by Plautus
CHARMIDES
What, are you off? A pause. He’s a trafficker in slaves for money; whoever he is, he has no bowels of compassion. But why in my wretchedness am I standing here, soaking? Why don’t I rather go away from here into the Temple of Venus, that I may sleep off this debauch which I got with drinking last night against the bent of my inclination? Neptune has been drenching us with salt water as though we were G-reek wines, and so he hoped that our stomachs might be vomited up with his salt draughts. What need of words? If he had persisted in inviting us a little longer, we should have gone fast asleep there; as it is, hardly alive has he sent us off home. Now I’ll go see the Procurer, my boon companion, what he’s doing within. Goes into the Temple.
ACT III.
Enter DÆMONES, from his house.
DÆM.
to himnself . In wondrous ways do the Gods make sport of men, in wondrous fashions do they send dreams in sleep. Not the sleeping, even, do they allow to rest. As, for example, I, this last night which has gone by, dreamed a wonderful and a curious dream. A she-ape seemed to be endeavouring to climb up to a swallow’s nest; and she was not able thence to take them out. After that, the ape seemed to come to me to beg me to lend a ladder to her. I in these terms gave answer to the ape, that swallows are the descendants of Philomela and of Progne. I expostulated with her, that she might not hurt those of my country. But then she began to be much more violent, and seemed gratuitously to be threatening me with vengeance. She summoned me to a court of justice. Then, in my anger, I seemed to seize hold of the ape by the middle, in what fashion I know not; and I fastened up with chains this most worthless beast. Now to what purpose I shall say that this dream tends, never have I this day been able to come to any conclusion. A loud noise is heard in the Temple. But what’s this noise that arises in this Temple of Venus, my neighbour? My mind’s in wonder about it.
Enter TRACHALIO, in haste, from the Temple.
TRACHALIO
aloud . O citizens of Cyrene, I implore your aid, countrymen, you who are near neighbours to these spots, bring aid to helplessness, and utterly crush a most vile attempt. Inflict vengeance, that the power of the wicked, who wish themselves to be distinguished by crimes, may not be stronger than of the guiltless. Make an example for the shameless man, give its reward to modest virtue; cause that one may be allowed to live here rather under the control of the laws than of brute force. Hasten hither into the Temple of Venus; again do I implore your aid, you who are here at hand and who hear my cries. Bring assistance to those who, after the recognized usage, have entrusted their lives to Venus and to the Priestess of Venus, under their protection. Wring ye the neck of iniquity before it reaches yourselves.
DÆM.
What’s all this to-do?
TRACHALIO
embracing his knees . By these knees of yours, I do entreat you, old gentleman, whoever you are ——
DÆM.
Nay, but do you let go my knees, then, and tell me why it is that you are making a noise?
TRACHALIO
I do beg and entreat you, that if you hope this year that you will have abundance of laserwort and silphium, and that that export will arrive at Capua safe and sound, and that you may ever enjoy freedom from diseased eyes ——
DÆM.
Are you in your senses?
TRACHALIO
—— Or whether you trust that you will have plenty of juice of silphium, that you will not hesitate to give me the aid which I shall entreat of you, aged sir.
DÆM.
And I, by your legs, and ancles, and back, do entreat you that, if you hope that you will have a crop of elm-twigs, and that a fruitful harvest of beatings will this year be your lot, you will tell me what’s the matter here, by reason of which you are making this uproar.
TRACHALIO
Why do you choose to speak me ill? For my part, I wished you everything that’s good.
DÆM.
And for my part, I’m speaking you well, in praying that things which you deserve may befall you.
TRACHALIO
Prithee, do prevent this.
DÆM.
What’s the matter, then?
TRACHALIO
pointing to the Temple . Two innocent women are inside here, in need of your aid, on whom, against law and justice, an injury has been, is being, glaringly committed here in the Temple of Venus. Besides, the Priestess of Venus is being disgracefully insulted.
DÆM.
What person is there of effrontery so great as to dare to injure the Priestess? But these women, who are they? Or what injury is being done to them?
TRACHALIO
If you give me your attention, I’ll tell you. They have clung to the statue of Venus; a most audacious fellow is now trying to tear them away. They ought, by rights, both of them to be free.
DÆM.
What fellow is it that so lightly holds the Gods? In a few words tell me.
TRACHALIO
One most full of fraud, villany, parricide, and perjury; a lawbreaker, an immodest, unclean, most shameless fellow; to sum up all in one word, he is a Procurer; why need I say more about him?
DÆM.
Troth now, you tell of a man that ought to be handed over to retribution.
TRACHALIO
A villain, to seize the Priestess by the throat.
DÆM.
By my troth, but he has done it at his own great peril. Calls aloud at his door. Come you out of doors here, Turbalio and Sparax; where are you?
TRACHALIO
Prithee, do go in, and hasten to their rescue.
DÆM.
impatiently . And am I to call for them once more? from the cottage.
DÆM.
Follow me this way.
TRACHALIO
Come on now this instant, bid them tear his eyes out, just in the way that cooks do cuttle-fish.
DÆM.
Drag the fellow out here by his legs, just like a slaughtered pig. DÆMONES and his SERVANTS go into the Temple.
TRACHALIO
listening at the door . I hear a scuffling; the Procurer, I guess, is being belaboured with their fists; I’d very much like them to knock the teeth out of the jaws of the most villanous fellow. But see, here are the women themselves coming out of the Temple in consternation.
Enter PALÆSTRA and AMPELISCA, in haste, from the Temple, with dishevelled locks.
PALAESTRA
Now is that time arrived when destitution of all resources and aid, succour and defence, overtakes us. Neither hope nor means is there to bring us aid, nor know we in what direction we should commence to proceed. In exceeding terror now are we both, in this our wretchedness. Such cruelty and such outrage have been committed towards us just now in-doors here by our master, who, in his villany, pushed down the old lady, the Priestess, headlong, and struck her in a very disgraceful manner, and with his violence tore us away from the inner side of the statue. But as our lot and fortunes are now showing themselves, ‘twere best to die, nor in our miseries is there anything better than death.
TRACHALIO
behind . What’s this? Whose words are those? Why do I delay to console them? Aloud. Harkye, Palæstra, Ampelisca, harkye!
PALAESTRA
Prithee, who is it that calls us?
AMPELISCA
Who is it that calls me by name?
TRACHALIO
If you turn round and look, you’ll know.
PALAESTRA
turning round . O hope of my safety!
TRACHALIO
Be silent and of good courage; trust me.
PALAESTRA
If only it can be so, let not violence overwhelm us.
TRACHALIO
What violence?
PALAESTRA
That same which is driving me to commit violence on myself.
TRACHALIO
Oh, do leave off; you are very silly.
PALAESTRA
Then do you leave off at once your consoling me in my misery
with words.
AMPELISCA
Unless you afford us protection in reality, Trachalio, it’s all over with us.
PALAESTRA
I’m resolved to die sooner than suffer this Procurer to get me in his power. But still I am of woman’s heart; when, in my misery, death comes into my mind, fear takes possession of my limbs.
TRACHALIO
By my troth, although this is a bitter affliction, do have a good heart.
PALAESTRA
Why where, pray, is a good heart to be found for me?
TRACHALIO
Don’t you fear, I tell you; sit you down here by the altar. Points to it.
AMPELISCA
What can this altar possibly avail us more than the statue here within the Temple of Venus, from which just now, embracing it, in our wretchedness, we were torn by force?
TRACHALIO
Only you be seated here; then I’ll protect you in this spot. This altar you possess as though your bulwarks; these your fortifications; from this spot will I defend you. With the aid of Venus, I’ll march against the wickedness of the Procurer.
PALAESTRA
We follow your instructions they advance to the altar and kneel ; and genial Venus, we both of us, in tears, implore thee, embracing this thy altar, bending upon our knees, that thou wilt receive us into thy guardianship, and be our protector; that thou wilt punish those wretches who have set at nought thy Temple, and that thou wilt suffer us to occupy this thy altar with thy permission, we who last night were by the might of Neptune cast away; hold us not in scorn, and do not for that reason impute it to us as a fault, if there is anything that thou shouldst think is not so well attended to by us as it ought to have been.
TRACHALIO
I think they ask what’s just; it ought, Venus, by thee to be granted. Thou oughtst to pardon them; ’tis terror forces them to do this. They say that thou wast born from a shell; take thou care that thou dost not despise the shells of these. But see, most opportunely the old gentleman is coming out, both my protector and your own. He goes to the altar.
Enter DÆMONES, from the Temple, with his two SERVANTS dragging out LABRAX.
DÆM.
Come out of the Temple, you most sacrilegious of men, as many as have ever been born. Do you go calling to the WOMEN and sit by the altar. Not seeing them near the door. But where are they?
TRACHALIO
Look round here.
DÆM.
looking round . Very good; I wanted that. Now bid him come this way. To LABRAX. Are you attempting here among us to commit a violation of the laws against the Deities? To the SERVANTS, who obey with alacrity. Punch his face with your fists.
LABRAX
I’m suffering these indignities at your own cost.
DÆM.
Why, the insolent fellow’s threatening even.
LABRAX
I’ve been robbed of my rights; you are robbing me of my female slaves against my will.
TRACHALIO
Do you then find some wealthy man of the Senate of Cyrene as judge, whether these women ought to be yours, or whether they oughtn’t to be free, or whether it isn’t right that you should be clapped into prison, and there spend your life, until you have worn the whole gaol out with your feet.
LABRAX
I wasn’t prepared to prophesy for this day that I should be talking with a hang-gallows like yourself. Turning to DÆMONES. You do I summon to judgment.
DÆM.
pointing to TRACHALIO . In the first place, try it with him who knows you.
LABRAX
to DÆMONES . My suit is with yourself.
TRACHALIO
But it must be with myself. Pointing to the WOMEN. Are these your female slaves?
LABRAX
They are.
TRACL.
Just come then, touch either of them with your little finger only.
LABRAX
What if I do touch them?
TRACHALIO
That very instant, upon my faith, I’ll make a hand-ball of you, and while you’re in the air I’ll belabour you with my fists, you most perjured villain.
LABRAX
Am I not to be allowed to take away my female slaves from the altar of Venus?
DÆM.
You may not; such is the law with us.
LABRAX
I’ve no concern with your laws; for my part, I shall at once carry them both away from here. If you are in love with them, old gentleman holding out his hand , you must down here with the ready cash.
DÆM.
But these women have proved pleasing to Venus.
LABRAX
She may have them, if she pays the money.
DÆM.
A Goddess, pay you money? Now then, that you may understand my determination, only do you commence in mere joke to offer them the very slightest violence; I’ll send you away from here with such a dressing, that you won’t know your own self. You, therefore turning to his SERVANTS , when I give you the signal, if you don’t beat his eyes out of his head, I’ll trim you round about with rods just like beds of myrtle with bulrushes.
LABRAX
You are treating me with violence.
TRACHALIO
What, do you even upbraid us with violence, you flagrant specimen of flagitiousness?
LABRAX
You, you thrice-dotted villain, do you dare to speak abusively to me?
TRACHALIO
I am a thrice-dotted villain; I confess it; you are a strictly honorable man; ought these women a bit the less to be free?
LABRAX
What — free?
TRACHALIO
Aye, and your mistresses, too, i’ faith, and from genuine Greece; for one of them was born at Athens of free-born parents.
DÆM.
What is it I hear from you?
TRACHALIO
That she pointing to PALÆSTRA was born at Athens, a free-born woman.
DÆM.
to TRACHALIO . Prithee is she a countrywoman of mine?
TRACHALIO
Are you not a Cyrenian?
DÆM.
No; born at Athens in Attica, bred and educated there.
TRACHALIO
Prithee, aged sir, do protect your countrywomen.
DÆM.
aside . O daughter, when I look on her, separated from me you remind me of my miseries: aloud she who was lost by me when three years old; now, if she is living, she’s just about as tall, I’m sure, as she. Pointing to PALÆSTRA.
LABRAX
I paid the money down for these two, to their owners, of whatever country they were. What matters it to me whether they were born at Athens or at Thebes, so long as they are rightfully in servitude as my slaves?
TRACHALIO
it so, you impudent fellow? What, are you, a cat prowling after maidens, to be keeping children here kidnapped from their parents and destroying them in your disgraceful calling? But as for this other one, I really don’t know what her country is; I only know that she’s more deserving than yourself, you most abominable rascal.
LABRAX
Are these women your property?
TRACHALIO
Come to the trial, then, which of the two according to his back is the more truthful; if you don’t bear more compliments upon your back than any ship of war has nails, then I’m the greatest of liars. Afterwards, do you examine mine, when I’ve examined yours; if it shall not prove to be so untouched, that any leather flask maker will say that it is a hide most capital and most sound for the purposes of his business, what reason is there why I shouldn’t mangle you with stripes, even till you have your belly full? Why do you stare at them? If you touch them I’ll tear your eyes out.
LABRAX
Yet notwithstanding, although you forbid me to do so, I’ll at once carry them off both together with me.
DÆM.
What will you do?
LABRAX
I’ll bring Vulcan; he is an enemy to Venus. Goes towa
rds DÆMONES’ cottage.
TRACHALIO
Whither is he going?
LABRAX
calling at the door . Hallo! Is there anybody here? Hallo! I say.
DÆM.
If you touch the door, that very instant, upon my faith, you shall get a harvest upon your face with fists for your pitchforks.
SERV.
We keep no fire, we live upon dried figs.
DÆM.
I’ll find the fire, if only I have the opportunity of kindling it upon your head.
LABRAX
Faith, I’ll go somewhere to look for some fire.
DÆM.
What, when you’ve found it?
LABRAX
I’ll be making a great fire here.
DÆM.
What, to be burning a mortuary sacrifice for yourself?
LABRAX
No, but I’ll burn both of these alive here upon the altar.
DÆM.
I’d like that. For, by my troth, I’ll forthwith seize you by the head and throw you into the fire, and, half-roasted, I’ll throw you out as food for the great birds. Aside. When I come to a consideration of it with myself, this is that ape, that wanted to take away those swallows from the nest against my will, as I was dreaming in my sleep.
TPACH.
Aged sir, do you know what I request of you? That you will protect these females and defend them from violence, until I fetch my master.
DÆM.
Go look for your master, and fetch him here.
TRACHALIO
But don’t let him ——
DÆM.
At his own extreme peril, if he touches them, or if he attempts to do so.
TRACHALIO
Take care.
DÆM.
Due care is taken; do you be off.
TRACHALIO
And watch him too, that he doesn’t go away anywhere. For we have promised either to give the executioner a great talent, or else to produce this fellow this very day.
DÆM.
Do you only be off. I’ll not let him get away, while you are absent.
TRACHALIO
I’ll be back here soon. (Exit TRACHALIO.)
DÆMONES, LABRAX, PALÆSTRA, AMPELISCA, and SERVANTS.
DÆM.
to LABRAX, who is struggling with the SERVANTS . Which, you Procurer, had you rather do, be quiet with a thrashing, or e’en as it is, without the thrashing, if you had the choice?
LABRAX
Old fellow, I don’t care a straw for what you say. My own women, in fact, I shall drag away this instant from the altar by the hair, in spite of yourself, and Venus, and supreme Jove.