by Lilah Rivers
That was the worst part of it all. She had no desire to be the center of anyone’s attention, least of all now.
Gemma looked back at Amos and he swallowed a lump in his throat. She wondered if she was genuinely in trouble.
“Anyway, I should like to hear more about the work that you all do at the bank and what have you,” she finally said, realizing that no one else was going to continue the conversation and she had little choice but to take charge on that matter.
“Oh, yes, well, um…it is a very good bank,” Mr. Draper said.
Others finally began to chime in, and Gemma learned more about them all, their wives, their children. She learned about those who helped in the church and most of them attended the same one.
But by the time the evening was winding down, Gemma was finally feeling comfortable again. She was still anxious to find out why that moment had been so terribly uncomfortable but trusted that she would learn soon enough.
At least Amos did not appear to be upset with her, only embarrassed for some aspect of the situation.
As the guests departed, she saw a few of them look at Amos and whisper something with a serious intent, but she hoped that it was nothing against her.
Once they had all left, Justine looked at the two of them.
“I’m going to leave for my room and let the two of you talk,” she said, as if she could not get away fast enough.
Once more, Gemma’s stomach twisted, unsure if she had made a mistake.
“I am very sorry,” she said as soon as they were alone.
“Why?” Amos asked, looking at her with concern.
Gemma opened her mouth to explain but realized that she didn’t know. She had no idea what had happened or why she needed to apologize, only that something was very wrong.
“Well, I guess I am not sure. To be honest, I don’t know what it was that left everyone so uncomfortable, but I trust that I made a terrible error. Was I not meant to correct a guest?” she asked.
“No, Gemma, it was not you that made a mistake. It was me,” he explained.
“You? What do you mean? What did you do?” she asked.
“I told a terrible lie and I ought to have informed you of that. In fact, I did not tell you about the lie because I did not wish for you to have to be a part of it, to keep it up,” he told her.
Gemma was surprised. Amos did not seem like the sort of man who would tell a lie and it made her wonder if she had misplaced her trust in him.
“What sort of lie did you tell? And what did I do to cause a problem for you with it?” she asked.
“I told them all that I had fallen in love with a woman from England a long while ago and was trying to get her to America. I had told them that we already knew one another,” he explained.
“You did?” she asked, surprised.
“Having a wife sent from England is not overly common. Or if it is, I do not know many men who are speaking openly about it. I was embarrassed and it was pride that led me to telling the lie. It was only after that when I found Miss Collins and sent for you,” he said.
Gemma was stunned. She had never imagined that their meeting was meant to be a secret or that she might get her husband caught in a lie by telling the truth.
“I had no idea,” she said.
“I know. And it was entirely my fault that you were not prepared for their questions. But I wish for them to learn the truth and fully intended to tell them. It is the consequence of my lack of integrity that they should realize the truth before I was honest,” Amos said.
Gemma was taken aback by his humility and the way he was so accepting of the consequence of his sin.
“I am sorry that I ruined the chance for you to tell them the truth first,” she said.
“No, this is what I deserve. I cannot fault you for anything,” he said.
Gemma was quiet, truly appreciating her husband all over again.
“I must ask your forgiveness for telling this lie about you and for the fact that it is partially why I pursued a marriage with you,” he said.
“I forgive you,” she told him in a rush. “We both had our reasons for this and I cannot fault your trying to make your lie become a truth.”
He laughed at that.
“That is what I kept telling myself I had to do. Although, I confess that I am not sure if I wanted to make my lie a truth or if I simply wanted a British wife,” he said.
“Regardless, I am impressed by your candor with me and your humility in the face of being caught in a lie,” she said.
“Well, I do wish to be a good husband for you and I am not sure if I will make you proud or not, but I will tell them the honest truth and make all of this right,” he said.
“I am glad that my mistake contributed to a bit of honesty,” Gemma said.
Truly, she meant it. Gemma and Amos said their farewells for the night and departed from one another with a new understanding. At least he had been open with her and she was beginning to learn more about him.
She was still not ready to share much about herself, but it was a relief to know that they were learning more about how to behave when they were together.
Gemma had truly enjoyed the evening and was hoping that she would get to know his friends better once he had been honest with them and they knew more of her circumstance in having traveled in order to find a husband.
As Gemma tried to sleep that night, she took some time to pray and to thank God for the fact that she had ended up with so good a man. He was nothing at all like Lord Linton and she wished that her parents could meet Amos as she trusted that they would greatly approve of him.
They would see that she had made the right choice, that she had been wise in her decision. Gemma wanted them to be proud of her and she knew that this was a man who would make them proud.
He did not have a fortune or a title, but he had character and integrity. Even his mistakes he turned into truths.
Would they ever meet him? Would they ever come to trust her and to understand that she had made the right choice?
Gemma hoped so, but she could not be sure.
She could only live with the hope that one day everything would turn out all right.
Chapter 11
Amos could see that Gemma was conflicted. She glanced away from him and then back, away and then back.
“What is it?” he asked.
“Well, there is something that I should tell you as well. But I really do not wish to,” Gemma said.
He looked at her, questioningly, imploring her to be comfortable with him.
“You may do as you wish,” he said.
“I trust you. I really do. But I am anxious in telling you this,” she said.
“Are you certain that you are ready?” he asked.
“I believe so. After you being so honest with me about your secret, it is only right that I am honest with you about mine,” she said.
Amos tried to hide the discomfort that he was feeling. A part of him was quite nervous that Gemma’s secret was something he was going to be appalled by.
He could not say why, but he was deeply nervous that it was something that would leave him stricken.
But he wanted to be patient, to hear what Gemma had to say. He had been nervous to share his secret with her, so he understood the anxiety with which she decided to share her own.
“Are you all right?” he asked.
“Yes, I am terribly sorry. I know that I am taking quite a while to tell you about all of this. It is just very difficult to say, even when I am half a world away from it all,” Gemma said, her propriety plain for him to see.
“You don’t need to apologize to me. I want you to be comfortable,” he said, leaning back.
“Were you comfortable in telling me of the mistake that you had made? Confessing something, even if it is not one’s own error, is quite difficult,” Gemma said.
“Yes, I guess it is. And I wasn’t comfortable, but I knew that I had to tell you,” Amos said.
“Well, I suppose tha
t I must tell you this as well. You see, I did not leave England merely for the chance at a marriage, and I did not come in order that I might explore this country,” she said.
“Oh? Then what did lead you here?” Amos asked.
Gemma took in a deep breath and looked up as if silently asking God for strength.
“My mother and father had someone intended for me to marry,” she began.
His brows drew together in wonder, but Amos remained quiet in order that she might be able to share her full story without having any interruptions from him.
“They arranged it all without my consent, which is very much what happens in England. But this man…oh, he is a dreadful man,” she said.
Gemma paused and looked at Amos, as if giving him a chance to ask any questions that he might have.
He already had a number of them forming.
Why would her parents insist that she marry someone who was no good? Why had she come all the way to America to get out of the match? Was he really all that bad or did she just not like him?
But Amos still did not want to interrupt her. It was better that she share her heart before he asked anything.
“Please, go on,” he said, quiet and patient.
She nodded, looking down in her attempts to continue.
“I wish that I could say that he was simply boring or unreasonable about certain issues. I wish that I could say that he was not handsome or that I found him to have nothing at all in common with me. But those things—although true—were not what made the idea of a marriage to him so difficult,” she said.
“Rather, the trouble with him was the very ways in which he treated me. Actually, it was how he treats all young women that he has interacted with. Most of the young ladies told their mothers and fathers who had the sense to be rid of him,” she continued.
Gemma paused again and looked terribly sad.
“But my own mother and father were blinded. They did not believe me. You see, he is very wealthy and very powerful. They wanted me to marry him for the benefits that our family would find in society,” she confessed.
Amos was appalled at that. It was terrible that they would allow her to suffer just because they wanted money or status. Why would any mother or father subject their daughter to something like that? Amos couldn’t understand it.
“He treated me as though I was nothing but property to him. Something else that he could own. When my parents were nearby, he would be so kind and courteous to them. He did not speak to me much, but he was decent enough. He would speak to them about me as though I was not even there, but still, that was the kindest side that I ever saw of him,” she said.
“My mother and father did not even notice that he did that, but I don’t believe it would have bothered them anyway. But they never heard him when they were at a distance, observing us from afar as is tradition to allow us to get to know one another,” she continued.
Amos nodded, showing her that he was still paying attention and eager to hear more, but without interjecting with his own thoughts and questions.
“There was a time in particular when I asked him what he hoped to accomplish over the year—it was just past the New Year, mind you—and do you know what he said?” she asked.
Amos shook his head, although he knew the question to be rhetorical.
“He told me that his only goal was to ensure that he managed to finagle a good deal on his purchase of me. Can you imagine?” she scoffed, looking as though she might cry.
He truly couldn’t. The idea that a man saw a woman as merely a purchase, as an object to be bought? That was dreadful and he thought that this man really must have been about as awful as they come if he saw her that way.
Gemma looked at him with a quietness in her demeanor.
“Go on,” she said. “Surely, you must have some thought in your mind. I cannot imagine that you would sit there and listen to all of this without having something that you are thinking.”
Amos tried to decide what exactly he was really meant to say to all of this.
“Well, I suppose I can tell you that I think it was very wrong of him to behave that way. I hope you know that I would never view you in that light. Whatever you have experienced in the past, you don’t need to worry about it for the future,” he said.
She appeared satisfied with this for now, but Amos could see that she wanted him to share more, to tell her anything that would bring peace.
“Honestly, I am deeply sorry that your parents didn’t believe you. I can see that you must have felt very trapped. I still don’t really understand why you would come here to get away, but I can understand the need to leave,” he told her.
“America sounded exciting and full of promise,” she said.
“Really? I thought we were just full of farms,” he said with a laugh.
She smiled and he was glad to have lightened her mood a bit.
“How do your mother and father feel now that you have left?” he asked, aware that it would bring things back to a tough discussion.
“They do not know. I never told them that I was coming and I have not written to them. Of course, even in writing to them, it would take quite some time for them to receive anything from me,” she said.
“I didn’t realize that you hadn’t even told them. So they don’t know where you went or what happened to you?” he asked.
“No, and I feel terrible about that. I know that they must be frightened for me,” she said.
Amos nodded again. That sounded like it would be horrible, not knowing where their daughter had gone.
“Gemma, I think it would be a good idea if we pray together,” he said.
Her eyes lit up.
“Yes, thank you. I would like that very much,” she said.
Amos hesitantly reached for her hand, but Gemma gave it. They closed their eyes and Amos began to pray.
“Dear Lord, we thank you for this moment of being able to come to you with our needs and our prayers. I know that what my wife is facing is not easy. She is alone and far from the place that she calls home.
“But we also know that there are people back there who love her. We pray for Gemma’s parents. We pray that Mr. and Mrs. Temple would be at peace and that we would have wisdom in how to let them know that Gemma is here, while also keeping her safe.
“Thank you for pulling her from the hands of someone who wished harm upon her, who didn’t see the value of her life or the ways in which she matters so much to you,” he prayed.
“Lord, I pray that you would heal Gemma’s wounded heart from what this man did to her and remind her that she is deserving of your love. Please give her peace and help me to be a good husband for her. Help me to love her as you love the church. We ask all of these things in your wonderful name. Amen.”
Amos opened his eyes and saw that Gemma had tears streaming down her cheeks.
“You all right?” he asked.
“Yes, forgive me. I am quite all right. It is only that I have not had anyone pray for me for a very long time. In fact, I can’t recall anybody ever praying as you just have,” she said.