Lady Overton's Perilous Journey (Honorable Rogue Book 1)

by Vikki Vaught

  “You are quite ambitious. I am sure you will achieve all your goals. Since you were out to sea so much of the year that must have been difficult for your late wife.” When she mentioned her, that same dark cloud fell over his rugged face. It had her curious to know why he seemed to despise her so. “I imagine being apart so much must have put a strain on your marriage.”

  Alex stoically answered, “My marriage became strained after the first night. Trust me. My wife did not mind me being gone. It allowed her to spend more time with her numerous lovers. To be blunt, Pamela was a strumpet, a neglectful mother, and while I did not wish her dead, it was a relief when she passed away.”

  “Oh, dear, I’m sorry,” she replied. “That must have been awful for you. I did not mean to cause you undue stress by bringing up painful memories. Forgive me. Surely there must have been love between you in the beginning. After all, you had a daughter together.”

  His brow furrowed and his black eyes gleamed with what could only be hatred as he retorted, “I thought I loved her when I married her. I found out after our wedding night that she carried my brother’s child. That’s why she married me.”

  “Oh, my,” she gasped. “I did not mean to pry.”

  After a long pause, he said, “I might as well tell you. Once I found out about my brother, I never touched her again. I could have left her then, but it would have been my niece or nephew when she gave birth. I could not turn my back on the child. I soon realized Pamela was the most self-centered creature in the world. I suspected she would be a terrible mother, and she proved me right. God, I don’t know why I’m telling you all this. I’ve never talked about this with anyone before.”

  “Perhaps you needed to speak of it,” she replied. “That is why you do not trust women, is it not? I can imagine the sense of betrayal you must have felt when you realized why she married you. Why didn’t she marry your brother?”

  “My brother didn’t love Pamela,” he answered, derision dripping in his voice. “He disappeared when she told him about the babe and never looked back. That’s why she turned to me. She knew I believed I was in love with her. She played me like a fiddle. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I was an idiot. I paid dearly for it, and you’re right—I don’t trust women, especially beautiful ones. If you’re finished, I will escort you back to your cabin.”

  Knowing she had inadvertently caused him pain, Anissa demurred, “There is no need for you to escort me. I can find my way on my own. Again, I’m sorry I brought up painful memories for you. I shall leave you now. Perhaps I will see you tomorrow. Goodnight.” Embarrassed, she left and hurried back to her cabin.

  Once she undressed and crawled into the upper berth, she went back over what Alex had revealed to her. No wonder he held women in disdain. She could not imagine how anyone could do what that woman did to him. And yet, Alex had stayed for Melanie. It amazed her to discover his love for the little girl. Most men would not have handled it that way. They would have held the child responsible for all their pain. Her opinion of him had changed completely, now that she knew his story.

  What a shame Alex had lost his trust in women. He deserved to find someone to love him. Obviously, he had so much love to give, if he could love Melanie the way he did. It dawned on her that Alex must have some ability to trust women, or he would never have shared his story with her. Perhaps now that he had talked about this with her, it could help him begin to heal. Tomorrow, she would tell him how much she admired him for his steadfast love for a little girl who was not even his own.

  Yawning, Anissa snuggled down beneath her covers, closed her eyes, and fell asleep as she dreamed of Alex, the honorable man divine intervention had brought into her life.

  Chapter Five

  After Anissa left his cabin, Alex slammed his chair against the table and kicked it. All the hate and pain he had felt toward Pamela came rolling through him. She had been such a bitch and had made his life a living hell for almost five years, parading one lover after another in front of him. Every time he had returned home, she’d had a new one. She never felt a moment of remorse for trapping him in a loveless marriage. As long as she had pretty clothes and men falling at her feet, she had been happy.

  One of the few times Alex had seen her miserable was in the nine months of her pregnancy. She constantly fretted over gaining weight, worrying it might destroy her figure. After she had Melanie, her figure came back in a matter of weeks, and she immediately found a new lover.

  Thank God, they had lived with his parents, so his mother had taken care of his daughter. After his father died, he discovered the man had made some bad investments. Alex had given up a promising career as an attorney and taken over the ship. He could not have paid off the debts on the money a new attorney made. Since he went to sea for months at a time, it left little time to take care of Melanie.

  Remembering how he had poured out his story to Anissa made him even angrier. He had never told a living soul what Pamela had done. His mother did not even know Melanie was not his daughter. He had planned to take that knowledge to the grave. Of course, his brother would figure it out if he ever returned, but with John long gone, the issue should not become a problem. Oh, how his mother grieved for his brother, not knowing whether he lived or not.

  Something about Anissa intrigued him, and he found her hard to resist. She had him telling her things better left unsaid. It would be wise to spend as little time in her company as possible. If he were telling things now, if they became lovers, it would make it worse. No, he would be much better off keeping his distance from her. Besides, now that he had gotten to know her, she was obviously not the type of widow to enter into a liaison lightly. He needed to accept it could never be.

  After slinging himself into his chair, Alex poured himself another glass of whiskey. He needed to deaden the pain. As he raised the glass to his lips, he remembered he was supposed to relieve Lawson in four hours. With a sigh, he put the whiskey away, took a quick wash, and rolled into bed to get a few hours of sleep. After tossing and turning for a couple of hours, he realized he would not get any rest that night, so he got up, dressed, and went up to the bridge to relieve his second in command early.

  That set the pace for the next ten days. Alex took the helm at night and slept during the day so he avoided spending any time with Anissa. He was determined to stay away from her, and so far, he had been successful. He had not seen her at all, but it did not keep him from thinking of her. Nor did it stop him dreaming of her long, golden tresses and womanly curves, and what he would like to do with her if she were in his bed. He could not remember wanting a woman more than he wanted Anissa.

  On the tenth day, another storm overtook them, and he had to battle it well into the day before it abated. That meant he did not sleep during the day as he had been. Late in the afternoon, Anissa brought Harry up on deck.

  Unable to resist the temptation, Alex went to her. “How did you weather the storm?”

  “This one did not affect me as much as the last one,” Anissa told him. “Neither Harry nor I became ill. I think we have grown more accustomed to the roll and pitch of the sea. Did this one blow us off course?”

  He shook his head. “Actually, it helped. We should arrive in Baltimore by the twentieth of this month, four days earlier than I expected. As long as the winds hold out, of course. We’re entering warmer waters now, so I don’t expect to run into anymore bad weather.”

  “That’s wonderful news,” she said.

  Then she glanced up at him from the corner of her eye. He suspected she wanted to bring up their last conversation. He could feel it in his bones.

  “Umm, Alex, I know you have been avoiding me since our last talk. I assure you I shan’t tell anyone what we discussed. I want to tell you how much I admire you. Not many men could have embraced a child not their own. Not only did you accept her as your daughter, you have shown more love than many fathers do. I have missed spending time with you, and Harry has as well. I had thought we were becoming fri
ends.”

  Alex met her startling blue gaze and something tugged at his heart, a feeling he never wanted to have. However, as a moth drawn to a flame, he wanted to feel her warmth. To pull her into his arms and tell her he was sorry for avoiding her, but he resisted the impulse. He found himself saying what could very well get him in trouble.

  “I am your friend. I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you. I’ve never told anyone about the true state of my marriage before. Listen, I’m going to my cabin to get a few hours of much-needed sleep. If you like, I will come to your cabin at ten, and we can take a stroll around the deck.”

  “I would like that. I need to get Harry before he distracts Martin from his duties. I look forward to our walk tonight.” Then with a sweet smile on her pretty face, she turned toward her son.

  Alex watched as she walked away, feeling desire course through his body as he observed the gentle sway of her hips. Determined to ignore this tempting visage, he turned stiffly and made his way down to his cabin. He climbed into his berth and fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

  Alex awoke feeling refreshed. After eating a bowl of fish chowder, he took a quick wash and dressed. Even though he should avoid spending time with Anissa, he looked forward to their walk with great anticipation. She looked so lovely that afternoon with her skin showing a faint glow of color from her exposure to the sun. What a shame Anissa could not wear pretty colors, but of course, her husband had only passed a short time ago. Alex remembered some pale blue silk he had purchased while in London and wondered if Anissa would like it to make a new gown. The few gowns she had brought with her had faded from the sun. He would offer the silk to her while they took their walk.

  When he arrived at her cabin, he gave a light tap, and she opened the door immediately. Anissa stepped out into the corridor, and he offered her his arm. Once they were up on deck, he led her to the stern of the ship, and they stood looking out at the dark water as the glow of the moon touched the surface. “You look lovely this evening. Your golden curls are shimmering in the moonlight.” A hint of wistfulness crept into his voice. “Forgive me for avoiding you.”

  “I understand, Alex. I can only imagine the pain you must have endured in your marriage. I’m amazed you handled it so well.”

  He sighed, and then turned toward her. “Enough of my sordid past. What about you? It sounds like you enjoyed your marriage. I’m sure you miss your husband.”

  “I do. Very much. While I find it difficult to talk about Kendall because it brings back all I have lost, I realize we were so fortunate in our marriage. That is not the case in all unions, especially tonnish marriages. When he died, I felt as if a piece of my heart went with him. I will always treasure my time with him, but it is time I let go of my grief. I have my son to think of and he needs me.”

  While he heard pain in her voice, he also heard optimism. Even though she had loved her husband a great deal, she had not given in to her grief. He watched the play of the starlight on her face and found her beauty mesmerizing.

  “Your son is fortunate to have you. You’re a wonderful mother, and I haven’t noticed you giving in to your grief at all. With all you’ve gone through with Lord Howard and losing your husband, you’ve held up remarkably well.”

  “Thank you. I do worry he will come after Harry. Are you sure we will be safe in Virginia? It’s wonderful of you to offer me a safe haven.”

  Alex gently placed his arm around her slender shoulders and drew her close. “Since the property is in my mother’s family name, there is no way he can connect it to me. You will be safe, I promise.” Then wanting to lighten the mood, he said, “Now, I’ve noticed your gowns have faded from the sun. I purchased some silks when I was in London, and if you sew, I would like to offer them to you. I’m sure you would appreciate some new dresses.”

  “You’re already doing so much for me. I feel guilty accepting. I never dreamed when you agreed to let me buy passage on your ship that you would be such a kind gentleman. At least let me pay you for the silk.”

  “No, really, I paid a pittance for the material. I want you to have them. It would give me pleasure seeing you in a color other than black. Now, no more discussion.”

  As he gazed down at her, the desire to kiss her overwhelmed him. Lowering his head, he touched his lips to hers, and desire surged through his body. Her sweet mouth trembled as he flicked his tongue over her lips. She sighed and parted them, giving him the opportunity to taste her.

  Desire overpowering good sense, he swept her into his arms and thrust his tongue deep into her mouth. She returned his kiss with equal fervor as his hand wandered down her back, pulling her into a tight embrace. Chest to breast, thigh to thigh, his blood boiled and fire burned in his loins. Allowing his hand to wander, he stroked her breast through the soft fabric of her gown, and her nipple hardened. He ached to touch her naked flesh, to suck her pert nipple into his mouth, but her gown had a high neck, so he had to forgo that pleasure.

  When her hand fluttered against his chest, he deepened their kiss, and she sighed into his mouth, then tentatively stroked his tongue with her own. Reaching down, he gathered her skirt and pulled it up to give him access to her feminine folds.

  His hand moved up the smooth skin of her thigh above the ribbon holding up her stocking. He slid his fingers through the soft down covering her mound. Feeling her moist heat, he slipped a finger inside and stroked her slick folds, and her breathing grew shallow.

  Fire licked at his stones and raced through his veins as he reached down and tore open his breeches. As he moved to thrust inside her, a noise startled him. He raised his head and looked around. Giving him time to let it sink into his passion-filled brain what he had been ready to do. Anissa deserved more than a quick tumble out in the open where anyone could see them.

  “Darlin’, let’s go down to my cabin so we can finish what we’ve started.”

  Anissa slowly opened her eyes, and as realization of what had almost happened seized her, she pulled out of his arms and shook her head. Wrapping her arms around her waist, she backed up, turned, and ran back to the companionway, disappearing from sight.

  Wanting to follow, but knowing it was not wise, he buttoned his breeches. Then putting his hands on the ship’s rail, he took several deep breaths to bring himself back in line. He had come so close to losing control. If he had not heard that noise, he would have ravished Anissa up against the railing like a two-penny whore.

  Damn, what was I thinking?

  Thank God she came to her senses.

  Knowing he would get no sleep tonight, Alex made his way to the bridge and relieved Lawson. He owed Anissa a huge apology tomorrow for his ungentlemanly behavior tonight.

  * * * *

  Anissa rushed down the companionway and ran to her cabin as if the fires of hell were licking at her heels. Once she closed the door, she leaned back against it, panting. Trying to slow her hammering heart, she took several deep breaths. She glanced over at Harry and made sure she had not disturbed his sleep. She went over to the washbasin and splashed cold water on her face to cool down her flaming cheeks.

  I almost allowed him to take me like a common strumpet.

  How could I have forgotten Kendall?

  Dear Lord, please, I beg of you, forgive me.

  With trembling hands, Anissa quickly donned her night rail and crawled into the upper berth. She pulled the covers up over her head and shame continued to wash over her. She could not accept that she had so lost herself in Alex’s embrace. She had nearly allowed him to have his way with her. The horrible truth was that if they had not heard that noise she would not have had the strength to stop him. Desire had coursed through her veins, stronger than she could ever remember feeling.

  It must be because she missed Kendall so much. When Alex’s arms surrounded her, it gave her a sense of security. She had not felt safe in a long time. Still frantic over losing control as she had, Anissa tried to picture Kendall’s dear face. However, it was as if she were seeing him th
rough a mist. His features were blurred. Tears slowly rolled down her cheeks. She could not clearly remember what Kendall looked like. She had thought she would always be able to remember, but she had been wrong.

  Oh, Kendall, why did you have to die?

  He had been such a vibrant person. His death had come as such a shock and so unbelievable. Kendall had fallen from the hayloft. He bounced right back up without a scratch on him, except for a bump on the back of his head. They had even laughed at how comical he had looked with the hay showering down upon him.

  The pain of losing Kendall crashed down on her chest and it felt as if a huge boulder rested there. A sob threatened to burst forth, and she covered her mouth to keep from awakening her son.

  Once she had realized Kendall had died and would never come back, she had remained dry-eyed throughout the funeral. She had shut off her emotions, and for at least a month or more, she had walked around as if wandering across a fog-covered moor.

  Uncle Howard had gained control during her befuddlement. She should have remained strong. Her weakness after her husband’s death had allowed him to sneak in before she realized it.

  Now her son’s life was in jeopardy. While weeping might wash away some of her grief, it did nothing for the guilt. As the tears dried on her face, she grew drowsy and sleep took her away from all her troubles and woes.

  The next morning, Anissa awoke with a pounding headache from her bout of tears the night before. As she gazed at her reflection in the mirror, she saw deep circles under her eyes and her skin looked paler than normal. Today she looked years older than her twenty-six years.