by L. L. Ash
I lifted a hand and touched a cheek, feeling the stubble there that was so comforting, touching the lips that created such pleasure, but shaped the words that caused such pain….
His eyes opened and he met my gaze. They shone in the shadows streaking his face. I knew I had to do whatever it took to get him to forgive me. To give me a second chance.
“Damn I missed that,” he said, his voice low and his breathing evening out.
Not, he missed me. He missed the sex.
“Is that all you missed?” I asked him.
He pulled back, my leg falling from around him and he ducked his head without answering, to remove the condom and buckle himself back up.
“Will you give me a chance to apologize?” I asked now.
“I don’t want your apologies,” he said and moved toward the sliding glass door.
“Ty, please listen to me,” I begged.
But he turned back to me, his face an inch away when he whispered fiercely, “Listen to you? It’s ALL about you, isn’t it? It’s always about you.”
My jaw dropped and he backed away.
“Happy birthday Sam,” he said before turning, going back into the house. I managed to get ahold of myself and ran after him, but it was too late. He was already in his car driving quickly down the street. I sank down to my knees right here on the front lawn and cried.
Conner found me there and managed to pick me up and bring me back inside. He laid me on my bed and asked, “What the hell happened?”
“Tyler showed up,” I managed emotionlessly.
“And? He said he would.”
I looked at him in shock.
“You knew he was coming?”
“Yeah, we talked about it today. We coordinated our gifts for you.”
“Bastard,” I whispered.
I curled up on my side and refused to listen as Connor tried to talk to me.
He eventually covered me with my blanket after removing my shoes and left the room.
Was that Tyler’s plan the whole time? Was this an attempt to get back at me? To fuck and flee?
Frustration welled up in me and hurt settled in all the cracks around my heart.
Connor left me alone for the next week. I only interacted with Dad, and I tried to put on a happy face for him. My job grew more tedious but I still went. It was exactly 9 days after my birthday party that I got another text from Tyler.
-Can I see you tonight?
I grew instantly angry.
-What am I, your booty call?
-Do you want to be?
-I don’t want to be used anymore. Not even by you.
-I know the feeling well. I wanted to talk.
-Have you decided to forgive me? Because I haven’t forgiven you.
-The glass room, at 8 o’clock.
I didn’t respond after that. All day at work I tossed and turned with the idea of seeing him. Where I wished all would be better between us, I was also aware that Tyler was rightfully angry at me, as I was angry at him. I needed to confront him and tonight might be my chance.
So after work I got home around 5:30, I showered, changed into shorts and a black tee then made my way to the car. I drove to the Triton and parked deep in the underground parking lot and waited there for a long while until it was 7:45. Finally I got out of the car, still wondering if this was a good idea, before I was caught by security at the entrance and asked to follow one of the members into the building. He led me through the maze in the casino before getting into an elevator. We rode up together to the 68th floor and he inserted the key like Tyler had done on our first date so long ago. Thinking back to it made me cringe and simultaneously burn in excitement.
The elevator doors jarred open and I stepped out, the security guard staying in the elevator, riding it down again. I stood alone in the hallway, Scott’s suite to the left and the ladder leading up to the glass room up ahead. I made my way toward it, climbed it, and saw Tyler standing at the window facing the busiest section of the strip.
“I wasn’t sure you were going to come,” he said, not looking at me. His back was to me, his hands clasped behind him and his air was noncommittal, but the tone of his voice was anything but.
“One of your henchmen brought me up,” I told him and crossed my arms over my chest.
“Henchmen?” he asked and turned to me for a moment, a smile lighting his face. “Never thought of it that way before, but I suppose you’re right.” He paused then added. “I gave them your picture so they knew who to let up here.”
“That’s reassuring,” I said then there was a pause.
Tyler’s head dropped, his chin touching his chest before he slowly turned to me, his hands moving to his pockets.
“Why did you ask me to come here,” I asked with no more preamble. We needed to just hash this out or give up on it.
“Because I realized what a mistake I made on your birthday,” he said with a sigh.
“What? You mean using me like your personal whore?”
He flinched and had the decency to look sorry for it.
“We both have made mistakes,” he said, his eyes lifting to mine again. “And I’m sick of living in this weird limbo of wanting to forgive but being too stubborn to do so.”
I nodded, feeling the exact same way.
“We need to figure out if we can move on from this or if we just need to forget each other and move on.”
Again I nodded.
Tyler sighed and flopped down onto the makeshift mattress of blankets and pillows covering a small portion of the floor, and I joined him. We sat there looking at each other for a while, unable to say anything. Eventually Tyler spoke.
“You really hurt me,” he said, looking down at his hands, fisted in his lap until he looked up at me. “I told you about my mom. I told you I have insecurities about being abandoned, and you just fit right into that little niche with her and every other woman in my life.”
I sighed and nodded slowly, ashamed at how I made him feel.
“You’re right,” I agreed. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I think I was just afraid and I took an easy out because you made me feel so many things I’d never felt before. Things I wasn’t ready to feel. Your talk of the future really freaked me out.”
He nodded too, and looked out the window at his side.
“I’m not sure if I can ever trust you again,” he shrugged.
“And I wouldn’t blame you. I don’t deserve your trust,” I told him, which made him turn to me.
“You’re awful agreeable to your faults.”
“I’m aware of them, so there’s no point in trying to pretend they’re not there.”
“If anything you’re honest,” he said, a tiny smile playing at the corner of his lips.
I shrugged and said, “I know I don’t have your trust, nor do I deserve it, but I want to be able to earn it back. I want to prove to you that I’m committed to you. If there was one thing this has taught me it’s that I can’t live without you. I don’t WANT to live without you.”
He stared deeply into my eyes and asked, “How could you earn it back?”
“I’m not sure. But I’ll do whatever it takes.”
He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers.
“But I need something back from you if we give this another chance,” I told him.
His head popped up again and he looked confused.
“Firstly, I need an apology. I’m not your whore, and if I’d have known that was all you wanted me for the other day, I’d have never had sex with you.”
“That wasn’t all I wanted,” he said and clutched his knees against his chest. “I wanted to tell you so many things…. But when I saw you, everything just overwhelmed me and that was all I could control, and trust myself to do.”
“What did you want to say?” I asked, trying to give him a chance to explain.
“I wanted to tell you that I missed you so much…. That I was so miserable without you. That I’d be your damn
whipping post if I could just have you in my life. That I just didn’t care anymore because I need you.”
“I need you more than air,” I confessed in a whisper.
He licked his lips and ducked his head again.
“I’m scared, too,” he whispered so softly I wasn’t sure I understood him correctly.
“Scared of what? What could possibly scare you?” I asked in disbelief.
“I’m scared of needing you,” he admitted. “I’ve not needed anyone my entire life, my dad being the only real exception to that. And to need a woman. To trust a woman with everything that I am, with my heart, entirely too fragile in the palm of your hand…. With the slightest squeeze I bleed. I’m not ready for that. When our relationship turned from sex to friendship I was ok with that, but suddenly I was afraid of losing you when Connor kissed you... There was blood everywhere, Sam….”
I was sobbing now. Pain seeped from him like the blood he referred to. There were two perfect trails of tears lining his cheeks, and he just seemed so hollow. I realized that this didn’t have as much to do with me as it had to do with his past. He was fragile, and he covered it with partying and sex. He found acceptance with his body instead of his soul.
“I love you,” I managed to squeak out. “And I promise you that if you choose to trust me with you heart, that I will never let it bleed alone.”
He looked up at me, his eyes glistening crystal blue like pure water.
“I can’t promise that I will never hurt you. We will fight and we’ll disagree, but I will never leave you again.”
I scooched closer to him on my knees, pressed a palm to each cheek, wet from his pain. He met my gaze, his expression going from pain and fear, to surrender. His eyes closed and I pulled his head against me. I hugged it closely to my breast and cried into his hair. His body softened and he gave himself to me. His shoulder touching mine and his head resting against my chest in my arms.
When the emotions in the room grew less volatile, he looked up at me and said, “Thank you.”
“For what? I didn’t do anything.”
“I didn’t need you to do anything, I just needed you here.”
He dragged a finger down the salt trails left on my cheeks from crying before he lowered himself down, laying on his side. I laid beside him and he pulled me into his arms tightly. I dug my face into his cotton shirt and inhaled the smell that was distinctly his. His cologne mixed with the sweet smell of his skin and the slight bitter smell of smoke that always clung to his clothes.
We stayed that way for a long time before Tyler stroked my hair back and said, “I’ve never done this before.”
“Did what?” I asked, looking upward to catch his gaze.
“I’ve never done this…. Just held a woman without the expectation to pleasure her or her to pleasure me. It’s nice.”
Fresh tears sparked in my eyes at the thought of never having been held. Connor had always held me, and I always had that safety there. Tyler had had no woman to hold him and let him just soak up her love like Connor did for me.
“I like it, too,” I told him, moving my hand up and down his back. “We can do this as often as you’d like.”
He squeezed me and closed his eyes. I watched as his face became peaceful while sleep overcame him. I promised myself at that moment that I would love this man, and only this man for the rest of my life. I would give him nothing more to feel pain over, and I would help him as he pieced back together his wounded heart.
Chapter 9
“Sam,” I heard, then felt a shake on my shoulder.
When my eyes flittered open it was Tyler on his knees waking me.
“Let’s go inside. My back is killing me.”
He helped me up and I looked outside the windows, seeing the faintest streaks of dawn approaching.
After pushing the ladder up Tyler bumped his hip against a black square on the wall by the door and the handle turned green with a faint beep.
He opened it and took my hand. Leading me through the dark, swank suite to a door in the back. It opened to a modern looking bedroom with a huge bed. A white bedspread and black and glass furniture were all I could make out in the dark. The headboard was massive and covered in what looked like black suede in a quilted pattern.
“Wow,” I told him with a little laugh.
“Wait til you try the bed,” he said, dropping his jeans and shirt before crawling under the sheets.
I followed suit and got under the silk sheets in just my underwear.
“You lucky bastard,” I said and it made him laugh.
Just then, I realized that I’d never seen his bedroom before.
When we’d dated, we rarely slept together in the literal sense. And when we did it was in the glass room or, once, in an empty hotel room.
“You love luxury, don’t you?” I asked as my aching body sank into the pillow soft mattress.
“If you had a choice to sleep in this every night, wouldn’t you?” he asked back and tucked his arms behind his head as he lay on his back.
“Can I?” I asked with a laugh
He grinned at me before saying, “Any night you want.”
I sighed in contentment and cuddled up to him, resting my head on his shoulder and slipping my arm underneath the pillow under his head. The swollen muscles on his abs and chest gave away the hours he must have spent in the gym recently. He was firmer than ever and his arm, flexed like it was, was like sleeping on a tree log.
I kept the complaint to myself.
We were woken by a loud pounding on the door then it swung open and Scott stepped in carrying a cup of coffee.
“We’ve got a meeting bright and early, Ty,” he said, rapping his knuckles against the door again before approaching. Tyler moaned and turned over, his hand sliding off my stomach and I woke up just enough to realize we had an intruder. When the thought penetrated my foggy, sleep-clouded mind, I shot straight up, and Scott took a step backwards, shocked to see me in the room, in bed with his son.
“Hm?” Tyler mumbled as he sat up too, then he realized what was going on. “I’ll be out in a few, Dad,” Tyler told Scott.
He looked grateful to be able to retreat out of the room.
“Oh,” I moaned into my hands before noticing I was in nothing but my bra and panties.
Tyler’s Dad saw me in a bra...
Tyler rubbed his eyes then swung his legs over the bed and got up, walking toward his closet.
“Ty,” I groaned and he glanced over from fingering his clothes before he suddenly realized that I was there.
“Shit,” he groaned and looked at the door then back at me. “Oh Sam, I’m sorry. I should have warned my dad with a text...”
“Yeah well now he’s seen me practically naked,” I groaned again.
“He’s cool,” Tyler tried, but I wouldn’t be soothed.
“I’ll never be able to show my face here again.”
“Don’t be dramatic Sam,” he said and gave me a look.
“You don’t understand women at all,” I ground out through clenched teeth.
“Not this part of them,” he admitted and sat on the bed next to me again, stroking my hair back, no doubt bedraggled. “Want to shower with me?” he asked as he stood, taking a step toward the bathroom.
I heaved a sigh but the thought was too enticing to hold a grudge. He dipped his head in question as he looked back at me, waiting for me to respond. I groaned as I crawled out of the massive bed and took the hand he offered with a smile lighting his face.
At least if I had to face his dad, I would be able to do it clean.
Tyler let go of my hand and opened the door to the shower, turning on the water to a steaming temperature, which was just fine with me. The A/C was so high I was shivering.
He turned a handle on the temperature control and another shower head started spraying water, the flow clashing in the middle of the large shower. The glass doors fogged up and Tyler turned to me with a grin before thumbing down his boxer briefs
, bouncing his eyebrows and getting in.
“Ohhhhh,” he gave a shuddering groan as the hot water hit him.
I quickly unhooked my bra and slid my panties down before stepping in after him. The water was hot to the point of burning, but it felt so good and the burning soon turned to tingling.
“Ohhh yeah,” I groaned and Tyler grinned at me and let out a laugh.
“Glad you can enjoy a hot shower too,” he said and stepped closer to me, his eyes falling from mine, down my body. Goose bumps erupted across my skin as I watched the good humor in Tyler’s eyes turn to burning hunger.
“Cuddling last night was great,” he said and put a hand on my waist, pulling me toward him until his erection pressed into my belly. “But I need you now. I need your body.”
His eyes hooded as one hand came up and touched the tip of one breast, instantly shooting pangs of pleasure down my body ending between my legs. I put my arms around his sticky, wet, sweaty shoulders and he pulled me against him, lifting my feet off the ground. I wrapped them around him and pressed my heels into his lower back, lining us up.
Tyler tested his footing before pressing my back against the cold tile and pressing kisses down my chest and neck. He found one particular spot he must have liked and stayed on it, sucking to the point of pain. When he removed his mouth he looked at his work and grinned. I looked down and saw the bright red hickey on the top of my left breast.
“You’re branded now,” he said in a gravely voice before plunging into me.
I gasped and groaned at the feel of his warm skin filling me. He stayed that way for a moment, his eyes shutting and a rumble filling his chest.
“Oh Sam,” he breathed and looked at me, his eyes vulnerable as he shared the experience with me.
“I need you Ty. Please, I need you,” I begged and he began moving, pressing me to the wall harder with his chest while he retreated, then plunged back in.