by Paige Powers
“Are you sure?” He smiled.
“I’m positive.” I smiled.
“Thanks.” He laughed.
“You make your own choices Lidia. You’re a big girl.”
I watched him for a moment. Watching his red lips move, then his blue eyes shining at me. He was wearing old sweat pants with paint on them and a black T-shirt which was making his eyes look extra blue. There was a fluttering in my stomach.
“Okay, I’ll go tonight,” I confirmed. He nodded. But wait, Grant was going to be there. And, he and Kendra weren’t together. I wouldn’t know what to do if he talked to me. Maybe just go with it? The thought of seeing Grant actually made my heart rate bounce a second. Wait no! I thought I was over him?
“Something wrong?” I blinked and looked up.
“No, nothing’s wrong, Jack,” I said quietly. He still looked at me with an I’m-not-buying-it look. I can’t tell him Grant is going to be there. Or that he broke up with Kendra. He would never let me go. Or maybe he would. But I thought I needed to talk to Grant. One last time. To really see how my feelings are towards him. I just hoped nothing was going to happen.
I left the hospital early to go get ready for the party at 6:00 p.m. Mom and dad were in the living room and I could hear the TV on and them talking. I stopped in and said hi.
“Oh, you’re back early,” Mom said. I nodded.
“I’m going to a Christmas party tonight.” She raised an eyebrow.
“Without Jack?” I shrugged.
“Why?” I asked. She just shrugged, too. ‘Witch of a woman,’ I thought.
“I don’t know. Is Grant going to be there?” She thinks I’m going to cheat on Jack!
“Um, I don’t think so.” I said, thinking it wasn’t any of her business.
“Oh, OK. Well, have fun!”
I nodded and went up the stairs. My mom knew me. Maybe that’s why she said that. But I wasn’t going to do anything with Grant! I just wanted to talk to him. Is that called cheating? I looked through my closet and found some old clothes that I hadn’t worn in a while. I found a black skirt. A little tight, though. A red silk shirt with a black vest. It was very punk. Maybe too punk, I thought. I used to be like that. Wear those clothes with my baggy pants. I had my own style. I didn’t really go along with the flow. I was more of a stand-out person and I loved being that way. I knew girls at school talked about my clothes, but I really didn’t care. I liked being different and standing out in a crowd. Now, I guess I was one of those girls. I slipped on a pair of boots, grabbed my jacket and headed back out to the jeep. “Bye,” I called as I left. I was nervous as I started up the car. I swallowed and drove over to Jonathan’s.
The house was rocking with music. There was all sorts of music, from rock, rap to Christmas music. I laughed as I heard someone shouting 12 Days of Christmas. He was obviously drunk. I knocked on the door and a girl opened it, dressed up as a slutty Santa drinking from a cup. She grinned when she saw me.
“Hey!” she yelled over the music. I didn’t really know her but saw her around at school. “Come on in!” I went in and sighed as I saw people dancing and making out. Not exactly a Christmas party. “How are you, Lidia?” the girl asked. Oh, man. What was her name?!
“I’m good, you?” I called over the music. She laughed.
“I’m great! Want some beer? There’s some in the kitchen.” I shrugged.
“Maybe later.”
She nodded and drank the rest of her beer.
“So, are you and Grant getting back together?” she asked. I looked over at her sharply.
“No! Why would you think that?” I asked bitterly. She was too drunk to hear my tone though.
“Oh, cause him and Kendra broke up and he was talking about you.” Grant was talking about me?
“About what?” The girl burped loudly. I grimaced.
“About getting back together with you.” I frowned.
“I don’t know,” I said quietly.
She cheered as someone jumped off the stairs and fell face first onto the carpet. Grant wants me back. For real! Not in a dream but for real.
“Is he here yet?” I asked. She cheered again before answering me.
“Yeah I think he’s in the dining room or something. Go baby!” she yelled and ran towards a guy and started to kiss him. I took off my coat and placed it behind the steps. I didn’t want any bozos trying to steal it or puke on it. I walked into the kitchen, dodging a guy who was running out, holding a keg. I grabbed a Coke out of the cooler. It was a lot quieter by the kitchen apart from an occasional shout or cheer. The kitchen branched off into the dining room and there I saw Grant. My breath caught for a moment. He was wearing nice jeans and one of those stupid brand-name shirts with the logo on the front. He had a beer in his hands and was talking to two other guys, one with a girl on his side. Seriously! She was basically clinging to him. The other guy was big and broad. Very scary looking, but I recognized him from the football team. I walked over and smiled.
“Hey,” I said. Grant grinned at me. It was a little sloppy but still Grant.
“Hey Ollie!” He looked me down, then up and so did the other guys. The girl glared at me. She was wearing a short, short red skirt and a black knit top that was very low in the front. I just ignored her.
“So, what’ve you been up to?” I asked. The other guys and girl started their own conversation.
“Good! Great! I’ve been great. You know Kendra and I broke up right?” I laughed and nodded.
“Yeah, Candice told me.” He nodded, not seeming bothered by it.
“What about you?” he asked me. I shrugged.
“Same, same. Just going to the hospital to see Jack.” He ignored that.
“Want to go upstairs and talk?” he asked out of the blue. I stuttered and then finally said, “Sure.” That wasn’t what I wanted to do but hey, I did want to talk to him, right? He took my hand and I almost jumped, as all the memories we had together came back. The times he took me out and we made out in a movie or went back to my house to make out in my room until my parents came home. Or the way he would tell me he loved me when he was touching me. My heart beat raced. We walked up the stairs and he stumbled a second.
“You OK?” I asked loudly over the music. He nodded and kept on walking. We walked into a dark hallway spotted with people making out. I wanted to talk to Grant and I hoped that’s what would happen.
Chapter 46
We opened up the last door on the right and saw no one so we went in. It was dark and only a small light on the wall showed that it had a bed and band posters. It was a guy’s room I think. Probably Jonathan’s. I was about to turn around and say something when Grant’s lips crashed onto mine. I was so stunned that I didn’t move. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to him. His lips felt sticky and wet and the taste of beer filled my mouth. I pulled away.
“Grant,” I whispered, feeling weird.
“Mm?” he asked.
“I don’t think—”
“Lidia, I love you. I can’t get you out of my mind. I broke up with Kendra because I want to be with you. I love the way you smile and laugh. I couldn’t stand Kendra. I have to have you.” He started kissing me again and this time I let him. He really felt that way for me? He was confessing his love for me. Like he did in my dreams. We sat down on the bed and he moaned in my mouth as I started kissing him back, not really closing my eyes though, still thinking. I forgot how much I liked Grant, I guess. This is what I wanted, wasn’t it? Isn’t it why Jack and I got together? For Jack to get Kendra back and for me to get Grant back? This is what we had planned on...right? Not having sex with Jack or falling for him! Grant pushed his tongue into my mouth and I frowned slightly at how I didn’t quite like that. But I ignored it. He put his hand on my knee. I realized his hands were hard. They weren’t soft. Not like Jack’s. They went up my leg, not making me shiver or have goose bumps. Then his fingers were under my skirt. I shifted a little n
ot feeling comfortable. Why was I doing this? ‘Come on, Lidia! This is what you wanted! You wanted him and now you don’t! What the hell is wrong with you?!’ I yelled at myself. “I love you…” he murmured over my lips. “I love you Ollie...” I frowned again. I hated that nickname! He pushed me back on the bed and I limply co-operated trying to find a reason I shouldn’t want this. He pushed himself down on me and I gasped from his weight. He thought it was from the kiss and groaned. “Oh baby…” he said, turned on. I then realized something. I didn’t like Grant. The feelings I was feeling, were old feelings. Not new ones. The new ones I felt were…oh my gosh! I was in love with Jack Walker! My eyes opened and I pushed Grant off me, grinning like an idiot. “What’s wrong baby?” his words slurred together and I knew for a fact that he was drunk.
“Ha. Nothing. But you know what?” He leaned forward toward me trying to put his hands on me.
“What?” he asked. I pulled his hand off me and looked him straight in the eyes.
“I don’t love you anymore, Grant. Actually I don’t even think I like you as a person.” His mouth dropped open and his eyes grew big as saucers, stunned that I would say something like that.
“What?” he asked, confused. I stood up still grinning and looked down at him.
“I was never really in love with you Grant! At least I’m pretty sure I wasn’t. Maybe it was puppy love, but nothing more. But I was so interested in you that I forgot I had this deep down weird strange most interesting feeling toward Jack, this whole time!” I said throwing my hands in the air. Admitting it out loud made my heart pound and it made me want to cry with joy, or at least jump up and down like a school girl.
“You mean Walker?” Grant asked loudly. I nodded staring off at the wall. I need to tell him. Tonight. I have time. It’s not too late. I need to. Then maybe we can be together. For real, for real. Oh my gosh, Jack! I’ve always been in love with you! I looked back down at a frowning and confused Grant.
“Grant…I got to go,” I said and ran towards the door.
“Wait!” he called. I swung open the door scaring a couple in the corner.
“Oops sorry!” I said, still giddy.
“Ollie wait!” he said. I turned toward the door. He stared at me his eyes dull and his hair matted. He looked like an average guy to me.
“Oh! Sorry! I forgot to thank you.” He frowned.
“The hell?” he asked. I grinned even bigger.
“Thank you for being an asshole and dumping me. If you didn’t, I would still be with you. And probably unhappy. And thanks for calling me Ollie because I actually hate that name with a passion!” He was looking at me as if I was insane. The couple in the corner, I couldn’t tell who they were, but they were watching and listening to us.
“You’re such a bitch, Lidia!” He yelled, furious. I laughed, still grinning.
“I know!” I leaned forward and kissed his cheek then patted his arm. “But if you didn’t dump me, I would be a much bigger bitch of an idiot for being with you,” I confirmed. He was about to curse at me when his eyes rolled back into his head and he flopped to the ground and started snoring. I laughed then ran down the hallway at full speed. I have to go see Jack! I have to tell him how I really feel! I love him!
Chapter 47
I raced into the hospital and running down the hall toward the doors that brought me to Jack’s hallway. A nurse was coming out and about to lock the doors when she turned and saw me.
“Miss visiting hours are—”
“Please!” it came out as a hoarse cry. She jumped, surprised. I grabbed the nurse by the shoulders and glanced down at her nametag. “Peggy! Listen you have GOT to let me in. The man I want to spend the rest of my life with is about 5 feet away from me and he has no idea! Please! Please! Let me in for my happiness! For the sake of my sanity!” The woman stared at me and her lips twitched.
“Miss, I was just going to say you still have an hour for visiting hours to end.” I loosened my grip on her shoulder.
“Oh,” I said and she smiled. I finally let her shoulder go. “I was just doing that for dramatic—”
“Go get your man!” she called, waving me to the door. I grinned.
“Thanks! Oh and sorry about the…” I pointed toward her shoulders and knew there would be a mark. She laughed.
“Just go.” Without further ado, I ran into the white hallway and then stopped at Jack’s room. It was shut almost the whole way but was open just a crack. I took a deep breath. You love him Lidia. And I can’t believe you JUST realized that now. You’re such an idiot! I just need to tell him. I pushed open the door and Jack was standing up. He looked sharply at the door his eyes were dark and his brow was furrowed like he was mad. He was perfect, though. Everything I wanted was him. I loved everything about him.
“Jack!” it came out as a gasp as I ran over to him. “I have to tell you something.” I said quickly.
“That you slept with Grant at the party tonight?” he said bitterly, making me flinch.
“What?” I asked confused; losing my train of thought. “Wait, no I didn’t sleep with Grant. Listen I really, really need---”
“Yeah right! I heard you were all over him!” I was puzzled, my happiness quickly leaving me.
“Jack, no, I didn’t do anything with Grant. I mean we kissed but that was it. But I found something out. I—”
“So you admit that you did!” he said. “I can’t believe you! You know even if we don’t really like each other, you could have at least slept with someone who wasn’t Grant. Way to go in making me a pathetic loser!” he yelled loudly. I stared, frozen in shock. Who did he hear this from? I didn’t sleep with him! Why can’t Jack let me tell him how I really feel? Why can’t he know from the way I was looking at him right now? “I knew you were just like Kendra,” he said so coldly that I flinched again. He towered over me and I felt like I was filled with coldness. He doesn’t love or like me now. Tears filled my eyes.
“Jack...I didn’t—“
“You know!” he said cutting me off and stepping back away from me. His eyes were black and I felt like no warmth could ever come to me again. “Save it. I don’t care about anything you say. We can basically say this stupid, idiotic, pointless fake relationship is over!” he said, slicing his hand through the air to modify it was over. It was silent. I stared at the ground tears falling helplessly. I can’t let him do this to me. I thought. I can’t let him cut me like this. I looked up and I saw his body lose its stiffness. Find your strength Lidia. Find it now!
“The fake relationship was your idea!” I yelled. He glared. “You’re the one who approached me and asked me! Don’t you forget that!” I pointed a finger. Then I stepped back feeling like my legs were Jell-O. They won’t support me for long. I quieted my voice as I stared straight into his eyes. He saw it coming. He knew. “Pointless? I guess you think my virginity was pointless?” It was silent and he didn’t say anything. I clenched my teeth. Be strong. Do not show him you’re about to barf everything you ate today onto the floor, or that your heart hurts like someone stabbed a pen through it. Act like you stubbed your toe and it’s the aftereffects. I bit the inside of my mouth hard with my hands already in fist. I stepped back again and looked at him. Without another word from either of us, I left. I didn’t even bother to stop as I started running. I ran outside and into the cold air hoping it would help the hard sobs that hurt my chest so bad I wanted to scream.
Jack
Oh damn. I can’t believe I just did that! Oh man...I will never forget that look Lidia gave me. That sad broken-hearted look. I shook my head.
“Get it out of your head!” I yelled out loud. She broke your heart, you stupid person! She cheated on you with Grant! I will thank Greg the next time I see him. He said he was standing there next to Grant when Lidia walked up and told him to come upstairs with her. She was practically throwing herself at him! Why shouldn’t I be mad? Greg was Grant’s good friend and I hated the jock, but why would he lie
to me? He actually was nice enough to come and warn me. I should be happy. But I’m more upset than I thought I would be. I waited in bed thinking maybe she would come over after the party and tell me she had a good time and all, then I would confront her and yell at her and she would admit that she cheated on me and then she would beg for forgiveness. But she didn’t. She just listened trying to tell me something. I didn’t care what she had to tell me! I was downright pissed! She was making me look a fool! Maybe she’s been seeing Grant all this time. Greg also told me that Grant and Kendra broke up. Why didn’t Lidia tell me that?! I crushed my hands to my head feeling the head spasms. I can’t believe what I’d just said to Lidia. I couldn’t help it. It all sort of rushed out. I felt like I was yelling at Kendra. Or maybe that’s what I wanted to do. But, still. Lidia hurt me more then she knew and she didn’t even care! I had the right to be angry. A bigger right then she did…because I actually fell for her.
Lidia
I wanted my mom. I wanted to feel her warm embrace. Like I did when I was five and a thunderstorm was coming in and lightening made the sky light and scary. Then the thunder rumbled and I would push my face into my mother’s neck trying to get away from it. She would shush me telling me that it was alright. Then dad would tell me that it was okay and rub my back. I wanted both my parents more than anything right now. I wanted to be five again and be running from a thunderstorm, than having my heart torn in two. I jumped out of the car and ran to the door. It was locked. I quickly unlocked it, sobs breaking my chest. I threw open the door and stumbled in. The lights were turned off and everything was quiet. No one was home. With a sick retching sob I screamed. I’m sure the whole neighborhood could hear it. I didn’t care.
“Why is no one home when I need them the most?” I screamed as I raced toward the fire place ripping off the stockings with our names on them.
“Why is it that my parents don’t give a rat’s ass about me?” I screamed as I kicked a picture frame of us in Paris smiling on one of the stands. I ran toward the staircase where the pretty ribbon was wrapped around the railing. I pulled it off, ripping it, making a tearing sound.