Paradise City: Harrison Series Book 1

by L. L. Ash

  “I’m your reason?” I asked, looking at him.

  “Of course you are,” he said as if I should know.

  “Then you will be my reason,” I decided. “You, and this baby.”

  “Tyler would be so happy,” he murmured, stroking a hair back from my face. “He’s loved kids for so long. He loved you so much. Nothing would have made him happier then to multiply that love into little monsters running around under his feet.”

  I let out a real laugh, the first in weeks.

  “I think he’d be happy,” I admitted. “He is, I’m sure. Looking down from heaven.”

  Scott nodded and pressed his hand to my belly.

  “He’d also be happy that we have each other still,” I went on. “His two favorite people, drawn together at his death.”

  “He’d come down and haunt me if I let anything happen to you,” Scott said with a weary smile. “No doubt. Not that I could let something happen to you anyway. You mean too much to me.”

  “You’re good to me,” I said and settled my hand over his on my stomach. “I’m glad I have you. It’d be impossible to go on if I didn’t have you.”

  His eyes met mine again and the smile that curved his lips just slightly was genuine, just for me.

  “Don’t ever leave me,” I begged him. “I need you, I’d be so numb without you. You make me feel. You are the only color in my grey world. You’re the only hope I have left, Scott,” I blurted, clutching his hand in both of mine.

  The finger of one hand brushed over my pale cheek, rubbing at the tears.

  “I know you love Tyler,” he whispered. “You will always love him. And I could never replace him… But I will be here for you, always here. I can be everything for you. Take care of you, if you let me.”

  I stared into those eyes. Green emeralds sparkling, endless depth to get caught in.

  “I love you too,” I told him, squeezing his hand again, threading our fingers together. “I know that it’s me. I know that person you love is me. And Scott, it isn’t sick or wrong. Love, no matter in what form it comes in, it is beautiful. I just need time to put my heart back together, and I think you do too.”

  His adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed, saying nothing at first, then he leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. The familiar, and foreign feeling assaulted my senses, sparking something to life inside me.

  The chaste kiss ended and his palms pressed against my cheeks as his eyes slowly opened.

  “Please,” I heard myself beg again. “Please help me feel. I don’t want to be numb anymore.”

  More tears slipped down my cheeks as I pressed our lips together again in a desperate kiss.

  Scott’s hand slipped from my cheek into my hair as our lips moved violently in clashing color.

  Reds, violet, blues and green flashed through me, bringing life back into my heart. This connection, this real, beautiful part of life with someone who meant so much to me…

  This was how I was going to be able to keep living. This is what I would grasp onto.

  I managed to wriggle onto his lap, pressing my body to his, feeling his heat as it began to warm the ice on my skin, and around my heart.

  “Please,” I begged one last time as he pulled his lips away.

  “I… I can’t take advantage of you Sam. You’re mourning. You just lost your husband… I can’t...”

  “I may regret it tomorrow,” I whispered. “I don’t care if I’ll regret it. I need it now. I need you right now.”

  I saw anguish tighten his eyes before he gave in and accepted my kiss. After such a long, long time, I felt his hands wrap around my thighs, circling my legs around his hips as he leaned us forward and managed to stand, carrying me with hands under my butt. He went to my neck as I pinched my legs around him, pressing my heels into his lower back to help support my weight. Scott made his way slowly toward the bedroom we’d been sharing, the bed he embraced me in at night. The neutral color of the warm comforter, rich wood furniture, firm mattress and silk sheets. Just like him, warm, rich, hard and smooth.

  My back hit the cool sheets, the black dress riding up my thighs and small sleeves falling off my shoulders. I had just figuratively buried my husband and I was about to do this with Scott. For a moment, I felt a deep sense of disgust at myself. His body wasn’t even cold yet and I was going to have sex with another man. But I was so desperate to feel something… I debated with myself for a long time as Scott lavished kisses to my face, not moving any further south.

  When I suddenly burst into tears, Scott stopped his kisses and pressed his face into my neck, holding me in a crushing embrace.

  “I… I can’t… I can’t yet,” I gasped out.

  “Thank God,” Scott mumbled into my neck and pressed my back to his chest to hold me as I cried.

  3 months later, I had already gone back to work. Scott had taken a heavy workload now that Tyler was gone, including training a new partner to help carry the workload Tyler could no longer support. Georgiana and I were needed more than ever. Scott and I had not made any more attempts at anything other than hugs, kisses on the face, or cuddling at night, but we’d forged a bond that couldn’t be broken. We were there for each other, and we both knew it. We had bad days, but those seemed to become further and further apart. And those days that we missed Tyler the most, we sat together and watched his favorite movies, reminiscing about our memories with him. There was significant comfort in that. Sharing memories of Tyler, together.

  The announcement of my pregnancy went by with talk of condolence instead of congratulations, but in my heart I had stopped thinking of the baby as an accident, but as a miracle. There was nothing else that Tyler could leave behind that could affect me, or my life, in such a positive, permanent way.

  My baby bump was getting slightly bigger, growing slowly and Scott spent a lot of time with his hand pressed to my stomach. He regaled me with stories from his first marriage. Stories he said he’d never told anyone before. I could see the healing happening in his heart as he opened it to me. And as a consequence, we locked ourselves away with each other, to hell with the rest of the world.

  “Sam!” Georgiana shouted in excitement. “I’ve been thinking, and if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to plan the baby shower!”

  “A baby shower?” I asked hesitantly. “Oh… I don’t know.”

  “And why not?” Scott asked as he stood, his head peeking out of the office door.

  “Eavesdropper,” I called, sticking my tongue out at him.

  “Why not?” he asked again, and Georgiana echoed his demand.

  “I don’t know… I don’t have many friends. And the last thing I want to do is explain my situation to a million people so they can say how sorry they are and move on to never see me again.”

  Georgiana’s bottom lip popped in a pout and Scott waved me in the office. I perched myself on the edge of the desk, and folded my arms, one leg crossed over the other as my rounded belly pressed against my skirt uncomfortably.

  “A baby shower would be good for you,” Scott said finally as he stood in front of me, large arms crossed in his white shirt, feet spread in a commanding presence.

  “I don’t want one. And you can’t make me,” I said with a smile on my face, pressing his buttons so easily.

  His lips thinned and he leaned toward me, hands settling on either side of me, palms flat on the surface.

  “You can’t avoid it forever, Sam. The outside world is still there, still revolving with or without you.”

  “Then it can revolve without me,” I shrugged.

  Scott sighed in exasperation and tipped his head to the side as he looked at me.

  “So you intend to ignore it forever?”

  “I’ve got this baby,” I said, rubbing my belly, “And I have you, I don’t need anything or anyone else. My dad found a life without me, Conner is happy in the military. Nobody needs me but you and her.”

  We both looked down at my hand stroking my stomach.

  “And
what makes you think it’s a girl?” Scott asked playfully.

  “Because I want a girl,” I answered flippantly.

  “It’s going to be a boy, just to spite you. That’s how kids are, you know.”

  “HA! And how would you know that?” I asked with a single laugh. “This will be the first baby you help raise.”

  The humor in his eyes softened and his smile stretched his lips. I was suddenly all too aware of his lips and gasped in surprise when his touched mine as one hand found my thigh, brushing up under the skirt. It was our first kiss since the funeral, and it was so incredibly different. This time it wasn’t desperation, but curiosity. It wasn’t anger or resentment fueling the kiss but pent-up attraction.

  When our lips broke apart our eyes met as I gasped to fill my lungs. The surprise had squeezed all the air out of my body, and my lungs protested with gasps.

  “Let’s go out tonight,” he said finally, his breath a whisper. “Let’s start with dinner. Get you back out there.”

  I nodded and he backed away, the electricity sparking in disapproval at our separation.

  When I made my way back out of his office I felt the trail his hand blazed on my thigh and the press of lips against mine. The feelings scared the hell out of me.

  I spent the rest of the day doing paperwork and considering dinner. Considering Scott.

  After Georgiana left to go home, Scott and I wandered to the restaurant downstairs. He ordered his Whiskey as per his usual, but I got water. Always water these days. Travis cooked dinner for us, delivering it himself. He didn’t bring up Tyler, or that the last time I’d been there on a date, I’d been with the son of the man sitting across from me. Tension was tangible between us as we ate, electricity sparking with every look or covert comment. When we headed back up to the suite I had to say what was on my mind before anything else happened. Before Scott said something to change my mind.

  “Scott, I’ve got something to say,” I finally blurted.

  He nodded and rolled a hand for me to go on.

  “I feel this… I know you feel this too. I’m attracted to you, I always have been… And I miss the company of a man… But I’m not over Tyler. I’ll never be over Tyler. He’ll always be my husband, and he’ll always be the father of this baby. I’d like you to be there in our lives, but I cannot put you in Tyler’s place.”

  Scott bit a lip and seemed to consider my word vomit.

  “I don’t want to replace him, Sam,” he said finally, slowly. “I don’t think I understand what you mean though. What do you want from me?”

  Momentarily I thought about how Tyler always used to say he loved me, not just for my body.

  With a smile I said, “Your body.”

  Scott eyes me, and when he realized I was serious he laughed. Full belly laughs that I hadn’t heard in months erupted from him and the sound warmed me.

  “So you want a booty call?” he asked finally, a grin still lighting his face.

  “I’d like to go on dates too, ones you pay for. Maybe we can all go on vacation together once the baby gets old enough. I want you to be around… But you will not live with us. You will not take the place of father. You will be grandpa only, and secret lover.”

  He nodded as I spoke, then met my eyes.

  “That’s something I think I can live with. I wouldn’t feel right trying to take Tyler’s role in this family.”

  I nodded once as the elevator dinged open.

  “But whether this baby is a boy or a girl, they’ll need a father figure, and I know that you’re qualified for that job, if you choose to take it. I know if Tyler could have his say, he’d choose you to help raise this baby.”

  Scott took my hand, interlocking our fingers as he pulled me off the elevator, bumping his hip against the lock to the suite before swinging the door open.

  “I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he whispered.

  Our mouths met as the door swung closed. I couldn’t breathe, the anticipation wrapped around my windpipe tried to strangle me.

  He must have sensed my struggle because his mouth moved down my neck, brushing lips and teeth across the sensitive skin. Gasps burst from my chest, giving me much needed air.

  His hands pressed against my hips, leading me toward the bedroom. Once we were on the familiar bed I began to reciprocate the touches.

  Fingers splayed across his white shirt, the thin cotton keeping my skin from touching his warm flesh. My hand slipped up and I touched the scape of shadow across his face. The dark hair felt like sandpaper on my palm and the feeling was addictive.

  We attacked each other’s lips and skin, touching anything exposed. Scott quickly grew tired of the skin hunting game and started releasing the buttons on my blouse, tucked into my pencil skirt.

  His knees moved, resting on each side of my hips as he grabbed at the sides of my button up shirt, now completely unbuttoned. I heard the threads strain as he opened it up, moving the shoulders down and pulling it down my arms.

  I’d picked the right day to wear a push up bra, because the milk swollen mounds practically spilled out once they were revealed.

  The little sound of surprise that rasped from Scott’s throat was like a shot of adrenaline to my core. Suddenly, I couldn’t force myself to take my time. My crazed hormones demanded release, NOW.

  I didn’t wait for his permission, I started tearing at the buttons on his shirt, scraping the taught, olive skin with my fingernails, trailing over hard, bumpy abs before grasping the belt, pulling him further onto me as I struggled to get it off.

  “Fuck,” Scott breathed as he leaned back on his heels, still straddling my thighs, while helping me with the blasted belt buckle.

  What was with the Harrison men and always wearing belts?

  Scott shrugged the shirt off his shoulders, tossing it off the bed and whipped the belt out of the loops, doing the same with it.

  “Faster, Dammit!” I told him, pulling at the pants around his hips.

  A grin twitched his lips up for a moment in his handsome smile before he unbuttoned, unzipped and pushed them off his hips. The moment his erection came into view, hunger ate at me. I had to taste it, I had to have him in my mouth.

  I wiggled, managing to toss Scott over onto his side in surprise, my tongue trailed along his navel, down until I pressed eager, hot kisses to him. His back arched and a low moan crept out of him when I plunged my lips down, swallowing him whole.

  “Shit!” was the only word he got out of his mouth before being assaulted by my tongue.

  I couldn’t stop greedily gobbling him up, but eventually I had to when he started wiggling and pushing me away.

  “If you don’t stop I’m going to come!” he told me, pushing my head away.

  A broad smile filled my face as I baited him.

  “What, you need a Viagra to get it back up if you do?”

  His eyes narrowed, his jaw worked in irritation but a smile found it’s way on his face.

  “Viagra...” He muttered, shoving me backwards, my head dangling off the edge of the bed. “I may be approaching middle age, but I know a hell of a lot more than you young bucks about pleasure and anticipation.”

  He managed the zipper on my left hip, peeling the skirt and my cotton panties off in one swoop, not unlike how Tyler used to. Maybe it was just how men did it.

  Giggles burst out of me unexpectedly until lips pressed into my thighs, shooting fire up though my pelvis.

  His mouth lapped and nibbled at the insides of my thighs and the crease of my hips, so close to the prize but never touching it. Hands traveled up my waist, down my legs, occasionally holding me down when I bucked involuntarily.

  “Stop teasing!” I breathed out, trying to grab him up. “I’m pregnant, do what I say!”

  He laughed against my mound, the sound sending vibrations through me.

  “Pregnant card doesn’t work here,” he informed me before licking a finger, pressing it into my core.

  I gasped and a smug look appeared on his
face. The finger inside pressed downward and I suddenly felt so full. My eyes widened and a breath shot out of me involuntarily.

  As he massaged that spot while pressing down his mouth descended again, right in the sweet spot. The loudest groan I’d ever heard out of myself radiated from my mouth and the sound shocked me. Suddenly I understood why Scott’s room sounded like a horror movie on a freight train when his escorts came over.

  I heaved breath after breath, my breasts pressing against the bra uncomfortably.

  Kiss after kiss pressed against my nethers sent wave after wave of warmth, but every time I got close to the blissful drop off he would let up and move somewhere else. It was the cruelest and most beautiful form of torture.

  “Enough!” I finally shrieked, shoving him away from me as I scrambled to my knees, attacking his mouth again.

  It had the musky, flowery sweet taste of me.

  His hands went around my back and finally unstrapped the bra, my breasts sinking gratefully against the warm skin of his chest as he tossed the last article adorning us.

  After another minute, I pushed gently at his shoulders and he sank down to his back, my body wedging between his knees, feeling the rigid length of him against my belly. I forced his knees down, managing to straddle him before sinking gratefully onto him. My hips ground in a circle around him and he hummed gratefully at the feeling I knew felt almost as good for him as it did for me. I ground into him as my hips moved forward, backward, the heat in my abdomin building, building until… Scott suddenly pushed me over, tossing me like a rag doll onto my back before he took over, the pace faster, harder then I was able to manage.

  The heat burned quickly and violently until I saw literal stars in my eyes. I gasped and moaned and panted and clawed at his neck and back, pressing him closer until I felt him give way to his own release. Never had my climax been so intense, nor had my mind ever felt as cloudy and light as it did right then.

  Scott dropped gently onto me, giving me the closeness I craved as he panted to get his breath back. His perfectly combed dark hair was in shambles, his eyes glazed in ecstasy as he recovered. His lack of breath didn’t keep him from pressing lips to my breasts in the aftermath.