Complete Works of Plautus

by Plautus

  AMPELISCA

  I’ll let you know. Both in affright, we leapt from the ship into a boat, because we saw that the ship was being borne upon a rock; in haste, I unloosed the rope, while they were in dismay. The storm separated us from them with the boat in a direction to the right. And so, tossed about by winds and waves, in a multitude of ways, we, wretched creatures, during the livelong night * * * * * * * half dead, the wind this day has scarce borne us to the shore.

  TRACHALIO

  I understand; thus is Neptune wont to do; he is a very dainty Ædile; if any wares are bad, over he throws them all.

  AMPELISCA

  Woe to your head and life!

  TRACHALIO

  To your own, my dear Ampelisca. I was sure that the Procurer would do that which he has done; I often said so. It were better I should let my hair grow, and set up for a soothsayer.

  AMPELISCA

  Did you not take care then, you and your master, that he shouldn’t go away, when you knew this?

  TRACHALIO

  What could he do?

  AMPELISCA

  If he was in love, do you ask what he could do? Both night and day he should have kept watch; he should have been always on his guard. But, by my troth, he has done like many others; thus finely has Plesidippus taken care of her.

  TRACHALIO

  For what reason do you say that?

  AMPELISCA

  The thing is evident.

  TEACH.

  Don’t you know this? Even he who goes to the bath to bathe, while there he carefully keeps an eye upon his garments, still they are stolen; inasmuch as some one of those that he is watching is a rogue; the thief easily marks him for whom he’s upon the watch; the keeper knows not which one is the thief. But bring me to her; where is she?

  AMPELISCA

  Well then, go here into the Temple of Venus; you’ll find her sitting there, and in tears.

  TRACHALIO

  How disagreable is that to me already. But why is she weeping?

  AMPELISCA

  I’ll tell you; she’s afflicting herself in mind for this; because the Procurer took away a casket from her which she had, and in which she kept that by which she might be enabled to recognize her parents; she fears that this has been lost.

  TRACHALIO

  Where was that little casket, pray?

  AMPELISCA

  There, on board the ship; he himself locked it up in his wallet, that there mightn’t be the means by which she might recognize her parents.

  TRACHALIO

  O scandalous deed! to require her to be a slave, who ought to be a free woman.

  AMPELISCA

  Therefore she now laments that it has gone to the bottom along with the ship. There, too, was all the gold and silver of the Procurer.

  TRACHALIO

  Some one, I trust, has dived and brought it up.

  AMPELISCA

  For this reason is she sad and disconsolate, that she has met with the loss of them.

  TRACHALIO

  Then have I the greater occasion to do this, to go in and console her, that she mayn’t thus distress herself in mind. For I know that many a lucky thing has happened to many a one beyond their hopes.

  AMPELISCA

  But I know too that hope has deceived many who have hoped.

  TRACHALIO

  Therefore a patient mind is the best remedy for affliction. I’ll go in, unless you wish for anything. Goes into the Temple.

  AMP. GO.

  To herself. I’ll do that which the Priestess requested me, and I’ll ask for some water here at the neighbour’s; for she said that if I asked for it in her name, they would give it directly. And I do think that I never saw a more worthy old lady, one to whom I should think that it is more befitting for Gods and men to show kindness. How courteously, how heartily, how kindly, how, without the least difficulty, she received us into her home, trembling, in want, drenched, shipwrecked, half dead; not otherwise, in fact, than if we had been her own offspring. How kindly did she herself, just now, tucking up her garments, make the water warm for us to bathe. Now, that I mayn’t keep her waiting, I’ll fetch some water from the place where she requested me. Knocking at the door of DÆMONES. Hallo, there, is there any one in the cottage? is any one going to open this door? Will any one come out?

  Enter SCEPARNIO, from the cottage of DÆMONES.

  SCEPARNIO

  Who is it so furiously making an attack upon our door?

  AMPELISCA

  It’s I.

  SCEPARNIO

  Well now, what good news is there? Aside. Dear me, a lass of comely appearance, i’ troth.

  AMPELISCA

  Greeting to you, young man.

  SCEPARNIO

  And many greetings to you, young woman.

  AMPELISCA

  I’m come to you ——

  SCEPARNIO

  I’ll receive you with a welcome, if you come in the evening, by-and-by, just such as I could like; for just now I’ve no means to receive you, a damsel, thus early in the morning * * * But what have you to say, my smiling, pretty one. Chucks her under the chin.

  AMPELISCA

  Oh, you’re handling me too familiarly. Moves away.

  SCEPARNIO

  O ye immortal Gods! she’s the very image of Venus. What joyousness there is in her eyes, and, only do see, what a skin ’tis of the vulture’s tint, — rather, the eagle’s, indeed, I meant to say. Her breasts, too, how beautiful; and then what expression on her lips! Takes hold of her.

  AMPELISCA

  struggling . I’m no common commodity for the whole township; can’t you keep your hands off me?

  SCEPARNIO

  patting her . Won’t you let me touch you, gentle one, in this manner, gently and lovingly? * * * * * * * *

  AMPELISCA

  When I have leisure, then I’ll be giving my attention to toying and dalliance to please you; for the present, prithee, do either say me “Yes” or “No” to the matter for which I was sent hither.

  SCEPARNIO

  What now is it that you wish?

  AMPELISCA

  pointing to her pitcher . To a shrewd person, my equipment would give indications of what it is I want.

  SCEPARNIO

  To a shrewd woman, this equipment, too, of mine, would give indication of what it is I want.

  AMPELISCA

  pointing to the Temple . The Priestess there of Venus, requested me to fetch some water from your house here. ...

  SCEPARNIO

  But I’m a lordly sort of person; unless you entreat me, you shan’t have a drop. We dug this well with danger to ourselves, and with tools of iron. Not a drop can be got out of me except by means of plenty of blandishments.

  AMPELISCA

  Prithee, why do you make so much fuss about the water — a thing that even enemy affords to enemy?

  SCEPARNIO

  Why do you make so much fuss about granting a favour to me, that citizen grants to citizen?

  AMPELISCA

  On the contrary, my sweet one, I’ll even do everything for you that you wish.

  SCEPARNIO

  O charming! I am favoured; she’s now calling me her sweet one. The water shall be given you, so that you mayn’t be coaxing me in vain. Give me the pitcher.

  AMPELISCA

  Take it gives it to him : make haste and bring it out, there’s a dear.

  SCEPARNIO

  Stay a moment; I’ll be here this instant, my sweet one. Goes into the cottage. * * * * * * * * * * *

  AMPELISCA

  What shall I say to the Priestess for having delayed here so long a time? * * * * * * * How, even still, in my wretchedness do I tremble, when with my eyes I look upon the sea. She looks towards the shore. But what, to my sorrow, do I see afar upon the shore? My master, the Procurer, and his Sicilian guest. both of whom wretched I supposed to have perished in the deep. Still does thus much more of evil survive for us than we had imagined. But why do I delay to run off into the Te
mple, and to tell Palæstra this, that we may take refuge at the altar before this scoundrel of a Procurer can come hither and seize us here? I’ll betake myself away from this spot; for the necessity suddenly arises for me to do so. Runs into the Temple.

  Enter SCEPARNIO, from the cottage.

  SCEPARNIO

  to himself . O ye immortal Gods, I never did imagine that there was so great delight in water; how heartily I did draw this. Thewell seemed much less deep than formerly. How entirely without exertion did I draw this up. With all deference to myself, am I not a very silly fellow,in having only to-day made a commencement of being in love? Turning slowly round, he holds out the pitcher. Here’s the water for you, my pretty one; here now, I would have you carry it with as much pleasure as I carry it, that you may please me. Stares around him. But where are you, my tit-bit? Do take this water, please; where are you? Again looks about. I’ troth, she’s in love with me, as I fancy; the roguish one’s playing bo- peep. Where are you? Are you going now to take this pitcher? Where are you, I say? You’ve carried the joke far enough. Really, do be serious at last. Once more, are you going to take this pitcher? Where in the world are you? Looks about. I’ troth, I don’t see her anywhere, for my part; she’s making fun of me. I’ faith, I shall now set down this pitcher in the middle of the road. But yet, suppose any person should carry away from here this sacred pitcher of Venus, he would be causing me some trouble. I’ faith, I’m afraid that this woman’s laying a trap for me, that I may be caught with the sacred pitcher of Venus. In such case, with very good reason, the magistrate will be letting me die in prison, if any one shall see me holding this. For it’s marked with the name; itself tells its own tale, whose property it is. Troth now, I’ll call that Priestess here out of doors, that she may take this pitcher. I’ll go there to the door. He knocks. Hallo there! Ptolemocratia. Calling aloud. Take this pitcher of yours, please; some young woman, I don’t know who, brought it here to me. A pause. It must then be carried in-doors by me. I’ve found myself a job, if, in fact, of my own accord, water is to be carried by me for these people as well. Goes into the Temple with the pitcher.

  Enter LABRAX, dripping wet, followed by CHARMIDES, at a distance, in the same plight.

  LABRAX

  grumbling to himself . The person that chooses himself to be wretched and a beggar, let him trust himself and his life to Neptune. For if any one has any dealings at all with him, he sends him back home equipped in this guise. Surveying himself. By my troth, Liberty, you were a clever one, who were never willing to put even a foot, i’ faith, on board ship with me. But looking round where’s this guest of mine that has proved my ruin? Oh, see, here he comes.

  CHARMIDES

  Where the plague are you hurrying to, Labrax? For really I cannot follow you so fast.

  LABRAX

  I only wish that you had perished by direful tornments in Sicily before I had looked upon you with my eyes, you on whose account this misfortune has befallen me.

  CHARMIDES

  I only wish that on the day on which you admitted me into your house, I had laid me down in a prison sooner. I pray the immortal Gods, that so long as you live, you may have all your guests just like your own self.

  LABRAX

  In your person I admitted misfortune into my house. What business had I to listen to a rogue like you, or what to depart hence? Or why to go on board ship, where I have lost even more wealth than I was possessor of?

  CHARMIDES

  Troth, I’m far from being surprised if your ship has been wrecked, which was carrying yourself, a villain, and your property villanously acquired.

  LABRAX

  You’ve utterly ruined me with your wheedling speeches.

  CHARMIDES

  A more accursed dinner of yours have I been dining upon than the ones that were set before Thyestes and Tereus.

  LABRAX

  I’m dying; I’m sick at heart. Prithee, do hold up my head.

  CHARMIDES

  By my troth, I could very much wish that you would vomit up your lungs.

  LABRAX

  Alas! Palæstra and Ampelisca, where are you now?

  CHARMIDES

  Supplying food for the fishes at the bottom, I suppose.

  LABRAX

  You have brought beggary upon me by your means, while I was listening to your bragging lies.

  CHARMIDES

  You have reason deservedly to give me many hearty thanks, who from an insipid morsel by my agency have made you salt.

  LABRAX

  Nay, but do you get out from me to extreme and utter perdition.

  CHARMIDES

  You be off; I was just going to do that very thing.

  LABRAX

  Alas! what mortal being is there living more wretched than I?

  CHARMIDES

  I am by very far much more wretched, Labrax, than yourself.

  LABRAX

  How so?

  CHARMIDES

  Because I am not deserving of it, whereas you are deserving.

  LABRAX

  O bulrush, bulrush, I do praise your lot, who always maintain your credit for dryness.

  CHARMIDES

  his teeth chattering . For my part, I’m exercising myself for a skirmishing fight, for, from my shivering, I utter all my words in piecemeal flashes.

  LABRAX

  By my troth, Neptune, you are a purveyor of chilly baths; since I got away from you with my clothes, I’ve been freezing. No hot liquor-shop at all for sure does he provide; so salt and cold the potions that he prepares.

  CHARMIDES

  How lucky are the blacksmiths who are always sitting among hot coals; they are always warm.

  LABRAX

  I only wish that I were now enjoying the lot of the duck, so as, although I had just come from out of the water, still to be dry.

  CHARMIDES

  What if I some way or other let myself out at the games for a hobgoblin?

  LABRAX

  For what reason?

  CHARMIDES

  Because, i’ faith, I’m chattering aloud with my teeth. But I’m of opinion that, with very good reason, I’ve had this ducking.

  LABRAX

  How so?

  CHARMIDES

  Why, haven’t I ventured to go on board ship with yourself, who have been stirring up the ocean for me from the very bottom?

  LABRAX

  I listened to you when advising me; you assured me that there in Sicily was very great profit from courtesans; there, you used to say, I should be able to amass wealth.

  CHARMIDES

  Did you expect, then, you unclean beast, that you were going to gobble up the whole island of Sicily?

  LABRAX

  What whale, I wonder, has gobbled up my wallet where all my gold and silver was packed up?

  CHARMIDES

  That same one, I suppose, that has swallowed my purse, which was full of silver in my travelling-bag.

  LABRAX

  Alas! I’m reduced even to this one poor tunic stretching it out and to this poor shabby cloak; I’m done for to all intents.

  CHARMIDES

  Then you may even go into partnership with me; we have got equal shares.

  LABRAX

  If at least my damsels had been saved, there would have been some hope. Now, if the young man Plesidippus should be seeing me, from whom I received the earnest for Palæstra, he’ll then be causing me some trouble in consequence. He begins to cry.

  CHARMIDES

  Why cry, you fool? Really, by my troth, so long as your tongue shall exist, you have abundance with which to make payment to everybody.

  Enter SCEPARNIO, from the Temple.

  SCEPARNIO

  to himself, aloud . What to-do is this, I’d like to know, that two young women here in the Temple, in tears, are holding in their embrace the statue of Venus, dreading I know not what in their wretchedness? But they say that this last night they have been tossed about, and to-day cast on shore from the waves.

>   LABRAX

  overhearing . Troth now, young man, prithee, where are these young women that you are talking of?

  SCEPARNIO

  Here pointing in the Temple of Venus.

  LABRAX

  How many are there?

  SCEPARNIO

  Just as many as you and I make.

  LABRAX

  Surely, they are mine.

  SCEPARNIO

  Surely, I know nothing about that.

  LABRAX

  Of what appearance are they?

  SCEPARNIO

  Good-looking; I could even fall in love with either of them, if I were well liquored.

  LABRAX

  Surely, they are the damsels.

  SCEPARNIO

  Surely, you are a nuisance; be off, go in and see, if you like.

  LABRAX

  These must be my wenches in here, my dear Charmides.

  CHARMIDES

  Jupiter confound you, both if they are and still if they are not.

  LABRAX

  I’ll straightway burst into this Temple of Venus here.

  CHARMIDES

  Into the bottomless pit, I would rather. LABRAX rushes into the Temple, and shuts the door. Prithee, stranger, show me some spot where I may go to sleep.

  SCEPARNIO

  Go to sleep there, wherever you please points to the ground ; no one hinders, it’s free to the public.

  CHARMIDES

  pointing to his clothes . But do you see me, in what wet clothes I’m dressed? Do take me under shelter; lend me some dry clothes, while my own are drying; on some occasion I’ll return you the favour.

  SCEPARNIO

  See, here’s my outer coat, which alone is dry; that, if you like, I’ll lend you. Takes it off and holds it out to him. In that same I’m wont to be clothed, by that same protected, when it rains. Do you give me those clothes of yours; I’ll soon have them dried.

  CHARMIDES

  How now, are you afraid that, as I’ve been washed bare last night at sea, I mayn’t be made bare again here upon shore?

  SCEPARNIO

  Wash you bare, or anoint you well, I don’t care one fig. I shall never entrust anything to you unless upon a pledge being taken. Do you either sweat away or perish with cold, be you either sick or well. I’ll put up with no stranger-guest in my house; I’ve had disagreements enough. Puts on his coat again, and goes into the house of DÆMONES.