Complete Works of Plautus
Page 66
so confoundedly tired was I there. with the entertainment and the discourse. Now I’ll go to Philolaches to have a bout there he’ll receive us with jovial feelings and handsomely. Do I seem to you to be fairly drenched, my bubsy?
DELPHIUM
You ought always to live pursuing this course of life.
CALLIDAMATES
Should you like, then, for me to hug you, and you me?
DELPHIUM
If you’ve a mind to do so, of course.
CALLIDAMATES
You are a charming one. He stumbles. Do hold me up, there’s a dear.
DELPHIUM
holding him by the arm . Take care you don’t fall. Stand up.
CALLIDAMATES
O! you are the apple of my eye. I’m your fosterling, my honey. He stumbles.
DELPHIUM
still holding him up . Only do take care that you don’t recline in the street, before we get to a place where a couch is ready laid.
CALLIDAMATES
Do let me fall.
DELPHIUM
Well, I’ll let you. Lets go.
CALLIDAMATES
dragging her as he falls . But that as well which I’ve got hold of in my hand.
DELPHIUM
If you fall, you shan’t fall without me falling with you. Then some one shall pick us both up as we lie Aside. The man’s quite drenched.
CALLIDAMATES
overhearing . Do you say that I am drenched, my bubsy?
DELPHIUM
Give me your hand; I really do not want * * you hurt.
CALLIDAMATES
giving his hand . There now, take it.
DELPHIUM
Come, move on with me.
CALLIDAMATES
Where am I going, do you know?
DELPHIUM
I know.
CALLIDAMATES
It has just come into my head: why, of course I’m going home for a booze.
DELPHIUM
Why yes, really now I do remember that.
PHILOLACHES
Won’t you let me go to find them, my life? Of all persons I wish well to him especially. I’ll return just now. Goes forward towards the door.
PHILEMATIUM
That “just now” is a long time to me.
CALLIDAMATES
going to the door and knocking . Is there any person here?
PHILOLACHES
’Tis he.
CALLIDAMATES
turning round . Bravo! Philolaches, good day to you, most friendly to me of all men.
PHILOLACHES
May the Gods bless you. Pointing to a couch. Take your place, Callidamates. He takes his place. Whence are you betaking yourself?
CALLIDAMATES
Whence a drunken man does.
PHILOLACHES
Well said. But, my Delphium, do take your place, there’s a dear. She takes her place on a couch.
CALLIDAMATES
Give her something to drink. I shall go to sleep directly. Nods and goes to sleep.
PHILOLACHES
He doesn’t do anything wonderful or strange. What shall I do with him then, my dear?
DELPHIUM
Let him alone just as he is.
PHILOLACHES
Come, you boy. Meanwhile, speedily pass the goblet round, beginning with Delphium.
ACT II.
Enter TRANIO, at a distance.
TRANIO
to himself . Supreme Jove, with all his might and resources, is seeking for me and Philolaches, my master’s son, to be undone. Our hopes are destroyed; nowhere is there any hold for courage; not even Salvation now could save us if she wished. Such an immense mountain of woe have I just now seen at the harbour: my master has arrived from abroad; Tranio is undone! To the. AUDIENCE. Is there any person who’d like to make gain of a little money, who could this day endure to take my place in being tortured? Where are those fellows hardened to a flogging, the wearers- out of iron chains, or those, who, for the consideration of three didrachms, would get beneath besieging towers, where some are in the way of having their bodies pierced with fifteen spears? I’ll give a talent to that man who shall be the first to run to the cross for me; but on condition that twice his feet, twice his arms are fastened there. When that shall have been done, then ask the money down of me. But am I not a wretched fellow, not at full speed to be running home?
PHILOLACHES
Here come the provisions; see, here’s Tranio; he’s come back from the harbour.
TRANIO
running . Philolaches!
PHILOLACHES
What’s the matter?
TRANIO
Both I and you ——
PHILOLACHES
What about “Both I and you?”
TRANIO
Are undone!
PHILOLACHES
Why so?
TRANIO
Your father’s here.
PHILOLACHES
What is it I hear of you?
TRANIO
We are finished up. Your father’s come, I say.
PHILOLACHES
starting up. Where is he, I do entreat you?
TRANIO
He’s coming.
PHILOLACHES
Coming? Who says so? Who has seen him?
TRANIO
I saw him myself, I tell you.
PHILOLACHES
Woe unto me! what am I about?
TRANIO
Why the plague now do you ask me what you are about? Taking your place at table, of course.
PHILOLACHES
Did you see him?
TRANIO
I my own self, I tell you.
PHILOLACHES
For certain?
TRANIO
For certain, I tell you.
PHILOLACHES
I’m undone, if you are telling the truth.
TRANIO
What good could it be to me if I told a lie?
PHILOLACHES
What shall I do now?
TRANIO
pointing to the table and couches . Order all these things to be removed from here. Pointing. Who’s that asleep there?
PHILOLACHES
Callidamates.
TRANIO
Arouse him, Delphium.
DELPHIUM
bawling out in his ear . Callidamates! Callidamates! awake! CALL. raising himself a little . I am awake; give me something to drink.
DELPHIUM
Awake; the father of Philolaches has arrived from abroad.
CALLIDAMATES
I hope his father’s well.
PHILOLACHES
He is well indeed; but I am utterly undone.
CALLIDAMATES
You, utterly undone? How can that be?
PHILOLACHES
By heavens! do get up, I beg of you; my father has arrived.
CALLIDAMATES
Your father has come? Bid him go back again. What business had he to come back here so soon?
PHILOLACHES
What am I to do? My father will, just now, be coming and unfortunately finding me amid drunken carousals, and the house full of revellers and women. It’s a shocking bad job, to be digging a well at the last moment, just when thirst has gained possession of your throat; just as I, on the arrival of my father, wretch that I am, am now enquiring what I am to do.
TRANIO
pointing at CALLIDAMATES . Why look, he has laid down his head and gone to sleep. Do arouse him.
PHILOLACHES
shaking him . Will you awake now? My father, I tell you, will be here this instant.
CALLIDAMATES
How say you? Your father? Give me my shoes, that I may take up arms. On my word, I’ll kill your father this instant.
PHILOLACHES
seizing hold of him . You’re spoiling the whole business; do hold your tongue. To DELPHIUM. Prithee, do carry him off in your arms into the house.
CALLIDAMATES
To DELPHIUM, who is lifting him up . Upon my fai
th, I’ll be making an utensil of you just now, if you don’t find me one. He is led off into the house.
PHILOLACHES
I’m undone!
TRANIO
Be of good courage; I’ll cleverly find a remedy for this alarm.
PHILOLACHES
I’m utterly ruined!
TRANIO
Do hold your tongue; I’ll think of something by means of which to alleviate this for you. Are you satisfied, if on his arrival I shall so manage your father, not only that he shall not enter, but even that he shall run away to a distance from the house? Do you only be off from here in-doors, and remove these things from here with all haste.
PHILOLACHES
Where am I to be?
TRANIO
Where you especially desire: with her pointing to PHILEMATIUM ; with this girl, too, you’ll be. Pointing to DELPHEIUM.
DELPHIUM
How then? Are we to go away from here?
TRANIO
Not far from here, Delphium. For carouse away in the house not a bit the less on account of this.
PHILOLACHES
Ah me! I’m in a sweat with fear as to how these fine words are to end!
TRANIO
Can you not be tranquil in your mind, and do as I bid you?
PHILOLACHES
I can be.
TRANIO
In the first place of all, Philematium, do you go in-doors; and you, Delphium.
DELPHIUM
We’ll both be obedient to you. They go into the house.
TRANIO
May Jupiter grant it so! Now then, do you give attention as to what I’d have attended to. In the first place, then, before anything, cause the house to be shut up at once. Take care and don’t let any one whisper a word indoors.
PHILOLACHES
Care shall be taken.
TRANIO
Just as though no living being were dwelling within the house.
PHILOLACHES
Very well.
TRANIO
And let no one answer, when the old gentleman knocks at the door.
PHILOLACHES
Anything else?
TRANIO
Order the master-key of the house to be brought me at once from within; this house I’ll lock here on the outside.
PHILOLACHES
To your charge I commit myself, Tranio, and my hopes. He goes into the house, and the things are removed from the stage.
TRANIO
to himself . It matters not a feather whether a patron or a dependant is the nearest at hand for that man who has got no courage in his breast. For to every man, whether very good or very bad, even at a moment’s notice, it is easy to act with craft; but this must be looked to, this is the duty of a prudent man, that what has been planned and done in craftiness, may all come about smoothly and without mishap; so that he may not have to put up with anything by reason of which he might be loth to live; just as I shall manage, that, from the confusion which we shall here create, all shall really go on smoothly and tranquilly, and not produce us any inconvenience in the results. Enter a BOY, from the house. But, why have you come out? I’m undone! (The
A BOY.
shows him the key.) O very well, you’ve obeyed my orders most opportunely.
A BOY.
He bade me most earnestly to entreat you some way or other to scare away his father, that he may not enter the house.
TRANIO
Even more, tell him this, that I’ll cause that he shan’t venture even to look at the house, and to take to flight, covering up his head with the greatest alarm. Give me the key taking it , and be off in-doors, and shut to the door, and I’ll lock it on this side. The BOY goes into the house, and TRANIO locks the door. Bid him now come forthwith. For the old gentleman here while still alive this day will I institute games in his presence, such as I fancy there will never be for him when he’s dead. Moving away. I’ll go away from the door to this spot; hence, I’ll look out afar in which direction to lay the burden on the old fellow on his arrival. Exit to a little distance.
Enter THEUROPIDES, followed by ATTENDANTS.
THEUROPIDES
to himself . Neptune, I do return extreme thanks to thee that thou hast just dismissed me from thee, though scarce alive. But if, from this time forward, thou shalt only know that I have stirred a foot upon the main, there is no reason why, that instant, thou shouldst not do with me that which thou hast now wished to do. Away with you, away with you from me henceforth for ever after to-day; what I was to entrust to thee, all of it have I now entrusted. overhearing him.
TRANIO
apart . By my troth, Neptune, you’ve been much to blame, to have lost this opportunity so fair.
THEUROPIDES
After three years, I’ve arrived home from Ægypt. I shall come a welcome guest to my household, I suppose.
TRANIO
apart . Upon my faith, he might have come a much more welcome one, who had brought the tidings you were dead.
THEUROPIDES
looking at the door . But what means this? Is the door shut in the daytime? I’ll knock. Knocks at the door. Hallo, there! is any one going to open this door for me?
TRANIO
coming forward, and speakcing aloud . What person is it that has come so near to our house?
THEUROPIDES
Surely this is my servant Tranio.
TRANIO
O Theuropides, my master, welcome; I’m glad that you’ve arrived in safety.
HAVE
you been well all along?
THEUROPIDES
All along, as you see.
TRANIO
That’s very good.
THEUROPIDES
What about yourselves? Are you all mad?
TRANIO
Why so?
THEUROPIDES
For this reason; because you are walking about outside; not a born person is keeping watch in the house, either to open or to give an answer. With kicking with my feet I’ve almost broken in the pannels?
TRANIO
How now? Have you been touching this house?
THEUROPIDES
Why shouldn’t I touch it? Why, with kicking it, I tell you, I’ve almost broken down the door.
TRANIO
What, you touched it?
THEUROPIDES
I touched it, I tell you, and knocked at it.
TRANIO
Out upon you!
THEUROPIDES
Why so?
TRANIO
By heavens! ’twas ill done.
THEUROPIDES
What is the matter?
TRANIO
It cannot be expressed, how shocking and dreadful a mischief you’ve been guilty of.
THEUROPIDES
How so?
TRANIO
Take to flight, I beseech you, and get away from the house. Fly in this direction, fly closer to me. He runs to wards TRANIO. What, did you touch the door?
THEUROPIDES
How could I knock, if I didn’t touch it?
TRANIO
By all that’s holy, you’ve been the death ——
THEUROPIDES
Of what person?
TRANIO
Of all your family.
THEUROPIDES
May the Gods and Goddesses confound you with that omen.
TRANIO
I’m afraid that you can’t make satisfaction for yourself and them.
THEUROPIDES
For what reason, or what new affair is this that you thus suddenly bring me news of?
TRANIO
And whispering hark you, prithee, do bid those people to move away from here. Pointing to the ATTENDANTS of THEUROPIDES.
THEUROPIDES
to the ATTENDANTS . Move away from here.
TRANIO
Don’t you touch the house. Touch you the ground as well. (Exeunt the ATTENDANTS.)
THEUROPIDES
I’ faith, prithee, do speak out now.
TRANIO
Because it is now seven months that not a person has set foot within this house, and since we once for all left it.
THEE.
Tell me, why so?
TRANIO
Just look around, whether there’s any person to overhear our discourse.
THEUROPIDES
looking around . All’s quite safe.
TRANIO
Look around once more.
THEUROPIDES
looking around . There’s nobody; now then, speak out. TRA. in a loud whisper . The house has been guilty of a capital offence.
THEUROPIDES
I don’t understand you.
TRANIO
A crime, I tell you, has been committed there, a long while ago, one of olden time and ancient date.
THEUROPIDES
Of ancient date?
TRANIO
’Tis but recently, in fact, that we’ve discovered this deed.
THEUROPIDES
What is this crime, or who committed it? Tell me.
TRANIO
A host slew his guest, seized with his hand; he, I fancy, who sold you the house.
THEUROPIDES
Slew him?
TRANIO
And robbed this guest of his gold, and buried this guest there in the house, on the spot.
THEUROPIDES
For what reason do you suspect that this took place?
TRANIO
I’ll tell you; listen. One day, when your son had dined away from home, after he returned home from dining; we all went to bed, and fell asleep. By accident, I had forgotten to put out my lamp; and he, all of a sudden, called out aloud ——
THEUROPIDES
What person? My son?
TRANIO
Hist! hold your peace: just listen. He said that a dead man came to him in his sleep ——
THEUROPIDES
In his dreams, then, you mean?
TRANIO
Just so. But only listen. He said that he had met with his death by these means ——
THEUROPIDES
What, in his sleep?
TRANIO
It would have been surprising if he had told him awake, who had been murdered sixty years ago. On some occasions you are absurdly simple. But look, what he said: “I am the guest of Diapontius, from beyond the seas; here do I dwell; this has been assigned me as my abode; for Orcus would not receive me in Acheron, because prematurely I lost my life. Through confiding was I deceived: my entertainer slew me here, and that villain secretly laid me in the ground without funereal rites, in this house, on the spot, for the sake of gold. Now do you depart from here; this house is accursed, this dwelling is defiled.” The wonders that here take place, hardly in a year could I recount them. Hush, hush! He starts.
THEUROPIDES