by Liz Fielding
‘Tears, Evie?’ She did her best to blink them back as Ketty took her hand in both of hers. ‘We are all thinking about your mother. She would be overjoyed to see you so happy.’
‘Yes,’ she said, and she reached into the very depths of her soul to dredge up a smile that would convince the world that it was the happiest day of her life.
* * *
It was late and the headlights piercing the darkness as they drove back to the lodge caught the reflections of eyes watching from the bush on either side of the track.
The party had been noisy and they’d left it in full swing, making the silence of the drive back to the lodge all the more intense.
‘I have invited Peter and Maria to the wedding,’ Kit said, at last. ‘They’ll stay at the Nantucket resort as my guests.’
‘They needed convincing that you’re doing the right thing?’
‘A photograph would have done that.’ He glanced at her. ‘I thought you’d like to have them there.’
‘I don’t want anyone there.’
‘You’re still rooting for the Las Vegas option?’
‘I’m rooting for the no wedding option.’
He stopped the four-by-four. ‘You took a unilateral decision to deprive me of my child, Eve. The anticipation of waiting for her arrival, the anxiety of the scans, the joy of making a nursery, sharing the news, of being there when she was born.’
‘I promise you, I wasn’t feeling the joy,’ she said, and immediately regretted it. The hours of discomfort, pain, had been forgotten in that first moment when she’d held her baby, seen the slightly puzzled look in those blue eyes, the surge of unconditional love. ‘I... I thought I was doing the right thing for everyone.’
‘I know, but it’s a moment, a memory, I will never have. One of hundreds. Her first smile...’
‘Her first projectile vomit,’ she said.
‘Her first step.’
‘The panic of a temperature so high I called an ambulance, convinced she had meningitis.’
‘Eve—’
‘It was already going down by the time they arrived ten minutes later. She’s had all her shots and is growing like a weed,’ she said, reaching out to reassure him.
‘I’ve never told her a bedtime story.’
‘She didn’t sleep for a year.’
‘Her first Christmas.’
‘She screamed the first time she saw Santa.’
‘The first time she looked at me and said “Dada”.’
Eve sighed. ‘That’s it. You win...’
‘No, don’t you see? I’ve lost and lost and lost. I don’t even know her birthday. Early August so... May?’
‘The fifth.’
‘Tell me about her, Eve. What does she like?’ he asked.
‘Like?’
‘What colour, what food, what toys...?’
As Kit listed the things he didn’t know about Hannah, Eve put her head in her lap, covering it with her arms to block out his voice, overwhelmed by guilt as she accepted the reality of what she’d done.
She’d said sorry, but saying it a hundred, a thousand times could never undo this.
‘Eve...?’
She shook her head, but he lifted her arms, pulling her up. ‘Look at me,’ he insisted and then, wiping tears from her cheek with his thumb, ‘Talk to me.’
‘My father wasn’t there.’ The words came from nowhere.
‘Your father? But I thought, you said... He and your mother worked together?’
‘Yes, but did you hear anyone mention him today? He never went to the village. He didn’t take a bottle of whiskey to Mzee on his birthday. My mother did that, always with some plausible excuse why he couldn’t come himself.’
‘Your father was too busy?’
‘It wasn’t about how busy he was. He didn’t know or care about such things.’ She’d never thought about it before, not consciously, and pushed her hair back from her face with her fingers, as if that would make everything clearer. ‘He’s never remembered my birthday since he didn’t have Mom to prompt him to say happy birthday. There was no room in his head for anything but his work.’
‘There was enough room for him to notice his assistant.’
‘He’d been offered a new research project, more money, more prestige, and was ready to up sticks and leave. My mother refused to leave their work at Nymba unfinished, so he left her, taking a research student with him. Someone to deal with the tedious stuff of life. Organise food, make sure there were clean clothes, keep the records and type up the notes. And, I imagine, anything else he wanted.’
‘I’m not your father, Eve.’
‘No, you have more humanity in your little finger than he has in his entire body, but sailing is your life, Kit. It has been since you could walk and to have achieved what you’ve done takes the kind of a single-minded focus that leaves no room for anything else.’
‘That’s why you asked me about the round-the-world race.’
‘And you couldn’t give me an answer.’
For a moment there was only the tick-tick-tick of the cooling engine and then Kit leaned forward, brought it back to life and drove on, barely slowing, even when an antelope burst through the bush and leapt across the track in front of them.
They parted awkwardly when they arrived back at the lodge.
‘I’ll book the first available flights,’ he said, ‘and let you know when we’ll be leaving.’
She nodded.
‘No arguments?’
‘I want to be home, too.’
It was only when she was back in her suite that she remembered her promise to give Kit the photographs of Hannah.
She took out her phone, found a little video she’d taken of her putting together a puzzle. Hannah was chattering to herself as she worked out how the pieces fitted together and then, when she’d finished, she clapped and looked up with that great big smile and said, ‘I won!’
‘Go to Daddy,’ she whispered as she hit send, and a few moments later, the words ‘I’m in love’ came back.
* * *
The flight home was long and exhausting without the luxury of a break in London. Kit heard Eve give a sigh of relief as the lights of the harbour appeared out of the light sea mist and the ferry came into Nantucket.
Once they’d docked, he took her bag and headed for the taxi he’d called and, while the driver loaded her bag, asked, ‘When can I see her?’
‘It’s late. She’ll be in bed and first thing she’ll only care about playing with her cousins. It will be more peaceful at the cottage.’
‘When?’
‘Come to lunch.’
‘I’ll bring it. What does she like?’
‘Hannah loves a pizza. Just a simple one. Nothing spicy.’
‘And what about you, Eve? I know you like pasta.’
‘No...’ Her blushes told him that she remembered how they had cooked it, how they had eaten it. One day, soon, they would do that again... ‘A seafood pizza would be great. I’ll make a salad.’
He opened the taxi door, watched her safely in and then closed it and stood back. She looked around as the car turned a corner and then was gone.
He hadn’t told anyone he was coming home and he picked up his bag, slung it over his shoulder and began to walk. He’d just dropped his bag and fished out his keys when his phone pinged to let him know he had a message.
No words. Just a video of his daughter, stirring in her sleep, as if she sensed her mother’s presence. He sat on the steps for a long time, playing it over and over, watching her breathe, watching Eve’s hand as she smoothed back a curl and settled the comforter around their little girl.
* * *
‘Martha? I’m sorry to call you so late—’
‘Eve? Is anything wrong?’
‘No. I’m home. I c
ame back early.’
‘Well, that’s a shame. Wasn’t the trip what you expected?’
‘Oh, yes, absolutely. The lodge was lovely and I met so many people I hadn’t seen since I was a child.’
‘Including Hannah’s father?’
‘Martha—’
‘I had lunch with his grandmother yesterday. She told me that Kit had gone out there for a meeting.’
‘You knew?’ Eve, who had retreated to the privacy of the veranda of Mary’s home, sat down on the nearest chair.
‘I guessed. Obviously something had happened to make you leave the way you did. You’d been to Laura Merchant’s party and while either of the Merchant boys might have got lucky,’ she said, ‘what Brad was up to is a matter of public record.’
‘Kit said she’s the image of his sister as a child.’
‘And that.’
‘Why didn’t you say anything?’
‘You didn’t want me to know, Eve, and I respected that.’
‘I didn’t want anyone to know,’ she admitted, ‘including Kit.’
‘And now he does, I’m guessing. How does he feel about it?’
‘He’s furious with me for keeping her from him. He doesn’t understand why I did that.’
‘And what about you?’ she asked. ‘Do you know why?’
‘I didn’t. I was ashamed.’ She sighed. ‘I didn’t want my mother gossiped about and Kit wasn’t to blame—I threw myself at him.’
‘He didn’t drop you.’
‘No, but I assumed he was well-practised. By the time I realised I was pregnant he was taking part in the round-the-world race. I saw his single-minded focus and thought he was like my father. I loved him, Martha, but he gives nothing back.’
‘Your father is completely self-obsessed. Ridiculously good-looking, of course, and your mother was very young when she met him. A fatal attraction.’
‘I still wish she was here.’
‘But she wouldn’t be. She loved you, Eve, but she wasn’t cut out to sit at home and be a grandmother. She would be in Central America, or Africa or Asia.’
‘I know, but I could call her, talk to her.’
‘I know. It’s hard but Kit isn’t like your father. He may be single-minded, laser focussed in a way that few of us can imagine, but he dropped everything when his father had a stroke and came home.’
‘And he hates it. He wants to get married and play happy families right now, but how long will it be before he’s missing the adrenaline rush? Looking out to sea with that thousand-yard stare? I don’t care for myself, Martha, but I want more than that for Hannah.’
‘Would not being married to him be any different? You’d still be watching and waiting, feeling the fear, but think of the joy when he comes home.’
‘You think I should marry him?’
‘If you love him.’
‘I barely know him.’ She shook her head. ‘I’m sorry to burden you with this, Martha, but I had to talk to someone. Maybe I was hoping that you would wave your magic godmother wand and somehow make it all go away.’
‘No wand, I’m afraid, but for now it’s all about Kit and Hannah.’ She gave a little sigh. ‘There’ll be media interest. It’s going to be uncomfortable whatever you decide, but keep your mouth shut and a smile on your face and it will pass. I’m here for you. Whenever you need me.’
After more reassurances and a promise to call her after Kit’s visit, Eve sat for a while, watching the video of her little girl sleeping, blissfully unaware that her young life was about to change for ever.
CHAPTER TWELVE
KIT WAS RIGHT. The cottage needed a lot more than a facelift and, shut up for a week, it was also stale and covered in dust.
There was nothing to be done about the heavy dark furniture and faded curtains, but Eve had set her alarm and, leaving Hannah sleeping at Mary’s, went to open the windows to let the sea air blow through. She fed the cat, who seemed unusually pleased to see her, and then went to town with hot water, furniture polish and the vacuum cleaner.
Once she had the place shining, she dashed to the market to pick up groceries and flowers, collecting her daughter, and a casserole Mary pressed on her, on the way home.
‘Thanks so much for having Hannah. I can’t tell you how grateful I am.’
‘She’s a sweetheart. I’ll have her any time. I’m just sorry you cut your trip short...’ The unasked question hung in the air.
‘It’s a long story and you’ll have it all, I promise, but I have to go. I’m expecting someone.’
‘An agent?’
‘No. I’ve decided to stay.’
‘Well, that’s the best news I’ve heard this week,’ she said, enveloping her in a hug, ‘and you can leave this little one with us any time. We’re going to miss her,’ she said, as they walked to the door. ‘Oh, and the children were thrilled with their presents, by the way. You will get thank-you letters.’
‘They weren’t disappointed that I didn’t bring them a real lion cub?’
‘I explained that mummy lions get really cross if you try to take their babies away. And the stuffed ones don’t scratch or harbour bitey insects. The bitey insects seemed to sway it.’
‘Bitey things with too many legs can cause all kinds of problems,’ Eve said, with feeling.
It was still shy of twelve when she reached the cottage but there was a dashing classic Morgan two-seater parked in her driveway.
It was exactly the kind of car that, if she had ever thought about it, she could imagine Kit driving and, as she parked her rental alongside it, she saw him sitting on the porch steps waiting for them.
She lifted Hannah from her car seat, set her down and opened the trunk.
‘Do you want to give me a hand with these?’ she said, holding out a bag when Kit hung back.
‘I know I’m early,’ he said, taking it from her, ‘but I couldn’t wait.’
‘Of course you couldn’t,’ she said, climbing the steps, unlocking the door, conscious that Hannah, clinging to one hand, was craning her head to look back at Kit as he followed them. ‘I’d have been here earlier, but I had to get groceries. Take those through to the kitchen.’
‘Yes, ma’am.’
‘Take off your shoes, and put them away, sweetie.’
‘Yes, Mama.’
Aware that Kit was watching Hannah like a child at Christmas, she said, ‘Do you want to put that stuff in the fridge, while I find a jug for the flowers?’
‘Yes. Yes, of course.’
He put away milk, cheese, eggs, not taking his eyes off Hannah, who was making a meal out of taking off her shoes, well aware that she was the centre of attention.
‘She’s noticed you, Kit. Give her a minute and she’ll be climbing all over you.’
‘I’m torn between awe and terror.’
She smiled. ‘That’s about right.’ She found a pair of scissors and began to snip the stalks off the daisies she’d bought. ‘How’s your dad?’
‘Still struggling with words, making them up as he goes along, having to count from one until he gets to the number he wants, but he’s stronger. Walking better.’
‘That’s good news. And is everyone happy with your Nymba trip?’
‘I came back with a bunch of new ideas put forward by the trust. All I need now is for Brad to pull off something amazing so that I can get my life back.’
She stopped snipping. ‘Why don’t you try living the life you have, Kit?’
He stared at her for a moment, but then Hannah, used to being the centre of attention, was tugging at the leg of his jeans.
‘I’m Hannah,’ she said. ‘Who are you?’
Kit, taken aback by such a direct approach, looked across at her for help.
‘Tell her, Kit.’
‘Straight out?’
She’
d lain awake half the night trying to think of some way to explain who this strange man was to her little girl. Now he was here, it seemed the simplest thing in the world.
‘Straight out,’ she said, and watched as he folded himself up so that he was on a level with Hannah.
‘I know who you are, Hannah Rose Merchant Bliss. I am Christopher Harrison Merchant.’
‘We have the same name.’
‘That’s because I’m your daddy.’
Hannah frowned. ‘My daddy isn’t here.’
The pain was fleeting. If she hadn’t been watching so closely, desperate to monitor both Hannah’s and Kit’s reaction to this momentous first meeting, she would have missed it.
‘I’m here now, Hannah,’ Kit said.
It was Hannah’s turn to look to her, seeking confirmation. ‘It’s true, Hannah. Your daddy has been living a long way away from us, out on the sea, but now he’s come home.’
‘Where on the sea?’
‘In a boat,’ he said.
‘Are we going to live on a boat with you?’
‘Would you like that?’
Eve uttered a slightly strangled, ‘No...’
But Hannah, seeing only the practicalities, said, ‘It would be a bit small and Mungo wouldn’t like it, but you could live here. We have lots of rooms. Do you want to see?’
‘I think we should ask your mama if that’s okay.’
Too late for that...
‘You can show Daddy around the cottage, Hannah.’
‘Okay. Well, this is the kitchen. It’s big, but it needs work,’ she said, parroting the realtor who’d come to give her opinion.
He stood up, looked around, then back at Hannah and, picking up on the language said, ‘It has a lot of potential.’
Eve gave him a congratulatory smile as Hannah, satisfied with his answer, took his hand and led him to the sunroom.
‘This is where I play when it rains,’ she said, taking Kit’s hand and pulling him into the enclosed sunroom on the back porch.
‘You have a doll’s house.’
‘It was Nana’s when she was a little girl.’