by L. L. Ash
Neither of us admitted to the uncomfortable air between us and we kept plugging on. I unlatched my bra and pulled my panties off, suddenly aware of my nakedness. Whereas I’d been proud to be bare as a baby for Tyler, I was unsure of whether I’d made the right decision to clean up in anticipation of this. I’d had every intention of sparking this, but now I wished I hadn’t.
Eventually, when we were naked, Connor looked me over like I was prized gold. He admired every inch and I squirmed under his inspection. Of course I couldn’t see anything other then his chest as he leaned over me and the thought frustrated me.
I pushed against him, trying to push out the memories of childhood with him and the certain distance we kept between us that we were now crossing.
The shove must have nudged him back to reality and he put on a condom before he began roaming his hand over my skin. It glanced over my ribs, barely touched the tip of one breast, then ran down my side and moved one thigh outward while he settled between my legs. We paused in suspended anxiety. Connor gripped my hip, then held onto the headboard of the bed set he’d purchased recently with the other hand before he slowly, slowly slipped in.
It was absolutely, positively, irrevocably mediocre. It was like sandpaper as I felt him enter. My natural lube having dried up as the awkwardness appeared. His hips moved and I tried to move too, but it was just too uncomfortable. I couldn’t look him in the face, and I realized just then that this wasn’t right. This wasn’t what we were.
I gulped but waited it out. Prayed that it got better and that the awkwardness would fade and some sort of passion would spark. Instead there was just the rhythm in and out and then it was over. We quickly pulled away from each other, each of us taking a spot on the bed, not touching each other.
I was suddenly embarrassed. I quickly picked up my clothes, but got a quick glance at Connor and his flaccid erection. His hands covered his face and I imagine he felt the same as I did.
When I was dressed again, I laid back down. Connor pulled his sheets over his hips and tucked his arms under his head. We stayed there in silence for a long time before Connor sighed and turned to me.
“That was freaking horrible,” he said with a straight face.
I suddenly burst into laughs at the release of tension while I nodded my agreement. Connor fell back with a groan and covered his face again. Finally he chuckled and before we knew it, we were laughing uncontrollably.
When we settled down again we looked at each other and shook our heads. Connor tried to smile for me, but the look of disappointment in his face was palpable.
“Your breasts are beautiful,” he said finally.
“Thanks,” I said with an awkward laugh.
He dug his hand through his hair before asking, “Do you want to talk about what just happened?”
“Do we need to?” I asked back. “We both agree that it was terrible.”
“Why was it terrible though?” he asked, his confusion genuine.
I shrugged and he went on.
“You’re so beautiful, you turn me on so bad… but it just felt… weird… wrong almost.”
I nodded.
“I don’t think looks even have that much to do with it,” I told him. “You’re handsome and you turn me on, too. But I don’t think we are meant to have this kind of relationship.”
Connor rolled over and groaned loudly into his pillow.
Another silence reigned before he said, “Maybe we should try it again? Before giving up on us?”
“Another try of what?” I asked, noticing the top of his cute little butt was showing over the sheet around him.
I pulled it up a little then went on.
“Another try to remind us how bad it was?”
“I just can’t believe it....” he said in a whisper. “I love you so much…. It doesn’t make sense….”
I shrugged, not understanding it either.
“So now what?” I asked him.
He sat up, wrapping his arms around his knees with a frown on his face. I watched the curve of his muscular back with pleasure as I always did, and realized that we had attraction, but that was as far as it went. That’s as far as it ALWAYS went.
He looked over at me and said, “I don’t know, I guess we failed….”
“What do you mean we failed?” I asked with some anger. “We tried, and it just isn’t meant to be Con. Now at least we know. I don’t see any failure in it.”
He shook his head and said, “You’re right. You’re always right, Sammy.”
“So, we go back to being friends,” I told him, stroking my hand on his arm.
He nodded and said with a grin, “Friends who’ve seen each other naked?”
I shrugged. “At least you don’t have to wonder anymore. I know I don’t.”
His grin turned into that blinding smile and he sighed, his shoulders easing for the first time.
“Can we make out one more time before we give up officially?” he asked me, his eyes roaming again.
I shrugged in agreement.
“Topless?” he asked and I gave him a warning look. “Hey, I want to say goodbye to the twins that have filled my dreams for so long.”
I rolled my eyes and said, “Fine. But you have to put pants on or we just might give it another painful try.”
He agreed and slipped some athletic shorts on while I removed my shirt and bra again.
“As long as I don’t think that it’s YOU, man, I couldn’t be happier.”
“Oh, thanks,” I said sarcastically, but I was secretly doing the same.
While Connor worshiped my breasts for a while, I imagined Tyler’s hands. Tyler’s lips and tongue lapping at each nipple.
Memories flooded me and I missed Tyler so much my heart hurt. The sight of him with another woman about tore me in half. It was the ill-fated trigger to this whole mess tonight. I was grateful though. Grateful that we now knew that we were meant to be friends. Well, we were friends with benefits at the moment. But we weren’t thinking of each other so I wasn’t sure it counted.
When Connor had his fill with my breasts he latched onto my lips in a kiss he’d never given me before. This was pleasant. Pleasurable. Why couldn’t we be this way with each other?
“Want to know something funny?” Connor asked after a while when he was done and laid back on the bed.
“What?” I asked, covering up my top half with his comforter.
“Every time I thought about how it was YOU under me I went totally limp. Isn’t that so weird?”
I shrugged. My female organ did the equivalent every time I remembered it wasn’t actually Tyler touching me.
“I’m sorry it didn’t work out,” I told him.
He nodded and said, “You know what though? It’s out of my system now. Maybe I just romanticized the thought so long that it blew out of proportion.”
“That’s probably true,” I said with a laugh. “So you don’t want to do me anymore?”
He shook his head vehemently.
“I want to be your friend though,” he said and grinned at me.
There was a silence until I started to laugh.
“What?” he asked, moving onto his side to face me.
I turned too, then told him, “I don’t know what Claire Montgomery was going on and on about back in high school.” I grinned at him and added, “I’ve tasted the same fountain and been left lacking.”
“Hey!” Connor complained, his mouth hanging open in a shocked smile. “I’m great in bed, thank you very much. I’ll make one lucky lady very happy one day.” His smile faded as he looked me in the eye. “Just not you….”
I smiled at him, then turned around and cuddled backwards into him, shoving my butt into his stomach. He groaned and complained for a moment, then relaxed and moved his arm around me. We held on tightly, knowing that the future held a different path for us. A path that wasn’t with each other.
Chapter 8
A depression hovered over me for the next weeks. I’d spent Chri
stmas with Dad while Connor went home for the holiday after the night we’d spent together. It was nice to have the time to reflect, but in my reflection I realized the magnitude of the mistake I’d made. I knew Tyler would never take me back after I broke his heart, and his trust.
I took a job at a grocery store bagging groceries, and I spent a lot of time in my own company. Connor invited me out to do things but I wasn’t up to it. I lived in a constant state of regret and frustration. I knew that my life would never be as happy as it had been.
My birthday approached without any exciting happenings, and by the time February 13th came, I turned 20 with a frown on my face.
I had taken the day off work since Connor had planned a party for me with a few of his new Las Vegas friends. I was dreading when everyone showed up and I’d have to put a smile on my face meanwhile my heart was chipping apart piece by piece.
I was still in bed by 1 in the afternoon, the party only hours away, when my phone dinged.
-Check out the present I got for you.
Connor had texted me. I managed to get out of bed since the idea of a present was an enticing one.
I looked around the house before I found a wrapped gift on the table. I tore into the wrapping and it revealed a perfect pair of black strappy platform shoes. How he picked shoes like this out, or even how he afforded it, was beyond me.
-They’re freaking gorgeous!
I wrote him back.
I looked at the shoes a little longer before my phone dinged again. I put the shoes on and took a picture, then looked at the text before sending the picture to Connor.
-Happy Birthday Sam
I was confused a moment, then realized that the sender wasn’t Connor at all. It was Tyler.
-Thanks. I can’t believe you remembered.
-You assume that just because I’m mad at you that I don’t care about you.
My ever still heart began to thump in my chest for the first time in months. I was actually talking with Tyler.
I started the next text 4 times before finally settling on the last one.
-There’s a party tonight to celebrate if you want to come.
-IDK…. Maybe.
The thought that he even considered it made me dizzy.
-Ok, no pressure. Thanks for texting.
He didn’t say any more after that.
Just then the doorbell rang. I tromped to the door in the high heels and answered it. It was a private delivery service.
“Ms. Bulliard?” he asked.
I nodded and he held out a clipboard for me to sign. I put my signature on the bold line on the paper then took the large rectangular package.
After putting it on the table I tore into it in excitement. The day couldn’t have gotten better. 2 presents, AND an almost conversation with Tyler!
When I pulled the top of the grey box off, I had to dig through tissue paper to reveal a dress more beautiful than I’d ever seen in real life. It was black with draped, off the shoulder sleeves, a high empire waist with sweetheart neckline and a big flowy baby doll skirt that looked entirely too short. Connor had outdone himself.
Finally, I gained the energy to put some effort into my appearance for the party.
By the time Connor arrived I was in the black dress and heels. The skirt came just down my thighs about 3 inches and because it was so full and lose like a teddy, my underwear showed when I bent over. So to work with it, I wore a pair of black boy shorts underwear underneath so it almost looked like black short shorts.
“Holy Hell Sam,” Connor said as he watched me approach. “That looks like it should be saved for the bedroom.”
“Well you only have yourself to blame,” I said with a grin, twisting the skirt fabric around me.
“What do you mean?” he asked as he bent, catching the underwear. “I would never get you something this provocative.”
I paused. If he didn’t get it, and Dad most definitely didn’t get it, who sent it?
My guts began to twist again as I realized Tyler must have sent it.
“Isn’t it gorgeous?” I asked him, trying to get off the subject of who sent it as quickly as possible.
“Yeah, it’s freaking amazing. I’m definitely getting a hardon now, so thanks a lot.”
With a laugh I swooshed the skirt again and helped Connor put out beer, soda and snacks. Guests began arriving at around 7:30 and I waited anxiously near the door, hoping beyond hope that Tyler would show up. 8, then 9 o’clock passed and I lost hope. Surely he would have showed up by now if he was coming. By 10 I was sitting, waiting to dig into the cake.
I had a drink in my hand, sadly not an alcoholic one, and I watched Connor interact with some of the girls that had come. He chased skirts for a while, made out with a couple, but I eventually grew tired of watching him be happy. Finally I got up and headed for the back door until I heard some other girls talking about a smoking hot guy who just showed up. I glanced around, not seeing Tyler, then went out on the back patio.
I’d barely leaned against the stucco wall when I heard a voice that was deep, gravel, familiar. “That dress looks better on you then I imagined.”
I jerked around and saw Tyler coming down the couple steps to the concrete pad making up the patio. My eyes couldn’t stop looking at him. Moving from one part of him to another. He was in his dark jeans again, with a grey cotton vintage bomber jacket and a white V-neck tee. His hair was longer, combed back now in a short pompadour that was quite a mess by this time of day. His eyes were still that same ice blue and his lips were still full and pulled up at one side.
“Tyler….” I whispered, unable to believe my eyes.
He closed the sliding door behind him and approached.
“I can’t believe you’re here….”
“I missed you,” was all he said, his eyes focused on mine.
“Connor and I….”
“I know,” he said and ran his hand through his hair, straightening it just for it to fall into his eyes again. “He came to see me at the Triton.”
“He what?” I asked, shocked.
“He told me everything. At least I think it was everything…. Bottom line being it didn’t work out and you’re miserable without me.”
“That’s true,” I admitted in a whisper.
Tyler’s hands were shoved into his pockets as he took another step closer.
“I want to hear you say it,” he said, his blue eyes intense.
“Tyler…. I love you so much….”
He shook his head. “I don’t want to hear that you love me; I still haven’t forgiven you. I want to hear how much you miss me. How much you want me.”
My heart cracked at the admission.
“I’ve missed you so much,” I managed, my voice cracking again in desperation. “I’ve missed everything about you. I miss your smile, and your laugh… I miss your hands and the way you kiss me… I miss listening to you snore in your sleep….”
He grinned and said, “Now I know you’re lying. I don’t snore.”
I laughed and took a step toward him.
“I miss your good morning whisper after a night of making love until the wee hours of the morning. I miss your hands in my hair and your mouth on my breasts….”
I didn’t get any further. Tyler pulled me into his arms and our lips melded like forged steel. Something about it was just so right. And I couldn’t even express in words how good it felt.
He backed me against the wall, his hands following the line of the sleeves, over my shoulder to the sweetheart neckline before moving down and pulling the hem of the skirt up around my waist. His chest pressed against mine, the pricks of the stucco bit into my back but I didn’t even care.
Tyler grabbed a thigh, bending my leg at the knee and hooked it around his hips before thrusting toward me through our clothes. The fire raged inside me, burning along my core so hot it was uncomfortable. All I wanted was to dampen the fire and there was only one way to do it.
I pressed myself against him un
til I heard him gasp against my lips. He moved to my neck and sank his teeth into the sensitive flesh as I unbuttoned his pants after loosening his belt. Tyler pulled up my other leg and lifted me completely up, his head still in my neck when he moved us until we were around the corner of the house out of view incase someone else came onto the patio. After we gained the small amount of privacy he set me on my feet then, without preamble, he slid his fingers in the band of my underwear and crouched as he pulled. His tongue brushed low across my belly and skipped up over the dress before moving up my neck, catching my ear between his lips and tugging. I stumbled as I stepped out of my underwear and he lifted my thigh again, curling my leg around himself. He pulled the sleeves and managed to drop the bodice down to my stomach revealing my breasts to the chilled air. They peaked and grew heavy in anticipation. They weren’t disappointed. Tyler hiked me a little higher against the wall, digging his head against a breast before sucking it into his mouth and kissing it with reverence and eagerness. Then he grew impatient and yanked mercilessly at each nipple.
“I’ve tried so hard to forget you,” he said between mouthfuls. “No one ever compares….”
His breath caressed the wet skin and it sent chills through me.
“I could never forget you,” I told him then gasped as he bit.
Finally, he lifted his head, then kissed my neck as he dug through his back pocket.
He brought the foil packet to his mouth and ripped it open with his teeth, spitting the small half left between his lips while he rolled the condom on before plunging in.
My lungs couldn’t take in enough breath. My leg tightened around him and the other one grew jelly at the knee while he pounded the breath out of me, heel sinking into the dirt beneath us.
With his tiny, breathy grunts after every thrust, my eyes grew watery and I fought tears at how good it felt to be in his arms again.
With what sounded like a painful groan, he clenched his teeth then buried his face in my shoulder and thrust once more before my whole body began to throb with waves of heat. As he throbbed inside me my body shuddered and then I plunged into an abyss of satisfaction and relief. We both gasped for breath as we came down from our peak, Tyler’s forehead touched mine and I looked at his face but he kept his eyes closed as he landed back onto reality.