by L. L. Ash
Tyler looked at me in playful horror before we laughed quietly together over it.
The almost 2 hour drive went by quickly. Tyler and I joked and giggled in the back seat with the occasional kiss until Dad noticed and broke it up. And Tyler had made a game of trying to snake his hand up under my dress while Dad wasn’t looking.
When we arrived there were a load of cars lining the street.
We looked around curiously before Tyler asked, “Is it a big party? I got the impression that it was a small family style thanksgiving.”
I nodded.
“It’ll just be our family and them. I don’t know where all these cars are from.”
Dad parked in the driveway since there was no street parking left.
A tall blond woman bound out of the house and I grinned at the sight of Hannah. Joseph followed close behind. His dark features were familiar and heartwarming. How I’d missed them.
We jumped out of the car and after I hugged them both, Dad following and doing the same, another dark figure stepped out of the house, leaning on the door.
I shrieked and giggled, throwing my arms out as Connor gave me his 1000 watt smile.
I ran to him and he caught me up in his arms, his face buried in my hair and I heard his laugh reverberate in my ear.
“I missed you,” I told him and smacked a kiss on his cheek.
Conner smiled down at me, then glanced over my shoulder before looking at me again and saying, “I missed you, too.”
I pressed my cheek to his firm chest again and relished in the familiarity and comfort his hard ridges brought to me.
“Come inside!” Hannah called and she led Dad and Joseph into the house.
Tyler followed slowly, trying to give me a minute with Connor.
“Come, come!” I told him, pulling away from Connor enough to wave Tyler over. “It’s about time you two meet,” I told them. “Ty, Connor. Connor, my boyfriend Tyler Harrison.”
“Nice to meet you. Sam doesn’t stop saying good things about you,” Ty said with a grin as he extended his hand.
Connor tensed up for a moment, then took the hand with a sharp nod, but he didn’t say anything.
Tyler cleared his throat and we stood awkwardly for a minute before I pushed Connor ahead of me into the house and grabbed Tyler by the hand. He looked at me and squeezed.
The table was set and the things we’d brought added to the feast waiting there, but Tyler still had an armful of wine.
“Well, aren’t you going to introduce us to your boyfriend, Sammy?” Hannah asked as she eyed Tyler with a smile.
“Oh! Where are my manners?” I asked and pulled him toward where Hannah and Joseph stood in the kitchen. “This is Tyler Harrison.”
“Well, you hooked yourself a handsome boy,” Hannah said and shook his outstretched hand.
“For the hostess,” Tyler said as he relieved himself of the bottles. “I wasn’t sure what you’d like so I brought an assortment.”
“Oh how lovely,” Hannah said, looking over the wine.
Tyler shook Joseph’s hand while Hannah put the wine on the counter.
“It’s a pleasure to meet the two of you,” He told them. “Sam has told me all about how you’re her second parents.”
“Oh Sammy and Connor couldn’t be separated,” Hannah said with a wave of her hand. “And it was fine with us because we always wanted a daughter anyway.”
Joseph laughed at that and slapped Tyler on the back before making his way to the table.
“Sammy was more of a son then a daughter,” Joseph called from across the room, and the comment made Dad laugh.
It made me blush.
“Well be that as it may, she most certainly a beautiful woman now,” Tyler said and looked adoringly at me.
I heard a scoff and turned to see Connor rolling his eyes as he leaned against the wall behind us.
“That she is,” Hannah agreed before shooing us to the table.
We all sat and took hands around the table. Dad and Joseph were on the ends of the 6 seater table and of course Tyler and I found seats together on one side so Connor had to sit with his mom on the other side. As it happens, Connor was exactly across from me.
After a brief prayer over the food, provided by Joseph, we dug into the food.
Connor was quiet throughout the meal, picking at the food on his plate, while Dad in contrast ate everything in sight. He missed Mom’s cooking, I knew that, but it was readily evident when we ate at people’s houses. Especially Hannah’s house because her and Mom had shared and used the same recipes for many things.
Tyler ate quietly, but politely, seeming interested in any conversation at hand, and I could see the training he’d received just then. He was fantastic company.
Throughout the meal Connor’s look became darker and darker as Tyler got along with the family and slowly became the center of attention. Hannah and Joseph went on and on about how tasty the wine was and asked all about his work and what it was like to run a hotel in Vegas. At that Connor asked to be excused and rushed away from the table.
Nobody looked shocked except for me.
“I’ll be back in a minute,” I told Tyler, then got up and followed Connor out of the room.
He was in his room, the door slightly ajar and a banging sound coming rhythmically from his room.
He was sitting on his bed, tossing a rubber ball about the size of my fist against the wall over and over.
“What the hell is up with you?” I asked, hands planted on my hips.
“You should get back out there. Don’t want to miss a single word from your precious new boyfriend.”
“So what, you’re jealous?” I asked him.
“Jealous?” he scoffed with a dark laugh. “Not of him. Though you seem quite taken by him. Charming guy, I have to admit.”
“Connor,” I said but he ignored me.
Finally I clumsily caught the ball he kept throwing to gain his attention.
“Seriously, what’s going on? I haven’t seen you in almost a year and you’re just giving me looks and attitude. Did I miss something while I was gone?”
“No, I think you missed something while you were here,” he whispered.
“What? I don’t get it?”
He just sighed and stood up.
“You’re sure about this guy?” he asked me, taking my hands lightly in his as he stood in front of me.
“We’ve had a couple rough patches already, but we’ve worked it out. And we understand each other. We love each other.”
“Like Michael did?” He asked, his voice deep.
Michael was the lowlife who was my last boyfriend.
“That’s low….” I told him, yanking my hands back.
“I’m worried about you Sam. You don’t know this guy that well, and guys that charming are guys that take something one day then discard it the next. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Well stop worrying about me. He’s not like that. He’s mature and he is sure where his life is going. He’s been good for me, in a lot of ways.”
“And you’re happy?”
“Yeah, I really am.”
“I’m just worried he’s taking advantage of you Sammy. Can’t I worry about you?”
“Only as much as I worry about you,” I told him and pushed his long hair out of his eyes.
Connor had his Dad’s black hair, but his Mom’s flawless alabaster skin. His green eyes bored into mine, emotion swirling in them. His typical skater guy style had been tempered over the past year, and he seemed taller since I’d seen him last.
“Why don’t you have a girlfriend?” I asked him. “Why don’t you even date? Is there something you need to say? A closet you need to come out of?”
He raised an eyebrow then rolled his eyes and shook his head.
“There’s nothing in any closet except skeletons.”
“Skeletons?” I asked curiously,
“Always.”
“What skeletons?”
; “Secrets,” he said and looked away.
“Secrets you haven’t told me?” I asked, hurt.
“We’re best friends, but that doesn’t mean you need to know EVERYTHING.”
“Tell me Con, maybe it’ll help you.”
He stared at me for a long time, as if trying to decide if he should tell me.
“I don’t think you want to know,” he said finally, looking down.
I approached, putting both hands on his cheeks and forced him to look at me while I said, “I want to know everything Connor. We’re best friends, and we’ve been through everything together. I can handle whatever it is. And I think we owe it to each other to be honest.”
“Honest?” he asked in a whisper.
I nodded, but was quickly interrupted by Connor’s face shooting toward me. His lips pressed hard against mine and I gasped, accidently leaving room for his tongue to sweep in.
My stomach flip flopped around in my body and my skin tingled
“W-wait,” I managed weakly but he got closer and his hands kept my face near while he made love to my mouth.
I would say that it was against my will, but a little piece of me had always been curious. Had always wondered what it would be like to be loved by Connor in this way instead of in the sisterly way.
When he finally pulled away we were gasping and Connor’s eyes glowed with love.
“I’ve loved you since I can remember,” he finally whispered. “I’ve always been in love with you and it kills me to see you with a guy like that.”
“You-you don’t even know him, Connor,” I said weakly, still unsure about my own feelings at the moment.
“I don’t need to. I’ve known enough like him to know.”
After a moment of silence I pulled away and told him, “I need some air.”
He let me go.
I headed outside and got a few good breaths before Tyler came out and leaned against the wall next to me,
“You ok?” he asked. “You look…. ruffled.”
“Kiss me,” I told him in a voice holding more desperations then I’d have liked.
He looked confused for a moment, but he didn’t wait to be told again. He sidled up to me and pressed his lips to mine in that familiar beautiful way that only he could do. My heart raced but my skin didn’t tingle like it had with Connor’s kiss.
I cursed myself for even comparing. My problem was I loved both men. I’d always loved Connor, but I’d never seen him as a man before, only as a brother.
And I desperately loved Tyler in a heart wrenching sort of way that threatened to kill me.
A squeaking moan escaped me that he misinterpreted as pleasure, and his fingers ran up my thigh, dragging up the skirt of my dress.
Suddenly Tyler was gone and all I saw before I shrank down and screamed was Connor’s fist heading toward Tyler’s head.
Hannah, Joseph, and Dad ran out of the dining room at the scream and caught Tyler and Connor going at each other. Dad grabbed Tyler while Joseph held a fighting Connor back. Tyler had gone still, his nose bleeding and his eyes shooting daggers at Connor. While Connor was cursing and pulling at his dad’s arms trying to attack Tyler again.
“Connor, stop!” I yelled with tears in my eyes.
His gaze shot to me, hurt written all over his face and tears glistening against the green irises.
He pulled his arms and stormed back into the house while Dad let go of Tyler asking, “What the hell was that all about?”
I bit my lip but Tyler said, “I believe it’s simple jealousy. And to be honest, I don’t really blame him.”
Hannah looked at Joseph with a worried look on her face before going after Connor.
“I think we should go,” Dad told Joseph. “Looks like the boys can’t be in the same vicinity right now...”
“I’ll go wait in the car,” Tyler started but Dad shook his head and went back into the house.
We were on the road home in less then ten minutes.
Tyler was silent and Dad was equally quiet while the radio played soft rock ballads.
We were almost home when I heard Dad’s phone ring.
He talked for a couple minutes Dad before telling us, “Connor’s ok. He’s got a fat lip but he’s fine.”
After a pause Dad asked, “What happened?”
I looked at Tyler but he didn’t look back at me.
“I don’t entirely know,” I admitted. “Tyler and I…. We were kissing for just a minute and then all of a sudden Connor went nuts and started punching Tyler.”
“Why would he do that?” Dad asked quietly while he drove.
I looked toward Ty and he looked back for a minute, his eyes dark behind the blue. Empty. He observed me for a minute before turning away again.
When we got home Dad went inside and I had some time with Tyler alone.
“What happened, Sam,” he asked me when Dad left. “Something changed between dinner and out in the yard.”
I gulped and my stomach twisted while nausea burned up my chest.
“He….he told me he loved me,” I said, biting hard at my lip.
“And?” He asked, as if he already knew.
“And…. he kissed me.”
“Did you kiss him back?”
“I…. I didn’t kiss him back.”
“But you didn’t stop him?” he asked with a blank, almost bored expression.
“I was too shocked,” I answered honestly.
Tyler nodded and looked down, his arms crossed over his chest while he leaned against the door of his car.
Nothing was said for a long time. We were both lost in our own thoughts until Tyler whispered, “Do you love him?”
“Of course I do, he’s like my brother, Ty.”
“Well obviously he doesn’t feel that way,” he responded dully.
“We’ve been friends forever…. I don’t know what you want from me. I love him, yes, but I love you, too.”
“Well you’re going to have to damn well choose who you love more,” he said finally, emotion finally creeping into his voice. “I won’t be second to anyone. And I won’t tolerate someone trying to sabotage our relationship or beat me up, even if they’re your best friend.”
“What are you saying?” I asked with tears falling rapidly off my face.
“I’m saying,” Tyler looked directly into my eyes. “Choose. One or the other, because you cannot have both.”
“How am I supposed to pick only one of you?” I gasped. “That’s completely unfair!”
“You know what’s unfair?” he asked in a low voice. “My girlfriend kissing some other guy who she professes to love, then the next moment kissing me like I’m the only damn man in the whole fucking world….”
I watched a solitary teardrop roll out of his eye and make it halfway down his cheek before he swiped it away. Just then Tyler moved forward and made his way around the car to the driver’s side. He opened the door and turned to me before speaking.
“Make up your mind and call me when you’ve made your decision.”
With that he sank into the seat and sped away.
My heart pulled out of my chest and dragged across the street behind his car.
I managed to make my feet move. They carried me to my bedroom where I pulled off my dress and got under the covers in my underwear before I cried harder than I’d ever cried in my life with the one exception of the day Mom died.
The room grew gradually darker until it was night. Dad had tried to talk to me but I’d asked him to go.
I wasn’t ready to talk to him about it. I wasn’t ready to think about it. Either way I lost. I lost a large chunk of my heart that belonged to each one of them.
Time passed but I was unsure how much time passed before there was a knock on my bedroom door.
“I don’t want to talk about it Dad,” I called, but the door opened to reveal not my dad, but one of those pieces of my heart.
“I couldn’t let you go without fighting for you Sam,” Connor said from the door
way.
A sob caught in my throat as he approached, settling himself onto the bed across from me like we’d always done when I was sad. His arms pulled me against his chest and I sobbed all over his shirt, tears I thought were long gone. Finally, blissfully I cried myself to sleep.
A gentle stroking on my shoulder woke me up. My sleepy, swollen eyes opened to find green ones staring back at me.
“He told me to choose,” I told Connor in a whisper, “He told me to choose between him and you.”
“What kind of a choice is that?” Connor asked as he continued stroking.
“The worst kind,” I sighed and rolled onto my back, away from him.
“I’m not going to give up on you, Sam,” he said, propping himself up on his elbow. “Until I hear the words out of your mouth that you want nothing to do with me, I’m going to keep fighting. I’m done watching these guys walk all over you and break your heart while I pick up all the pieces, meanwhile my heart is breaking, knowing it should be me holding you, touching you, kissing you….”
His hand turned my face toward him again and he stared into mine for just a moment before he kissed me softly. This time, I felt the love, the affection radiating off him. He loved me more then anyone in my life, besides my Dad. If there was a person I could trust my heart to, it was him.
I thought of Tyler. Of the short time we’d had together but the strong feelings that’d developed in that time. But I owed it to Connor, I owed it to myself to see what happened with Connor. Maybe we were meant to be friends, or maybe we were soul mates. I wasn’t sure, but I needed to be.
I gave in to the kiss.
It lasted for a long time, drawn out and eliciting strong feelings that’d never been between us before. Connor moved further up on his elbow, leaning over me now, my back pressed harder into the mattress while his fingers pushed into my hair and his mouth explored mine as if he’d been a starving man who finally found sustenance.
Faintly I felt the hand in my hair pull out and then his feather light touch flittered down my shoulder and arm, brushing across my stomach, hip then settling at my waist.
“Sam,” I heard Dad call then a knock on the door.
Conner pulled away and settled his head back on the pillow next to mine with a little smile lighting his lips.