by Paige Powers
“Why can’t my parents care more about me then themselves?” I was in rage and nothing could stop me! I ran toward the Christmas tree we had gotten and glared up at it.
“Why can’t Jack listen to me?” With another blow of rage, I knocked down the Christmas tree and all the ornaments fell and shattered. With that, my legs finally gave out and I crumpled to the ground. I held myself tightly together as I let out the last cries.
Afterwards my hands bled from the glass as I picked it up. I threw it away with a blank expression. I had to get out of there. I went up the stairs and into my room grabbed a big, black duffle bag and threw my clothes in it. As I passed the mirror, I stopped and stared at myself. My makeup had come off and made my cheeks black with eyeliner. My tight shirt and skirt felt almost claustrophobic. I didn’t look like myself. I hadn’t for a while now. Since I wanted to make Grant jealous, I had changed my whole personality. ‘I hate this person,’ I thought, looking in the mirror. I couldn’t believe I let Grant walk all over me like that! He was controlling me and I didn’t even know. But the time when I felt most like myself was when I was with Jack. I felt braver and stronger when I was with him. ‘Don’t think about him,’ I told myself. With another set of rage, I tore my black skirt taking it off along with my shirt. I yanked it off hearing it tear here and there. I slipped on a pair of jeans and a warm sweat shirt. I got everything I needed from the bathroom and then wrote a note. Before I left, I went to my jewelry box and opened it. A picture of my grandma and I sat smiling at me. I didn’t smile back; I grabbed the key and shut it. I put my duffle bag over my shoulder and headed out to my jeep. I needed to get away from it. I needed to get fresh air.
Lidia’s note---
Mom and Dad,
I’m going away for a while. I just can’t be home. If you need me you can call the cabin phone number because I don’t get reception there. Please, don’t come up. I just want to be alone for the holidays like every year. I’ll call you when I get there. Love you both.
Lidia
Chapter 48
I stayed at the cabin for two weeks. I smiled as I ran my fingers over the soft old sofa. It felt smooth and just how I remembered it when I was 8. I looked at the coffee stain on the floor and put my head on the arm of the sofa to stare at it. I remember that. My grandma had given me a taste of her coffee and me being only 4, I wanted a little more. The cup tipped back too far and it got all over my face and then I dropped the cup and screamed because it was a little hot. It stained the floor. I closed my eyes and I swore I could almost hear my grandma humming in the kitchen and the sound of the microwave being turned on as she heated a cup of coffee or tea. But I could hear nothing. I reopened my eyes and looked at the fireplace in front of me. There were no Christmas decorations, no Christmas tree or any presents. Just a fireplace. Christmas was over, but sometimes you could still feel like it was still there. The smell, the sound...but no. There was nothing. The only thing I did for Christmas was make myself a small turkey and mashed potatoes. Plus, I went into the closest town and bought myself a couple of books. The TV there only had 5 channels. My mom had called at midnight the day I got there. She was worried, of course. But I wouldn’t tell her what was wrong. After that, she called once a day and then later, once every couple of days. I hadn’t heard anything from Jack at all and I was pretty sure I wouldn’t either. School would be starting back soon. Tomorrow, actually. Today was New Year’s. I could hear fireworks going off miles away. I stood up and walked to the window, pulling my sleeves down around my fingers and watched fireworks shoot up from the towns below me.
Jack
I watched the fireworks as one of the moronic party-goers threw a firework and it bounced back to hit him in the leg. He screamed. I sighed and took another long drink of my beer. I was released from the hospital a week ago and was mostly better. The bastard Scott was in jail for a couple years and my mom was happy. But I wasn’t. I didn’t know why, though. I should be happy that Lidia and I aren’t together. She cheated on me! No bitch cheats on Jack Walker! I clenched my hands tightly. But Lidia isn’t a bitch. I thought I was in—
“Yo Jack! Want to take a crack at this?” one of the guys asked, holding up a fancy firework. I shook my head. He laughed and lit it himself. I didn’t know how she was doing and she hadn’t tried to call me. I didn’t either. I wanted to see her. I wanted to tell her that I forgave her, but I couldn’t. I thought we had something going till she decided to have sex with Grant. It hurt. More than anything in my life. Not even Scott putting me in the hospital hurt as much as that. I sighed and took another drink.
“Hey, honey,” said a sly voice. I looked over and saw some stupid blonde cheerleader in a tight skirt walking over to me. I raised an eyebrow. “How are you? Heard you and that girl broke up.” I shrugged.
“Fine. And yeah,” I said, not caring. She came up and pressed her body on the side of mine, making sure I felt her boobs on my arm.
“Want to go have a little party of our own?” she asked, batting her eye lashes at me. She wasn’t pretty. She wore gobs of makeup and her lips were bright red and some was on her chin. She also smelled like beer. I thought of Lidia kissing Grant and smirked at the ground. I then looked up at the cheerleader and grinned.
“I like parties.” She smiled seductively and took my hand. If Lidia can play this game, so can I. The girl pulled me forward quickly as we rounded the porch and then walked across the yard to the tool shed. I grimaced slightly. I hated these kinds of places but, oh well. She pulled me into the shed and it smelled like ground. She slammed the door shut and I could barely see her as she grabbed my face. It was dark but some of the light from the house seeped through. She kissed me roughly and moaned into my mouth. Her hands were cold on my neck and I felt weird for a moment. Lidia didn’t kiss like this. She was rough. Lidia’s lips were gentle...Don’t think about her! You’re making out with another girl! I put my hands around the girl’s waist and pulled her to me. She was little and there was barely anything to hold on to. I didn’t like it. Lidia was taller and I didn’t have to bend my head down this low or have my whole hand fit around this girl’s stomach. She bit my lip, moaning again and then bit my chin. It hurt. She tasted of beer and strawberries. Rotten strawberries. She put her hands on my chest and slipped her hands under my shirt, feeling my abs.
“Oh, you are so hot!” she sang, feeling every curve. “I just want to eat you!” she practically ripped off my shirt and I grunted. Oh man, this is just weird. I don’t even know this girl’s name and I’m about to have sex with her! For only my second time. I don’t even know if I did it right the first time! I guess I did, I mean Lidia didn’t complain about it. Though, I don’t think she would have. She’s too nice of a person. Ugh! Stop it! With anger I felt for her I put my hand under the girl’s skirt and grabbed her thigh. “Oh yes!” she gasped between her tongue in my mouth. She lifted her leg and hooked it around mine. “Ugh, do that again,” she coed. I grabbed her thigh. “Closer.” She whispered. I put my hand further up her skirt and I felt the heat from her. I squeezed. “Jack, baby!” she screamed arching her back, her body very close to mine, rubbing me inside my jeans. It didn’t really turn me on, though. She pulled away from me and yanked off her shirt clumsily. A flash from the night with Lidia came across my eyes as the girl put her lips back on mine. Lidia’s slight smile as she straddled me and pulled up her shirt. Then as she bent down to kiss me sweetly with her eyes tightly shut.
“Lidia...” I whispered. The girl pulled back.
“What?” she asked. I swallowed.
“Nothing.”
She stared for a minute and then shrugged.
“I want your pants off,” she breathed, putting her hands on the top of my jeans. I bit my lip.
“Yeah,” I said. She yanked off my belt then unzipped my pants and pulled them down. She licked my leg as she came back up. I jumped slightly surprised. She grinned at me and then unclipped her bra. Her breasts fell out. They were reall
y tiny. I remembered Lidia’s. How nice they were. Just perfect. I shook my head. Don’t, Jack. She latched onto me, throwing her whole body around me. She licked and kissed my neck as I held onto her, trying not to fall over. Again, a picture of Lidia smiling and laughing filled my vision. Her pretty eyes, the way they glowed when she saw something she liked. The way she would frown if something bothered her. The way she would look off into the distance in her own world, not caring what was happening in this one. I opened my eyes and dropped the girl who clung to me. She gasped.
“What?” she asked, annoyed. I clenched my teeth. You’re such an idiot! She cheated on you but you still can’t have sex with anyone else! You’re worthless.
“I can’t,” I said. I grabbed my clothes and put them on.
“What did you just say to me?” the cheerleader asked. I zipped up my pants. I got chills from the snow outside. I couldn’t believe I didn’t feel that till now. Must have been thinking too much.
“I said, I don’t want to have sex with you. I’m going.” I pushed past her while putting on my jacket. I had found it folded up on the brown chair Lidia used to sit on in the hospital. I asked the nurse about it and she said a girl gave it to her at the desk.
“You’re such a loser!” the girl called out at me. I just ignored her and walked back to my car.
I woke up with a giant headache and groaned. No, no, no! Damn, I had to get a hangover EVERY time I got drunk! Bloody sucks. I slapped my alarm and it went on snooze for the 13th time.
“Jack...,” Mom said outside my door.
“No,” I said sleepily. I heard my door creak open.
“Jack, get up. It’s getting late.” I ignored her and shoved my face into the pillow. “Jack, get up!” she yelled. I winced, but ignored her. Then I heard her walk away. Ha-ha! I started to fall back into sleep as I heard my name being called again. Then before I knew it a wooden spoon was pounding on a metal pan, ringing in through my ears. I jumped up quickly screaming, and then fell face first onto the floor. “That’s what you get for drinking,” Mom said smugly.
I went to school after popping 4 Aspirins into my mouth and putting on a pair of sunglasses. I walked in slowly, trying not to slap my feet on the ground because it hurt my ears.
“Hey Jack!” one of my friends called, putting out his hand for me to slap. I ignored him and walked to my locker. I didn’t want to talk to anyone today. People murmured around me but I just pretended I didn’t care. Someone tapped my back.
“Jack.” A quiet voice said. I ignored them. “Jack!” she yelled. She pulled my shoulder and Kendra looked me straight in the eyes. She looked like shit. She had dark purple lines under her eyes and her hair was a mess. “Would you stop being arrogant?! I don’t want to yell, it hurts too much,” she said, closing her eyes for a second. She was hung-over too.
“What do you want, then?” I asked bitterly. She flinched slightly. Either from me saying it too loudly or because it was mean. Both would be good to me. I could care less to even talk to this girl again.
“I want to talk to you about Lidia.”
“Kendra, leave me the hell alone,” I warned as I stepped around her.
“Jack, wait!” she yelled.
“Oh! Damn! That hurt!” she said, stopping to hold her head. The bell rang and we both grabbed our ears. Kids left the hallways. I started for my class, ignoring her. “Jack, stop!” She ran up and grabbed me roughly.
“Ow!” I yelled.
“Come with me,” she ordered strongly. She pulled me across the school and pushed me into a closet.
“What the hell do you want?!” I yelled. She pushed me back. I hit the wall and stared wide eyed at her. She looked pissed.
“You listen to me! I’m trying to tell you something and you are being a jerk!” I was surprised.
“Fine,” I said like a child. She huffed.
“Lidia didn’t have sex with Grant.” I snorted and rolled my eyes standing back up again.
“Yeah rig—”
“You shut the freak up and listen!” she pushed me back again. I stumbled and fell to my butt. She glared down at me. “Don’t even say another word!” she warned. “Lidia did the exact opposite! She told Grant that she did NOT and I repeat NOT like him and she thanked him for dumping her.” I frowned up at her.
“Why would she thank him?” Kendra’s face softened.
“Because she said she fell in love with you.”
My heart stopped. Never in my life did I think I would hear that from Lidia. I stared dumbfounded. Oh god, I said really mean stuff to her. I...that’s why she came so late! She wanted to tell me something! She was going to tell me that.
“Oh, man,” I said putting my hands to my face.
“Yeah exactly!” Kendra said.
“What did I do?” I asked myself out loud. Kendra sighed. “How do you know this?” I asked looking up at her.
“I was making out in the hallway when she came running out of the room with Grant, telling him off and saying she had to go find you.” I clenched my teeth. I’ve screwed everything up.
“Why are you doing this?” I asked. She frowned slightly.
“Because, even if we haven’t been getting along, I still love her. She was like my sister. I couldn’t let her get hurt again. Even if the first time was my fault.” She looked down, frowning. Her eyes got misty. “I screwed our friendship up because of a guy.” She laughed coldly. “I’m an idiot.”
I looked up at her. Maybe she wasn’t as bad as I thought. She was just as screwed as I was. I didn’t feel anything for her romantically, but I could maybe think we could be friends sometime.
“I need to go talk to her.” I said, standing up, feeling determined.
“Yeah...wait!” she said as I reached for the door.
“What?”
“I forgot! Lidia isn’t at school or home.” I frowned.
“Then where the hell is she?” I asked annoyed.
She bit her lip.
“I called her and her parents said that she left two weeks ago. Said she went to see her grandma or something? Or someplace around the mountains? I can’t remember.” Why would she go to her grandma’s?
“And she’s not here today?” I asked. She shook her head with a sad expression. “Damn!” I said and opened the door. Where would she be around the mountains..? “Oh! I know where she is!” I said thinking back to our little... “There is this great place I know of. It’s up around the mountains somewhere. My grandma used to take me up there and we would stay there for a week or two on holidays when my parents went away. It was always so beautiful in the winter...”
Chapter 49
“I’ve got to get that address,” I said, clenching my hands. Kendra looked at me and smiled sadly.
“I always knew you were a good person.” I gave her a small smile. “I’m sorry for what happened between us,” Kendra said quietly. I nodded.
“Yeah, me too.” She kissed my cheek softly in a friendly way.
“Go after her and tell her how you feel.” I grinned.
“Don’t worry, I will!”
She laughed as I turned around and ran.
“Can you please tell me the address? I need it! If I don’t talk to her, I will rip out my heart and feed it to the animals!” I said dramatically. Mrs. Taylor stared at me with wide eyes.
“I said I would give it to you, Jack, sweetie.” I guess this is why Lidia tells me I’m dramatic.
“Oh...OK. Well, can I have it right now?”
She nodded.
Lidia
I opened the front door and stepped out and the cold winter air hit me softly. I pulled my jacket around me more securely. It was a nice day. Warmer than usual. I didn’t want to go back home today. It was the first day of school and mom had finally called to remind me. I told her to tell them I was sick for the next 4 days. I didn’t want to have to go back to school and see Jack. I couldn’t stand just seeing him and not being able to t
ouch him. I didn’t want to break down in tears when he looked at me, if he did at all. I hate being weak! And he was my weakness. And I let him take it and he abused it. My feet crunched as I walked across the hard snow, past my Jeep and up along the ridge of the mountain. I exhaled as I looked out across the mountains to the city. It was beautiful! The big hills had snow covering their peaks and the sky was blue with a couple of clouds dotting it. The aroma in the air reminded me of when I was a kid and Grandma would bring me out here and we would sit and watch the sunset. I closed my eyes as the sun warmed my face and the wind blew my hair back. I could hear me as a kid talking to my grandma......
“Grandmamma, why does the sun always set?” She would sigh and kiss my cheek as I rested in her lap.
“Because that’s the way God intended it to be. It is the way of life. It sometimes can be sad, but remember: every sunset comes to an end with someone you love. And honey, everything comes to an end at some time.” I frowned, turning to look up at her.
“Does everybody’s life come to an end, Grandmamma?” she smiled sadly at me.
“Yes, baby. But that’s not the end.” I smiled.
“Good! Because I want to live with my family forever!” Grandma laughed and nestled me closer.
A tear fell down my cheek as I just shut my eyes and fought to keep myself from missing the memory of my Grand mamma’s arms wrapped around me. I sighed and opened my eyes. They were burning from me fighting the tears. “Every sunset comes to an end with someone you love...or without one.” I whispered my Grand mama’s words. The last part, I added on. Because it was the truth. Truth hurts people the most. I wiped my cheek and smiled at the white cross with a purple bow on saying my grandma’s name. I walked back through the trees just as I heard a car come roaring up the road. I stopped dead in my tracks at the edge of the driveway. The familiar orange Camaro bouncing feverishly around looking like everything would fall apart if it didn’t stop, came up my driveway. I stared, my heart rate increasing. How?