Carnival Hill (The Harlequin Crew Book 3)

by Caroline Peckham

  Tears burned my eyes as I reached up and cupped the right side of his face in my hand, my thumb tracing over the scars surrounding his eye as his panic washed over me and I found myself nodding, agreeing, promising him I wouldn't do it. The insanity of that idea fell from my flesh and Chase sagged in relief as he sensed it, dropping down over me and burying his face in my neck as he dragged me against him and I wound my arms around him too.

  He was shaking, his heart racing so fast that I could feel it where we were pressed together and I hushed him, whispering more promises to him as I stroked my fingers through his hair.

  Relief cascaded through my body as he dropped to the bed beside me, still holding me tightly like he was afraid I might change my mind, but I'd heard him. I'd felt his fear and I couldn't risk hurting him any more than that, so I swore to stay here and I made him swear it too even though I could tell he didn't believe in his own words. Because I wasn't letting Fox get rid of him. There was simply no fucking way. And I was sick of him holding onto that decision like he was the one who got to choose what was right for our family when none of the rest of us had agreed to it.

  I fell asleep in Chase's arms with that decision etched into my soul. Fox Harlequin and I were overdue a discussion, and I was going to make sure he saw sense before we were through.

  I worked on a feast for breakfast after my run, making pancakes and laying out bowls of fruit, fresh pastries, yoghurt and cereal on the patio table along with fresh strawberry and kiwi smoothies for everyone. My heart hurt the whole time I did it though and I didn’t wanna think about why as I worked to make this the best breakfast I’d ever served.

  Mutt was sitting by the pool on a little pillow I’d put under an umbrella for him, his head turned away from the fresh chicken I’d laid out beside him in a bowl. He never had gotten over me shouting at him when I’d had Chase kneel down on the beach ready to die. I hadn’t forgiven myself yet for that day either though so I kinda understood his moody attitude towards me. I was starting to get the feeling I’d never win his affection back though.

  I closed my eyes and forced away the memories of that awful fucking day, my skin crawling all over as I built my armour back into place and kept moving.

  When I was done, I walked upstairs and knocked on JJ’s door, waiting until he opened it, cracking his eyes at me, his hair standing up in every direction.

  “Breakfast is ready. Be down in two minutes, okay?” I asked and he groaned but nodded as he drifted back into the darkness of his room like a ghost.

  I headed to Chase’s room next, pushing the door silently open and stepping inside. I often came in here at night, not that Chase or Rogue knew it. I’d sit and watch them until my eyes were sore and the quiet was enough to drive me insane. Sometimes JJ slept here too and I just stared at my family, wishing I could crawl into that bed and join them. But someone had to be the asshole around here, and that someone was always me.

  Rogue was curled up beside Chase as usual, her arm wrapped around him as I just stood there and looked at the two of them. I couldn’t even find it in me to be jealous of this anymore, knowing how temporary it was and how much they needed each other. It wasn’t gonna last, so I’d suck it up. And it wasn’t like she was fucking him like she was Maverick. That was the kind of infuriating that burned deep into my flesh. And I was done waiting for her to realise that he wasn’t the one for her and I was. I’d warned her the time would come when I would have to force her hand on the issue of us and that time was coming up on us fast. Rogue Easton was mine and I was ready to make her admit it.

  The room was bright from the sunlight streaming in through the open curtains, but the lamp beside the bed was on anyway so Chase could sleep without fearing the dark. I hated that he’d been altered by Shawn, I hated that I couldn’t talk to him about it, I hated that we were never going to be okay again after all the shit between us. But today I’d try and smooth over some of the hurt, because I couldn’t bear the pain lasting any longer.

  I moved beside the bed, shaking Chase’s arm and he jerked awake, panic filling his expression for a moment before his gaze fell on me and he released a breath of relief.

  “Hey,” he said in a voice rough from sleep, searching my expression like he expected me to start shouting. When did I become the asshole dad of this family?

  “I want you to join us for breakfast this morning,” I said, dropping down to sit on the edge of the bed. His fingers tightened on Rogue, holding her against his chest as he gazed at me, trying to work out my angle.

  “Okay,” he agreed slowly and I laid a hand on his shoulder, staring at him with a thousand unspoken words on my lips before I got up and left him to wake Rogue.

  I returned downstairs, sitting out on the patio and drinking my smoothie as I waited for the others to arrive, a storm of emotion swirling through my chest. JJ came down first in his boxers and he dropped into the seat beside mine, groaning hungrily as he took in all the food.

  “What’s the occasion?” he asked, swiping up a croissant and tearing into it with his teeth.

  “It’s the carnival today,” I said, grinning at him as I pushed away the dark cloud hanging over me.

  This had been my favourite time of year as a kid. The end of the summer was dawning and with it came the carnival. We used to go on all the rides until one of us puked, eat so much candy that it hurt and camp out in the bed of my truck afterwards, all of us piled in there with nothing but a bunch of blankets and the stars for company.

  “Fuck yes, I can’t wait to get there.” He checked his phone for the time. “It opens in an hour, right?”

  I laughed at his juvenile expression as I nodded. “Are you getting there for opening?” I asked, knowing he would.

  “Aren’t you?” he replied with a frown.

  “I can’t, I’ve gotta go meet Luther, but you could take Rogue and I’ll meet you there?” I suggested and he nodded quickly.

  “Yeah, I’m down. What about Chase?” he asked hopefully and my brow lowered.

  “You know he can’t come. He’s ex Harlequin, JJ.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” he sighed disappointedly, starting to pile up his plate with pancakes.

  Rogue appeared with Chase and he walked with one crutch and his free arm wrapped around her shoulders. I got the feeling he didn’t really need her support as well, but I wasn’t gonna point it out.

  JJ looked to me as he chewed on a mouthful of pancake then back to Chase as he sat down to join us at the table beside Rogue. I noticed his latest eyepatch had a bright eye drawn on it in metallic pen with blue scales all around it like it belonged to a dragon. Every time he got a new one, it ended up drawn on by Rogue while he was sleeping.

  “He’s eating with us?” JJ asked me like he was a kid and I was his parent.

  I chuckled, shrugging. “Yeah, he is.”

  JJ pounded his fist on the table and Rogue smiled widely as she fought Chase over the only pain au chocolat before he surrendered it to her. She ripped it in half, tossing one piece onto his plate and he looked at her with a blazing expression that made my heart yank.

  I ate some fruit, basking in the feel of all three of them here with me and just listening to their idle chat. Chase kept glancing over like he wished he could strike up a conversation with me, but he never seemed to find the words and I didn’t have the right ones either.

  Their discussion soon turned to the carnival and Mutt scampered over to grab some pancake scraps from Rogue, my fresh chicken apparently not good enough to fill his belly this morning.

  “I’m gonna go on the whirl-a-round first, then the waltzers, then the space drop,” Rogue decided. “No wait, the waltzers first, then the space drop, then the whirl-a-round.”

  “What about the rollercoaster?” JJ asked with a smirk, spearing a grape on his fork.

  “Oh I forgot about the rollercoaster!” Rogue cried. “Okay, that first. But wait, there’s only three seats on that one, one of us will have to sit in the seat behind. Or we could go two and two
, but who gets the front? The front’s the best.”

  “Chase isn’t going,” I cut in and Rogue turned her gaze on me with a pout.

  “What? That’s not fair,” she complained.

  “It’s alright, little one,” he murmured. “I know I can’t go.”

  “But I want you to go,” she said defiantly, glaring at me. “He’s not in your Crew, so he doesn’t have to do what you say.”

  “That’s precisely why he can’t go,” I said, my gaze on my food as I tried not to get into an argument here. “The carnival will be full of Harlequins, and I’m already getting enough shit from the elders about letting Chase stay here after I banished him, he can’t be seen out in our territory.”

  “But-” Rogue started but Chase dropped his hand over hers and squeezed tightly.

  “It’s fine, little one. I’m good here,” he said intently. “Just send me lots of videos in the group chat.”

  She sighed, clearly pissed at me, but JJ helped draw her back out of her moody shell as he started naming all the things they could do at the carnival.

  After a while, they headed off to get dressed, leaving me with Chase and silence fell over us like a lead weight.

  I cleared my throat as Chase picked at his half-eaten plate of food and looked to me with a frown.

  “Nice scales.” I gestured to his eyepatch and confusion gripped his features.

  “What?”

  “The dragon eye,” I said and he pulled his eyepatch off with a curse, looking at it and I took in the scars over that side of his face with my gut tugging.

  “She keeps doing that,” he muttered, then seemed torn between putting it back on and leaving it off. He clearly felt uncomfortable either way as he tried to position his hair over that side of his face.

  “You don’t have to hide it from me,” I said seriously and he sighed as he left the eyepatch off, but there was a stiffness about his shoulders that made my chest tighten.

  I heard the others coming back downstairs and gave Chase an intent look. “Hug them tight when they say goodbye,” I murmured.

  His throat worked and realisation melted through his expression as he stared at me. He nodded as he quickly worked to hide his pain. I felt that pain right down to the pit of my soul and I knew I wouldn’t be able to eat another single bite of food.

  “Do you want me to bring back blue or pink cotton candy, Ace?” Rogue asked as she bounded onto the patio in a white maxi skirt covered in yellow flowers and a white crop top with her hair tied in two braided pigtails. JJ wore black shorts and a lemon tank top that seemed to make his tan shine and he had a playful look about him as he geared up for the carnival. He held a baseball cap in his hands and he smirked at Rogue as he showed her the Green Power Ranger on it before placing it on his head backwards and making her clap her hands in excitement.

  “Surprise me,” Chase said, pushing to his feet as she got close, dragging her into his arms. He crushed her against him and a splinter drove into my chest as he tried to hold onto her as long as he could before she pulled out of his arms with a grin.

  “Painkillers.” She lifted them to his mouth and he let her slide them between his lips, waiting for her to hold his smoothie up for him to drink from and wash them down. When he’d swallowed, she leaned in to kiss his cheek, but he turned his head so their lips crushed together instead. I flew to my feet with a growl, but they were already breaking apart and I scowled as Rogue’s cheeks turned pink.

  “Oops,” Chase said darkly, staring at her like he wanted the ground to open up and swallow them both away together.

  Rogue cleared her throat, backing up as she touched her lips and I didn’t think she even realised she was doing it.

  “I’ll meet you at the carnival in a few hours,” I gritted out and Rogue nodded.

  Chase reached for JJ, gripping his arm for a moment before drawing him into a hug.

  “Have fun,” he said, forcing a smile and I guessed they bought it because they waved as they headed back inside towards the garage with Chase’s gaze glued to them until they were out of sight.

  “What the fuck was that kiss about?” I growled and Chase looked to me with a shrug.

  “Wouldn’t you kiss her if you knew you’d never see her again?” he muttered and my chest crushed with the weight of those words.

  “Come on,” I said in a low voice, moving to lead the way inside and deciding to forget that little stunt. “Get dressed, you’ve got a hospital appointment in half an hour.”

  I waited for him as he headed back upstairs and once he reappeared in shorts and a black tank top with a new eyepatch in place, he followed me wordlessly down to the garage on his crutches, tension gripping the air.

  We got into my truck and I drove us out of the house to the gates and beyond, taking the roads in the direction of the hospital in the upper quarter.

  “I thought we could get some ice cream after you get your cast off,” I said and I felt his eyes on me.

  “Oh yeah?” he questioned, clearly fucking suspicious and I shrugged.

  “If you want?” I asked.

  “Yeah…okay,” he agreed.

  It was a long, quiet drive to the hospital, but we eventually arrived and I parked us up as close to the entrance as I could get before helping Chase out of the truck.

  “I’m fine, I’ve got my crutches,” he said and I nodded, knowing that, but my hand still lingered on his back for a second before I pulled away.

  I kept to his pace as we moved inside and we were soon led to a room where a nurse worked to cut off his cast. I stood by the door, listening when the doctor came to sign him off and say he’d have a limp which might go away in time, but it was possible it wouldn’t. Chase nodded his way through the examination, seeming to withdraw into himself as the reality descended on him that his recovery period had come to an end. And whereas most people would have been overjoyed, he seemed to be sinking away into the darkness and the more I looked at him, the more broken I felt over that.

  When I led him back to my truck, we got in and sat there in silence for a long time. Then I started the engine and drove us to the best ice cream parlour in town, got us the biggest cones they sold – Chase’s rum and raisin and mine chocolate – then drove us to the cliff view that overlooked the lower quarter.

  I took a bite out of my ice cream as I parked up, the sharp coldness making my head hurt as I tried to taste anything but the grief glazing my insides.

  “This is the first rum I’ve had since you asked me to stop,” Chase said, taking his time over his ice cream.

  “You gonna keep that up?” I asked.

  “I think if I drank now, I’d never stop. So I guess you did me a favour,” he said and I felt his eyes on me again but I just couldn’t look. Because if I looked, I’d shatter like glass struck by a hammer.

  “Why do I feel like an old dog that’s being treated to the best day ever only to be led out into the woods to be shot?” Chase asked.

  “You know why,” I said quietly.

  We finished our ice creams and the wind rocked the truck a little as it whipped across the clifftop, my eyes following a gull as it fought against the flow of the wind. My life felt like that a lot of the time. Like the wind was always trying to push me one way but duty meant I had to battle against it, and no matter how far I got in one direction, I always ended up aching to just turn my back to the breeze and let it carry me as far as it could go.

  “I’m sorry I’ve been a shit friend,” I said after a while.

  Chase released a dismissive breath. “You’re not the one who betrayed us. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

  “No, I have,” I said thickly. “I’ve done so many fucking things wrong, Ace.”

  “You’re Luther’s son, not just my brother,” he said. “And you let me come home even when I didn’t deserve it.”

  I shook my head, my gaze on the wide expanse of the ocean ahead of us. “I used to wish sometimes that I was you or JJ, anyone but the one of us who had to
carry the burden of ruling within the Harlequins.”

  “I used to think I’d give anything to take your place,” Chase admitted. “I wanted to rule, but that wasn’t what I really wanted. I just wanted to be someone. You’re Fox Harlequin.” He spread his hands in front of him. “Prince of the underworld, destined for greatness.”

  “It ain’t like that,” I muttered.

  “I know that now,” he said seriously. “You always had the short end of the stick, I just thought I did.”

  “I think we all drew short,” I said darkly. “I don’t see any one of us winning in this life, do you?”

  “No,” he agreed. “Do you think that’s it? You draw a stick and the fate that’s painted on it is the one you’re destined for? Or do you think you ever get a chance to draw again?”

  I considered that, not really having an answer, not one that was comforting anyway. “I think the older you get, the harder it is to redraw. Maybe we could’ve once, but now…” I shrugged.

  “Yeah.” He nodded. “It’s all too fucked now, huh?”

  “Mm,” I sounded my agreement then reached out and pressed a hand to his shoulder.

  He clapped his hand to it and we sat like that for several long seconds before we pulled apart and I started the truck.

  I turned around and took the road back to the upper quarter before heading onto the highway out of town. We were soon miles and miles away from Sunset Cove and I pulled into a motel at random, driving into the parking lot and pulling up in front of a long stretch of room doors.

  I got out of the car, my chest compressing further and further by the second as I grabbed a bag from the bed of my truck filled with some clothes for Chase, a gun and some cash to keep him going for a while. By the time I got around to his side of the car, he was already out and I held the bag up for him. He took it wordlessly, his jaw flexing as he gazed at me like he was trying to memorise my face and I felt a piece of my soul being carved off, falling away from my body with the pain of a sliced open artery.

  “I need your phone,” I rasped and he pushed a hand into his pocket, taking it out and handing it to me, but there was an envelope tucked against it too.