by Plautus
DÆM.
Just touch them.
LABRAX
going towards them I’ troth, I surely will touch them.
DÆM.
Just come then; only approach this way.
LABRAX
Only bid both those fellows, then, to move away from there.
DÆM.
On the contrary, they shall move towards you.
LABRAX
I’ faith, for my own part, I don’t think so.
DÆM.
If they do move nearer to you, what will you do?
LABRAX
I’ll retire. But, old fellow, if ever I catch you in the city, never again, upon my faith, shall any one call me a Procurer, if I don’t give you some most disagreable sport.
DÆM.
Do what you threaten. But now, in the meantime, if you do touch them, a heavy punishment shall be inflicted on you.
LABRAX
How heavy, in fact?
DÆM.
Just as much as is sufficient for a Procurer.
LABRAX
These threats of yours I don’t value one straw; I certainly shall seize them both this instant without your leave.
DÆM.
Just touch them.
LABRAX
By my troth, I surely will touch them.
DÆM.
You will touch them, but do you know with what result? Go then, Turbalio, with all haste, and bring hither from out of the house two cudgels.
LABRAX
Cudgels?
DÆM.
Aye, good ones; make haste speedily. TURBALIO goes in. I’ll let you have a reception this day in proper style, as you are deserving of.
LABRAX
aside . Alas! cursedly unfortunate. I lost my headpiece in the ship; it would now have been handy for me, if it had been saved. To DÆMONES. May I at least address these women?
DÆM.
You may not * * * * * TURBALIO enters bringing two cudgels. Well now, by my faith, look, the cudgel-man is coming very opportunely here.
LABRAX
aside . By my troth, this surely is a tingling for my ears.
DÆM.
Come, Sparax, do you take this other cudgel. Giving him one. Come, take your stand, one on one side, the other on one other. Take your stations both of you. They stand with lifted cudgels on each side of he altar. Just so. Now then attend to me: if, i’ faith, that fellow there should this day touch these women with his finger against their inclination, if you don’t give him a reception with these cudgels even to that degree that he shan’t know which way he is to get home, you are undone, both of you. If he shall call for any one, do you make answer to this fellow in their stead. But if he himself shall attempt to get away from here, that instant, as hard a you can, lay on to his legs with your sticks.
LABRAX
Are they not even to allow me to go away from here?
DÆM.
I’ve said sufficient. And when that servant comes here with his master, he that has gone to fetch his master, do you at once go home. Attend to this with great diligence, will you. DÆMONES goes into his house.
LABRAX
O rare, by my troth, the Temple here is surely changed all of a sudden; this is now the Temple of Hercules which was that of Venus before; in such fashion has the old fellow planted two statues here with clubs. I’ faith, I don’t know now whither in the world I shall fly from here; so greatly are they both raging now against me, both land and sea. Palæstra!
SERV.
What do you want?
LABRAX
Away with you, there is a misunderstanding between us; that, indeed, is not my Palæstra that answers. Harkye, Ampelisca.
SERV.
Beware of a mishap, will you.
LABRAX
aside . So far as they can, the worthless fellows advise me rightly enough. Aloud. But, harkye, I ask you, whether it is any harm to you for me to come nearer to these women?
SERV.
Why none at all to ourselves.
LABRAX
Will there be any harm to myself?
SERV.
None at all, if you only take care.
LABRAX
What is it that I’m to take care against?
SERV.
Why, look you, against a heavy mishap.
LABRAX
Troth now, prithee, do let me approach them.
SERV.
Approach them, if you like.
LABRAX
I’ faith, obligingly done; I return you thanks, I’ll go nearer to them. Approaches them.
SERV.
Do you stand there on the spot, where you are. Drags him to his place, with the cudgel over his head.
LABRAX
aside . By my faith, I’ve come scurvily off in many ways. Still, I’m resolved to get the better of them this day by constantly besieging them.
Enter PLESIDIPPUS and TRACHALIO, at a distance, on the other side of the stage.
PLESIDIPPUS
And did the Procurer attempt by force and violence to drag my mistress away from the altar of Venus?
TRACHALIO
Even so.
PLESIDIPPUS
Why didn’t you kill him on the instant?
TRACHALIO
I hadn’t a sword.
PLESIDIPPUS
You should have taken either a stick or a stone.
TRACHALIO
What! ought I to have pelted this most villanous fellow with stones like a dog? * * * * * * * * *
LABRAX
aside, on seeing them . By my troth, but I’m undone now; see, here’s Plesidippus; he’ll be sweeping me away altogether this moment with the dust.
PLESIDIPPUS
Were the damsels sitting on the altar even then when you set out to come to me?
TRACHALIO
Yes, and now they are sitting in the same place.
PLESIDIPPUS
Who is now protecting them there?
TRACHALIO
Some old gentleman, I don’t know who, a neighbour of the Temple of Venus — he gave very kind assistance; he is now protecting them with his servants — I committed them to his charge.
PLESIDIPPUS
Lead me straight to the Procurer. Where is this fellow? They go towards LABRAX.
LABRAX
Health to you.
PLESIDIPPUS
I want none of your healths. Make your choice quickly, whether you lad rather be seized by your throat wrenched, or be dragged along; choose whichever you please, while you may.
LABRAX
I wish for neither.
PLESIDIPPUS
Be off then, Trachalio, with all speed to the sea-shore; bid those persons that I brought with me to hand over this rascal to the executioner, to come from the harbour to the city to meet me; afterwards return hither and keep guard here. I’ll now drag this scoundrelly outcast to justice. (Exit TRACHALIO. Pleusicles addresses LABRAX.) . Come, proceed to a court of justice.
LABRAX
In what have I offended?
PLESIDIPPUS
Do you ask? Didn’t you receive an earnest of me for this woman pointing to PALÆSTRA , and carry her off from here?
LABRAX
I didn’t carry her off.
PLESIDIPPUS
Why do you deny it?
LABRAX
Troth now, because I put her on board ship; carry her off unfortunately, I couldn’t. For my part, I told you that this day I would make my appearance at the Temple of Venus; have I swerved at all from that? Am I not there?
PLESIDIPPUS
Plead your cause in the court of justice; here a word is enough. Follow me. They lay hold of him.
LABRAX
calling aloud . I entreat you, my dear Charmides, do come to my rescue; I am being seized with my throat wrenched. Enter CHARMIDES, from the Temple.
CHARMIDES
looking about . Who calls my name?
LABRAX
Do you see me how I
’m being seized?
CHARMIDES
I see, and view it with pleasure.
LABRAX
Don’t you venture to assist me?
CHARMIDES
What person is seizing you?
LABRAX
Young Plesidippus.
CHARMIDES
What you’ve got, put up with; ‘twere better for you, with a cheerful spirit, to slink to gaol; that has befallen you which many greatly wish for for themselves.
LABRAX
What’s that?
CHARMIDES
To find for themselves that which they are seeking.
LABRAX
I entreat you, do follow me.
CHARMIDES
You try to persuade me, just like what you are: you are being taken off to gaol, for that reason is it you entreat me to follow you?
PLESIDIPPUS
to LABRAX . Do you still resist?
LABRAX
I’m undone.
PLESIDIPPUS
I trust that may prove the truth. You, my dear Palæstra and Ampelisca, do you remain here in the meanwhile, until I return hither.
SERV.
I would advise them rather to go to our house, until you return.
PLESIDIPPUS
I’m quite agreable; you act obligingly. The SERVANTS open the door of the cottage, and PALÆSTRA and AMPELISCA go in.
LABRAX
You are thieves to me.
SERV.
How, thieves?
PLESIDIPPUS
Lead him along. The SERVANTS seize him.
LABRAX
calling out . I pray and entreat you, Palæstra.
PLESIDIPPUS
Follow, you hang-dog.
LABRAX
Guest, Charmides!
CHARMIDES
I am no guest of yours; I repudiate your hospitality.
LABRAX
What, do you slight me in this fashion?
CHARMIDES
I do so; I’ve been drinking with you once already.
LABRAX
May the Deities confound you.
CHARMIDES
To that person of yours, say that. PLESIDIPPUS leads LABRAX off, followed by the SERVANTS. I do believe that men are transformed, each into a different beast. That Procurer, I guess, is transformed into a stock-dove; for, before long, his neck will be in the stocks. He’ll to-day be building his nest in the gaol. Still, however, I’ll go, that I may be his advocate, — if by my aid he may possibly be sentenced any the sooner.
ACT IV.
Enter DÆMONES, from his cottage.
DÆM.
to himself. ’Twas rightly done, and it is a pleasure this day for me to have given aid to these young women; I have now found some dependants, and both of them of comely looks and youthful age. But my plaguy wife is watching me in all ways, lest I should be giving any hint to the young women. But I wonder what in the world my servant Gripus is about, who went last night to the sea to fish. Troth, he had done wiser if he had slept at home; for now he throws away both his pains and his nets, seeing what a storm there now is and was last night. I’ll thoroughly cook upon my fingers what he has caught to-day; so violently do I see the ocean heaving. A bell rings. But my wife’s calling me to breakfast; I’ll return home. She’ll now be filling my ears with her silly prating. Goes into the cottage.
Enter GRIPUS, dragging a net enclosing a wallet, by a rope.
GRIPUS
to himself . These thanks do I return to Neptune, my patron, who dwells in the salt retreats, the abode of fishes, inasmuch as he has despatched me finely laden on my return from his retreats, and from his Temples, laden with most abundant booty, with safety to my boat, which in the stormy sea made me master of a singular and rich haul. In a wondrous and incredible manner has this haul turned out prosperously for me, nor yet have I this day taken a single ounce weight of fish, but only that which I am here bringing with me in my net. For when I arose in the middle of the night, and without sloth, I preferred profit to sleep and rest; in the raging tempest, I determined to try how I might lighten the poverty of my master and my own servitude, not sparing of my own exertions. Most worthless is the man that is slothful, and most detestably do I hate that kind of men. It behoves him to be vigilant who wishes to do his duty in good time; for it befits him not to be waiting until his master arouses him to his duties. For those who sleep on for the love of it, rest without profit to themselves and to their own cost. But now I, who have not been slothful, have found that for myself through which to be slothful if I should choose. Points to the wallet. This have I found in the sea to-day; whatever’s in it, it’s something heavy that’s in it; I think it’s gold that’s in it. And not a single person is there my confidant in the matter. Now, Gripus, this opportunity has befallen you, that the Prætor might make you a free man from among the multitude. Now, thus shall I do, this is my determination; I’ll come to my master cleverly and cunningly, little by little I’ll promise money for my freedom, that I may be free. Now, when I shall be free, then, in fine, I’ll provide me land and houses and slaves: I’ll carry on merchandize with large ships: among the grandees I shall be considered a grandee. Afterwards, for the sake of pleasing myself, I’ll build me a ship and I’ll imitate Stratonicus, and I’ll be carried about from town to town. When my greatness is far-spread, I shall fortify some great city: to that city I shall give the name of “Gripus,” a memorial of my fame and exploits, and there I’ll establish a mighty kingdom. I am resolving here in my mind to prepare for mighty matters. At present I’ll hide this booty. But this grandee pointing to himself is about to breakfast upon vinegar and salt, without any good substantial meat. Gathers up the net, and drags it after him.
Enter TRACHALIO, in haste.
TRACHALIO
Hallo there! stop.
GRIPUS
Why should I stop?
TRACHALIO
While I coil up this rope for you that you are dragging.
GRIPUS
Now let it alone.
TRACHALIO
Troth, but I’ll assist you. What’s kindly done to worthy men, isn’t thrown away.
GRIPUS
* * * * * There was a boisterous tempest yesterday; no fish have I, young man; don’t you be supposing I have. Don’t you see that I’m carrying my dripping net without the scaly race?
TRACHALIO
I’ faith, I’m not wishing for fish so much as I am in need of your conversation.
GRIPUS
Then, whoever you are, you are worrying me to death with your annoyance.
TRACHALIO
takes hold of him . I’ll not allow you to go away from here; stop.
GRIPUS
Take you care of a mishap, if you please; but why the plague are you dragging me back?
TRACHALIO
Listen.
GRIPUS
I won’t listen.
TRACHALIO
But, upon my faith, you shall listen.
GRIPUS
Nay but, another time, tell me what you want.
TRACHALIO
Come now, it’s worth your while at once to hear what I want to tell you.
GRIPUS
Say on, whatever it is.
TRACHALIO
See whether any person is following near us. Looks back. GRIP. Why, what reason is there that it should matter to me?
TRACHALIO
So it is; but can you give me some good advice?
GRIPUS
What’s the business? Only tell me.
TRACHALIO
I’ll tell you; keep silence; if only you’ll give me your word that you won’t prove treacherous to me.
GRIPUS
I do give you my word; I’ll be true to you, whoever you are.
TRACHALIO
Listen. I saw a person commit a theft; I knew the owner to whom that same property belonged. Afterwards I came myself to the thief, and I made him a proposal in these terms: “I know the person on whom that t
heft was committed; now if you are ready to give me half, I’ll not make a discovery to the owner.” He didn’t even give me an answer. What is it fair should be given me out of it? Half, I trust you will say.
GRIPUS
Aye, even more; but unless he gives it you, I think it ought to be told to the owner.
TRACHALIO
I’ll act on your advice. Now give me your attention; for it is to yourself all this relates.
GRIPUS
What has been done by me?
TRACHALIO
pointing at the wallet . I’ve known the person for a long time to whom that wallet belongs.
GRIPUS
What do you mean?
TRACHALIO
And in what manner it was lost.
GRIPUS
But I know in what manner it was found; and I know the person who found it, and who is now the owner. That, i’ faith, is not a bit the more your matter than it is my own. I know the person to whom it now belongs; you, the person to whom it formerly belonged. This shall no individual get away from me; don’t you be expecting to get it in a hurry.
TRACHALIO
If the owner comes, shan’t he get it away?
GRIPUS
That you mayn’t be mistaken, no born person is there that’s owner of this but my own self — who took this in my own fishing.
TRACHALIO
Was it really so?
GRIPUS
Which fish in the sea will you say “is my own?” When I catch them, if indeed I do catch them, they are my own; as my own I keep them. They are not claimed as having a right to freedom nor does any person demand a share in them. In the market I sell them all openly as my own wares. Indeed, the sea is, surely, common to all persons.
TRACHALIO
I agree to that; prithee, then, why any the less is it proper that this wallet should be common to me? It was found in the sea.
GRIPUS
Assuredly you are an outrageously impudent fellow; for if this is justice which you are saying, then fishermen would be ruined. Inasmuch as, the moment that the fish were exposed upon the stalls, no one would buy them; every person would be demanding his own share of the fish for himself; he would be saying that they were caught in the sea that was common to all.
TRACHALIO
What do you say, you impudent fellow? Do you dare to compare a wallet with fish? Pray, does it appear to be the same thing?
GRIPUS
The matter doesn’t lie in my power; when I’ve cast my hook and net into the sea, whatever has adhered I draw out. Whatever my net and hooks have got, that in especial is my own.