same time, too, praise the comeliness of his person, the beauty of his face. Are you tutored enough?

  ACROTELEUTIUM

  I understand it all. Is it enough that I give you my work so nicely finished off that you cannot find a fault with it.

  PALAESTRIO

  I’m content. Now addressing PLEUSICLES , in your turn, learn what charge I shall give to you So soon as this shall be done, when she shall have gone in, then do you immediately take care to come here dressed in the garb of a master of a ship. Have on a broad-brimmed hat of iron-grey, a woollen shade before your eyes; have on an iron-grey cloak (for that is the seaman’s colour); have it fastened over the left shoulder, your right arm projecting out,
* * * * * * your clothes some way well girded up, pretend as though you are some master of a ship. And all these requisites are at the house of this old gentleman, for he keeps fishermen.

  PLEUSICLES

  Well, when I’m dressed out, why don’t you tell me what I’m to do then?

  PALAESTRIO

  Come here, and, in the name of her mother, bring word to Philocomasium, that, if she would return to Athens, she must go with you to the harbour directly, and that she must order it to be carried down to the ship if she wishes anything to be put on board; that if she doesn’t go, you must weigh anchor, for the wind is favourable.

  PLEUSICLES

  I like your plan much: do proceed.

  PALAESTRIO

  The Captain will at once advise her to go speedily that she may not delay her mother.

  PLEUSICLES

  Every way you are clever.

  PALAESTRIO

  I shall tell him that she asks for me as a helper to carry her baggage down to the harbour. I shall go, and, understand you, I shall immediately be off with you straight to Athens.

  PLEUSICLES

  And when you have reached there, I’ll never let you be ashore three days before you’re free.

  PALAESTRIO

  Be off speedily and equip yourself.

  PLEUSICLES

  Is there anything besides?

  PALAESTRIO

  Only to remember all this.

  PLEUSICLES

  I’m off. Exit.

  PALAESTRIO

  And do you to ACROTELEUTIUM and MILPHIDIPPA be off hence in-doors this instant, for I’m quite sure that he’ll just now be coming out hence from in-doors.

  ACROTELEUTIUM

  With us your command is as good as law.

  PALAESTRIO

  Come, then, begone. But see, the door opens opportunely. The women go into the house of PERIPLECOMENUS.

  Enter PYRGOPOLINICES from his house.

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  What I wished I have obtained just as I wished, on kind and friendly terms, that she would leave me.

  PALAESTRIO

  For what reason am I to say that you have been so long in-doors?

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  I never was so sensible that I was beloved by that woman as now.

  PALAESTRIO

  Why so?

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  How many words she did utter! How the matter was protracted! But in the end I obtained what I wanted, and I granted her what she wanted and what she asked of me. I made a present of you also to her.

  PALAESTRIO

  What — me, too? In what way shall I exist without you?

  PYRGOPOLINICES

  Come, be of good heart; I’ll make you free from exit, too. But I used all endeavours, if I could by any method persuade her to go away, and not take you with her, she forced me, however.

 

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